Disclaimer: Legend of the Seeker/Sword of Truth is owned by Terry Goodkind and all the grand high mucky mucks of ABC. No copyright infringement is intended and no money was made from this of course. Any similarity to any other story not my own is coincidence.

Title: Darken Rahl's Super Sekrit Diary of Awesomeness
Genre: Legend of the Seeker; Crack
Rating: PG
Timeline/Spoilers: Through the series

Author's Notes: Another legendland Challenge. *shrug* *grin* My attempt at "crack." I just thought I'd post it here now that the challenge is over. *grin*

"Days" correspond with the matching episodes, (ie Day 1 is episode 1, Day 44 is the series finale)

Day 1

Loyal Subjects:4,937,000

Boxes of Orden: 1

Lost the Book of Shadows today; very disappointed. Mother Confessor lives; very, very disappointed. The Seeker has been found and lost; most put out. Shall have to speak to the troops.

Day 8

Loyal Subjects: 4, 936, 328

Boxes of Orden: 1

Excellent news to report today diary, the Seeker is being entertained by my darling, Denna. I look forward to seeing him kneel at my feet.

Day 8 ½

Loyal Subjects: 4, 936,300

Boxes of Orden: 1

Denna has lost the Seeker. I shall have to speak with her...

Day 12

Loyal Subjects: 4, 936,234

Boxes of Orden: 2

Something very unsettling happened today, Diary. I found myself questioning my sexuality. The Seeker is more... attractive than I would have thought; very... unsettling. I blame Giller. I shall have to speak with him.

Day 16

Loyal Subjects: 4, 930,297

Boxes of Orden: 0

Discussed the nature of perception with one of my soldiers today; I believe I impressed upon him how seriously I take this matter. I have also instituted new national policies today. I shall issue proclamations.

Day 21

Loyal Subjects: 4, 929, 899

Boxes of Orden: 0

Kittens: 1

The guards have just brought Jennsen. I am confident this plan shall work.

Day 21 ½

Loyal Subjects: 4,929,521

Boxes of Orden: 0

Kittens: 0

Day 23

Loyal Banelings: 1

Being dead isn't as bad as I would have thought, Diary. The Keeper has placed me in a position of some influence, and I got to keep my favorite robe. I will write more as time allows.

Day 23 ½

Loyal Banelings: 0

Very good news, diary... have marked my brother for the Keeper...

Day 34

Loyal Banelings: 1001

I feel as if things have not changed as much as I would have hoped. It continues to be hard to find good help. I hold out high hopes for Cara though; was very good to see her again. Still do not have the Stone of Tears.

Day 34 ½

Loyal Banelings: 1000

Very disappointing day; The Keeper was most put out. Am beginning to question some of my choices...

Still no Stone of Tears.

Day 39

Loyal Banelings: 1906

Dear old Dad is here, must go welcome him... quite looking forward to it... though I still lack the Stone of Tears.

Day 40

Today, is the first day of the rest of my life...

Day 42

Loyal Mord'Sith: 5

Loyal Sisters: 6

I believe that I shall take a personal hand in convincing Cara to rejoin our little family. Sometimes... all it takes is the right word and a loving hand...

Day 42 ½

Loyal Mord'Sith: 6

Loyal Sisters: 6

Stone of Tears!

Today, dear diary, has been a very good day...

Day 43

Have not felt myself all day... very strange...

Day 44

Loyal Mord'Sith: 5

Super Powerful Sorceresses: 1

Now that my brother has defeated the Keeper, I have very big plans... but first, dear diary, I think... a bath...