Heyy guys! So I've been back froom camp and now it's time for the sequel to Broken Heart! Welcome to "Unwanted Family Reunion"!
It's Disclaimer Time!
Logan: She doesn't own us... yet.
Now On With The Fic!
'Thinking' "Talking" 'J.J.'
Chapter 1: I'm Dead:
I woke up in my bed with a cold towel on my forehead. I pushed myself up so that I was leaning on my elbows and I looked around the room. I looked to my left, then my right only to discover that the room was empty. 'What happened' I thought. 'Well last night, you found out that your father was coming then you fainted. The guys checked you over and they found out that you were running a fever. So they put you in here. Kendall stayed in here all night, but he and the others left to go to the pool an hour ago.' J.J. explained.
Sometimes it was a good thing having J.J. around. I knew I would have a meltdown if I didn't know where my brothers or my boyfriend were. "Oh." I said. I knew it was only a matter of time before my father came and hell would be all around me. I seriously want to leave the coountry and raise alpaca's. It's a good plan. But I can't leave James, Carlos, or Kendall. It's not fair to make them worry.
I sighede, got out of bed, and waled into me and Kendall's bathroom. Ilooked paler than usual ; and that's saying something. Ugh, I'm turning into James. I keep looking over myself and I hate it! I don't like looking at myself in the mirror because i always find something wrong with the way I look.
"Oh well." I sighed. I turned off the lights and walked out of the room. Why?
So I can go to the roof.
"O.k, so what did you want to talk about Kendall?" Carlos asked. Kendall sighed. ""I'm worried about Logan. Like, I expected him to get angry or extremely sad. Not faint." he said.
"I know. But we have a bigger problem. When Mr. Mitchell come, Logan wont want any help. It will all happen like this: Logan will get all freaked out, but he's going to act like it's okay. Then we will find something wrong but he'll say he's fine. It happens everytime." James explained and Kendall nodded.
Carlos grew worried. "I think we should go check on Logan." he said. Kendall nodded and James was already leaving. So their question was "Is Logan okay?" but the question they'll be asking themselves once they get upstairs will be "Where is Logan?"
So I was laying on my stomach, listening to my ipod, thinking about stuff. What? Did you think I was going to jump? Well I didn't. Like I said, it wouldn't be fair to Kendall, James, Carlos, Big Time Rush, and apparently the whole fucking world!
"Welcome to My Life" by Simple Plan came on and I couldn't help but laugh at the irony of this song. How could one song describe someone so perfectly? I guess I'll never know. But who cares, I'm listening to an awesome song while I contemplate on jumping off this building.
I wonder where I put my switchblade. Oh! My bad. You guys don't know that I've been cutting myself. My life is full of so much crap that I started using pain to get rid of the pain. I guess you guys are wondering when it started. Well it all started when Kendall rejected me. Or maybe it was after that. Forget it. It all started like this.
/ Flashback /
It was within the hour that Logan had stayed in his room. Kendall called him a fag. The basic F-word that no abused, raped, slave child wamted to hear. 'I can't believe he called me that. All I wanted was for him to accept my love. I would've completely understood if he hadd he didn't feel the same way. But instead he called me a f-the F-word.'
The memory of Kendall calling Logan that word had brought more tears to Logan's eyes. He walked into the bathroom and opened up one of the drawers. Instead of finding tissues, Logan found a black switchblade lying in the center of the drawer, as if it were made for him.
'Damn irony' he thought. He grabbed the blade and inspected it carefully. After finding nothing wrong with it, he dragged the blade over it his smooth pale skin. He waited for the pain to come, but instead, Logan found it very soothing.
He did this about four or five times before he stopped. He smiled a dull lifeless smile at his work before he stuck the blade in his back pocket. He carefully bandaged his arm and no one would see them because of his jacket sleeves.
'No one will find out. Ever.'
/ End Flashback /
They never did find out that I was a cutter. James might have found out, but I'm not sure. The thought of him, or anyone finding out about my little sessions scared the crap out of me.
As I ran my fingers over my cuts and scars, I kinda sorta had the urge to cut. Did I? Well I'm not telling you. I now began to feel uncomfortable laying on my stomach so I rolled over on to my back, placing a hand on my stomach so I could rub the pain away.
My song ended so I put it on repeat. I don't know how, or why, but that song describes me so well. I looked up at th sky and saw that the whole sky was full of dark rain clouds.
'Great. Just great.'
"O.k., so we know one thing. We can't find Logan.. He couldv'e left a-" Carlos was stopped in mid sentence by James, who was holding a small blue sheet of paper. "A note?" He asked.
They looked at the paper and Kendall read it out loud.
Went to go kill myself. Just kidding, I went to go think.
Kendall let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding in. James looked sad. 'So he still thinks that way. I'm not doing a very good job as his older brother. I guess I'll have to talk to him about this later.'
"I know where he is." Kendall said. They followed Kendall to the roof and stopped when they heard Logan's soft angelic voice.
"Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever feel out of place? Like somehow you just don't belong, and no one understands you.
Do you ever wanna run away? Do you lock yourself in your room? With the radio on turned up so loud that no one hears you screaming. No you don't know what it's like, when nothing feels alright. No you don't know what it's like to be like me.
To be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark. To be kicked, when you're down and feel like you've been pushed around. To be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you. No you don't know what it's like.
Welcome to My Life"
The boys walked and stood in front of Logan. He pulled out his earbuds out and stared at his friends. "What's up guys?" he three stared in disbelief. "Oh you know, not much. We were just wondering why you were up here. In the rain!" Carlos exclaimed.
Logan shifted slightly and it was then that James noticed something shiny sticking out of Logan's jacket pocket. "Guys, I think we should go back to the apartment." he said, staring at the shiny object.
When they walked in, James told the boys that he and Logan needed to have a talk. Logan gulped and followed James to their room.
"Logan, what's in your pocket?
Well I hope you enjoyed the very first chapter of UFR!
Next Time: James talks to Logan
Logan: Is James going to find out?
Maybe. Maybe not. I'm leaning towards yes but I like no so you can suffer.
Logan: Meanie. But I love you.
Love you too Logie Bear
Love Peace and Slash: