Disclaimer: I wouldn't be vegging out in front of my friend's TV watching Harry Potter Weekend. I'd be in my plush surround-sound TV, one of those 3-D ones, and I'd have gourmet food instead of the (still delicious) cheese sticks and ice cream.
Author's Note: Goblet of Fire in 5 minutesss :) I've been working on this for... four months. Ligit, I haven't been able to write this until lately. I'm kind of mad about the fluffy ending but I'm proud to have written around 3,100 wordsss! :) Mwhahaha, I love Roxanne/Lorcan. :)
Sometimes you forget your name.
When you say it out loud, it doesn't sound like you.
Roxanne Roxanne Roxanne.
That's not you. You should be different. You should be something bittersweet and unusual because that's what you are. And you want your name to say your personality so people who don't want to save you, know they shouldn't even bother getting to know you.
You're the one who truly sweats and bleeds and you are elegantly broken, so you call yourself the cynic drama queen.
The truth is, although everyone pretends it's Dom, it's you and only you because you're a puff of bitter smoke and no one truly knows where the hell you came from.
And you decide you're an alien in the world of red heads and freckles.
You decide at breakfast that he tries too hard. He always has to be the best, better than his twin. He always wants what he can't have, and you think how perfect it would be if he saved you. But he would never break his cold shell and try to help you because you're the non-existent Weasley. You were the first thing in your father's life after Fred, and you were his failure.
Lorcan is your flaw. The boy whose eyes you try to meet in the morning, the one you always look for, the one who is in your dreams at night and in your heart in the morning.
And the thing is, he'll never change and he'll always go for those other Weasley girls (Rose, Lily, Molly, Lucy, Dom, etc.) because he always wants what he can't get and he just wants to be better than everyone.
And you're just the cynic and the loser and you think that's just how it's going to be for a long time. So you're stuck until you meet a nice boy who loves you regardless.
And you think that's absolutely never going to happen.
You honestly don't mean to look at him again. But inside you're a teenage girl and he's a gorgeous boy who's just your age who's a little taller than you with piercing eyes and blonde hair you want to run your fingers through.
You much rather love someone who understands you like Lysander or even Scorpius (but of course Rose has him).
And you know you're basically putting yourself out there and you always said you'd always wait like Cinderella… but you know you like him too much and it really deep down hurts.
And you like to hope that Cinderella never felt like this.
He used to be sweet little Lorcan. Nice little baby Lorcan.
And guess what? He's a heartbreaker and he's a womanizer through and through and you'll never catch him, and if you do… he's just going to break your already broken heart in bite-sized pieces.
And you sometimes think it'd be worth the moments you'd spend with him, but then you think of how hard and cold you are now and you wonder if you could become any worse.
And you hate to know it can be much worse.
You decide on giving up because that's simply the best idea. Lorcan has got… Lucy now.
And you'll just sit for the prince to climb your raggedy hair, and your nothing like Rapunzel or Cinderella because you aren't worth the climb. You don't have anything like Rapunzel's beauty or Cinderella's charm.
So you wait for the days and you wait through the nights, waiting for Lorcan to peep his head in and check on you, because honestly, you're almost at the point of going after him.
And you know what? Your story doesn't end there. It won't end till you get the boy, so you tell yourself, I'll get him and catch him and we'll have a happily ever after.
(And you think, it won't happen.)
He walks by you, and you stare at his back for a moment before you suck it up and you do the one thing you never believed you'd do. You try to catch him.
He turns around at his name and you see the confusion on his face when he sees you. He stares at you, and he doesn't frown or smile, he just stands there, his eyes emotionless, expressionless.
You turn away and leave.
And you hate how you're hoping that he'd catch your arm and kiss you like they do in the muggle movies. You being the leading lady of course.
You almost go to Rose because when you'd scratch your knees when you were little, she was always the nicest one.
But you remember you're not the baby you were.
So you hold in the pain.
And you hope she came and sensed your hurt. (But then it would break your mask. So you take it back.)
You walk to Potions and you're grabbed by someone. Dom stares at you, smiling bitterly.
"So, another Weasley falls for Lorcan Lovegood?"
You nod, speechless.
Hah hah hah.
You find that Veelas are even beautiful when they are bitter and sarcastic.
"Isn't it ironic?"
She stares at you, and you wish that she left because her eyes are wild and angry. You whisper, "I wish I didn't love him. It's not fair... he loves Lucy and I'm... I'm nothing he wants."
Dom whispers, "You'll always be too good for him Roxy. He's... he's not interested in your heart. He's interested in breaking you."
She turns away for a moment and you run away, straight to the dorms, skipping Potions.
You don't leave until it's DADA because Lorcan's in that class.
(You keep on acting like you aren't a broken wind-up toy.)
You feel someone tapping your shoulder and you look to see if it's him. (It's not.)
It's Rose, "Roxy, I need to talk to you."
Her eyes are wild and uncertain, worried and scared.
You turn away and your clutching the desk because she's just going to feed you more truth and you need anything but the truth.
She comes up to you before you can run away and she says, "Lorcan... he's a great guy. But, you've already gotten hurt so many times, so... it's not good that you fall under his spell sweetheart."
You turn around. They can't touch you, they can't make you change your mind. Why didn't they help you before, when you were falling? You sweep your things, leave the classroom.
You feel like your a heartless zombie. (Because he has your heart and he doesn't care at all.)
You hear that Lucy has been broken. You don't visit of course, because she stole him from you.
(You don't want to see what could be.)
And it's a laugh (Ha-ha, this is so funny! Let's run away together so this heartbreak stops!) when Tom Wood comes up to you and takes your hand, bites his lip, and says, "Roxanne Weasley, will you go to Hogsmeade with me?"
You're not going to be the heartbreaker so you kiss his cheek and say, "I would go with you, but it wouldn't be fair Tom."
You sweep away, always the cynic drama queen.
And you notice how this time, you feel the slightest bit hollow. (You add it to your description.)
Lysander comes up to you, and you silently wonder why suddenly everyone wants to help poor hollow, cynic, you.
He reminds you of fun and laughs and stars. But those memories aren't yours. They're ones your cousins gleefully whispered together as they giggled together, red hair mingling with red hair, and freckles and freckles creating a masterpiece.
He takes your hand.
(Why does everyone like to touch so much?) (Well because, you note, it's sharing a little warmth.)
Frowning, he says, "Why are you in love with my brother?"
You sputter, knock a glass of pumpkin juice down, lose contact with his warm hands, and you yell, "Why is everyone suddenly so interested in talking to me? You all just want to look like fucking heroes!"
Lysander narrows his eyes, losing the blue of them, and sharply says, "Stop acting like a bloody Slytherin."
You point to your robes, "If you haven't noticed, I am a Slytherin."
He rolls his eyes, "Roxy, you're possibly the most thick girl I've ever met."
"Why the hell are you insulting me when I don't even want you around?"
"I'm not giving up until you fucking give up on my brother. He's bad news."
You whisper, "I know. But you love Dom and she's not the most innocent girl in the world."
He blushes, "Shut up Weasley, what goes on in my life isn't what we're discussing."
You act just like the Slytherin you are, "I thought you wanted to make me give up on your brother. I want to talk about Dom."
He closes his eyes, "Maybe another day Roxy."
And you roll your eyes, "Can you not call me Roxy?"
"What do you want? Roxanne? Anne? Weasley?"
You stick out your tongue, "Call me... Anna." (It rang on your tongue like a good name should.)
He smiles, "Alright then... Anna."
The bell rings, and you're so overtaken by the time rushing by that when Lysander says, "I'll meet up with you later?"
You say, "That sounds great."
And you have a little hope in your stomach because you'll avoid hearing the truth and you'll have fun with this boy because he's what you need.
You see Lorcan at dinner and he has his hand around a girl, a stupid, fat, cheerful Hufflepuff and you cross your arms and you hold in the tears. Lysander isn't here and you thank Merlin because Lorcan's eyes meet yours and it stays like that for ages. (Three minutes you swear.)
And you really shouldn't do it, but your hopes get higher until their past the school and their floating to the heavens and it's blissful when Lorcan takes his arm off the Hufflepuff and he keeps looking at you.
You feel something like happiness.
"I know you like me," you hear.
Lorcan's eyes are fire you realize. It's a warning. Don't come closer or I'll break your heart.
And you say, "I don't."
A flicker of nothing flashes through his eyes, and you say, "I love you."
He grasps you, fingers tangling in your hair, eyes blazing, and he meets your lips.
It's everything at once, and as you begin to drink him away until he's in you, he pulls away, keeping contact with your eyes until he sweeps away.
You stand still, elated and not in the least happy at the same time.
(Why wasn't he the one in Slytherin?)
You walk through the corridors, not caring if a professor or a prefect or anyone sees you. You cry.
It's a routine now, going since you last had your lips against his for sinful bliss.
And then you feel icy cold fingers lingering in your brown hair and you are pushed against the wall for a familiar kiss.
This time, you taste coconut mingled in with the mint of his toothpaste as he whispers, "This isn't good for you."
You hush him and let his fingers roam.
('This isn't good for you,' is a mantra you ignore.)
You hide your face from Lysander.
And he makes no effort to find you because he sees the looks that you give Lorcan.
(It's a little of sin laced with happiness.)
Dom gives you nasty glares and Rose worries, twitters around you without saying a word to you.
And you think it's better when they ignored you completely.
Lorcan's fingers trace your lips, "You know, we can be a couple when we leave here Ro."
You whisper, "You can't date me."
His eyebrows raise as he brings you in for a lingering kiss and you hold on, pulling and tugging him so he's closer.
He teasingly says, "And why can't I?"
"Because, you'll just break me more."
He whispers to the air, "I love you."
You laugh bitterly, "Love means nothing in our case."
He looks at you for a long time before he walks away down the hall, black robes looking like midnight and broken hearts.
You stare into the ceiling, wondering how you became worse than hollow.
"I love you damnit!"
You whisper, "Lorcan, stop it. You don't want me."
He kisses you, fire burning and you feel his tears and yours colliding, "Why do you want me to hurt as well?"
You wrap yourself under his bed covers, hiding yourself from the night seeping through the window, "Because, you've hurt too many people. You hurt me."
He goes under with you, holding you to his body as he whispers, "But, I want to change with you."
You linger there with him until he falls asleep and you run away into the night.
"Ro, where are you?"
You whisper, "I'm going somewhere, and we'll find out soon."
"Don't do anything rash you idiot! I love you!"
You laugh, "La di da."
"Stop Rox... I want to know your okay."
And you feel like the muggle car your grandfather left you is suddenly anything but safe. "I'm not okay, I'm not okay."
You cry into the phone as you curl into the seat. "Come find me."
And he mumbles, "You're the worst. Making me play hide and go seek at four o'clock in the morning."
You sniffle and he whispers, "I do really love you Ro."
And you whisper, "What is that going to do when you leave me?"
He doesn't say anything but he stays on the phone until he finds you.
You don't know why you won't let him think of staying. (You think it's because he'll always be a little unattainable no matter what.)
You yell, "Why the hell did you ask my father for permission to marry me?"
He smiles, takes your hand, "Will you marry me Roxanne Weasley?"
And you whisper, "No. I can't keep doing this. We're only bloody eighteen."
"I love you Ro. I love you so much and I keep telling you."
You cry into his chest, "Because love means nothing with you."
He whispers in your hair, "I haven't broken your heart."
"You have Lorcan. You just weren't looking when you did."
He throws his hands in the air, "I love you! I tell you this everyday and I've never seen nor looked nor snogged a single girl since I began seeing you-"
And you wail, "We never began going out!"
He stares at you, "Is that the only bloody reason you said no to marrying me? Because I didn't ask you if you wanted to go out?"
You hide your face behind a pillow, "No..."
He laughs, "Will you, Roxanne Weasley, be my girlfriend?"
And you whisper, "You promise you haven't seen another girl since we began whatever we've been doing?"
He sighs, irritated, "Yes you bloody idiot!"
You smile, and it's new to your face, "When the hell did the sun begin shining?"
He throws his hands in the air again, "Answer my bloody question!"
You kiss him, "Duh, I've been waiting two years."
He smiles, "You have to say yes or no, otherwise we aren't technically going out."
He kisses you, "Good. Now will you marry me?"
You gasped, "God Lorcan, we've been going out for two seconds!"
He tickles your sides until you're breathless, "Yep! I'll marry you!"
He kisses your forehead, "When did you change me?"
"Around the same time I mended."
He kisses your ear, "Nope, I think you changed me when I saw you for the first time."
You stuck your tongue out, "I suppose this is going to be a long and sappy marriage. Maybe we have to get in a few fights so we don't die of boredom."
He smiles against your ear, "I don't think I can be bored of you."
And you pull his face in front of yours so you can see his eyes and that warning was gone. His eyes said, 'I love you.'
"Well I think I can."
He tickled you until your lips connected with his again.
The fluff just popped up at the end. Don't hate. I LOVED THE ANGST AND IT DISAPPEARED. :(