Chapter 13 - Idiots' Food Cake
All righty, this wasn't the first thing I wanted to update in my list of updates, but it was the easiest because my writing flows better with this one. c: And I know what direction I want to take this in (kind of). So sorry for the long wait yet again, but after about seven months...here. it. IS. 8D
Earlier that dramatic morning, Domino rolled over her covers for what seemed like the billionth time. The beds, like everything else at Perh, were extremely comforting and accommodating, but though she had her own bed to herself, Domino could simply just not get adjusted to her surroundings. Something was bothering her, bad. For a couple of hours over the night, she managed to catch a few z's, but overall she could not stop staring at the alarm clock. 4:56, 4:57, 4:58, 4:59, and it wasn't getting any darker outside. Damn it all.
At five she finally decided to get out of her bed for good and start the day with the usual angry attitude. No one else was up to receive her good-natured morning threats, either. Miss Delia had gone out overnight to do some thinking (or whatever kamikaze housewomen did), and stupid Mondo followed suit, probably to suck up to the boss again. As neither one of them had yet to return, she hoped that they weren't dead or hung up in the showers by Giovanni. Well, she was pretty positive that Giovanni wouldn't hang Miss Delia anywhere. She had only spent a day so far with that woman, and already she knew that the boss was absolute Grimer piss in her hands. But Mondo, he was a goner.
THUD, and the alarm clock went flying off the nightstand, nearly hitting that beefjerk lieutenant in the head. She did not just spend even a second worrying of Mondo. That kid was gonna be fine, she was quite sure of it. Even though Giovanni could be a psychopath sometimes, his violence always managed to dodge Mondo one way or another. It dodged his stupid forehead and his stupid smile and that stupid, carefree, hippie haircut of his...and he was just a snotty supplier who sometimes got paid more than she did!
KLUNK, and the can of Sprite followed the alarm clock's direction. Now she was infuriated. Of course he would be the reason why she had slept so poorly. She should've clocked him when he first arrived with that cornstalk, degree-toting scientist. Not only was he proving himself to be a failure once again, he had nerve enough to allow some broad to try and steal him away as her own lackey. No, he made much more damage than that. Some broad was trying to claim his lackeyship and trying to make the moves on Pointy as well. She wouldn't stop yapping at him about science stuff until the subject switched to politics, and then she had insisted on talking to that hideous blob thing for a straight hour.
Well, that broad could talk crazy to a blob thing and even try to become buddies with Pointy, but Domino would not let Mondo off from his servitude that easily. She had invested too much time with him, so the only sidekicking crap he was going to be doing was for her. Yeah, and she didn't exactly have the big boobs to back her up, but her iron fist was enough. He was her lackey, maybe even her teammate again if she could ever be back in a better mood.
BOP, and her feet pressed down on the pillow that landed on the floor. Mondo would definitely get a nice punch in the face when he came back. But since she was up now, she'd grab a bite to eat. There was plenty of Sprite left and a few pieces of pizza to match, so she made her way over to the kitchenlike area. Of course the pizza was cold, but she liked it better when it was cold. It reminded her of little limp boys that needed to be crushed beneath her feet.
"Do you need something cooked up for you, dearest? I'm not the best cook, but I can try to cook up these...frozen pancakes..."
Domino almost jumped in her seat. Standing in the doorway was Fennel, dressed in an oversized t-shirt and shorts and looking better than last night. Beaten up or not, the woman still appeared to be an adversary that she could not take lightly, and so she glared at her as she took another bite out of the pizza. "What are you doing up this early? I doubt you're up to eat those disgusting things by yourself. I don't even think that stovetop works."
"Oh, you're awfully feisty."
"You got a problem with that, babe?"
"Oh, no, of course not. I find that feistiness often brings a lively and bright nature to a room."
Another bite, then a sip from her pop. Her glare switched its focus so it could directly set upon Fennel's smiling face. She was good. All of that blubbering seemed to have disappeared and replaced with a dopey sense of cheeriness, something that Domino hoped wasn't permanent. It wasn't the kind of cheerful that she could fight easily with a mere glare or several.
On the contrary it was time to use her own cheerful technique, and she smiled at that broad of an adversary. Beyond the early breakfast was a force that that woman couldn't reckon with once released. "I'm so very glad that you think my feistiness is something good. And I gotta say that your early-morning niceness is absolutely delightful."
"Oh, no, you're delightful, dearest."
Yep, that broad had no idea what force she unleashed.
A little later in the morning, everyone else was up and gathered in the kitchenlike area. Surge and Koga were fighting over the one pan and what kind of pancakes should be made. The hotel only offered the normal frozen pancakes, but Erika always had a few packets of soypan mix in her purse. Surge pointed out that Koga didn't even like soypans that much and was met by a whirling kick in the face. The pan then violently shifted between the two men, resulting in extra blood and no pancakes for breakfast.
Nearby Erika and Fennel exchanged concerned looks while holding Munna and drinking tea, leaving Domino to take the company of Sebastian and Gloom. The pokemon was still not thrilled of being around Domino, and the feeling was mutual for Domino, but they were both stuck with Sebastian's science babble. "You guys know I'm not much one for foolish admiration," he was saying in a low voice, tapping his fingers on the table, "but I have to make myself an exception here. Professor Fennel is a leader in a very special science, yet she isn't tainted by money. Think of what a great investment Giovanni could make if he hired her. Y'know Team Rocket's never gotten very far in the dream science."
"No, I don't know," Domino shot back, glaring at the professor. "Besides, wasn't Zager dealing with that dream science jack?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact most of his research comes from documents related to some of the top dream scientists in Unova. But Frank's such a perfectionist it takes him an hour to brush his teeth at times. Professor Fennel's never published her research on her Dream World experiments, either."
"You do realize that she'd never join Team Rocket, right?"
"Stranger people have joined."
Domino crushed her third Sprite can and gave a look at Gloom. Their expressions were in agreeance for once, something Sebastian didn't like. "When was the last time you got laid, Sebastian?"
"Uh, maybe college. What does that have to-"
"Did someone drop you into a pile of rocks?!" the girl snapped. "I don't know if you've forgotten with that hippie stuff I gave you, Pointy, but we're kinda doing something important here! This was not a getaway vacation, no matter what you or the stupid boss or stupid Mondo think! And all we're trying to do is keep Team Rocket the way it is with what we've got, not trying to expand it with a bunch of tranny-hooker freaks!"
By now everyone was watching them. Sebastian shook his head and got up from the table. "I'm not going to argue with a child. I don't sink to that level like Giovanni does." He narrowed his eyes, and it was an expression that almost stunned Domino out of her chair. "I would also like to inform you that I have enough observatory evidence to prove that she is neither a transvestite or a prostitute."
"You son of a-"
Surge and Koga took a break from their pancake scuffle to restrain Domino from knocking Sebastian down with her chair. As she swung the piece of furniture in the air, Sebastian had just enough time to think that she was even angrier than usual before he ducked mere inches from the chair. Usually Mondo would be the one to take on her rages, but he was out doing who knew what. Maybe that boy wasn't as useless as they all thought.
Sebastian dodged another chair attack just as the front door opened. A hotel woman came in wheeling a long cart, hesitant as she witnessed the near-injury. She scratched the mole on her neck and looked around at the guests. One old guy, two younger guys, and a screaming old girl with a chair in her hands was all she really could see, however. These tourists were getting crazier and crazier every year. "Buenos diaz," she greeted, already heading back to the door. "I bring you room service, as courtesy of Mr...Pet... Peter...Peterall?"
"THAT'S PETREL, BABY! HA!"
The cover to the long breakfast dish was kicked upwards, followed by a few gunshots, which sent the hotel woman out of the room. Lying between a bottle of maple syrup and a plate of sausage links was Petrel, grinning from ear to ear as he held a machine gun in his hands. He took joy in scanning the annoyance and surprise on most of the group's faces, but his eyes especially lit up upon Fennel's terrified expression. "Yowza, I got a special add-on bullseye today!" he exclaimed. "You remembered that I like tall ladies."
He looked around and continued to grin. "Actually, any of you ladies would do for my taste. All I want is the bazongas and the booty to back it up. A man likes to feel those things when he's rocking the boat all night long. Or all morning. I would rock any boat at any time on any day." Shrug. "Unfortunately I'm not here on good boat-rocking terms. Gotta plan for a snazzy new world order, shoot some people, maybe even take a hostage or two. Good day for me, bad day for the rest. Maybe I shoulda came in my birthday suit..."
Domino finally dropped her chair and turned to the shaking Fennel. "Hey, is this psychopathic turd your brother? I didn't know you could play the part of con-artist!" she hissed.
"N-No, he's m-my-"
"What, your dad? He looks a little young, but I'm sure he has some bastards hiding somewhere. Didn't think you were one of them, Fen."
"He's m-my brother's friend!"
"...ugh! So you're tellin' me there's another like this guy?"
"Hey, I don't appreciate you ladies fighting over me while I'm in the middle of my verbal glory," Petrel interrupted, wagging his gun. The grin was gone from his face, but his eyes still held a deadly brightness to them. "You gals just don't learn your proper manners anymore. Just like Ari, sigh. But like I was sayin', you guys and gals should just play nicely and do as I say, yeah? I got the goods to blow up this whole hotel if I want. I coulda took out that employee at the snap of my fingers. Hey, I could pro'lly even shoot one of you in the foot right now. I think Toto would love to have matching foot wounds with his sissy, eh, Fen?"
"YOUR BROTHER IS PROTON?! YOU SON OF A BIT-"
Once again Surge and Koga restrained Domino from creating bodily damage. While Fennel began to cry, Petrel cackled as he walked over to the kitchenlike area and grabbed himself a piece of pizza. The others watched him as he propped himself into a chair and began to have breakfast with the pizza and someone's open can of Sprite. Scrunching her face Erika felt that this man was unkempt and downright disgusting, with no thought of chewing that pizza with his mouth closed. He really wouldn't be much of a threat if Koga had renewed his weapons permit. And she couldn't understand how he didn't feel shameful walking around with that stained beard.
Walking over to Fennel, Sebastian couldn't feel the same about the beard. He was already upset with Domino, and now this stupid idiot had to walk in and rattle things even more. He never did like Petrel much, either, because Petrel was always the guy who fooled around and screwed up work. But he did have one good point for once - Professor Fennel was taller than the average woman...not that he enjoyed that more than an average height.
His mind then told him to focus, so he mentally slapped himself and placed a hand on Fennel's shoulder. Domino's words were really getting the best of him. "Professor, I know our situation is rather tough right now," he murmured, "but we must be strong or we'll never get through. It is unfortunate that you're getting involved in this mess as well."
"So you know that awful man?"
Damn. There was no way of getting out of this one. he knew very well the ins and outs of this moron. His office used to be where the guy hung out for three years. Every day with those Groucho glasses or the leopard-print Speedos... this wasn't the kind of thing he could easily hide, so he spoke in the vaguest manner possible. "Only by association."
She kept quiet. He knew that whatever he said, unless it was along the lines of 'I don't know that psycho', would most likely upset her. Who knew that there could be other scientists that were more emotionally sensitive than him? (Although to be fair, he wasn't that sensitive to begin with, so he was probably a horrible example.) However, he couldn't allow himself to get distracted or unnerved by her silence. There was a villain afoot, and he was the only one capable of stopping him. "Look, I don't associate with him that often," he continued to whisper. "Last Christmas party he tried to put liquid nitrogen in my bourbon. One of the biggest idiots I know. I apologize for you having to deal with that."
"...thank you." Sniffle. "So what do we do?"
Good question. There wasn't much they could do. "Well, the first thing we need to do is to get that detonator away from him. You and I only have the smarts, so we have to use our intelligence to outsmart him somehow. After that we can get the lieutenant to tackle him to the ground or something. He likes to tackle things."
Said lieutenant finally released Domino and walked over to Petrel, grinning. "Hey, Little Beard Man!" he boomed, slapping a hand on the man's back and almost making him choke. "So where'd you put that bomb detahooha, anyway?"
Dumb and dumber. Maybe they were better off with a gruesome bloody death.
Petrel wiped a cheese string from his beard and looked at Surge, amused. Either he was planning a brilliant comeback or he was just as stupid as the lieutenant. Sebastian suspected the latter. "In my pants, of course!" he chirped. Yep, just as stupid. This guy was just nerve-wrecking, even for someone who worked in the calm, collected field of science. "Right by my ding-dong, the most sacred part of all of my ferocious limbs. Yeah, the bad business may be complicated, but I love me some puzzle-solving! So actually-"
"No one wants your ding-dong, dumbass!" Domino interjected.
"...rude. Fine, no ding-dong for you. I'm finished with my pizza. Here, have a present."
He spat a piece of cheese right by Domino's foot, and it took all of her willpower and Koga's restraint to not pummel him and risk blowing up the entire hotel. Then it took both Surge and Erika to assist that willpower and Koga to keep her steady as Petrel stuck out his tongue while lowering his eyelid with a finger. The classic taunting face. Bomb or not, this guy really was playing with an unlucky set of cards. They could get blown up, or he could get pummeled, or he could get pummeled and blow up with the rest of them by accident.
What an absolute idiot.
Sebastian bit hard on his lip. There was no room for him to get distracted as well. He and Professor Fennel were the only ones with free hands, and Professor Fennel was in no position to help him. This left him to use his brain and hopefully come up with a good idea. Speeding up the evolution process was a brilliant, if not somewhat inhumane, idea. Trying to deal with a psychopath shouldn't be too much harder. Petrel was like a Gyarados now, and what were those foul beasts before evolution?
He took a quick glance at Petrel. Good, he was continuing his rambling about sex and his...ding-dong. Inward shudders placed aside for the time being, it was time for Idea Time. The basic concept was that this psycho held in his possession a detonator and a machine gun. Physical strength was needed but definitely not available for this battle. Surge couldn't do anything right even if someone hot-glued instructions to his forehead, and Domino was too unstable. Intelligence was there but was leading him right down the useless path. They had no easy access to guns or poison darts or any other weapon that could be considered in the armed and dangerous category. They did have pokemon, but if Gloom attempted its Sweet Scent in a closed-in room, they would also suffer. Yet that did leave one of them.
More ding-dong talk. It was good enough for Sebastian to slide back to Fennel. "Professor, I might have an idea, but I'll need your cooperation. Or to be more bold, your pokemon's."
"Yes." He cleared his through. "Munna is a psychic pokemon, isn't she? I was thinking that if Munna could use a psychic-type attack on Petrel and stun him for a few seconds, we could retrieve the detonator and serve him justice. A fair conclusion, yes?"
He did not expect her to wrap her arms around him and hug him. Unovian professors were quite touchy even in the bleakest of situations. "Excellent procedure, Professor, excellent!" she agreed. Then suddenly looking down with a concerned expression, "But I'm afraid that my dearest Munna doesn't like to hurt others. She rejected the path of pokemon battling, and so we work together as a peaceful collaboration."
"It's fine. I really don't need him hurt, so to say. Just a little bit of manipulation."
"Ahhh...yes. She can certainly do that. But..."
"But who will get the detonator away from...from that?"
"I'll do it. For science."
The shudders were out, and he and Fennel shared a disgusted look before he advanced towards his opponent. For once Petrel was the one taken off-guard, giving him the perfect chance to strike. His field of vision was perfect to see Fennel quietly gesturing to Munna. Even with her oversized attire, she still couls not appear to be ridiculous. Many questions suddenly popped into his head, related to her professionalism and friendliness and Domino's nastiness and then where was Mondo he really was so very incompetent yet really childish and gentle-
Petrel froze with his mouth wide-open. Unflattering, but it would get the job done. Ignoring the glances of his fellow teammates, Sebastian crept over to the villain and stared down at the pants area. Throughout all of his years of academic study, he was used to being the one pantsed, not the other way around. He cringed as he pulled on Petrel's belt like dozens of jocks used to pull on his belt. The pants easily came off, revealing a set of bikini-girl boxers. (This guy really had a one-track mind.) Then it was the main event, and he sincerely hoped he did not have to shed off the boxers. Nope. Not it. No. No. Disgusting. Oh, there it was. He threw that over, which landed somewhere under the bed. Good, no bombs tonight-
"-the hell do you think you're doin', mang? I know my ding-dong's a popular item, but no homo, Pointy. NO HOMO!"
Busted. Sebastian groaned but kept whatever strength he had as he tackled Petrel, who already had dove onto the bed and was trying to take back the floor goods. He didn't have Giovanni's aggression or Surge's charisma or Domino's wrath-powered fighting skills. He was only a scientist, and he was getting too old for this crap. Beneath him Petrel was squirming and kicking like a Gyarados, and his screaming for the old man to get off of him was getting tiresome.
THWACK, and he felt himself roll off the bed. Blood dripped down his chin, and judging from the sudden blurriness in vision, one of his glasses's lenses was broken. From what he could make out, however, Petrel wasn't grinning anymore but actually scowling. No, more than scowling. Enraged to every fiber of his being. That was surprising for Petrel. "All right, then, so you want to play games against me?!" he snapped, lifting the gun in the air. "Well, that's fine and dandy! I didn't expect Pointy to act like frickin' Spiderman, but I'll bet my ding-dong that your girlfriend won't be so lucky!"
He pointed the machine gun at Fennel, who shrieked and hugged Munna against her. This was exactly what Petrel wanted, and he smirked. "Now I'm gonna give you five seconds to get me back my gadget, or the bitch gets torn into Swiss cheese!" he continued. "Doesn't matter who gets it for me. I'd prefer a chick so I can cop a feel, but I won't be too picky this time. Any other moves, and I'll make more of that Swiss, 'kay? ONE...TWO..."
The group stood in silence. Sebastian cursed to himself. This was bad.
Why wasn't anyone doing anything, good or bad? Was the newcomer's life so insignficant that they couldn't decide what to do?
No, he was being too rash, and had Professor Fennel not been a fellow colleague (or a fairly intelligent one at that), he might not have been so hasty in his decision, either.
He was never one for solving justice. That was one of the reasons why he fit in so perfectly with Team Rocket. Normally he couldn't care less about saving people and dishing out punishment. But science was a dying art in his mind, and he had to do whatever he could to preserve it. And yes, maybe Professor Fennel was just a little bit attractive, but what was so wrong with thinking that?
"FINE, THE BITCH DIES!"
Science be damned. Giovanni was going to owe him an entire island by the end of this.
Unprofessional as the thought was, it was like a dream. Sebastian could not feel his legs moving forward but one moment he could see himself jumping in front of Fennel like a complete dork, and the next moment he was on the floor again with blood dripping everywhere and his glasses completely destroyed. Before he became too disoriented, he made sure to take off his shirt as he coughed. Idiot got him good.
Then the screaming began. Not only was Fennel hysterical, but Erika finally became unnerved as well. However, Sebastian's only focus now was Domino, who had turned on complete berserk mode. KICK, the gun spun out the window with one swift motion, and SXXXX, he could hear the sound of wood breaking, probably a chair somewhere on Petrel's head, and SHHHHHK, it sounded like something tore? And then the worst sound of them all, the sound of more glass breaking and Petrel cursing, and knowing Domino that was not a good noise at all.
And finally his head began to roll back and forth as Domino shook him. She was not grossed out by the sight of blood at all, unfortunately. "POINTY, YOU ARE THE BIGGEST IDIOT I KNOW!" she roared, violet eyes blazing like a Cyndaquil's flames. "I OUGHTA THROW YOU OUT THE WINDOW, TOO! IF I THOUGHT THAT MONDO WAS THE BIGGEST IDIOT IN THE WORLD, I WAS WRONG! YOU TAKE THE BIGGEST IDIOT CAKE IN THE BAKERY! WANT SOME ICE CREAM WITH THA- LET ME GOOOO-"
The three gym leaders had to pull her into a tight embrace from the waist down in order to keep her from attacking anyone. His vision was beginning to fade, and not from the glasses this time, either. He'd lose unconsciousness within a couple of minutes. Of course this would be the most appropriate time for more guests to be received, though. Mondo was frozen in the doorway, and Delia was trying to keep Professor Fennel from having a nervous breakdown, so this left Giovanni to tower over his shaking figure. Just like work. "You're not fooling around with me, are you?" the stupid question was asked. "I mean, you guys aren't playing some warped science game, are you? I don't know what you guys do for fun."
It was almost adorable. "No, Sir, I got shot," he replied, sighing. "I got shot. Pretty sure Petrel's dead. All the ladies and Mondo here are going to be an emotional wreck. What a great way to start the day."
"Yeah. You're not going to die, are you?"
"If I don't get to the hospital on time, but I'm sure you have enough sense to get me to one."
The most absurd thought popped into Sebastian's mind, and he had to chuckle. "Hey, Giovanni, can I ask you for something?"
"What do you want at a time like this?!"
"Well, I'll probably be out of work for some time now, and I might not be able to get to my paycheck that easily. So I'll need something. Something from you."
"What? What is it? Spit it out already!"
"WHAT?! What's that supposed to mean? You don't even like cake!"
But it was too late. The dumbfounded expression on Giovanni's face allowed him to knock out cold.