"Okay you guys, this is not rocket science."
Rachel stood before the group of girls and Kurt and mimicked the steps again. "It's ra-ra one-two-three, clap-clap, one-two-three, turn, turn, shake the butt…"
Kurt rolled his eyes. They were on the stage in the auditorium in their GaGa outfits and had been there for hours. When he agreed to make a music video, he was pumped for it. Now, he was just bored. Artie, who had agreed to do camera work, was slumped over in his wheelchair, sleeping.
"I think I know why this isn't working." Rachel finally decided.
"Because your dance moves came from the Wiggles?" Santana snapped.
Brittany was, asu usual, confused. "I like the wiggles."
Rachel sighed. "The Wiggles are great performers!" Quinn and Mercedes exchanged looks. "And it's because there are seven of us. We need an eighth so that we can make pairs for choreography."
"Well, there's Artie…" Tina gestured to her boyfriend, whose snores were becoming louder.
"No offense, but a wheelchair won't help any more than uneven numbers will." Rachel thought for a moment. "Finn made a GaGa outfit." She flipped her phone open and started texting furiously.
"Finn? No. Just no." Kurt crossed his arms and shook his head, the jewels on his wigs jingling slightly. "I don't want him to work with us on this."
"Kurt, you have GOT to look past all your drama with Finn." Mercedes tossed a lock of her purple hair over her shoulder. "He saved your butt, you need to get over it."
"He's given me no reason to believe he isn't a homophobe."
"He dressed up in a red rubber dress, Kurt. I'm pretty sure he's okay with the queens."
Kurt rolled his eyes. Rachel snapped her phone shut. "Finn will be here in 15 minutes in his costume."
"Does nobody listen to me?"
"I'm making an executive decision. ARTIE!" Artie jumped out of slumber and wiped the drool off of his chin.
"Don't sleep on the job. It's unattractive."
Tina turned to Artie and whispered, "Since when do you care if she thinks you're attractive?"
Artie shrugged. They all waited for Finn to show up, some in excitement (Rachel was pacing nervously, bouncing on her toes every now-and then), some in slight anger (Kurt was ranting to Mercedes about how he thought Rachel's gay dads would make her less sensitive to homophobes). Finally, Finn showed up in his red rubber dress, carrying a pair of red heels.
"I thought these would go with the outfit." He said, obviously proud of his idea.
"They do. You're so creative, Finn." Rachel said, her voice dripping with admiration and creepiness.
Kurt rolled his eyes. "We could have done this without you, you know." Finn took Kurt by the elbow and dragged him backstage.
"Dude, what is it gonna take?" His brow wrinkled in frustration. "I apologized so many times I've lost count. I made a dress out of a shower curtain and wore it to keep the jocks from kicking your ass. I came here in a dress and bought myself some sexy red pumps to go with it to support your GaGa project. What do I have to do for you to forgive me, Kurt? I just want us to be like we used to be!"
"I don't know, Finn. Prove to me that you don't hate me. And not me, Kurt, but me, a gay person. Prove to me that you're not a homophobe. And I don't know how you're gonna do that, honestly. You used a word that is one of the most hateful you can use…how will I ever be able to talk to you again without wondering if you're thinking about how disgusting you think I am or something?"
Finn looked hurt. "You think I'm a homophobe?" Kurt nodded. "You need me to prove I'm not for you to talk to me again?"
"Yes. Prove it."
Finn took Kurt's face into his hands. "What are you doing—"
Finn touched his lips to Kurt's and tried to put every feeling into it that he had—regret for saying what he said, sorrow for the way he made Kurt feel, hopefulness that they could put it all behind them. He pulled out of the kiss and wrapped his arms around Kurt tightly.
"Where did Finn go?" Rachel's voice could be heard from beyond the curtain. "We need to get started…and where's Kurt?"
"I think they're in the bathroom." Brittany replied, adjusting the lobster on her face.
"I'll go get them." Artie said.
"Do you forgive me?" Finn whispered.
"I…you just kissed me…" Kurt was quite obviously baffled by what had just happened. "Are you—"
"We need to get back out there. " Finn said, cutting Kurt off. He reached down and squeezed his hand. "Are we good?"
Kurt looked at his hand, almost tiny in Finn's. "I…guess…I'm a little confused…"
Finn emerged from the curtains. "Let's get started!"
"Brittany," Rachel turned. "I thought you said they were in the bathroom."
"They were in the curtains, Brit."
"Are we not supposed to pee in there?" Brittany suddenly looked very guilty.
"Brittany, you can't just go around peeing on stuff that doesn't belong to you." Santana said soothingly, as Brittany laid her head on her shoulder. "We talked about this."
"I know…I forgot."
Santana kissed her, "It's okay, I know."
Artie rolled back into the auditorium. "The only people in the bathroom were Karofsky and Azimio…oh, there you guys are. Ready to get started?" Artie got up to the camera and positioned it like he wanted.
"Okay, Artie, lemme just go over the choreography and then we'll shoot," Rachel directed. "Okay, let's get in pairs…Brittany and Santana, Quinn and Mercedes, Kurt and Tina, Me and Finn."
"Um, isn't Lady GaGa into breaking stereotypes and gender roles?" Tina suggested from the back.
"Yes, Tina, that's why Finn's in a dress and heels and Kurt's wearing heels and tights. Please stop interrupting."
"I mean…" Tina struggled to find words…as she often did. "Don't you think it would be more powerful and, um, in the spirit of GaGa if all of the dancing pairs were same-sex? Finn and Kurt could dance together and I could dance with you."
"No." Rachel dismissed immediately.
"I think that sounds really cool, Tina. I like it a lot. Good idea." Quinn said encouragingly.
"I like it too." Mercedes agreed.
"Well, I'm the one in charge of the decision making involved with the video, so…" Rachel's voice trailed off. "Okay, so on 'Ra-ra-ra-ah-ah, we—"
Mercedes was never one to be brushed off. "All in favor of overthrowing Rachel and having her dance with Tina and Kurt with Finn?"
Everyone but Rachel raised their hand/ Kurt was surprised at Finn's enthusiasm for dancing with him. "All opposed?" Just Rachel.
"Looks like the ayes have it." Mercedes replied, obviously pleased with herself. Finn left Rachel's side and stood next to Kurt. Tina came to the front of the stage to stand with Rachel, who was very irritated. One look at Rachel, and Tina almost immediately regretted opening her mouth.
The dance ended up being strangely erotic, not that anyone seemed to mind. There was lots of grinding and gyrating, and Finn was really getting into it. He was very enthusiastic about pushing his pelvis against Kurt's and grabbing Kurt's hips and rubbing all over him. More enthusiastic than Rachel, even. Every time Finn's crotch came in contact with Kurt's hip or thigh, Kurt tried not to get too excited. The kiss and the dancing were confusing to Kurt. Was Finn just trying to prove he wasn't homophobic, or did it mean something? It probably meant nothing, and Kurt knew that…but the boy he'd been in love with all year had just kissed him! Was it so bad to dream?
After the grinding was done and the camera stopped rolling, Artie took the video to edit and everyone went home. Kurt didn't know where Finn was staying, so he texted him when he was in bed that night.
Kurt 10:30 pm
Where are you staying? And are you okay?
Finn 10:32 pm
Mike Chang's. I'm fine. How are you?
Kurt 10:33 pm
I'm alright. So…about today…
Finn 10:35 pm
I think my feet are going to fall off. Heels were an awful idea.
Kurt 10:36 pm
Oh. Well, you get used to them. I was talking about the stuff before and during the video…
Finn 10:40 pm
What about it? We're cool right?
Kurt 10:41 pm
Well, yes. I just need to talk to you about it at your earliest convenience…
Finn 10:45 pm
Okay. I'm going to sleep. Love you.
"Love you"? He was driving Kurt crazy with the random kiss and the random love.
Artie, Tina, and Rachel stayed up half the night editing the music video. Artie and Tina went home around 2 am, Rachel stayed up another two hours to tweak it until it was exactly how she wanted it, and then—as she did with every other video that featured her singing—posted it on her myspace. She tagged Lady GaGa in it, laughing to herself, wouldn't it be funny if she saw it? Like that would happen. And then, tagging everyone else in the video, went to sleep.
"Finn, wait up!"
Kurt was back in his regular clothes, making it much easier to chase people in the hallway. Finn turned around to see Kurt rushing toward him, stopping briefly to fix his hair before continuing to run. "What's up?" Finn asked, smiling.
"I wanna talk to you about…yesterday." Kurt was out of breath, bent over and panting.
"Yeah, about that…" Finn made a face and Kurt's heart sank a bit. He already knew…Finn regretted it, or it was an accident, or he had a temporary foray into drugs and an inconvenient side effect of what he did was Temporary Gayness. "I hope it wasn't too awkward for me to be grinding up on you like that. I just really didn't want to give Rachel and excuse to think she had to come over and show me how it's done…she's kind of all over me and I'm kind of not interested."
"I appreciate that, Finn. Now, about the other thing—"
"OH MY GODDDDDDDDD!" was heard throughout the entire school. Rachel burst out of the computer lab and ran up to Finn and Kurt. "GET TINA AND ARTIE. YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS."
Once they were all gathered, they all looked at the screen and began to scream hysterically.
Dear Little Monsters,
Your video made me smile. I must give the director (you tagged him as "Artie"?) much respect because it was very striking. So, I have a proposition for you all:
Artie, Brittany, Finn, Kurt, Mercedes, Quinn, Tina, Rachel, and Santana, I will be in Lima for a concert next week. I was wondering if any of you would be interested in dancing back up during Bad Romance. Your dancing in the video was impressive, and if you think you can let me tweak it a bit for my concert (in your costumes too, they were very inspired) I would be honored to have you all do your routine while I sing. If you're interested, come by the concert hall Tuesday afternoon at 1:00 and tell the guard at the gate, "We are GaGa's Bad Romance Monsters". Paul will let you in.
Peace, Love, and PRIDE,
"I'M DYING. I'M DYING." Kurt was crying and jumping up and down. The others were screaming wildly until they were shushed by the computer lab teacher. It was really happening. The REAL Lady GaGa wanted them to dance backup for her concert. Only Artie seemed a little down.
"Artie…you know GaGa will figure out something for you." Tina sat in his lap and stroked his hair lovingly. "She's not the type to leave someone out because they can't walk. She will include you, and you know it."
"I hope…hey, if nothing else, she thinks I'm a great director. Isn't that cool?"
"You ARE a great director, Artie." She kissed him.
Tuesday came and everyone was aflutter with nervous excitement. They approached the gate—they had pre-agreed that Kurt would speak. A large man opened the gate.
"What do you want?"
"We are Lady GaGa's Bad Romance Monsters."
"Right this way, kids."
There she was.
THERE SHE WAS.
Sitting on a metallic gold couch, wearing a shockingly normal outfit of jeans and a white tee, there she was. She held out her hand to Kurt. "GaGa."
And so on. She kneeled in front of Quinn to meet the baby and cooed in awe of it. "You are so brave," she told Quinn. "If I was in high school and pregnant, I would be pissing myself in fear. You must be so strong."
When her eyes landed on Artie, last in the line, she said, "Oh my God, this is exciting."
"YOU'RE excited to meet ME?" Artie blushed.
"I assume you're the director, since there was nobody in a wheelchair in the video. The video was so good, Mr…?"
"Abrams. But please, call me Artie. And I am such a huge fan, GaGa."
"Artie." She smiled. "I don't have anything for you to direct…but would you do me the honor of being my dance partner?"
"Are you serious?"
"Yes, I have the perfect idea."
"Absolutely." Artie had never looked so positively happy in his life.
"Okay, you two…Finn and Kurt. You two are so cute together."
"Oh, that is kinky. How long have you been together?"
"We're not together, Miss GaGa." Kurt answered immediately.
"Well…I have an idea for you two if you don't mind a little guy-on-guy action. " She looked up at Finn. "You're the one in the fabulous red dress. You're gay, right?"
"I'm gay, he's not." Kurt interrupted.
"Oh. Okay. Well, I was wondering if instead of Bad Romance, you two could be in Alejandro."
The two of them nodded. "Okay, great. The catch is, you two will have to make out for part of it. Are you two okay with that?"
"Of course, Miss GaGa." Finn answered so quickly, Kurt had to double-take to make sure it was really Finn. He was going to be making out with Finn. In front of an audience of Little Monsters. Sweet Jesus.
They were in dance practice for the rest of the afternoon. They skipped Finn and Kurt's kissing part—"We want it to be legitimately the first time you two have really gone at it. It makes it more real…in a regular situation, we have to forgo that aspect since we have to get dancers and actors to do it every night for tour, but we have you guys, so we have this chance to be genuine. It'll be beautiful."—GaGa said. Finally, it was time for the show to begin.
Bad Romance was the first act of the night. She pushed Artie onstage, the girls following.
"Hello, my little monsters." She said to the packed stadium. "This is my friend, Mr. Artemis, and these lovely ladies are the McKinley Monsters. Show them your love!"
The crowd went wild. Rachel swelled with great happiness, ready to perform.
Ra Ra Ra Ah Ah
Ro Ma Ro Ma Ma
GaGa Ooh La La
Want Your Bad Romance
The number was the same as the video for the girls. Lady GaGa twirled around Artie beautifully, sat on his lap and sang to him, all the while him rolling around doing wheelchair choreography. At the end of the song, she kissed him on the cheek. "Mr. Artemis, and the McKinley Monsters, my little monsters!" she exclaimed.
Alejandro was next, and Kurt was shaking in his heels. "Ready?" Finn asked him.
"As ready as I'm going to be."
They walked out on stage and got into place.
I know that we are young, and I know that you may love me, but I just can't be like this anymore…Alejandro…
This was some complicated choreography. It was supposed to tell a story of being torn between two lovers—Finn and Kurt. She danced a bit with Finn, having him lift her into his arms and toss her into the air. She backflipped and landed directly next to Kurt, who she basically molested on the stage. He wasn't complaining.
Kurt and Finn were told to stay on opposite sides of the stage. They had a cue line in which they were to walk toward each other. The song was nearly over, and she would say the line, they would be inches from each other, the beat would drop completely, and it would be time.
You know that I love you boy, hot like Mexico, rejoice! At this point I've got to choose, nothing to lose…
Complete silence. Finn grabbed Kurt and kissed him like he had never kissed any girl, that was for sure. It was dirty and messy and sweaty and incredibly erotic. Finn's hands tangled in Kurt's hair and Kurt's hands wandered all over Finn's body, grazing areas he had always longed to caress and touch. They were told to kiss until the song was over, and it was. They didn't stop. GaGa laughed. "This is Finn Monster and Kurt Monster. They are beautiful brothers." The crowd went wild. Finn and Kurt hugged GaGa and left the stage.
There was much squealing and excitement on the way home. Kurt insisted Finn come back home. "We need to stay together tonight." He insisted.
They snuck Finn in and down into the basement they went. The minute the door was closed behind them, Finn's mouth landed on Kurt's and it was like the song was still playing. It was crazy and passionate and strange, yet comfortable, and so many emotions at once. It was a little overwhelming.
"Wait wait wait, stop." Kurt said, as Finn began to take off his shirt. "What is this we're doing?"
"Looks like we're about to fuck, Kurt."
"Finn…are you gay?"
"I don't know. But I know I want this."
That was enough for Kurt. The next hour was all hot skin against hot skin, hungry, needy kisses, and milestone firsts. When Burt came down the next morning and discovered Finn—not just Finn, but Finn, shirtless, in bed with his son who was also shirtless, he decided not to wake them, but told Carole later, "You might want to talk to Finn…he's in bed with my son, and yesterday he was wearing a dress and red heels."
"Honey, I know." Carole yawned from behind her newspaper. "He informed me yesterday morning that he and Kurt are together now."