Stag: Part One
by Violet Garnets


"So, when's the stripper coming?" Jiraiya asked as he reached for another beer.

The silver-haired man did his best not to blanch in the face of such bluntness. He shook his head and took another swig of the drink in his hand.

As expected though, Gai decided to answer for him.

"She will come when she comes! You cannot rush a youthful woman when it comes to such things!" He jumped up to pose, his fake mustache hanging off at an awkward angle. "I thought it appropriate for her to come at midnight, a most magical time!"

"But it's already one!" Jiraiya whined, pouting fiercely. He grabbed a fistful of chips and walked away to join in the massive gambling games they had going on.

Tenzou stuck his head out the kitchen doorway and yelled, "You're out of chicken wings, Gai!"

"I will amend the situation immediately! This bachelor party must be perfect!" And so the man dashed away, and Kakashi noted the array of confetti that covered the forest green jumpsuit. It kind of looked like fireworks exploded on Gai's back.

The music blared, some typical party song from their high school days, but he was starting to feel a little nauseous. Too many people here, and he wasn't quite in the mood to play host. They had all greeted him with alcohol and cheesy greetings of 'congrats!' and of course they would be present at the wedding, but for now, they fell to their own conversations. Kakashi had joined in a few games of poker and drinking games, of course, and sat with the guys as they watched some porno on the flatscreen. He was the groom after all, he needed to be the center of attention at some points. They had even started the evening with a roast, but none of them had any particularly embarrassing information on Kakashi so it had been fairly short. Well, except for Gai, but none of them believed him when he said that once Kakashi had walked around for a whole day in nothing but a bikini.

But all in all, he was tired. This really wasn't his thing.

He slowly rose from the couch and made his way to the table nearest the backdoors and grabbed a water bottle. A sandaled foot stuck out from the cheap plastic tablecloth, and Kakashi was a little curious. He lifted it a bit to find a sleeping Iruka, a bottle of beer in his clutch like a teddy bear.

"Always a weak drinker, you," Kakashi muttered as he let the cloth drop and pushed in Iruka's foot. If the man woke up with permanent marker make-up, there'd be hell to pay. It was better just to hide him.

The air outside was crisp and cool, and the porch overlooked a pristine lake. Kakashi had no idea how Gai came to own such a nice lake house, but he certainly wasn't complaining about it. He breathed in deeply and he felt like he could smell the chirp of crickets, the ripping of water as the breeze crossed the lake. He was about to open the bottle of water and pull down his mask when a nondescript sedan pulled into the throng of trucks, SUVs, and sports cars. One of its headlights was broken, he thought absently.

Two people appeared and both slammed the door simultaneously, and Kakashi thought he saw the car shake a little.

"I told you it was to the left! God, Naruto, why don't you ever listen!" a clear, feminine voice shouted. The intensity of her anger was nearly palpable, and Kakashi felt a little bad for her companion.

"I've been down here before! It just all looks different at night!" A man shouted back.

"You're so stupid!"

It seemed like she was going to go on a rant, but Kakashi finally decided to intervene. "Ano, would you guys be the…live entertainment?"

He heard two coughs and saw their silhouettes straighten up. The pair walked into the dim light of the patio, their expressions serious and professional.

"Ah, yes, that'd be us," the woman said, pulling out some papers from a large bag. She was beautiful, although she seemed rather young, no older than nineteen or twenty. Probably a college student looking to make some money, he thought. Her skin was pale and smooth, and she wore a light pink wig. Or, at the very least, her hair was dyed pink. A wig seemed more likely though, for someone in such a profession.

The man standing next to her quickly walked up to Kakashi, stuck his hand out and said, "You're the best man, I take it? I'm Uzumaki Naruto, Sakura's supplemental security. Not that she really needs it, but it's company protocol." He said with a shrug.

He had to admit that he was a little startled by this…boy. Looking as youthful as his companion, a pair of clear ocean-blue eyes sparkled from under a frame of loose blond hair. Kakashi had a gut feeling that normally the hair was more natural at a shorter length, but this look wasn't particularly unattractive. This Naruto smiled at him a little impishly and wiggled the fingers of his outstretched hand a little. Kakashi took the hand carefully, shaking it one, two, three times. He couldn't tear his gaze away from those eyes, because even if he did, he knew those eyes would not leave him.

The woman named Sakura frowned, as she stepped onto the patio. "No, that can't be right. The information we got says that the groom wears a mask," she murmured, shaking her head.

Kakashi shrugged, stuffing his hand into his pocket. "The guys aren't really good at keeping track of me."

Sakura laughed, a pleasant and melodic sound. "Wow. Your best man is pretty terrible at throwing a stag."

"I suppose not. We're all a little…socially…confused anyway, being cops and all."

The expression that appeared on their faces changed immediately.

"Shit!" Naruto snarled. "This is a fucking bust, isn't it?"

Realization hit Kakashi. "Oh! No, no, we're all off tonight!" He put his hands out in front of himself and smiled, trying to appease the duo. "This is a bachelor party, that's it. I really am getting married. I've got a picture of my fiancée in my wallet if you want to see."

Sakura and Naruto leaned forward and peered at the silver-haired man suspiciously. He chuckled sheepishly, shying away from them a little. They were quite an intimidating pair, he thought. If they ever wanted to delve into crimes more deviant than this, the police force would have another Bonnie and Clyde on their hands.

"Should we believe him, Sakura?" Naruto asked, hints of conspiracy in his whisper.

After a moment, she sighed and shrugged with her elbows crooked and palms upward. "Why not, we can always blackmail them if we need to. The pay should be decent. It's double now though, and we get to use a camera for precautionary measures."

A sigh of relief left his lips. "Uh, you'll just have to take that up with Gai. He's inside heating up some more chicken wings, I think."

"Speaking of which," Sakura started as she regained a more comfortable posture and placing a neatly painted nail on her lip, "what is the groom doing outside?" Her eyes were a striking green, he noticed, the color of lean and young bamboo. She tilted her head and stared at him expectantly. Naruto mimicked her.

"A guy can only take so much socializing," was the simple response.

Sakura and Naruto nodded, understanding. "Must be a boring party," they said in unison, as if this wasn't the first time. It probably wasn't.

"No, really, it's fine. I'm just tired."

"We don't believe you!" Sakura trilled, singsong.

Naruto gave him a thumbs up and a winning smile, and something about it all made Kakashi twitch a muscle. The blonde cackled. "Time to liven things up! I'll go get the camera. Sakura, you'll change in the back over there? Hey, Shinrou-san, you should come with me."

"I have a name, you know," Mr. Groom pointed out as he obeyed the young man.

Naruto flicked out a set of keys with a jingle from his pocket and unlocked the doors. "You sure you want to tell me? I could use it against you, you know. Blackmail and all that good stuff." He ducked his head inside one of the back doors.

"Hatake Kakashi. I live in the east side of town, the suburbs off Main Street. My house has two oak trees and an old truck parked in front. Oh, and we're getting married in the church across from Konoha City Park."

When his head popped out of the car, an expression of clear surprise was evident on his face, even in the dimness. "Wh-why—"

"'Cause you're not the type to do that sort of thing," Kakashi said simply. He knew it was a typical phrase useful for disarming someone's mentality, but somehow he also meant it. It even surprised him.

Silence ensued, and Naruto began to walk toward the house at an unusually quick pace. Actually, it was more like the man had sprinted away. When they were back in the light, Kakashi noticed his cheeks were a faint pink. Had he been working off a blush, or was it the product of his running? Now Kakashi was really confused.

Sakura emerged from the nearby woods, fastening the last button of her outfit. Her hair was black now, and in a long ponytail. So her hair really was pink…interesting.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "A police officer?" he inquired. "It's even standard issue."

"With a few adjustments, of course," she added with a wink.

Her shirt was formfitting rather than practical, so he assumed they were about two sizes smaller than what they would normally assign a girl of her size. Her boots had a small heel to them, and her pants with belt and holster fit her in a more feminine way as well. She twirled a pair of handcuffs on a delicate finger, and Kakashi was pretty sure they were lined with faux fur on the inside. She still looked rather tame as a stripper, he supposed, but he also got the feeling that Ibiki and the rest of them would be spewing blood from their noses in the near future.

"This is why Naruto and I are the best in our company," she continued, "we tailor the show to the customer on arrival. And I've discovered that people who uphold the law really like having it enforced on them. You cops are creepy sometimes. Hey, Naruto, sunglasses or no?"

"Wh-what?" The blonde's head shook a little. Kakashi snuck a glance the boy's way. Had Naruto been staring at him?

"Sunglasess. Or. Not?" she repeated.

"Uh, yeah, go with the sunglasses."

They stared at each other for a long moment, partaking in a conversation Kakashi had no access to. He shifted from his weight in the wait time, watched those two sets of eyes flash at one another like lighthouse beacons.

"If you're sure," Sakura finally said with a sigh. "Anyway, let's get to work!" Quickly putting on the sunglasses and pulling out a police hat from seemingly nowhere and placing it atop her black wig, she stormed into the house.

"Nobody move!" Kakashi heard her voice pierce the general hum of drunken men, and everything fell silent. He felt a tug at the end of his shirt and Naruto motioned him to follow. They moved towards the window and peered in. Thrilling tingles rushed through his body. Maybe the alcohol was finally getting to him, or maybe something about this handsome and jubilant boy next to him reminded him of things he once had.

The camera clicked at the best moments. Sakura pushing Ibiki with a prodding finger. Ibiki falling onto Tenzou. Domino effect. Nosebleeds everywhere. Iruka groggily waking up to find a green spandex-clad on top of him. Utter chaos as Sakura began to pull off her shirt. Single bills flew everywhere, a myriad of bluish paper currency.

Definitely do not mess with this pair, Kakashi thought, half-serious, half-amused. "Sakura-san…likes to stir things up, doesn't she?"

"Huh? Yeah, well, guys pay more when they feel like they need to compete. And they get all stupid when you start up some conflict. Plus, Sakura-chan's like, the best in our company. I haven't seen a straight guy not fall for her."

"Have you?" The cop immediately regretted the words. What the hell was he thinking?

Naruto paused and the camera lowered a fraction of an inch. "I thought I did. But uh, I'm, uh, well…not quite…"


The bodyguard's eyes widened to the size of kiddy pools. "How, how did you—" he sputtered.

Kakashi shrugged. "Intuition."

"Do you have a gay-dar?" Naruto leered.

He shrugged again, although his head was spinning now. Definitely the alcohol. Then a barrage of thoughts hit him, reckless, stupid, tempting thoughts. "Hey, will you come with me? I need to talk to you in private."

The young man raised an eyebrow. "This is kind of private…we're the only ones out here."

"Just come with me." Kakashi stood up and began to walk towards the cabin nearby, also belonging to Gai. Really, how did that man come up with so much money? He heard the patter of footsteps behind him, and anticipation made him walk faster.

"Hey, this isn't one of those things where I get killed like in the movies, right?"

Kakashi snorted as he pulled open the door and let Naruto enter first. "I'm a cop."

"That doesn't mean anything! It probably just means you get away with it! I mean, what kinda cop wears a mask?"

"It's complicated."

"You want to eat me, don't you?"

"You could say that," Kakashi murmured as he removed his mask and pulled Naruto towards him for a desperate kiss. It was long, hard, and intensely satisfying. It had been too long since he last felt this way...

Kakashi felt himself pushed into the leather chair, his body traitorously filling with desire as this blond vixen straddled him and whispered, "You're the first man I've met who wanted to spend their last night single with another man— does the bride know?"

"The wedding's actually next weekend," he sighed, attempting to ignore the grind of hips. He couldn't, and let out a guttural noise. "Fuck." He growled as Naruto swooped down for another bruising kiss.

Would he regret this?

No, probably not.


Inspired by a one-sentence challenge for the word 'desire' at the KakaNaru LJ community, and expanded on ladywinterfic's prodding. So, this is pretty much dedicated to her since she's the motivation for like, me writing anything at all. So, I'll have the second half up in a week. It's already done, actually, and you can read it at the KakaNaru LJ comm, but I've decided to give it some breathing room there before I post here.

Comments of any kind are always appreciated! Thanks!

Ja ne,