Author's Notes: That's right, I've returned. No excuses. Just pure laziness and writer's block. Had to chip away at it and lookie at what we got! A new IYS chapter! Thanks to scribeninja for being an awesome cheerleader and beta. Seriously, my brainmate is the bomb.
Disclaimer: I do not own SVM or the characters. I just play with them.
It's Your Song
All the doors I had to close, all the things I knew but I didn't know. Thank God for all I missed cause it led here to this.
~This by Darius Rucker
Songbirds suck. There seemed to be a trio of them right outside my bedroom window, caroling the new day. At maximum volume. It was like they were right next to my ear. I groaned as my head throbbed, the results of a night of tequila. When was I going to learn? Tequila did bad things.
A loud piercing noise filled my bedroom and I bit back a shriek. My alarm, it was just my alarm. When I had I set that? Muffling a whimper with my hand, I rolled over to turn off the alarm. I rolled smack into a large, firm, and warm body. What the hell?
I squinted and pushed myself up and my eyes went wide. Alcide was in my bed. Alcide was in my bed, shirtless, and pantless. I blinked to make sure I wasn't seeing things. I wasn't. Oh no. I looked down and saw that I was just wearing my bra and panties. Oh shit.
What the hell had happened last night after I went back into the house with the bottle of tequila? I couldn't think. The alarm was too loud. Licking my dry lips, I leaned over Alcide, holding myself up so I didn't touch him. I smacked the off button on the alarm and scooted as far from the sleeping man in my bed as I could without actually leaving the bed.
Breathing hard, I looked around the room, hoping to see something that would trigger my memory. Alcide's clothes were tossed haphazardly around the room and I could see the shorts I had been wearing the night before dangling from my vanity mirror. Oh shit, that did not look good. The tequila bottle, half gone, sat on my dresser. The door was locked.
Did I sleep with him? No, I couldn't have. If I had slept with Alcide, I would remember. Not to mention, we'd be naked. What would be the point of a drunk fuck if we got dressed afterward? Didn't make sense to me.
Okay, so we didn't fuck, that I was pretty sure of. But how had we gotten half naked and in the same bed? I slid out of bed, trying to be as silent as I could, and padded over to my bathroom and pulled my robe from the hook it hung on. I slipped it on and tied the sash tight around my waist while I thought.
There was a groan from the bed, and I whirled to see Alcide blinking at me. His green eyes were blurry, and his hair was wild. The man had the best bed hair ever. He propped himself up and cradled his head in one hand. Glad to know I wasn't the only one with a hangover from hell.
It was as if seeing him suffering triggered my own. My head throbbed in time with my heartbeat. My stomach rolled like I was going to be sick. I turned from him and stumbled into the bathroom. I got myself a glass of water and fumbled with the aspirin bottle that sat on the sink. Popping four pills into my mouth, I drained the glass of water. It wasn't an instant cure, but it did help.
"Sookie," Alcide groaned in a gravely voice, "I will dedicate my next album to you if you'll have mercy and bring me aspirin."
I smiled despite of the situation. He sounded worse off than me. I had a flash of memory. We were screaming at each other and I had the bottle of tequila in my hand. For every swig from the bottle I took, Alcide matched it. He met me shot for shot and then some. So it was no wonder he felt worse than me.
So that explained how the tequila bottle got to be half empty. Now if I could only remember what we had been screaming about and how we went from screaming to being practically naked in bed together, I'd be good.
I shook out six pills and carried them and a glass of water to Alcide. He took them from me and tossed them back. Then he fell back against the pillow and stared at me with bloodshot eyes. I was unsure of what to do, after all it isn't every day that an ex you still love ends up in your bed, so I asked lightly, "Tell me, do I look as bad as you do?"
"Since I have no idea what I look like, I can't comment. But I doubt it. I drank way more than you," he said without looking away from me.
"Yeah...sorry about that," I whispered, shifting as I felt his eyes travel down the length of my body. My robe, violet silk, covered most of my body, but it still felt like he could see through it. "Um, listen, about last night..."
"We didn't have sex, Sookie," Alcide said, cutting me off.
I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, wincing as my fingers caught on tangles. "Yeah, I know that."
"Then there is nothing to worry about."
"Sure," I drawled sarcastically. "I just have vague memories of screaming at you and absolutely no memory of how we ended up in bed together."
"We ended up in bed because we drank ourselves stupid and passed out," Alcide explained slowly as he rubbed his yes.
"In our underwear?" I asked skeptically, raising a brow. "And how do you remember when I barely can?"
His lips quirked and despite the messy hair and bloodshot eyes, he looked hot. Maybe it was because he was in my bed and in his boxers, I could see every inch of his sculpted flesh. Damn, the man had put on some muscles. My fingers twitched with the urge to touch him.
"Well, Sookie, we stripped down because you got hot and insisted if you were going to be half naked, so should I. And when a beautiful woman insists on me stripping, I'm not going to say no." Alcide looked like he was trying hard not to laugh.
I crossed my arms and glared at him. I racked my brains trying to remember that particular moment. Oh yeah. I felt my cheeks burn as I remembered.
The tequila, along with the warm temperature of a typical Louisiana night, warmed by body. Even with the window open it was stifling. I reached down and tugged my shirt up over my head. Alcide let out a sound that was between a yelp and a groan.
"Sookie, what the hell?" he demanded.
I tossed my shirt to the side and put my hands on my hips and pouted. "I'm hot."
"So turn on a damn fan. You can't just strip," he snapped.
Even though he tried to sound stern, I noticed a catch in his voice, and the way his eyes lingered on my chest. I grinned and pointed to the door. "It's my room, I can strip if I want to. If you don't like it, then leave."
"Don't like it?" he groaned, and raked a hand through his hair. "That isn't the problem."
"Then what is?"
"Oh you know what the damn problem is."
My hands went to the waist band of my shorts. "Not really."
"Sookie..." Alcide warned.
I pushed my shorts down and wiggled out of them. I met his eyes and licked my lips when I saw the heat in them. My shorts dangled from my hand. "Yes?"
"I don't know if you are doing this because you're drunk or just to torture me."
"I'm hot. The torture is just a side benefit." I tossed my shorts aside, not noticing where they landed. Heat curled in my stomach as Alcide gazed at me. His hands were fists at his side and I could sense his struggle. Raising my arms above my head, I stretched with a satisfied moan. When I heard the low growl from him, I lowered my arms and fluttered my eyes at him innocently. "If it makes you feel better, you can strip. After all, it would only be fair."
Alcide's eyes flew back to my face. I arched a brow in challenge. Then before I could blink, he had his shirt off and was pushing his jeans down his legs. I watched him, swallowing hard as every hard inch of him was revealed. Kicking his clothes aside and standing there in his boxers, he asked, "Happy?"
I could only nod. "Oh yeah, baby."
"Right...I remember that," I muttered.
He laughed this time. "I didn't realize your face could turn that shade of red."
I pressed my hands to my cheeks. "Shut up. It's not a moment I'm proud of."
"Admit it," he teased, fully enjoying my discomfort. "You just wanted to see me naked."
"You aren't naked," I pointed out as I tried to control my blush. "And I did not."
I so did. I enjoyed the view last night and I was still enjoying it now. Alcide could not be aware of how much he was affecting me. Physical attraction had never been a problem between us. It was taking all my control not to throw myself at him. Especially when I remembered what happened between us in the kitchen. Oh god, I was wet just thinking about it.
As if he knew what I was thinking, Alcide held a hand out to me. "Come back to bed, Sookie. It's too early to be up."
I shook my head. "No way. I'm not getting back into bed with you."
Hurt flashed in his eyes before he could conceal it. I bit my lip. It had come out harsher than I had intended. He tossed the sheet aside and moved to get out of bed. "Sorry, I'll just get dressed and leave you alone. You should get some more sleep."
"No, wait. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to be so harsh," I said, holding up a hand to stop him. I moved to the bed and sat down on the edge next to him, being careful not to touch him. "I'm still trying to remember what happened last night." I turned my head to look at him. "I remember fighting, but not what about."
"Oh," Alcide said quietly, leaning back against the headboard. "You were pissed about what happened in the kitchen."
"Ah," I said. I closed my eyes and tried to will myself to remember the fight.
I slammed into my room and almost tore the lid off the bottle of tequila I had grabbed. I tipped it back and took two big swallows. I knew that drinking wouldn't help, but I didn't care. I just wanted to stew in my own anger. I had said some pretty bad things to Alcide, things I hadn't meant. I was just so shaken up by what happened in the kitchen.
I knew eventually we'd get involved. I just wasn't expecting it to happen like that. It seemed like I craved him. My body remembered how it felt to have his hands on me. It was like riding a bike, you never really forget. I was every bit as responsible as he was for what happened, I was just so ashamed by my reaction. It was like he had flipped a switch. Even now I wanted more. All these feelings and desires were welling up, and I had no defense against them.
I was so screwed up. Nothing was going the way I had planned. I had told myself I wouldn't let anything happen between us until we sorted out exactly what we felt for each other and we talked to Justin. As much as I wanted to be involved with Alcide, I couldn't do it until Justin was told that Alcide was his father. And then I went and let him...ugh. I swallowed more tequila.
My door swung open and I turned slowly to see Alcide fill up the doorway. "What the fuck do you want?"
"That's a nice greeting."
"Wasn't supposed to be nice," I muttered, and lifted the tequila to my mouth.
I never got that drink. Alcide reached over and plucked the bottle from my hand and took a swig himself. I glared at him. "Excuse me?"
"What? You took the tequila. I wanted some." He took another drink and passed it back to me.
I narrowed my eyes at him. "Get your own. Get out of my room. Go to hell."
"No. No. No," he replied calmly. "You are not going to drink that by yourself."
"Who made you the boss of me? The last time I checked I was a grown woman and capable of making decisions for myself."
"I refuse to let you drink yourself into the hospital because you are pissed at me."
"Oh please, like the world revolves around you," I said scathingly.
He yanked the bottle from me and drank from it before looking at me. "When you storm away because of what happened with me, then yeah, I think it's because of me. I thought you were a grown woman. Don't be stupid."
"I'll be stupid if I want to, Alcide. You aren't a part of my life, remember?"
"Yeah, and whose to blame for that?"
"YOU!" I screamed. "You left me, remember?"
"Once!" he roared back at me. "I left once! I was young and stupid and I regret that decision every day of my life. Stop throwing it back in my face, Sookie, especially considering what you did!"
I glared at him. "I told you why I kept Justin from you. You are the bastard who had to put your hands on me! You are ruining everything, Alcide. You never should have come here! Why do you have to screw it all up? We were happy!"
"The hell you were," he snarled. "Do you think that I don't know you? You want me as much as I want you. You need me too."
I grabbed the tequila and tilted it back. When I lowered it, I gave him a cold stare. "What makes you think I need you, Alcide?"
He moved closer to me, leaning down so he was staring me in the eyes. "Because if you didn't need me, you would have settled down with someone."
"Maybe I just don't want a man in my life, ever think of that? Maybe I don't feel like getting my heart broken again. You did a good enough job the first time that I'm not interested in going through it again."
"Bullshit and fuck you, Sookie," he growled, and turned from me. His hands raked through his hair in frustration. "You act like you are the only one who had a broken heart. I never fucking got over you."
I opened my mouth, and closed it quickly at his admission. I wasn't expecting that. "I...what?"
Alcide turned back around, looking completely defeated. "I have to say it again? Fine. I never got over you. Not since we broke up in high school. I was ready to stay here with you after Gran's funeral. I couldn't live without you. But you left. And I wasn't about to go chasing after you. So I left and I moved on, but I never got over you. Happy now?"
"Alcide," I said softly...
I blinked back tears, and looked away. Was there more? I had flashes of some kisses, then the whole getting undressed. Falling into bed, arms wrapped around him. His lips on mine. Long, lazy kisses and teasing touches. Feeling him against my back as we fell asleep. The sense of security I had felt when his arm wrapped around me.
Alcide had admitted that he never got over me. But did that mean he still loved me? He never came out and said it. I remembered admitting that I had missed him, but I didn't say I loved him. Thank god for that.
I jumped when I felt his hand on my shoulder. His voice was soft but I couldn't bring myself to look at him. "Sookie, what we said last night, it doesn't matter. We were drunk..."
"That's not an excuse. Besides, people are always more truthful when they are drunk," I said slowly. I swallowed hard and looked at him. There was warmth and compassion in his eyes, a call so strong that I turned and stretched out beside him, letting my head rest on his shoulder. His arm wrapped around me, holding me close. I sniffed. "What are we going to do?"
I felt him shrug. "I'm not sure."
"Where do we stand?" I asked.
"Again, I don't know. Sookie..."
"We have to tell Justin that you are his father," I said, cutting him off. I had no clue where Alcide and I would go as a couple. That was still in the air and I guess I'd have to wait and see. We might have confessed some dark secrets last night but neither one of us was willing to admit to more. And if we ever got to that point, I wanted to be sure we were ready for it. And before any of that could happen, Justin needed to know the truth.
I felt Alcide stiffen. It was obvious I had caught him by surprise. I'm sure he never expected me to be the one to say that. I tilted by head back to look at him and was surprised to find tears in his eyes. I could count on one hand the number of times I'd seen Alcide on the verge of tears. I didn't realize until then just how hard it had been for him not to say anything to Justin. I felt even more horrible about keeping son and father from each other.
I reached up and cupped his cheek. I had one chance to make this right and I wasn't going to screw it up. "I mean it. I'm not sure what we will be or even if that's a good thing. But I do know that Justin deserves to know just who you are. And, if we are going to be anything, well he needs to know first." I swallowed, and licked my lips when he lifted his hand to cover mine. "It would be so easy to just jump into bed with you. We both know it will happen eventually. And before it does, Justin needs to know the truth. He comes first."
"Sookie," Alcide said, his eyes softening as he searched for the words. His hand tightened over mine. "Thank you."
"Don't thank me for something I should have done from the start." I pulled my hand away and pushed myself up on one elbow to look down at him. "I'm picking him up this afternoon from Holly's. If you like, we can tell him then."
He raised his hand and brushed his thumb over my lips and I shivered., fighting the urge to lick my lips. He smiled as if he knew what I was thinking. "I like that plan."
I sucked in a breath when his fingers traveled down my neck and shoulders. My body felt like it had been set on fire. Every nerve jumped and twitched as his hand stroked my arm. It felt like everything was vibrating. The urge to throw myself on him was almost too much. I released the breath and pulled away from him. "We should, ah, get up or something."
"We should go back to sleep," Alcide said, grinning at my reaction.
I narrowed my eyes at him. "It would just be sleeping. I was serious about not getting physical until we tell Justin. I don't-"
"I know and I meant just sleeping," Alcide said, covering my mouth with his hand and cutting me off. "As much as I'd like to make love to you, it isn't the right time."
Heat curled in my stomach at his frank words. I sucked in a breath and nodded. "I agree."
"Just go to sleep, Sookie," Alcide murmured sleepily.
His arm curled around my waist and pulled me down against him. I tensed and thought about fighting, but being in his arms felt right. The way he shifted and curled his body around me gave me a sense of comfort and protection. I was safe in his arms. That was one thing I never had. Sex sure, but not being cuddled until I fell asleep.
Alcide and I had a sexual relationship back in high school. The first time had been the first for both of us, two fumbling teenagers in the bed of his old pick up. It had been slightly bittersweet but touching at the same time. Once we had gotten past that awkward stage, we'd gone at it like bunnies every time we had the chance. But we never managed to work it so we could spend the night together. The only time we had spent the night together was the night after I buried my Gran. Even then it had been spent in a haze of sex until we both passed out. Then I had run.
I'd never told Alcide, at least not yet, but for me there had only been him. I had dated a few men, but I never took that big step with them, much less spent a night with them. That had been before I got pregnant. Then after I discovered I was pregnant, it just wasn't an option. After I had Justin, I was so wrapped up in being a mother and studying that I never made time for men in my life. I haven't had sex in over five years, by choice.
I snuggled into his warmth, nuzzling his neck as I got situated. I felt him stiffen, and then relax against me. His arousal was hard to miss as it brushed up against my stomach. I tried to ignore it. I knew he couldn't help it. So I focused on how it felt to be held as I drifted off to sleep. That was my downfall. I knew even as I felt sleep claim me I wouldn't want to give up that connection with Alcide.
I woke up again several hours later by myself. Alcide was gone, and the spot where he had slept wasn't warm. So it had been awhile since he woken up and left. Disappointment was a sharp stab in the heart as I sat up and looked around. His clothes were gone but there was a note sitting on my vanity. Adjusting my robe, since I had fallen asleep in it, I rose and walked over to pick it up. Alcide's handwriting jumped out at me, small, angled letters that didn't seem to fit his huge form.
Sookie, sorry I left without waking you, but you looked so peaceful. Quinn and I have gone home to get some work done before this afternoon. Call me when you are ready for me to come over this afternoon. Thanks for the good time last night and remember, no regrets. -Alcide
I smiled and fingered the paper, tracing the letters of his name, before I put it down. Checking the clock, I realized I only had an hour before I was supposed to pick up Justin. I pushed all the daydreams aside and headed to the bathroom. After a hot shower, and a vigorous scrubbing of my teeth, and another dose of aspirin, I felt almost human.
I pulled on a pair of capris and a tank top and slid my feet into sandals. After clipping my hair back, I wandered into the kitchen, where Amelia was slouched at the table, nursing a cup of coffee. I shot her a bright smile as I fixed my own coffee.
She scowled at me and tossed back her hair. "What the hell has got you in a good mood? You drank more than me."
I shrugged and sat down across from her. "I dunno, guess I just had a good sleep."
Her eyes narrowed and she studied me. Her coffee cup clattered to the table as she bolted upright. Coffee splashed everywhere as she shrieked, "Oh god, you slept with Alcide didn't you?"
"Amelia!" I scolded, jumping up to get a paper towel to clean up the mess. I swiped the towel over the drops and tossed the wet paper towel in the trash before sitting back down. "Technically, yes, I slept with him. But only in the sense of sharing a bed. There was no sex."
"So what I walked in on last night in the kitchen was what? Comparing recipes for chicken casserole?" she asked with a smug smile.
I flushed. "Bitch."
"Hey, I'm just saying," she said with a shrug. "What I walked in on looked like he had gotten you off."
My cheeks burned hotter. "Amelia! Stop!"
"What, Sookie?" she asked with wide, innocent eyes. "I'm just saying what I saw."
"Not if it was in the middle of the kitchen where anyone could walk in on you." There was laughter in her voice though I gave her credit for not laughing outright. "You should thank me. At least it wasn't one of the guys."
"Oh god," I moaned, burying my head in my arms. "Can you just shut up, please?"
"No way, I want the details!"
"There are no details! The kitchen thing...it never should have happened. I blame the tequila and my raging hormones. I swear, I'm like a horny teenager around Alcide."
Amelia laughed now and reached over to pat my arm. "You say that like it was a bad thing. So, let's just put that aside. What about the screaming that came later? Fight or sex?"
I raised my head to give her a baleful stare. "Fight. But I think we are in a better space now."
"Well that's good. The sexual tension around you two is thick is enough to choke a damn horse. And since we don't have a horse, I'm in the hot seat and I have to say, it's been hard not to just lock the two of you up alone and not let you out until you work out the issues."
"Some friend you are" I drawled sarcastically as I sat back up. I checked the clock and saw I had to leave soon. "I don't know if we've worked out all our issues, but we've come to terms on a few things. And we are not going to be having sex any time soon. We both agree that it isn't the right time to delve into that aspect of our relationship, if you can call it that."
"So what next?" Amelia asked.
I finished off my coffee and rose to rinse my cup. "Now I go and get Justin from Holly's. Then I call Alcide and invite him over. I'm kicking you and Tray out for the afternoon."
"Some friend you are," Amelia parroted back at me. "Can I ask why?"
I nodded with a smirk. "Yes you can."
Amelia rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at me. "Why?"
I rubbed my hands over my thighs and gave her an almost sick smile. "Because, this afternoon Alcide and I are going to tell Justin that Alcide is his father."
Amelia's lips opened and closed, giving her the look of a beached fish. Her eyes were wide and she sputtered for a moment before she said, "Are you sure?"
I thought about it. Was I sure? I felt sure. I was sure I was doing this for the right reasons. Justin deserved the truth. Alcide deserved to have time with his son. The secret I had clung to for so long was not so much a secret anymore. And I tried hard not to lie to Justin, and the truth behind his father was the only really thing I kept from him. I wanted to believe that my little boy was old enough to understand. Maybe not completely, but enough to understand. Getting on Alcide's good side was just a benefit. I realized with a flash that even after we told Justin, if Alcide decided he didn't want to have anything to do with me, I'd be completely okay with that. All that mattered is my little boy knew who his father was.
I nodded with confidence. "Yeah, I'm sure. It's time."
"Well, praise baby Jesus," Amelia breathed, rolling her eyes towards the heavens. "You've finally come to your senses."
"Oh shut up. I always planned on telling him, both hims, the truth one day. It's just sooner than I thought it would be." I smacked Amelia on the shoulder as she made a face at me.
"Uh-huh, suuuure you were." Sarcasm laced her words. "I've just been trying to get you to since the start."
"Wasn't time," I said shortly. "Come on, get off my case. Things are finally falling into place. Be happy for me."
Amelia sighed and rose to hug me. "I am, believe me I am. This is the best thing you could do. Just, be careful, okay. I don't want you hurt."
I stared at her flabbergasted. "How could I be hurt?"
Amelia made a frustrated sound and shook her head. "I just don't want you to get your hopes up that Alcide will forgive and forget since you are telling Justin the truth."
I waved that off with a brush of my hand. "Trust me, that is the last thing from my mind. It would be nice, but I'm not counting on it. In fact, I could care less. I'm just tired of the secrets and lies."
Amelia tilted her head and studied me with curiosity. Then she smiled. "I am so happy to hear that. Um, should you be going?"
I glanced at the clock and swore. I had gotten caught up in talking to Amelia that I had lost track of time. "Shit. I'm late. Listen, I'll be back in thirty minutes and I plan on inviting Alcide over after that so..."
She laughed and thrust my purse in my arms. "Got it. Tray and I will go over to his place for the afternoon. See ya, Sookie, and good luck!"
I blew her a kiss over my shoulder and took off. I had thirty minutes to pick up Justin, stop by the clinic to check on the animals that I had overnight, and swing by the store for a few odds and ends. It was going to be tight, but I could manage. I also had to talk to Justin about Alcide coming over, just not what for. I wasn't going to tell him the truth until Alcide got there, but I did want to warn him that it was for something serious. I was going to do my damnedest to make this easy on both Alcide and Justin.
Author's Notes: And so there ya go. I know the song lyric doesn't exactly fit, but the song it comes from is about the things you missed that led you to your present. So it could be considered that Alcide leaving after high school and Sookie not telling about Justin was a good thing cause it led them to this point, where they are more mature and able to handle a relationship. We hope. We'll see. It's a good song, I highly recommend it. Anyhoo, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I make no promises on when the next will come out. I've adopted a write as you go attitude and my brain is bouncing around between many many projects. Hope to see you review!