Slash and a Hack, by DoofusPrime

Notes - T for some raunchy situations, just as a warning. While this does contain Kim / Shego, I think people who are not normally fans of the pairing may still enjoy the story if they give it a chance. Either way, enjoy!

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. This work was not created for profit. No copyright infringement is intended.


XX

Slick stone met Kim's back as she hit the ground hard. Her breath was knocked from her lungs. Sopping wet, Kim's fiery hair lay plastered against the stone ground as she stared into the air. A torrent of rain was dropping out of the night above her head. As Kim blinked and took a deep breath, recovering from her impact, a figure took shape out of the darkness and stood over her. A column of lightning slashed through the roiling black sky, illuminating the figure for a split second.

"Had enough yet, Kimmie?"

Kim grunted as she vaulted back up from the ground, toe-to-toe with her foe.

"Just getting started, Shego."

Another flash of lightning was enough to give Kim a glimpse of a predatory grin. Shego wiped black hair from her eyes and began to circle, looking for an opening. Kim joined her in a familiar dance, feeling the rain run down her body and trickle onto the stone rooftop beneath her feet.

The two of them were on the roof of a tower the loomed up from Drakken's lair. The roof gave them a circular fighting arena surrounded by stone parapets, beyond which stretched a mountainous landscape cloaked in darkness. Drakken himself, along with his henchmen, were detained in the lair below, unconscious or tied up. Ron was keeping guard over them while Kim took care of their last remaining obstacle. Always the last one standing in Kim's way.

Shego.

"Why do we do this, Shego? Every time, it's always the same thing."

Kim leaped forward and tried to catch her opponent with a vicious kick, but Shego blocked the blow and let out a harsh laugh.

"You tell me, Princess. It'd be a lot easier if you just let me get what I wanted."

"And what's that? World domination?"

Shego feinted to the left, then darted to the right, but Kim was too quick in her defense. Shego's punches were easily blocked. "What else would I be talking about?" she asked.

Kim raised an eyebrow. "I could make a few guesses."

Green skin rushed through the darkness and brushed against Kim's body as Shego caught her off guard, throwing her whole body in an attack meant to knock Kim off her feet again. This time, however, Kim narrowly avoided losing her balance. She took a few steps backward.

Shego was engaging in another verbal sparring match, but Kim's question had been genuine. Why the same thing, over and over? For weeks, months, the question had burrowed its way into Kim's mind. Shego was more intelligent than Drakken – maybe not in terms of technical skills, but she had a broader competency. Shego's knowledge was something much more practical. Something almost primal. Kim knew Shego could do much more if she wanted to. She knew Shego could take over the world, at least if Kim herself was out of the way.

So why did Shego settle for being Drakken's sidekick? Why did she humor his ridiculous schemes, his inefficient methods of dispatching his teen foes, when Shego herself had told Kim that she preferred the direct approach? Why did Shego keeping fighting Kim endlessly, as if she was just putting off a resolution? Kim knew Shego was holding herself back. Even in this fight, Shego was holding herself back. Getting through Drakken's henchmen had been more grueling than usual, and Kim knew her strength was flagging as she sparred with Shego, but the older woman was not taking her opportunities when they came.

"What is it!"

Kim surged forward in a fury, throwing a string of blows at her foe. Shego blocked each attack, but she was pushed back until she felt herself smack into the side of the tower's parapet.

"What?"

"What is it!" yelled Kim as she grappled with Shego, her muscles taut. "What is it that you want?"

Kim channeled the last of her remaining strength into pushing Shego away. Her hands grasped the slick fabric of Shego's jumpsuit, holding Shego's arms, pinning them down and pushing her farther back against the parapet.

Shego found herself beginning to slip, her head and back extended over the edge of the parapet. It wasn't a very tall parapet, to be honest – kind of a safety hazard. She'd have to mention it to Drakken. But right now, Shego had more pressing things on her mind. She could almost feel the empty air beneath her, the sheer drop to the rocky earth waiting for her far below the tower.

Kim's face loomed over her, contorted in fury, and Shego felt afraid. Fear was an unfamiliar feeling. It was the first time Shego had felt the emotion in years. Kim's question had an answer, but Shego did not know if it was the kind of answer that could be put into words. Kim was her greatest foe, her arch enemy. Shego had dominated anyone else she ever fought against. No one had proved a match for her, until Kim. Shego felt her pang of fear sharpening as her body slipped farther, extending out over the parapet's edge. Her life was in Kim's hands. Would Kim take it all the way?

"Kim!"

The name rang through the rain, mixing with the thunderclaps that burst through the night sky. Kim heard it, a clarion call. She saw her foe's pale green face, just barely illuminated by the sentry lights that cast beams down from the edges of the tower. Grasping the harlequin-patterned jumpsuit more firmly, Kim pulled. She drew Shego back from the parapet, feet firmly planted on the tower's stone floor, when her eyes widened. Before Kim knew what had happened, she felt a tingling flash go down her spine.

Shego's lips were on her own. Her enemy was kissing her. Kim almost lost her footing in surprise, but a pair of powerful arms wrapped around her back, pulling her closer. Kim felt powerless, helpless. Soft lips engulfed her as soaking black hair mingled with her own. Shego's eyes were closed. Kim felt her own arms begin to snake around Shego's back as the two figures intertwined as one. Was it involuntary? Voluntary? The questions vanished into a haze as Kim's mind lost all higher functioning.

"Shego..."

Kim broke the embrace, barely got the name out of her mouth before Shego pulled her back into a breathless kiss. Kim felt the contours of a body, soft, supple, and yet somehow hard at the same time, toned by years of grueling combat. Shego's jumpsuit was already form-fitting, but the pouring rain plastered it closer to her skin, as the rain was doing to Kim's outfit. Kim could feel every curve, every ripple of flesh, slick with water.

Kim sank to her knees, wrapped in her rival. Were they still fighting? She was losing track of her thoughts. Losing track of herself. Powerful arms and legs clung to her body as Kim writhed, caught in a snare of green and black. Helpless prey. She felt herself drifting, drowsy. The cold stone of the tower's roof was her bed, the driving rain her blanket.

Surely, this was bliss...

XX

Kim sat bolt upright, her body drenched in sweat.

Her dream was dispelled, replaced by the harsh reality of her prison. Kim glanced around at her cell. Windowless concrete walls surrounded her, a hard cot lay beneath her. Ron was still asleep in an adjacent cot. Despite the damp film of sweat covering her, Kim felt her body flush with coldness as she threw back the covers and stood up from the cot.

So she and Ron were still captured. The daring escape, Drakken's defeat, the battle on the tower roof, all of it had been in her dream. And what a strange dream it was. Kim shook her head, a little unnerved by the faint images still floating within.

"Something wrong, KP?"

Ron had been awoken by the soft shuffling of Kim's movements. He sat up in his cot with a yawn.

"No, nothing Ron. Just a weird dream. It's no big."

Kim decided to forget about the dream, at least for now. She did not know how to decipher what had happened, why her fight with Shego had taken such a strange turn, but at the moment there were more important things to worry about.

Drakken and Shego had locked the two of them in this cell, and Kim knew she and Ron had to find a way to escape. The only reason they had been held captive overnight, Kim assumed, was because Drakken's evil schemes had not yet come to fruition. Drakken was probably stalling so that he could gloat over his teen foes and provide a demonstration as soon as his newest device was ready to wreak havoc.

"Man," said Ron. "They haven't fed us since we got caught. I wish we were back in Middleton at the Bueno Nacho. I'm so hungry!"

Kim had to agree with him. "Definitely. And it'd be nice to see Ned again. He's such a fun guy, you know?"

"Yeah, he's pretty awesome."

Kim decided to cut off their unproductive line of thought and focus on how to break free of their prison.

"Alright Ron, any ideas on how to blow this popsicle stand?"

Ron was about to reply when the door to the cell burst open. Kim leaped back and Ron almost fell out of his cot in surprise. At first, Kim assumed that her arch foe had come to drag them out of the cell and lead them to their doom, but as she looked at Shego standing in the doorway with a wild expression, Kim began to think something else was going on.

"You two! You need to come with me!"

Shego motioned to the captive teens and stepped back from the door.

"What's going on?" asked Kim.

"No time! They're coming!"

Shego ran from the door as Kim and Ron stared, dumbfounded. The door was hanging wide open – whatever was going on, Shego had just given the two of them an easy escape. Kim grabbed Ron and raced out into the hallway, wondering where to go, when she glanced at Shego again at the other end of the hallway. The green and black-suited woman motioned for them to follow her again.

Kim was hesitant, but something about Shego's behavior was unusual enough that she decided to take a chance. She began to run towards Shego, Ron following behind her.

"KP, you sure we wanna go this way? Shego's the one that beat us up and put us in the cell in the first place. What's up with her acting so weird now?"

"I don't know Ron, but I don't have any other ideas, and I hear a lot of people coming from the other end of the hall."

Sure enough, Ron could hear a rumble of marching footsteps that echoed through the lair, growing ever closer on the far side of the hallway. After taking a few sharp turns, the two teens raced through a door that Shego was holding open for them and entered a sprawling room with a vaulted ceiling. Kim and Ron stepped into the room and looked around as Shego slammed the door behind them and locked it.

Judging by the size of the room and the vehicles it contained, Kim realized they were in some kind of hangar bay. Several vehicles were arranged on the bay's floor, some land-based and some flying. Other than the three fugitives, the room was unoccupied, but Kim could hear the marching footsteps approaching on the other side of the locked door they had just closed.

Shego pushed a button on the wall, and a massive door that took up an entire far wall of the hangar began to lift itself up and outwards with a metallic groan. Sunlight poured in through the open hangar bay door, brightening the hangar's sickly artificial light.

"This way!" yelled Shego as she dashed towards a circular vehicle parked close to the hangar doors. It was the round hovercraft. Kim had seen Drakken and Shego piloting the saucer-like hovercraft during fights many times in the past, but this was the first time she would be riding in it.

"Shego, wait, what's going on? Why are we running away?"

"No time to explain! I switched sides, okay? You gotta trust me, Kimmie!"

Kim approached the craft, but she was still hesitant to get on. Everything was going too fast. Could she really trust Shego? A hand reached out from the vehicle, tinged with pale green, fingernails painted black. Kim reached out with her own hand. Slowly, tentatively. She glanced back at the hallway door that opened into the hangar bay and saw a red laser bursting through one of the hinges. An acrid metallic smell filled the air. Their pursuers would be getting through the door in seconds.

Kim looked back at the hand and took it in her own. The hand was powerful and feminine, hot to the touch, as it helped Kim up onto the saucer ship. She pulled Ron up in turn as Shego jiggled the keys in the ignition, cursing silently. Finally, she brought the hovercraft sputtering to life as it began to taxi towards the open hangar doors.

"Go go go, faster!" shouted Ron.

The aircraft picked up speed and rumbled forward as the remaining hangar floor disappeared beneath it. Only a few more meters and it would be out. Kim risked a glance over the edge and saw the floor beneath them change into open sky as the hovercraft careened out into the air.

It dropped like a rock. For a moment, Kim thought they were going to free fall to their deaths, but the saucer seemed to catch itself at the last moment and rise higher into the air, now confident in its flight.

Behind them, a collection of uniformed figures gathered at the edge of the open hangar, which was built into the side of the cliff on which Drakken's lair perched precariously. Drakken himself stood in the middle of the crowd of henchmen, shaking his fist and screaming something about how Shego thought she was all that. The henchmen halfheartedly shot a few laser beams at the fleeing craft, but by this time, Shego had long since outdistanced them.

Kim felt her hair rippling in the currents of air that eddied around her as the hovercraft rose higher into the sky. She looked at the pilot, her enemy. The same person who had imprisoned them only a night ago had just rescued them.

"You turned against Drakken." said Kim. "Why?"

Shego put the craft on autopilot and turned around to face her teen passengers.

"Look, I don't really want to get into it too much right now. Maybe I had a moral crisis or something, I don't know." Shego frowned at the sound of her words. "No, that sounds sappy. Let's just say I got tired of the benefits, Kimmie. Drakken's got a pretty lousy compensation package, and he doesn't really give me what I want."

Ron, who had been hanging off the side of the craft and sticking his head into the wind like a dog, pulled back and stared at Shego, mulling over her comment. "What do you want, Shego?" he asked.

Kim had been too afraid to ask the question, but now it was out. Shego stared at Ron for a moment and then shifted her gaze to her teen arch-nemesis.

Green eyes locked with green. Kim gulped.

"Well," said Shego, giving her lips a telltale lick, "I've been bad for so long, maybe I want something good for a change. Maybe I'd like to play for the other team now. Switch sides. You know?"

Kim nodded. She knew exactly what Shego meant.

The atmosphere in the hovercraft had veered in an unusual direction. A new feeling replaced the excitement of escaping from the lair. Despite the air the whipped past them as the saucer flew onwards, Kim felt the feeling hanging around her, smothering her. She could tell that Shego felt it too. As Kim watched her foe's eyes, Shego leaned inexorably forward.

"Shego, I..."

Kim's words were cut off as Shego kissed her forcefully. Black lips linked with red in a paroxysm of passion. Kim felt like her mouth, her entire body, was on fire. Her hands grasped wildly for purchase as Shego drew closer, pushing her into the craft's leather seats. Kim tried to fight, but before she knew what was happening, she gave in. There was no fighting against the inevitable. Shego pulled back for a moment and groaned as Kim's hands ran up her thighs, over her bottom, up her back, around her sides, edging ever closer-

"No," Shego hissed. "There. Put them there."

Kim felt Shego grab her hands and readjust them. Ron, who had been staring at the sudden change of events with a dazed expression, gasped in surprise. Shego smirked and pushed herself against Kim again. Her teen foe's green eyes flickered with a sensuality, almost a fear, as Shego took her completely.

Kim was hers. Shego always took what was hers.

"So this is what it feels like to be one of the good guys."

Before Kim could respond, Shego pulled back in surprise and Ron yelped in fear. In between the two women a blue head popped into the air, its black mullet waving back and forth in the wind.

"Shego," exclaimed Drakken's head, "what are you doing?"

XX

The hovercraft, the rush of wind as it sped through the sky, Kim Possible, Ron Stoppable – all of it twisted into a warped blur of colors and shapes, as if being sucked into a whirlpool, as Shego removed her sensory helmet. Black hair spilled out as the helmet came off, and Shego slipped from the holographic world into the real one.

"What were you doing, Captain Shego?" asked Drakken as he removed his own holographic helmet and stepped out of his holochair. "You weren't responding, so I had to enter your holosequence to get your attention."

"Just testing it out," said Shego. "I have to give you props, Doctor D, the holoworld is just like the real thing. It even let me enter somebody's dreams and experience them like I was really there. For once, one of your inventions is actually worth using!"

Drakken blushed. "Well, I'm glad to see you enjoyed it, Captain. I saw you were wrestling with Kim Possible at the end of the holosequence, in the hovercraft?"

"Um, yeah," said Shego with a cough. "Just trying to take control of the craft, you know how it is. Fighting with my arch foe. Just the usual." Shego considered lashing out at Drakken for ending her very enjoyable holosequence, but she decided that he must have an important reason for the interruption.

"So what is it, Drakken?"

"Well, Captain, we need you on the main deck. The, um, arch foe in question has been sighted ahead of us, in the Nebulon Zeta Star System. Preliminary readings seem to indicate that something is wrong with her starship, and it isn't making any attempt to leave the star system. I told Killigan to raise hyperdrive speeds. We should be on her at any moment."

Shego smiled. Kim Possible, her impossibly talented teen nemesis, caught off guard. This was not an opportunity that came by very often. Perhaps this would even be worth leaving the holoroom. Possible had wriggled her way out of Shego's grasp many times before, but Shego had a good feeling about things this time. Perhaps she could teleport Kim on board and have a little private chat with her in the brig. Being captain of a starship did have its privileges.

Shego left the holoroom as her blue-skinned subordinate trailed behind her, reaching the captain's deck in no time. Most of the ship's crew were gathered around the deck of the S.S. Go, busily pressing various touch-activated computer screens or otherwise standing at attention. On the far side of the captain's deck was a giant viewscreen. At the moment, the screen gave Shego a view of a vast expanse of deep space, pitch black except for the scattered pinpricks of stars.

The ship's crew stood up and saluted Shego as she entered the room.

"Killigan," she spoke into her transmitter, "hyperdrives at maximum!"

"Ach! Captain, she needs more powa!" the chief engineer replied.

Shego noticed Kim Possible's starship, the U.J.S. Nana, appear on the viewscreen as it rose up out of the blackness of space. "Nevermind, Killigan. We're here already. Take us to a halt. All hands on deck, photon torpedoes at the ready!"

Shego placed her hands on the captain's console, staring at the approaching enemy starship as she licked her lips in anticipation. It was clear that something was wrong with Kim Possible's starship; a number of its lights were off, and it was floating listlessly. The name U.J.S. Nana was barely visible, stenciled on a dark, unlit bulkhead as the ship drifted. Shego almost regretted seeing the ship's state, as she always preferred a good fight. Assuming Kim was actually on the ship, however, hand-to-hand combat would do just as well.

"Hail them, Ensign whatever-your-name-is."

One of her red-shirted cronies punched a few buttons, and the viewscreen changed from a shot of Kim Possible's ship floating in space to the red-headed starship captain herself. Shego could see the enemy crew behind Kim, working feverishly on their own deck. Sparks seemed to be flying from various consoles, and the power on Kim's ship was flickering on and off.

"Long time no see, Princess!"

Kim's visage glared at Shego from the viewscreen.

"No Universal Justice help, huh?" continued Shego. "Long arm of the law doesn't reach the Nebulon Zeta System?"

"What do you want, Shego? I'm guessing you're not here to lend a helping hand."

"You got it. I just wanted to talk to you a bit, that's all."

Kim did not respond. Instead, she stared at the viewscreen, as if knowing what was going to happen next.

Shego looked down at her computer console and glanced at the scan results on Kim's starship. Their defenses were down. Shego could do whatever she wanted. She could torpedo that insufferable teen into oblivion. Lord knows Kim deserved it, after all the times that red-haired Universal Justice lackey had forced Shego and her motley space crew to run for their lives. Kim Possible, always one step ahead, always foiling Shego's schemes. Always such a tease.

"Ensign, lock onto Kim Possible and her commanding officers, beam them all aboard."

"Yes ma'am!"

Shego turned to an open area of the captain's deck and motioned for several crew members to gather around in a circle and train their phasers on the spot. Their ship may be crippled, but Shego knew Kim Possible was just as dangerous armed with nothing beyond her hands and feet. A hazy, high-pitched sound signaled the beginning of the teleportation, and several columns of light appeared on the deck. The lights coalesced into human shapes. After a moment, Kim Possible was standing on the deck with several of her officers.

"Still have that dorky second in command, huh Kimmie?"

Drakken sniggered at Shego's comment. "I can never remember his name," he said, gesturing to Ron. "What is it again? Spockable?"

"Stoppable!" Ron shouted.

Shego waved a hand dismissively at Kim's second in command. "Whatever. So what's wrong with your ship anyway?"

"Uh, that was my bad," said Ron as he rubbed his neck sheepishly. "I pressed a few things I shouldn't have pressed."

"Who are your other friends, Kimmie?" asked Shego.

Kim looked at the officers standing to either side of her and Ron. "The brunette is Bonnie, my fashion logistics officer, and that's Monique, my other fashion logistics officer."

"Good lord. I always thought you guys were dressed well for members of Universal Justice."

"We like to blaze our own trail," said Kim.

Shego stared at her long-time nemesis, running her eyes up and down the form-fitting, revealing bodysuit that Kim was wearing. Whatever it was, there was no way it met Universal Justice's clothing regulations. The fashion logistics offices – Bonnie and Monique, Kim had said – looked like they were flaunting regulations as well. Shego began to feel an irresistible urge rising from deep within her. The same urge that had brought her to the holoroom. The same urge drove her to distraction when she thought about that confounding red hair, those dazzling green eyes.

Who did Kim Possible think she was? Did she really think she could resist Shego's superior experience? Shego was amazed that Kim had been made a starship captain at such a young age, and her talent was undeniable, but Shego knew Kim was not superior. She knew she could take Kim. As Shego looked around the captain's deck, an awkward silence fell over it. Everyone standing on deck stared at Shego in muted suspense, as if waiting to see what she would do next.

Shego took a step towards Kim. She could take her. No doubt about it. If she was the captain of the ship, was it still wrong to fraternize with the enemy? Or would it be called sororitizing in this case? Shego could take her right now, in front of everyone -

"Captain!" yelled Drakken, pointing at the viewscreen. "Incoming!"

Shego whirled around just in time to see an unfamiliar ship uncloak itself in between Kim's ship and her own. The new starship fired several photon torpedoes. The S.S. Go rocked ominously as the torpedoes went off against the defensive shields, distorted thuds vibrating through the ship.

"Shields down, captain!" yelled an ensign. "Its weapons are much more powerful than ours!"

"Killigan, get us out of here!" Shego snarled into her transmitter.

Backing away from a fight was not Shego's style, but this business with Kim had allowed the newcomer to catch her by surprise, and Shego knew she was a sitting duck. She had to get some space and regroup before she could defeat this impudent new arrival. The ship rocked again as another volley of photon torpedoes smashed into a bulkhead. This time, the ship's shields seemed to be down.

"Ah cannae seem to engage the hyperdrive, captain!" Killigan spoke from the engineering room below.

Shego growled in frustration as the enemy ship drifted past them. She didn't like the way thing were going, but she might have no choice but to engage the newcomer immediately. Before she could act, however, another hazy column of light appeared on the captain's deck, rippling and gathering itself into the shape of a man.

"Incoming teleport, Captain Shego! We can't block it!"

The light disappeared, and a burly man with glasses and short-cropped brown hair was left standing in its place. The man seemed to be wearing a skintight leather outfit, jet black save for a single red and green 'N' stenciled across his impressively-sculpted chest. He held a bulky gun in his hands, and stared at the deck's other occupants with an air of complete confidence. Shego looked over the newcomer; she could feel her fixation with Kim melting away at the sight of the man's Adonis physique.

"Who are you?" asked Shego, her voice barely above a purr.

The man stepped forward with a smile. "My name is Varkon. Varkon of Cerulea. Long ago, I was a lowly assistant manager of Cerulea's lone Bueno Space Taco, but now I am Emperor of the Nebulon Zeta Star System. And a pretty snappy dresser, to boot!" added Varkon as he motioned to his outfit.

"He's completely right," Monique and Bonnie agreed. "That outfit is beautiful beyond words."

"Why did you board my ship?" asked Shego.

"I'm here to bring peace, love, and understanding to all inhabitants of the universe," explained Varkon. "Particularly to the attractive women of the universe. Now, don't worry, I'm going to blast you with this Pansexuality Ray and we can begin to spread the love! Ron, please step aside, I don't want you to get hit. That would be quite awkward."

Varkon aimed the ray gun and sprayed a wide pink arc of energy over the women standing on the captain's deck. Shego, Kim, Bonnie, Monique, and several red-shirted ensigns were hit by the pink blast, which seemed to engulf them in a glow of mauve and lavender. They blinked in surprise for a moment, appearing to wake from a deep slumber, and stared at Ned as if the meaning of life had just dawned on them. As the girls advanced, Varkon dropped the weapon and held out his arms.

"Oh, Varkon," said Shego, "why did it take you so long to get here?"

"I had things to do, baby," said Varkon. "I'm a busy man."

Kim ran a hand over his rippling bicep. "How much can you bench press, Varkon?"

"About 800."

Varkon grinned as the women gathered around him, struggling against each other to gain the fullest embrace with the object of their affection. Varkon had the feeling he was about to go where no man had gone before. Very few men, anyway. He sank to the ground under the combined weight of his new loves.

"Ladies, ladies! There's enough Varkon to go around!"

XX

"Hold on a minute."

Ned stopped reading and looked up from his laptop to the audience surrounding him at the card table. Charlotte had interrupted him. Malcolm Nivius was sitting on the edge of his seat in rapt attention, while Larry seemed to be slumped over with his head against the table.

"Yes, Charlotte?"

"I don't think you know what pansexuality means."

Ned frowned. He was hoping for a compliment, or at least some kind of more detailed appraisal of his work, but Charlotte fell silent. Everyone else in the comic shop also held their tongues.

"Shall I continue, then?"

Larry looked up, shook his head, and then slumped back down against the table.

"What's wrong? Do you have any criticisms?"

The comic shop was silent, save for an isolated cough from a corner of the room. Charlotte scratched her chin pensively, raised her finger as if to make a point, then lowered it again. Finally, after looking around and seeing that no one was going to starts things off, she spoke.

"Ned, that was awful."

Ned's eye twitched convulsively.

"I'm sorry?"

"That was awful. The scene-switching was arbitrary and contrived, and Varkon was clearly an author-insert. And the first two scenes of the story were just flimsy setups to get Kim and Shego to make out. There's no consistency in the plot – you're switching from dream sequence to holographic sequence for no reason, and the focus suddenly shifts from Kim and Shego to Varkon of Cerulea. And I've never heard Larry say his cousin was interested in women, either. Where did you get that idea from?"

"Come on," said Ned. "It's clear there's some kind of tension, when you look at how often she fights Shego."

"I completely agree," Malcolm added.

"She seems to be around Ron all the time," countered Charlotte. "I think something might be going on there. Do you know, Larry?"

Larry did not respond.

"Why would anything be going on between the two of them?" asked Ned. "Ron is a dorky guy. Do you see any females as pretty as Kim Possible around here, dating nerds like Malcolm and Larry? Much less hanging out with us - it's preposterous!"

Charlotte narrowed her eyes menacingly.

"Um, besides you of course, Charlotte."

Larry lifted his head up after realizing that the conversation was rapidly spinning out of control. Why he hadn't stopped Ned earlier, Larry didn't know. He supposed it was like being unable to look away from the sight of a car wreck.

"Why are you writing about my cousin making out with anybody?" Larry asked. "When you came in here and told us you wanted to read us your fan fiction, I thought it would be for Quantum Probability Squad, or even Captain Constellation, although it's a little too dated for me. Why write about my cousin of all people? What were you thinking, reading me that?"

"You know her the best out of any of us. I thought you could be my beta-reader."

Several chairs around the card table scooted back hastily as Larry held a hand to his mouth, his expression taking on a decidedly greenish tinge. "I have to go to the bathroom," he said. "I'm going to be sick!"

Ned shrugged as Larry raced off to the back of the shop.

"How did you know all that stuff about Kim's enemies, anyway?" asked Charlotte.

"She and Ron talk about their missions in Bueno Nacho all the time. Also, you can find all kinds of information online if you just look for it. Kim Possible is a world saving teen hero. People know who she is. Her sexual preferences are a hot topic, let me assure you! She even has fan clubs. See, look!"

Ned turned the laptop to face his audience. Charlotte, Malcolm, and the other denizens of the comic shop drew closer to look at the site Ned had loaded up. Charlotte peered at the screen in shock.

"Oh my God," she said. "You already posted this online?"

"Of course!"

Charlotte tried to imagine posting her private poetry on the internet, but decided that her need for attention was far outweighed by the need to avoid seeing her amateurish work get figuratively torn to shreds.

"Have many people read it?"

"Some," said Ned. "They leave me reviews sometimes. I think it's always good to leave a review for a story. Authors enjoy sharing a writing experience with their readers, after all!"

Ned stood up and looked into the air, staring at nothing in particular, almost as if he was expecting someone outside of the comic shop to hear what he had said.

"Why are you staring like that?"

"I don't know."

"Well," said Charlotte, "shouldn't you be writing because you enjoy it, whether or not people review your work? You sound incredibly narcissistic."

Offended, Ned sat back down in his chair. Charlotte rolled her eyes and drew Ned's laptop closer to herself, deciding she would check some of the comments on his work. There were a few:

BNLover: what is this

BalletQueenQT: Interesting. Get rid of Varkon and continue with the earlier plot!

CaptainCFan: Please remove this from the internet immediately.

SusiesGone: Ditch Varkon, continue with earlier plots, or else

Charlotte had to admit the reactions were varied.

"Ned," she said as she turned the laptop back towards him, unable to look at anything else, "I can't believe you just read us that. Poor Larry is going to be sick all day. You know how sensitive his stomach balance is!"

Ned closed the laptop emphatically and stood up in a huff. He looked at the people surrounding him and raised his nose. "Clearly, none of you understand a work of art when you see it. If my work isn't appreciated here, I will take my leave. Besides, I have another shift at Bueno Nacho in an hour, where I have more than enough time to hone my craft while business is slow."

Ned pushed his chair aside and stomped away from the card table without giving his friends a second glance, although he stopped momentarily at the cash register to purchase a copy of Sheela of of the Leopard People, Part 63: Battle With the Amazonian Vixens. After delicately bagging his comic, he headed to the door and took one last haughty look at his critics before slamming the door behind him.

Charlotte looked around at the everyone else in the comic shop. Malcolm Nivius still seemed to be entranced by Ned's story, but everyone else looked like they were feeling very awkward. Someone cleared their throat, breaking the shop's deathly silence. After a moment, Charlotte grabbed a nearby gaming board and set it down on the table, taking out the die and game pieces and arranging them meticulously.

"We need a new player since Ned left. Anybody in?"

Someone else joined the table while Larry finally returned from the bathroom. He sat down at the card table and took the game pieces that Charlotte offered him. Larry did not seem to pay any attention to the fact that Ned had left.

"We're starting Scenario 5, Larry. Are you in?"

Larry sniffed. "Scenario 3 would be copacetic, Charlotte."

"Fine. Whatever."

Larry smiled and arranged his game pieces as the other players got ready to begin.

"Oh, by the way, everyone – about that unfortunate situation with Ned?"

Everyone in the comic shop fixed their attention on Larry as he adjusted his glasses severely.

"Let's never speak of it again."

XX


Notes - That's it, I hope people enjoyed it. All the chatroom names correspond to actual characters on the show, by the way, and the names are hints as to who they are. Please leave a review - you heard what that narcissist Ned said! :-p