Title: To Capture a Panda

Author: Chibi Envy Chan

Pairing(s): Russia/China, America/Japan

Warnings: a naïve China? And some swear words.

Summary: Russia wants China. Japan wants to be left alone by Russia and his curses. Their solution? Work together.

Disclaimers: I do not own Hetalia in any shape or form. Just borrowing the characters for some torture. :D

"Meeting adjourned!"

Shoving his papers into his bag, China raced out of meeting room at the same speed the Italian brothers ran away from England. He didn't care whether or not his papers were wrinkled. If anything, he could always rewrite them. What he needed was to get away from his insane neighbor, who somehow wound up sitting next to him.

Back in the meeting room, all the other nations stared at the empty seat behind the small Chinese flag.

"Ve I didn't know China was that fast," Northern Italy commented.

No one commented on the fact that China had an even scarier reason to run. Good thing weapons were forbidden in the meeting room. Otherwise, they wouldn't be able to hold a meeting without a nation (coughRussiacough) declaring war on another. For that, the other nations were thankful (especially Japan).

"Neither did I," Russia said, thinking of a way to capture his elusive Yao-Yao. That was what made his panda oh so adorable (and fun too).

The other nations started filing out of the meeting room, having personal lives.

Russia sighed as he continued to stare at that empty chair. He tried so many ways to make China his, but everything seemed to backfire. Thinking that he had been left alone, he attempted to create another Get Yao in Bed Plan (or GYiBP for short).


Out of habit, Russia reached over for his nonexistent pipe. Oh it was only Japan. He narrowed his eyes at the other. What did he want?

"I have a business proposition that would benefit the both of us greatly."

"What is it da?"

"I'll help you capture China and in return, I want no more curses or declaration of war on me and America," Japan stated as if he was talking about the weather rather than talking to someone who was insane. "Do you agree?" He held out his hand for the customary handshake when making agreements.

"I want Yao-Yao in a dress da," Russia requested. If Japan was willing to help, why not use it to his advantage? He didn't think he could ever get China in a dress.

"Done," Japan said.

"Then we have a deal da," Russia stated, shaking the Japanese's hand.


"Why are you giving me this da?" the Russian inquired as he stared at the present.

"It's not for you," Japan replied.

"Then why give it to me da?"

"You're supposed to give it to Yao," Japan sighed.



China blinked several times. "You remembered my birthday aru?"

Russia laughed. "Of course, I would never forget your birthday da." Inside he cursed himself for not remembering and for Japan remember, but he put a halt to that plan seeing as he agreed to stop cursing Yao's younger brother.

"Thank you. Would you like to come over to my place?"


"We're having a family get together."

Or not.


"So it didn't work?" Japan asked though he should know the answer by the way Russia sulked.

"Not at all da," Russia sighed. He thought he was going to be spending quality time with his Yao-Yao but instead he spent it with the entire family. Not that he hated them because that would make his Yao-Yao upset. He found them to be annoying and hogging too much of China's time.

"I have another idea."


"Flowers again aru?" China once again found flowers left by a mysterious person. He picked up the bundle and inhaled their scent. "I wonder who left them for me." As usual, the mysterious flower giver never left a message.

He placed them in another vase. If this kept up, he wouldn't have any more vases (or places to put them). Before he could contemplate where to stash the bouquets, he heard a knock and answered the door.

"Ivan, what brings you here aru?"

"Is there a reason to visit you da?" Russia said with a smile. He looked over China's shoulder. "I never knew you liked flowers so much da."

"I do and Mother Nature has sent me so many for the spring," China beamed.


"I take it things didn't go as planned?" Japan inquired.

"What do you think da?" Russia groaned.

"He's playing hard to get," Japan replied with a shrug. "Let's try another plan."


"Japan! Thank you so much for these Shinatty-chan gifts aru!" The older Asian nation pounced on poor Japan, hugging him tightly, much to the displeasure of Russia.

"But I didn't send them to you," Japan said nervously as he attempted to break free from the hug. "I swear." His brown eyes fell upon the Russian.

"But you're the only one who sends me them so it has to be you aru," China reasoned, never letting go of his younger brother. He couldn't be any happier as it meant Japan accepted him as an older brother (well according to his reasoning).

"No, someone else has."

Japan silently prayed that Russia didn't get the wrong idea.


"They say if you don't succeed, try until you do," Japan said, trying to stay out of Russia's range of reach. He didn't doubt the other would hesitate to throw his pipe, but that meant he would be left without a weapon.

"Very well, we have an agreement after all da?"

Japan ran through his list of idea. He hoped he would find success in the near future or he might not have a future.


"Leave me alone aru," China said and took another drink of whatever Russia gave him. It tasted funny, but it had a certain punch to it. He actually liked it.

"Yao-Yao, it's getting late," Russia said as he attempted to look caring.

"No, it's not aru. Go away," China moped.

"I think Yao-Yao needs to go to sleep da," Russia suggested in a tone that left only one answer, yes.

"I think you need to jump off a cliff aru," China grumbled.


"This wasn't a good idea da," Russia said, glaring at Japan.

Said person rubbed his temples. Really, how hard was it to get China to go out with Russia? It shouldn't be this hard. If he somehow managed to get it through that thick American skull, then this shouldn't be a problem. Then again, the older Asian nation tended to be stubborn. "Have you tried cooking something for him?"


"That would be a no," Japan said. "Why not give it a try?"


"Ivan! Are you okay aru?" Stepping into the Russian's kitchen, China thought World War III happened. Almost every visible place was charred. Something punched a hole through the ceiling, which he suspected to be the stove as he couldn't find it anywhere. The fridge lay sideways, spilling its contents. Thankfully for Russia, all the vodka bottles remained in tact.

"Yes," the person in question came back into the kitchen.

"Did you wage war against your kitchen aru?" China asked uncertain to whether or not he should stay. Russia waging war against anything was a good reason to take a page out of Feliciano's book and run away as fast as possible.

"No, I tried to cook dinner for you da. It was supposed to be a surprise," Russia sighed and looked forlornly at his now dead kitchen.

China gave him a small smile. "Thank your aru. Let's go out to dinner. My treat."

Russia grinned.

"That's what friends do aru."


By now Russia's patience was very thin and Japan was running low. Both of them didn't know how much more they could take of the stubborn nation.


"He did try," Russia said, trying hard not to think of several ways to maim, curse, or kill China's younger brother, but it was hard not to when all his plans failed. Just then he heard a muffled sound coming from his bedroom. He sprinted over, slamming the door open.

On his bed, he found his Yao-Yao dressed a very naughty maid's outfit all nicely wrapped up in large ribbons. The dress was disheveled, giving him that oh so tempting look, and his skirt revealed that he indeed was wearing panties, cute pink frilly ones at that. Near the Chinese lay a book with a note carefully tucked in it though sticking out enough to be noticed.


As per our agreement, here is your Yao-Yao in a dress. Please utilize this book. We had a hard time catching him and shoving him into this outfit. America thought you would like it. I thought the school girl is more fitting.



Russia grinned as he flipped through the book. "So many positions da… which shall we choose first Yao-Yao?"

China gave a muffled plea to any deity.

"Remind me to thank Kiku for all his help."


"Vee vee why is China limping?" Italy questioned as he watched the Chinese limp to his seat for their next meeting.

"Probably slept the wrong way," Germany replied though not saying the exact reason why.

"Oh… I never knew someone can sleep the wrong way vee." Italy then noticed something. "Why is China glaring at Japan?"

"Who knows?"