AN: This story came to me through sudden inspiration. No, I haven't given up on Maverick, I'm actually halfway through the fifth chapter. I just need for the fourth chapter to finish being betaed. -_- I wrote this after watching a really good Anime psycho thriller called "Perfect Blue", which is where I got the title from. And I'm only partially insane. :-) Of course, most of you will think I'm lying after reading this.
Another thing, this is a ZeroX fic. But I will know whether you've read this story or not if you flame me right now. Believe me, I will know. I'm special like that. n_n
Oh, yes. The movie did affect my writing style, but this fic is in no way based off of the movie. Okay, I'm done. No, wait! I don't own MegaMan X, or the movie Perfect Blue. There. Now I'm done.
Sometimes I wonder if you know what you've done to me. If you know what has happened to me. If you would even care. I guess you would. But you would hate me. Even if you knew the truth, you would still hate me. You wouldn't look at me the same. I would become something to scorn, to pity, to laugh at. So I can't tell you, let you know. I have to continue to hide my emotions.
You've raped me, did you know that? Of course not. You don't know half the things you should. No, not physically raped me, though sometimes… never mind. But mentally. Emotionally. You've raped me there. And sometimes I wish you would go away, would leave me alone, would die. So I wouldn't feel this way anymore.
But I know that I don't truly want that. I can't. Not when I'm so in love with you. Heh. There, I said it. I'm in love with you. Do you believe it? No, you don't. I can see your face right now, your eyes wide open, mouth slightly parted while reading this. You don't believe a word I'm writing, a word that you've read. But you have to; it's the truth. The truth is cruel sometimes.
But it's not everything you think. You don't know everything… you'll never know everything.
When you died, I felt something inside of me die too. I felt so… empty. Like someone had carved part of me away. And anger replacing it. I was mad then, mad at Vile for killing you, at Sigma for starting this war, at you for dying, at myself for letting you die. I thought I would never see you again, that I would never be able to tell you how I feel.
But when Dr. Cain told me that there was a chance to bring you back… it's impossible to describe how I felt then. I did everything I could to bring you back. I fought to find you. And when you appeared to help me with the fake, the emptiness just disappeared.
Then Iris came… and to put it simply, I hated her when I first saw her. Little Miss Perfect, all sunshine and smiles… maybe I was a little happy when she died. I cared for you, though, and I knew that to you, she meant something. And that you had to kill her, of all people, must have destroyed you.
After her, I knew I had no chance. Everytime I saw you, my love grew, but I couldn't tell you. It would hurt you too much, would hurt me. So I'm doing the only thing I can do now…
Goodbye Zero. I love you more then this letter could possibly ever tell you. I wish… but that doesn't matter now, does it?
MegaMan Yakasa Gamma X Light
Zero stared at the paper. Swallowing hard once, twice, he read it again to make sure his eyes weren't deceiving him. X, he thought. X… was in love with… me? His hands began to tremble and, without meaning to, he ripped the paper. No… this isn't true… someone wrote this as a joke!
But he hadn't seen X all day. He hadn't really seen the other Hunter yesterday, either. Just a few moments in the morning. And then, X had seemed preoccupied.
So I'm doing the only thing I can do now…
What did /that/ mean? Nervously, he shook his head. Taking a few deep breaths, he struggled to clear his head. What does this mean? Where did X go?
Alia. Alia would help him. After all, her office was one of X's favorite places to be. Zero had always assumed it was because X was in love with Alia. But now…
But now he couldn't think about things like that. He needed to see Alia and see her /now/.
The huntress's office was on the fourth floor, sector A5. Although she rarely went on actual mission, she was one hell of a spotter and had years of computer and robotic training. So of course she would get a larger-then-usual office in one of the A sectors. Which, of course, meant that she couldn't be anywhere /near/ Zero's first floor sector C2 office.
So when Zero appeared in her doorway, he was panting like a dog and his eyes were wide, like he was some kind of scared horse. Alia raised an eyebrow.
"Uh, hello, Zero. You look, well, different. There any reason you're here?"
In reply, he shoved a piece of paper in her face. Startled, she shoved her chair back slightly, but seeing that it wouldn't bite she gingerly took it from him.
Her expression changed from puzzlement to shock then to alarm within a matter of moments. "Oh, no," she whispered, shaking her head.
"Well, what the hell does it mean? What is he doing?" Zero slammed both of his hands onto her desk, palms down. "Come on, dammit!"
"X, he… He's probably running away." She shook her head. Should I tell him? It's really up to X to, but…
"RUNNING AWAY!" Zero roared. She covered her ears with her hands, thankful for the soundproof room.
"Zero, please," she began.
"You know something I don't, don't you," he said, cutting her off. She didn't meet his gaze. "What is it? Why would X be running away? And what about his… he… me…"
"I… I have no right to talk to you about that," Alia said softly. "X made me promise not to tell you. He… he's not just running away, probably. Most likely. I think he's threatening to kill himself."
"Why?" His eyes widened.
"Because of what he felt. He thinks, thought, you wouldn't understand."
"And I don't! X has been my best friend for how many years, how am I to guess that he was in love with me the entire time? And… I'm not saying I'm homophobic, but I'm not exactly happy knowing that a /guy/ is in love with me. And don't talk that way. X isn't dead!"
"You hope," she whispered, looking out the window. "I know X. You're right, I doubt he's killed himself yet. But he's planned this." She paused. Should I tell him? It would help, but X should tell him. X should… "He's probably at the Ishibana River. He always liked to go there…" Her voice trailed off. "It's up to you."
Rain fell in heavy sheets, drowning everything. Drowning, such an easy way to go. Sink to the bottom, never come back up. Backing out now would be wrong. Everything would be ruined. Sink to the bottom. Never return, never hurt, never be hurt. Sink to the bottom. Sink…
The rain slammed into the pavement, making everything slick. Cursing slightly, Zero pulled the jacket up, covering his head. Damn rain, making it harder to search.
His foot slipped on the ground and he went flying forward. His right knee connected with the sidewalk with a sickening crack, collapsing underneath him. He rolled forward and lay on the ground for a moment. Then, swearing loudly, he pulled himself up, pulling the matted hair away from his face. A thin trickle of red blood showed against his pant leg.
Damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn! Does the world /not/ want me to find X right now?
Perfect blue water. Too bad there wasn't a perfect blue sky. Then the perfect blue hunter could die with them.
A small giggle escaped the thin lips. Perfect blue, perfect to sink in. Bye-bye world.
Impaired by his knee, Zero limped along. Cars honked at him, and more then once one pulled up next him. But a snarl and the finger sent most of them running.
Ishibana River. One of those wildlife preserves. It figured that X would spend most of his time there. He always did like things like that.
Does. He does like stuff like that. I can't start thinking that way, not like Alia. X can't be dead! Even if he is gay, he still is my best friend. And…
And what? Was there more to it that Zero didn't want to admit to himself? Shaking his head, he turned off the sidewalk to the path that would take him to the river.
Water was cold. Water was always cold, but seemed colder right now. Too bad. Can't turn back. They wouldn't forgive, wouldn't forget. They would hate, would scorn, would pity, would laugh. And the water, perfect blue, was waiting. Why make it wait any longer?
Taking a deep breath, the figure by the water's edge jumped. A piercing scream cut through the air.
By the time he reached the river, Zero's knee was killing him and the palms of his hands were beginning to burn. Damn the sidewalk and everything related to it!
When he got there, though, he saw something terrifying. X was there, like Alia had said. But he was standing by the river's edge. He didn't know that he was there. And then -
"NOO!" Without realizing it, he screamed. Panicked, he ran forward. No X, you can't do this! Not now, not when I need you… Not pausing for a moment, he jumped in after him.
The cold water shocked his circuits for a moment, similar to the shock a human might experience. Blinking once, he spotted X's body, floating. He seemed to be unconscious. That wasn't a good sign.
Grabbing the smaller hunter's body by the waist, he pulled him out of the water. Shaking from the cold water, he laid X's body out on the ground.
Holy Hell, what should I do now?
Biting his lower lip, he thought back to the EMT training courses that every hunter had do go through. If someone was drowning, what did you do when you got them out of the water?
CPR…Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation… oh damn…
Mouth-to-mouth. With his best friend, a guy. Whom he had just found out was in love with him.
Shrugging, Zero shook his head. Oh well, he thought. He couldn't let X die.
Leaning over him, he paused a moment to look at X's face. And realized something.
However much this person looked like X, this person was /not/ X.
This person was a female.
Startled, he backed away. If this wasn't X, then where was he? Did he already jump? Had she gone in after him, and had he knocked her out?
Then why was she wearing X's clothes? Zero recognized the shirt; it was one he had given him a few years ago. The words "Leave me alone, I'm living happily ever after" were faded after much use, but it was the same one.
Pressing his lips together, he did the one thing he could think of: He slapped the girl to wake her.
The water had taken her away, just like it was supposed to. Everything was washed away, and for a few blessed moments there was nothing.
Then there was a stinging pain on her cheek. Frowning, she clenched her eyes shut. Was someone trying to wake her up?
Whatever it was, the pain intensified. Opening her eyes, she was ready to give whoever was doing this a piece of her mind.
When she opened her eyes, though, she couldn't see anything. All she saw was a milky blackness. Suddenly frightened, she tried to stand. Her arms and legs wouldn't cooperate with her, though. She tried to swallow, but something was blocking her throat. She began to cough and choke.
Slapping the girl did wake her up. Unfortunately, after waking up, she began to have what seemed to be a seizure. "Oh shit," Zero muttered, grabbing her shoulders. "Breath! Damn!" Pumping his hands on her chest, he put his mouth over hers and forced air into her lung. Pumping down again, some water poured out of her mouth. Smiling slightly, he repeated the process, getting more liquid out of her lungs.
Something was pushing on her chest, making her breath out. She could feel water exiting her mouth, and something was pressing against her lips.
After a few minutes, she found she could breath normally again. Opening her eyes, she could also see. And she saw Zero leaning over her.
The girl blinked and stared at him. Zero became acutely aware of his position. Trying hard not to blush, he backed away and stood up. "Who are you?" he demanded. "And why are you wearing X's clothing?" The girl just blinked her hazel eyes at him. "What are you, a deaf-mute?"
"…I can understand you perfectly, Zero," she said softly. Her voice sounded familiar.
"Then why won't… you recognize me?"
"You're only the most famous reploid. And of course I would know you! You know who I am!"
Zero stared at her. "… I know who you are?"
"You're one of the first people I ever really meet."
But it's not everything you think. You don't know everything… you'll never know everything
"Who are you?"
"You know something I don't, don't you?"
"You weren't told?"
"I… I have no right to talk to you about that. X made me promise not to tell you."
The girl nodded. "No one ever told you I was really a girl, did they?"
Zero sat down next to her. "No, I can't say they did."
"So… when you read that letter…" X's face began to turn pink. "You… you thought a guy was writing that?"
"Well, you made it sound like you thought I thought you were a guy."
"Yeah, but I was hoping…"
Zero laughed, then sobered. "X… I don't understand…"
"Why did you try to kill yourself?"
"Because I love you. And I didn't think you would understand."
"Do you really love me?"
There was no answer. Concerned, he turned his head. "X, if I" he started before he was cut off.
She gently kissed him, pushing her lips against his. Startled, he began to pull away, but her arms were already around him. After a few moments, his body relaxed.
He wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, but he became aware of time again when he felt her head against his chest. Looking down, he saw that X was now asleep, breathing softly. Smiling, he hugged her and looked up to the sky.
It had stopped raining, and winds had pushed the clouds away. Now, all there was was the glowing sun and the perfect blue sky.
"X…" he whispered, closing his eyes. "I love you too."
AN: Horrible, wasn't it? *snuggles Zero plushie* Anywho, I know there are a /lot/ of plot-holes in this. If you really want, I can fill them in. *glares at computer for not recognizing the word plot-hole and at the keyboard for not lighting up* XP grrr…. Tell me what you think!