Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket, Natsuki Takaya does.

50 Ways To Annoy The Female Akito Sohma

1. Duct tape children to her arms

2. Sew grapes to her pillows

3. Give her an 'I heart Mom' T-shirt

4. Let Ayame re-do her wardrobe

5. Allow Ayame to re-do her room

6. Kill ALL the birds in the area

7. Feed her cheerio's for breakfast and tell her; "They'll give you a happy and peppy day!"

8. Play elevator music all day

9. Handcuff her and Shigure together

10. Make her watch Twilight

11. Yell 'Look Shigure's A Star!' every time Jacob appears

12. Yell 'Look it's Hatori' every time Carlisle appears

13. Yell 'Hey look it's you!' every time Jane appears

14. Give her an 'Victoria's Secret' gift card

15. Tell her the gift cards from Shigure

16. Serve her fried chicken and sparrow for dinner

17. Pretend you still think she's a guy and give her the male puberty talk

18. Sign her up on a dating site as a guy

19. Force her on a blind date with Tohru, still pretending to think she's a guy

20. Tell her you figured out her big secret to scare her, but then say; "You wished you had went to college!"

21. 'Find out she was a girl' and make her listen to a female-puberty talk

22. Make constant remarks comparing what her and Kureno's kids would be like, to her and Shigure's kids

23. Draw pictures of her and Shigure making-out

24. Draw pictures of her and Tohru shopping together happily

25. Hang them up in her room

26. Sing to her about happiness and love

27. Read her the bible

28. Read her the torah

29. Bring her to church

30. Fill her room with rats and cats

31. Make-out with Kureno

32. Bring her and Ren to a Dr. Phil show

33. Get ALL the zodiac drunk

34. Get her a job as a day-care teacher

35. Enroll her in severe-anger-management-for-delinquents classes

36. Give her a T-shirt with Ren's face on it

37. Give her a T-shirt with Tohru's face in it

38. Sign her up for piccolo lessons

39. Make cookies with Kureno's face on them

40. Eat the cookies

41. Buy her a black Labrador named Shigure

42. Buy her a sparrow named Kureno

43. Let the dog eat the sparrow

44. Give Momiji coffee and then duct tape him to her ceiling; lock the door so she can't get out

45. Force anti-depressants down her throat

46. Spill body glitter on her face

47. During the next new-years party 'accidentally fall' and rip her kimono off, so everyone knows she's a girl

48. Tell her that her mother was hit by a car and died

49. When she plans a 'Yea, my mom's dead' party, send Ren an invitation

50. Rain on her parade

Author's Note: I love Akito…