Without You

The rain was pouring down harder than it ever had in little Hillside. Most people had locked themselves into their homes, curled around a fire or a warm heater, cuddled into blankets and laughed with joy as they huddled together in love and happiness. Some poets were making a metaphor about the rain for their loved ones, and pessimist rejoiced at the sign of darker things to come. The streets were nearly flooded with water, and each plant had at least a cup of dew drops falling from each individual leaf.

To some, it was a beautiful sight.

But somewhere in that beautiful scenery laid a girl, hopeless, and shaken and soaked from the worlds tears. She stared, eyes dead to everything around her, at the sky as the drops fell onto her skin, gliding down her pale cheek and onto the ground slowly. A small shiver passed through her as she moved her small hands to her face, hiding it from everything around her. Her body suddenly started to shake as her chest heaved out small sobs.

Her voice broke throughout the air as it echoed throughout the brick walls on either side of her. Her long blonde hair, which normally fell in thick pigtails around her neck, was now tasseled about her like a puddle of water. Lightening struck, causing her to jump as it illuminated her small figure, large blue eyes, shaken and riddled with tears, a body starved of nutrition, a gentle face beaten and battered with bruises.

The young girl flinched as thunder started to roar out across her, like a lion intimidating its prey. She flinched, the thunder turning into a harsh voice from above, yelling down at her.

"You're nothing! You're useless!"

The small girl gulped as the words rang through her ears harshly.

"Everyone would be better off without you!"

The small girl shook her head slowly, that wasn't true. It couldn't be true. If she was gone…if she was gone then-

"If you were gone none of this would have happened!"

The small woman flinched and looked down at the ground, tears falling faster than ever before. She sniffed and rubbed her eyes in an attempt to calm down. The wind pushed against her face sharply, making her yelp out in pain as it stung her already swollen wounds.

"If you weren't here…Phoebe wouldn't have gotten hurt….if you weren't here, everyone would be happier."

"It was…it was an accident" She whimpered out, moving her hands through her hair, clenching onto her long blonde locks tightly, pulling at her own hair. She didn't mean for Phoebe to get caught up in all of this. She'd told her to be careful…to stay away…

"She told you not to fight with them, she warned you to stay away, but did you listen?"

The small girl flinched and took in a sharp breath. Why didn't she listen? She knew perfectly well that she wasn't dealing with just any high school bullies; she knew that they were dangerous, and would do anything to win. Why did she want to fight them in the first place?

"You knew they'd kill you without holding back. That's why. You know deep down inside Helga that you don't belong here. You want to die."

The voice replied more sternly this time, the anger and hate building, but the temper and agitation, disappearing. Helga stared in front of her, clutching onto her soaked shirt as she slowly shook her head in denial. Why would she want to die?

"The letters have stopped, not that I need to remind you of that."

Helga fell forward as though someone had stabbed her in the back. She gasped for breath, closing her eyes tightly at the thought. Arnold had been away for almost three years now…after their adventure in San Lorenzo he had been put in protective custody due to La Sombra's death. That in itself was hard enough to deal with but…lately…

"He stopped writing back."

Helga bit her lip and dipped her head to her chest, her hands shaking as she clenched onto her soaked clothes.

"Maybe he found another girl."

Helga let out a quick breath of pain and slowly stood up. There was no reason to sit in the rain and feel sorry for herself. She would just go home and-

Helga slowly came to a stop.

That's right…

She wasn't allowed back home…

It was probably for the best…Bob had been getting even more violent since their house had been taken away, the family had managed to move into a small apartment building but the loss of his things and livelihood had only caused him to go over the edge. Miriam had tried going to AA meetings…it didn't last long.

Olga…well she hadn't heard from her big sister in over three years.

"He probably doesn't love you anymore."

"Shut up…" Helga whispered as lightning flashed again, causing the entire alley to light up in a blaze. She The thunder followed soon after, making her lean against the brick wall for support. It felt like a thousand weights were being pushed down onto her shoulders, forcing her to her knees.

"He could be dead."

"Shut…shut up!" Helga screamed out fearfully. Arnold couldn't be dead, it wasn't possible. He was way too sweet for that, why would God ever take him away from Earth when they so desperately needed him?

"Shot in the head, your precious Arnold cold and dead against the floor."

Helga clenched onto her stomach as she shook her head again and again, trying to suppress the images that were now moving into her mind. She cried out a bit as they sunk into her mind, unable to be pushed away. Miles and Stella laid against the bed, dead and swimming in a pool of their own blood. The door opens.


He rushes in and gags at the sight, he starts to cry and runs to them.

"No….no…run away" Helga whimpered.

Someone in black tackles him to the ground, he yells out silently in pain and starts to toss and turn in an attempt to get away from his attacker. Helga could only watch in horror as the man in black slashes the butt of his gun against the young boys head. He cries out and throws the man off of him.

"Run…run…"Helga whimpered biting her fingernails.

He leaves behind bloody footprints as he tries to run away from his attacker, blood prints slashed across the wall as he stumbles towards the door. He throws it open, a look of hope crossing him as he sees freedom then-

The thunder shook louder than ever before as Helga watched a bullet go through her lover's skull. He seemed to fall slowly as his eyes closed, death overcoming him as he hit the pavement harshly. She threw her hands over her mouth as the bits of brain and skull fragments fell out across the patio. His head lay still, broken, as blood formed around his entire body.

"Stop it." Helga finally yelled out, breaking down as she dug her head into her knees, crying out loudly. It wasn't real she kept telling herself, there was no way that it could be real.

"Maybe not…but what you did to your best friend was real…you let her get cut…you let her bleed over you while you just sat there…what if she had died? All because you just needed one more fight under your belt…"

Helga gulped recalling the pain on Phoebe's face as she laid in Helga's arms, bleeding profusely onto Helga's clothes. The way that she screamed out as they took her away into the ER…the scared twitch she had every time someone walked into the room.


That was real…

"And it's all your fault."

Yes…it was her fault and only hers. If she had listened to Phoebe…if she had stayed away from those boys…

"You don't deserve to call her your best friend."

Her foot twitched at that as she slowly nodded, it was true, she didn't. Phoebe had done nothing but be there for her during hard times, and all she had gotten in return was a smile once every blue moon. She should have told Phoebe how much she meant to her…she should have been there for her friend when she needed her….

She should have been the one hurt.

"You don't deserve to live."

Helga let out a small cry as she slammed her head back against the brick wall. Dust fell onto her face as she bit her lip so hard that it started to bleed, the blood streamed down her worn lips slowly, dripping down her chin and making small spots on her torn jeans.

"…I wish I was never born…" Helga whispered slowly.

And so immersed in her thoughts, Helga didn't even have time to scream as a strike of lightening crashed down in front of her, blinding her eyes with white. Her body started to burn with an unnatural fire, she groaned out lowly and held her body to her, closing her eyes tightly. Helga suddenly screamed as she felt pain shooting throughout her spine. Her body shot out in different directions, forcing her eyes open. Her entire being seemed to float into the air as wind crashed all around her, slapping her head this way and that. She yelled out in pain as the fire inside of her grew, suddenly heating in a burst of flame.

"As you wish Helga. As you wish."

There was one last flash of white, and then, everything went black.