Sometimes, things don't work out the way you planned. Sometimes, what happens is so much worse than the plans that you almost forget you had plans in the first place. Sometimes, things turn out better than the plans you had made. And sometimes, what happens is so different to what you expected, you can't even compare it.
And I never planned to fall in love with Luce. Hell, I never planned to fall in love with a woman. Especially after I'd just gotten married. But I guess love's like that. You're innocently getting on, living life as you thought it was meant to be lived, and then, woah, suddenly you're obsessed with someone and it changes your life forever. It completely changes the way you think, the way you dress, talk, even live. And if that obsession goes away, then maybe it wasn't meant to be. But if it stays, you know you need to be with that person. You know that you couldn't be with anybody else, because they would only be second best. You couldn't live with yourself knowing that you didn't love whoever you were living with as much as it was possible for you to love someone.
Before I met Luce, I would never have understood that. But, oh my God, now I know. I'd find myself desperately searching for her everywhere I went, looking for her car, her face. I'd go miles out of my way just to catch a glimpse of her. I'd say anything I could think of just to make her smile. And right now, she's sitting on the sofa in the other room, and I am the luckiest person in the world. Not just because she's amazing, but because I love her and she loves me back.
There's just something extraordinary about love. The way that you could never do it justice in descriptions, the way it's so perfect and painful and incredible all at the same time. The way it makes you so vulnerable and helpless, but gives you strength and passion.
The first evening we spent 'together', we were in her flat, and we just ate pizza and watched a film. It was the best night I'd ever had, even though we didn't really do much, but I was with her. And we weren't hiding, or pretending anymore. We were just us.
Sometimes, the best plans are the ones where you let yourself feel. Don't plan everything to the second. Let people see who you are, not who you planned to be. Sometimes, that's the best way.