Disclaimer: If I owned Black Butler, I'd also probably have Nina Hopkins make me something from that time period. Their clothes are so pretty…. Needless to say, I do not own Black Butler.
Author's Note: Again! A one shot. Although, honestly, I'm pretty excited about all of these one-shots. This time, we have a Black Butler one, my first one in fact. I got into the series recently and have completely fallen in love with it. So, here's my first one shot for this story. This is set… about seven or eight years after the start of the manga. Everyone's matured, Sebastian's still there, Lizzy's a young lady, and Ciel's… a little happier? Let's say he is… maybe… if only a bit, the poor kid goes through so much. He's not brooding as much either in this story as the story's set during a bit of a downtime for the local criminals. Anyway, I won't keep you anymore. Onto the story, "The Day Lizzy Found It"!
The Day Lizzy Found It
For five months now, they had been living together. Their wedding had take place during the late spring and it was now dawning on the stages of winter. The chilly weather rattled the mansion, but Sebastian had made it so that the rooms were kept at the perfect temperature to maintain comfort. Lizzy was sitting in the lounge, reading, while Ciel sat at his desk reading over the paper and making notes on the side. The room was empty save for them and yet, despite the minimal distraction, Lizzy found herself ever so frustrated with her inability to concentrate on the page in front of her.
She looked up at Ciel, who was hidden behind the paper for the most part, save for his eyes and forehead showing at the top. Behind the paper however, she knew his expression. Calm, detached. He had matured quite a lot since they were in their preteens, though his face still held traces of child-like features. At twenty, he was probably the most handsome man she had ever seen, maybe even pretty, but that was because of the clothes that she always insisted brought out his bright blue eye. He was taller, though not nearly as tall as their butler. To match his height, his build had more shape to it, slightly less delicate looking now than it had been when he was a child. She smiled slightly and Ciel looked up.
"Lizzy?" He said.
"Hm?" She said, brought out of her trance.
"Everything all right?" He asked.
"Oh, yes, everything's all right," She replied quickly as she fumbled to find her page.
Ciel smiled a bit when the door opened. They both looked up to see Sebastian waiting in the doorway.
"My lord, the water is ready for your bath," He said. Lizzy could swear that that man never aged. It sort of freaked her out.
Ciel nodded and got up, "Thank you, Sebastian."
Lizzy looked up as Ciel crossed the room and then glanced down when she thought he had passed her, when she felt him place his hands on her arms and give her a kiss on the cheek, startling her. She brought a hand to her face.
"I'll see you later," He said sweetly.
She knew she was blushing as she looked up to see Ciel walking away and out of the room. Sebastian closed the door behind them. Despite having just been kissed by Ciel, Lizzy felt a pang of annoyance. Not at Ciel, but at Sebastian. While she had liked Sebastian as a girl, her fondness for him was beginning to wear off. He was the butler now. A pretty good butler at that. And yet often times, she found herself annoyed that Sebastian continued to tend to Ciel's needs instead of her doing so. Not that she was supposed to do everything, but simple things that she could do, he tended to beat her to it.
In some ways too, she could tell that Ciel expected Sebastian to do nearly everything, too. He was the perfect butler. But it was more than that. It wasn't like Sebastian acting like a parent. It was… hard to explain. Like when they were sixteen, that one time they were out horseback riding….
Lizzy took the reigns and rode forward. She was a little nervous about her skirt getting caught in the saddle, as she always was, but she like the excitement that the feeling of riding gave her. She trotted ahead and then stopped to see Ciel behind her catching up. In the foreground, she could see several of Ciel's servants standing near the edge of the field. It was hot out and his cheeks looked a little flushed, but he seemed fine, just a tad annoyed.
"Lizzy, are you sure you want to keep riding? It's near mid day and the heat…" He told her.
"Ciel, are you not having fun?" She asked, "We used to do this all the time when we were younger. Are you losing your skills?"
Ciel pouted momentarily before responding, "I'm only saying that it might not be wise to do it in this weather, Lizzy. It's hot and you might get dehydrated. Your mother would kill me if you became ill."
Lizzy brought her horse around so that she was next to Ciel, "I'm in several layers, Ciel, I'm still fine, though."
She looked him up and down. Now that she was closer, she could tell that he was more than flushed. He was out of breath and breathing through his mouth rather than nose. She looked around and noticed the amount of pollen in the air.
"Ciel, are you not feeling alright?" She asked.
Ciel straightened up as though insulted, "Of course I am! I was worried about you, Lizzy. Your petticoats probably weigh more than I do!"
He trotted ahead and Lizzy looked after him, "Are you sure?"
"I'm fine, better than ever. What was it that you wanted to do? Go up over there right?" He asked.
Lizzy paused but nodded and trotted up to meet him, "Um yes, but Ciel…"
"Lizzy, I'm fine," He told her. He looked her way and smiled, "Want to race?"
Lizzy smiled slowly and finally replied, "Well as long as you're okay. All right."
They immediately began walking forward, which soon turned into playful trots. They both would look over at each other on occasion, noting that the other's horse was ahead or behind their own and increasing their own speed upon noticing.
"Think you might regret this race?" Ciel asked.
"Never," Lizzy replied happily.
"You look like you're falling behind," He said glancing back at her.
Lizzy smiled, "Not for long."
She snapped the reigns and immediately, went into a full speed run. Ciel watched in amazement as she passed. A woman riding with that speed? Was she crazy? He snapped the reigns on his own horse to attempt to catch up, but she was already so far ahead and… he felt the urge to cough. It was hard to breathe…
Lizzy kept going. She was almost at the top of the hill. She felt victorious already, but when she looked back back, she nearly felt time stand still. Behind her, she saw Ciel, almost in slow motion, leaning forward against the horse and beginning to tip off to the side. He fell with a loud thud to the ground and then his horse raced off ahead of him. As soon as she saw what happened, she turned her own horse.
"Ciel!" She raced back and quickly dismounted as she reached him.
She turned him to his side and noticed his cheeks were red and his breathing was unnaturally loud, as though he was having trouble getting air. He was coughing, too, and his eye was closed.
"Ciel? Ciel!" She yelled, feeling like she was having a heart attack herself.
She placed a hand to his face to brush his bangs out of the way. Lizzy moved Ciel so that he was on his back and then she looked around. Someone… someone had to help! Someone…
She turned back when she felt Ciel move. But it wasn't Ciel moving himself. She looked up to see Sebastian already there, moving Ciel so that he could see him and assess what had happened. Where had he even come from? Ciel's eye opened slightly and then it closed. With that, Sebastian lifted up the teen and began to carry him back to the manor. Lizzy followed closely behind, after getting over a brief amount of shock.
"Sebastian, is he…?"
"He's having an asthma attack," Sebastian told her, "Probably happened because he was pushing himself too much. It must have caused him to fall off the horse."
Lizzy nodded and asked, "Is he, is he going to be okay?"
"He should be," Sebastian told her.
Lizzy could still hear Ciel breathing hard. She felt bad, she felt guilty. She shouldn't have let him ride up like that. She shouldn't have gone off ahead. She ran briskly so that she could be next to him and get his attention.
"Ciel, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry," She said, "Sebastian says you're going to be okay, all right? But I'm sorry, I'm really…"
Both she and Sebastian noticed Ciel bringing a hand up. He was trying to get Sebastian's attention. He was trying to turn his head and immediately, Sebastian realized what was going on. The butler bent down and helped Ciel turn his head to the side. Within seconds, Ciel coughed and out of his mouth came more than just saliva. Lizzy couldn't get a good glimpse of it, but the impression she got was that Ciel had just choked up something bad.
Sebastian wiped what was left on Ciel's cheek off and turned him away. Lizzy finally saw him and he was beginning to look worse. She was about to say something, but then she closed her mouth when she saw Ciel move. Her friend brought his hand up and grasped the collar of Sebastian's jacket tightly. He leaned his head against Sebastian's chest, still breathing hard. Sebastian brought his own head down and when he spoke, Lizzy was surprised she even heard it.
"Don't worry, my Lord," Sebastian whispered, his voice deep and rich, "Everything is going to be alright."
Lizzy watched as slowly, Ciel looked up weakly at Sebastian, still wheezing, and gave a small nod. A horse cough followed, but Ciel seemed less stressed. Slowly, Sebastian stood up with Ciel and began to once again walk back with Ciel in his arms. Lizzy stood there watching. Somehow, Sebastian had managed to calm Ciel down. She hadn't, Sebastian had. And somehow, she knew, she could tell, that Ciel had wanted Sebastian's reassurance instead of hers. It was the first time she ever wondered why it was that Ciel was so attached to Sebastian…
Maybe she was just being paranoid or something. Butlers did that sort of thing. They were there to make things easier for the family that they served. If anything, she wasn't annoyed at Sebastian. He was only doing his job. She just wanted… she wasn't sure how to describe it. Yes, they were married but… Ciel was still so… distant. Sometimes she felt that he wasn't even there half the time. So the fact that Sebastian was doing things for him that she could do was only bothering her because it took time away from her and Ciel to be together.
Not that they ever did much together….
She had yet to see Ciel shirtless. Shirtless. She knew that it wasn't a proper quality for a lady such as herself to be thinking about that, but… they were married. Married! Their wedding night… She almost wanted to forget how awkward it had been when she and Ciel had first discussed it… In some ways, she wished she had never even brought it up…
She was in the Manor with Nina and one of her friends, and close servant, Paula. Ciel was sitting off to the side as she and Nina fitted a bridesmaid dress for Paula. Lizzy smiled happily and caught the view of Ciel sipping tea with Sebastian to the side of him.
"Well, I think we've done it. I just have to sew it up and it will be done," Nina announced, "Leave her with me and I'll have it done in ten minutes time."
"Are… are you sure?" Lizzy asked, "I could hel…"
"NO! GET OUT!" Nina yelled and Lizzy was taken aback, "You have plenty to do in terms of planning for this wedding! So go! Go and leave everything to me!"
Lizzy nodded and turned to go to leave Nina and Paula alone when Nina finished a stitch and spoke to Sebastian and the Earl, "Now if the men wouldn't mind leaving, too."
Ciel looked up and sighed, handing his cup and saucer to Sebastian before getting up and following Lizzy out to the hallway. Lizzy sighed as they shut the door, but it was a happy sigh. She stretched her arms and smiled.
"Can you believe it, Ciel?" She asked, "Fourteen days! Only fourteen and then the day will finally happen. What we've been told all of our lives…"
As she trailed off, she saw Ciel nod, but he didn't say anything. She looked at him with an eyebrow raised, "Are you okay, Ciel?"
"Huh?" Ciel said, "Um, yes. I'm fine."
"Oh," She replied, "Are you… having second thoughts…?"
"Huh?" Ciel said, surprised, "No, why do you ask?"
Seeing and hearing Ciel's response, Lizzy decided that hadn't been it and dropped that suspicion, "You just… I don't know, you seemed to not be paying attention."
Ciel shrugged, "I'm not one to really dress things up, that's all. If anything, Sebastian does that for me."
Behind them, Sebastian smiled smugly. Lizzy caught sight and smiled back, "Well, that's what he's there for."
She turned to look at Ciel, "But you are excited, right?"
Ciel paused, trying to think of the nicest way to say that he wasn't. It wasn't because he didn't like Lizzy. She was sweet and kind and somehow… he did believe that he felt love for her. But he wasn't thrilled about the wedding. It seemed like a hassle.
"I… am," He finally said, "I really just am not big on parties."
Lizzy nodded. Ciel was so good to be doing this. She knew he was doing it because she liked parties. She liked the hoopla and the thrill that parties provided her. He wasn't one to participate in parties. But he would do it for her. He would do so much for her.
Spying an open door ahead, she smiled. Playfully, she grabbed Ciel's hand and ran ahead, pulling him into the room and shutting the door behind them. Sebastian was, as a result, left outside, slightly confused as to what had sparked that. Inside, Ciel was just as confused when Lizzy hugged him and held him tightly. He couldn't remember when he had been so close to her. It couldn't have been since they were much younger and before they had entered the real stage of being a teenager. Whenever it was, Ciel stiffened and didn't move.
It took him a moment to even say her name, "Um… Lizzy?"
He swallowed. His comfort level was nowhere near where it should be. He began to realize something. She was a woman. She had changed and grown into a woman. Why was he thinking about this now? She was faithful, wonderful, caring… And she was a woman… And he was a man. They had grown up.
"Ciel," She said, "I love you."
She pulled away slightly, but was still inches away from his face. Ciel could feel himself blushing.
"I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you," she continued, "Do you love me, too?"
She wanted an honest answer and somehow, Ciel knew what it was. Whispering, though not looking at her, he told her how he felt, "I do, Lizzy. I really do."
Still, he was blushing incredibly. She laughed a bit, "You're still so cute, you know that?"
Ciel looked up at her and she smiled, "There's no one I'd rather be with. Create a family with…"
Suddenly, Ciel felt his comfort level go further out and into a ditch, "Huh?"
That's right. He was a man and she was a woman. And when a man and a woman got married, they would…She wrapped her arms around his neck and he felt his face going red, no longer a peachy blush.
"Are you… um…" Lizzy said, "Do you… the night of our wedding… after everything..."
Ciel swallowed hard, "Af… after… everything?"
He might not have ever been told about how people started families, had kids, but he knew about it. And there was something about it that made him dread the idea. The fact that most of the time, you weren't wearing anything…
"Yeah," she continued, feeling herself blush too, "Are you, were you… I mean, most people… do..."
She looked up at Ciel whose eyes were wide, "Oh, oh, no I'm sorry. I mean, people never talk about it, but… we know they… do…"
"I'm sorry," she continued, "I didn't mean to make this so awkward, but I… did you want to?"
Ciel felt himself shake at the prospect. She was so close. It wasn't that he didn't want a family or anything. It wasn't that he didn't love her or would want to do it with anyone else. But that…Taking off his clothes… That part of it was not something that he wanted to do. But he needed a better explanation than 'um, I don't like have anyone, well, see me'.
He secretly begged his brain to think of something! That or somehow have his brain relay a message to have Sebastian break the door off its hinges. But that would probably require an even longer explanation. And she was so close...! He wished she wasn't… It was too much for him to process, so he did the only thing he could think to do. He darted out from under her arms and out of her reach. Lizzy looked at him in surprise. Wha… why had he…? Had she been too forward or did he…? Her expression was what finally made him speak.
"I'm… I'm sorry, Lizzy. I…" He struggled for the words, "I'm just… I'm not that… comfortable with that… idea yet."
She looked hurt and he realized that wasn't the line to finish his reasoning on, "I'm… I'm so used to seeing you as… a real… fine, elegant lady… To even think… I've never thought about it like that. I've only thought about you. Not… something…"
He paused as the one ironic word found its way into his reasoning, "Physical…between us. Just you…you and me."
Ciel waited, wondering if he had gotten across a reason to avoid this. Lizzy finally, slowly nodded, and a tiny smile came to her face, though she seemed timid, "Was that… then… was I too…"
"No," Ciel said quickly, "That wasn't… that wasn't too forward at all. I… I really just hadn't thought about it and I was…surprised, that's all."
Lizzy nodded, "So… you don't have anything, against it?"
Ciel opened his mouth and closed it, searching for the words, "I… I'm… I just don't think I'd be ready for that. Not by then. I… I'm not adept, I guess at this sort of thing, Lizzy."
He looked down and Lizzy slowly walked over. She took his hand and he looked up to meet her gaze.
"I'm glad," She said.
And she had been. Really. She was touched that he hadn't thought of her as merely a way to get something like that. It let her know that he cared about her in a way that was honest. But it did slightly bother her that he still hadn't been ready for that five months later, that he hadn't even talked to her about it again. They did sleep in the same bed. Granted, they had clothing on, but really, it wasn't that different… It bothered her. She didn't know why, either, and it only served to further frustrate her as she couldn't pin point what it was about Ciel's behavior around her that was bothering her. She sighed and looked at her book. What was it? The pages turned slowly. But soon, they slowly refused to do even that…
Back in the master bedroom, the bathroom door was open a crack as Ciel felt the bath water with his hand. Just the right temperature. He glanced up at Sebastian, smirking.
"You didn't fail today," He said and he began to undress as Sebastian brought a stand over so that the Master would have a place to put his clothes.
"I never will," Sebastian said, bending down to undo the knots in Ciel's laced up shoes. Ciel finished taking off his jacket and his shirt and leaned against the tub as Sebastian pulled off the Earl's shoes. Ciel untied his eye patch and handed it to Sebastian.
"This needs to be washed," He told him.
"Would you like the white one then?"
"Yes, but you don't need to get it until I'm done with this," Ciel said.
Sebastian nodded and got up, heading towards the door, "I'll leave you then. That should last you a half hour."
Ciel nodded and watched the door close. Slowly, he opened his right eye and blinked a few times. Then he closed both of his eyes, removed the last of his clothes, and sunk himself into the tub. It was perfect.
Out of all the parts of the day, the one thing that he liked the most was when he could have a half hour to himself and let himself sink into a state of ease within the warm bubbles and bath salts. There were too many things that made him feel stressed throughout the day and he only got this chance once every other day to let it all wash away. He let himself drift off to another place. The only thing that could pull him out of it was hearing the door open. Inevitably he heard it do so, but he didn't open his eyes, instead he held out his hand and waited after the sound of footsteps had stopped. When he didn't feel anything being handed to him, he groaned, annoyed.
"Sebastian, don't you have my…" He didn't finish when he felt himself being slapped over the back of the head by a towel, "What the…"
He opened his left eye to see none other than Lizzy standing above him furious, "Sebastian?"
Ciel felt his stomach drop. Not only was his wife mad at him for a reason that was beyond him, but she had for the first time caught him bathing. He immediately pressed himself up against the tub, pulled his legs up, and shut his right eye tighter. Lizzy looked at him oddly, but then somehow, seeing him do this only added to her aggravation.
"Lizzy! I… I was expecting Sebastian," He managed.
"You are always expecting Sebastian," She told him, turning and grabbing another towel, a bigger one this time and holding it out, "But he's not here right now. I am."
"Well, I can see that," Ciel said and Lizzy wrinkled her face.
She briefly questioned why he wore an eye patch. His right eye looked fine. Maybe it had to do with something beneath the lid of his eye. Either way, it angered her even more that she was even wondering about something like this. One would have thought that he would have told her why he wore one.
"Get out, you'll catch a cold," She told him.
This was when Ciel's own annoyance came out, but also his own nervousness, "No! The water's warm and I'm not done."
"You're more than done. I saw your fingers wrinkled," Lizzy said, opening the towel, "Out!"
Ciel looked at the towel and then to Lizzy and then to the towel. No way was he getting out. No way.
"Lizzy, you're being ridiculous, I still have time," He argued.
Lizzy closed the towel and leaned over the edge of the tub, making Ciel extremely grateful for the suds that were still in the water.
"You were perfectly willing to get out when you thought I was Sebastian," She stated matter of factly and Ciel's mouth dropped.
"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked.
"Nothing," She said bitterly, standing up straight and turning away.
"Lizzy, he's our butler and he's a man," Ciel said, "He's taken care of me since I was ten, it's not like that wouldn't be unusual."
Lizzy wound back around, angry at him, "Oh, so you trust your butler more than you trust your wife?"
"No, no, I think it is!" She yelled, "What's next, the chef? The maid? Ciel, we're married! You don't let me help you or even voice your problems to me! You never talk to me about things that are bothering you! We don't even change in the same room! It's like being separated by a wall, one way or another…!"
"No, I'm not done!" She started to realize that what she had been feeling was beginning to form words, words she had to get out.
Yet she spoke slower this time, her voice trembling slightly, "I… I don't know what I did. If I did something…to make you act this way, I'm sorry. But I wish you'd tell me if I did. And if I didn't, I wish that you'd have more faith in me. I'm not a little girl anymore, Ciel. I can do more! I want to do more! More for you, more than just… being present. I… I really do love you. And I know you say that you love me, but I…"
Ciel watched her turn off to the side as Lizzy brought a hand to her cheek, "I don't feel like you want to trust me."
There was silence between the two of them for a moment. Neither said a word. It was out. That was it. It's how she had been feeling all along. She was upset that out of everyone there, she was the one that Ciel seemed to never want to trust with anything. Ciel didn't know what to say and Lizzy didn't know if even the lingering words were getting through to him. Finally, she sighed.
"I… I'm sorry, Ciel. I just… I just want you to trust me more," Lizzy told him, "I'm sorry."
Lizzy began to walk towards the door and Ciel turned his head and watched her, though his back never moved. As she reached it, the door opened and Lizzy and Sebastian met. Lizzy looked down and away, passing the butler. Sebastian looked between her and Ciel. Ciel caught his gaze and turned away from him. The butler came over slowly, placing a clean set of clothes for the evening off to the side.
"May I ask if something happened with you and Lady Elizabeth?" He inquired.
Ciel only leaned forward and rested his forehead on his kneecap, groaning slightly, his wet hair clinging to his knee. As the water lapped against his Master, Sebastian could see something, ever so slightly coming out of the water on Ciel's skin. He sighed, in a way that was hardly noticeable, and went to get the towels. Goosebumps raised around Ciel as he sat there, the cold finally affecting him.
In the master bedroom, Lizzy changed in the closet, trying not to tear up. She angrily found a gown and changed into it, getting ready for bed. It didn't take her too long and she decided to just leave her dress there. She was too upset to put it away properly. She exited the closet and went to her dresser, quickly removing her jewelry and putting her hair down. Her blonde curls hung loosely around her as she looked at her plain self in the mirror.
What was it? What was it about her? Why didn't Ciel trust her? Why…
She knelt down and rested her head on the dresser, covering her head with her arms. Silently, the tears came and trickled down her face. She shook her head and breathed in, hoping to stifle her sobs. She wiped her tears and walked back to the closet, deciding to put her dress away. She shouldn't be so careless… It took her only a few moments and she soon finished and went back into the bedroom.
On the opposite side of the door to the bathroom, Ciel let out a breath as Sebastian finished tying his eye patch tightly behind his head. He was staring at the door to the bedroom. Though he didn't say anything, Sebastian could tell that Ciel was worried about something, probably, no - undoubtedly, Lady Elizabeth.
"Sebastian," He finally said, breaking the silence, "Could you please use the back exit."
By back exit, Sebastian and Ciel both understood that Sebastian was not to go into the bedroom. Rather, the window was another perfectly good route to go. Sebastian sighed.
"Yes, my Lord."
With that, he left in an instance and Ciel was left alone. He gradually walked towards the door. Tentatively, his hand reached for the handle to the door. On the other side, Lizzy found herself stuck in place. She was still upset. Still hurt. But what could she do? There wasn't anything that she could do, there wasn't any… She felt someone wrap their arms around her and she lifted her head up. To her side, Lizzy could see Ciel's head, his eye patch towards her.
"I… I never meant to hurt you. Really. I didn't know you felt that way," Ciel said slowly.
Lizzy felt Ciel bend his head against her shoulder, "Please, I… I never have kept anything from you because I didn't trust you. I'm… slow."
"I sometimes, sometimes feel like its better not to say anything. Not because of issues with trust, but because I don't want people, anyone, you, to hurt. I'm not someone that brings good things, Lizzy. I never have been. No matter what I do. So all I was hoping to do was, spare you that. I suppose all I did was end up hurting you after all," Ciel finished, "I'm sorry. Really. I'm really sorry."
The whole time, Lizzy could feel Ciel move with every word. His breath, his hold on her… She turned to face him and pushed a bang out of his face, looking up at him slightly. She rested her head against his forehead.
"Ciel, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me," She whispered, "How can you say that you never bring good things, when you've brought me so many?"
Ciel closed his eye and Lizzy brought a hand up to his face. Brushing passed his bangs, Lizzy pressed her lips to his and his eye opened briefly, surprised. But as he noticed that this wasn't brief, that she wasn't pulling away, or giving him this as a quick 'feel better' kiss, he closed his eye and let her kiss him. And then slowly, he gently kissed her back. She thought he was something good? How he wished… How he wished that he could be. Maybe right now, that was what he was trying to be… Please… if only this once, let him be…
They parted and came back to where they had been previously. Lizzy had a small smile on her face.
"Ciel… please believe, know that I am there for you," She said softly, "I am."
After a moment, Ciel gave a small nod. She found his hand and gave it a quick squeeze, but he surprised her when he pulled her into a gentle hug. They didn't say anything. It was quiet and the only sounds came from the frame of the manor. Soon, Ciel let her part and he looked to the side.
"Do you, want to go to bed now?" He asked.
Lizzy nodded and they both headed to opposite sides of the bed. There were several blankets left on, but neither bothered to move them. Whether or not it would be cold that night remained questionable considering this time of the year. Lizzy blew out the candles on her side and let her eyes close. Ciel did the same and rested facing her. Lizzy looked to her left and watched as Ciel let himself drift off to sleep. For a while, they both remained undisturbed.
To Lizzy's unfortunately dismay, it was a bit hot this night. Her eyes remained open, even though they were heavy. She had been crying, why couldn't her eyes ignore the temperature for once and just let her sleep? They were already heavy… She glanced over to Ciel to see that he had moved onto his back. She waited a moment to determine if he was still asleep or not. She figured that he was, considering that he wasn't opening his eye or making any movements that would have indicated that he was awake. Though, despite his unconscious state, he seemed to be just as disgruntled with the heat, too.
She saw him pushing against the covers. She didn't mind. She actually found it a little on the cute side. Ciel, while he had grown, was still only an inch or so taller than her and his frame was still thin compared to most. He would never get rid of that child-like face of his, though. The corners of her mouth raised as she saw Ciel roll so that his back was facing her and rather the door instead. Sighing, Lizzy got up and pulled some of the blankets off. Ciel obviously wasn't waking up to do it himself. She got back down under the sheets and lied down facing him, his back still to her. Ciel shrugged his shoulders up and down. Lizzy noted that he was beginning to scoot himself down to the blankets. Maybe she had taken off one too many?
She blinked as her vision continued to adjust to the dark. She was about to go to put a blanket back on when she saw something. It was right beneath Ciel's shirt line, which had moved up considerably as he had scooted down. It was now near the center of his chest, almost the middle of his rib cage. Was it a stray thread? She moved over slowly to get it for him and stretched out her fingers towards the left part of his back to get it. But she didn't feel anything dangling. It was closer to him, on him?
Lizzy hoped that her hands weren't cold. No, they shouldn't be cold. She leaned a little farther forward when she felt for the string… and touched him, hoping to find its end…. But that wasn't what she felt. Lizzy's eyes widened. There was nothing there. Nothing, but Ciel. And that wasn't a stray strand of string. No. It wasn't even part of his shirt. It was under his shirt, on him… Lizzy felt herself holding her breathe. What… what was… She checked to see that she hadn't woken him. He was still asleep.
Her eyes darted around. It was just them. She brushed a finger against it. It was Ciel. It was him, his skin. A worried frown crossed her face. It felt like scarred, horribly scarred skin, obviously healed over time, yet it still was rough. But what was worse was that it seemed to have a rounded edge. Lizzy shut her eyes, knowing that she shouldn't intrude, but… what…
"Ciel…" She whispered.
There was no answer.
Slowly she scooted closer to him. Being as subtle and as gentle as she could, Lizzy bit by bit pushed Ciel's shirt up. What she found made her stomach drop. There was more scarred skin, but it wasn't only scarred. It was an embellishment. A design. Suddenly, Lizzy felt that she had found something. Something that Ciel didn't want people to know about. Did he… he had been keeping this from her. When had this happened? What could have possibly… She rattled her brain. She knew that Ciel served the Queen, but she never thought he would get something like this. Even then, the mark was not something that she thought the Queen would give or even make him get. She was not that kind of ruler. So where…
When he was gone. The only time. That one and only time that he never talked about. How naïve she was. How could she have missed… Somehow though, she could gather that a lot of people had missed it. Certainly, her mother wouldn't know if he didn't want her to. Her mother wasn't concerned about that. Anyone…?
And then it hit her. Sebastian probably knew. Taking care of Ciel since he was ten. Sebastian had to know, if no one else. It was inevitable. No wonder. No wonder Ciel trusted Sebastian. Sebastian was smart enough to never speak of it. He kept secret what Ciel wanted kept secret. That butler, silent.
But only Sebastian. Only one other person knew. This really was something that Ciel had to have kept to himself and himself alone. And why should he share it? What kind of lack of trust must have come from getting something so… awful… done to you? It's then that she realized her own feelings about the matter. She was worried. He hadn't wanted her to worry…
"Ciel…" She whispered again.
She let his shirt drop and she moved closer. Without much movement, she pulled her arm up and held his shoulder. She held him tightly. All they did was breathe. Ciel didn't even seem to notice. But she felt better, holding him. He had been right. She did worry. She couldn't deny it. It wasn't something she even wanted to deny… But thinking it over, she decided not to tell him, unless the time was right, that she had found out. It would let him stay at ease. And she really wanted him to stay at ease…
Maybe, this was how she did something for him. She was there. She thought about him, cared for him. Lizzy felt Ciel move.
"Lizzy?" Ciel raised his head and looked over at her, "You okay?"
Lizzy smiled gently, "Yes, I am."
Ciel looked at her oddly, wondering why she was still holding him as she was, but he didn't dwell on it long. It wasn't unusual for her to hug him anyway.
"Oh, okay," He said, "Well, good night."
Ciel rested back on the bed again. For a moment, Lizzy paused. He was so good to her. She loved him for it. Loving him was easy. Caring for him, even more so. So she would. She always would.
"Good night, Ciel," Lizzy whispered back softly and she closed her eyes, this time, to drift off and dream.
A/N: So? Did you like it! Please review! I hope you enjoyed it! As I said earlier, Lizzy has definitely grown up since the time frame of the manga. I wanted her to still hold qualities from her younger self, such as her love for parties and frills, but at the same time, matured and reigned herself in a bit. She's not my favorite character in the series (Sebastian is… or Ciel, depending on my mood, which is probably not surprising), though I always thought she was a good balance for Ciel. But wow, this thing was long. I haven't written something this long in ages. –shrugs- Goes to show how much I enjoy the series I suppose. Anyway, again, thank you so much for reading and I hope you liked it! Stay awesome! Later!