Two Years Ago
"Mark," Addison placed a hand on his forearm gently. "Mark, I'm sorry..."
"Why do you want this?" He demanded, cupping her face in his hands. "Addie, we could - "
"We couldn't," she shook her head sadly. "I'm sorry, but it's done."
Mark stared at her, and then threw the onesie down on the bed. "Fine," he spat, "it's your body, you do what you want."
He then picked up his coat off the floor and and shrugged it on his broad shoulders. "Have a nice life Addison," he mumbled, striding out the door and slamming it with a bang.
Addison pressed her lips together, feeling the tears well up. It wasn't supposed to be like this, all hard and messy. She wanted a baby, she did... But she couldn't have Mark's. No matter how insane it may seem, she was still clinging to the hope that her and Derek would patch things up and be together again. And there was no way that would work if she kept this baby.
What would she say? "Hi honey, I banged your best friend in our bed and now I'm having his baby, hope you're okay with that!"
Didn't think so.
The date was set for Wednesday, tomorrow morning. It was a good OB, she knew her through work and Addison trusted her to be discrete. She didn't want anyone else to know, the last thing she needed was for every person in New York to know that she aborted Mark Sloane's baby.
It was sad, she thought. She wanted a baby so much... She was a baby doctor! But she wanted a baby with Derek... At least she thought she did. She remembered the feeling that she'd had in the few years after her wedding to Derek. That feeling where you just knew you were going to last forever. But lately it was gone, and so was Derek.
He was absent, is what he was. Absent and cold and distant... And Mark was there. She probably knew him better than Derek at this point, the result of many late night talks. She knew about his childhood pets, his parents, how his favourite smell was petrol...
Ask her what Derek's favourite smell was and she'd have to pass.
Placing a hand across her still taut abdomen, she thought of the baby. Her baby. A little life that she would create and carry and nurse. She just imagined having that baby placed in her arms and feeling it's warm body and milky baby smell, and she could feel herself melt a little bit.
She could handle a baby, of that she was sure. She was one of the best OB/GYN surgeons in the world, saving babies was her job. Having her own couldn't be that hard, could it? But then there was Mark, and Addison wasn't sure what to do about him.
He'd be a horrible father. He'd forget birthdays and he'd say inappropriate things and generally be a let down... Something Addison didn't want for her child. Growing up with an absent, adultering father was not something she wanted any other child to have to go through.
She knew was a little in love with Mark. And if she let herself, she'd be head over heels before she knew it, and she wasn't going to fall like that unless she was sure he'd be there to catch her.
Shaking her head, she changed into a big pajama T-shirt - Mark's - and lay her head down on the pillow, sighing. She didn't want to the finality of an abortion, but she didn't necessarily want to lose her baby. It was so...complicated.
Pushing all thoughts of babies and daddies and little booties out of her mind, she fell asleep, hand resting over her baby.
"Addison!" Mark called, knocking on the door. "Addie, let me in!"
"What?" She asked, hair messy and eyes blazing. It was five thirty in the morning, and here he was banging the door down?
"Addie, I'm sorry," he begged. "I know I've not done right by you, and I know that's why you don't think I can be a dad... But I can. I've got the clothes sorted," he smiled, and she remembered the onesie that had been clasped in her hands all night, "and look," he held up a calendar. "Addie, our baby has a birthday!"
Addison was shocked, and confused, and ecstatic all at the same time. "Mark..." She said slowly, peering at him intently. "Are you sure?"
"Positive," he held her hands in his. "Addie, I'll be committed, I'll do weekend barbecues, I'll get the kid a dog and play ball with them. We could have a family, Addison." The look in his eyes was so hopeful and innocent that Addison had to restrain herself from throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him right there.
"That sounds...perfect," she murmured, imagining all the things he'd promised her. He was painting a pretty picture.
"Perfect. Me and you, and the baby," he pulled her close and placed his warm hand over her belly. "It's in there, Addison. And it's ours."
She couldn't help but want to cry. This was what she wanted, a stable guy to do all those things and to hold her and love her and be there. She'd always assumed that that had to be Derek, and for it to be anyone else was absurd. But maybe...maybe Mark could be her guy.
She knew keeping this baby would spell a definite end for her and Derek. They would no longer be a 'them', they'd be a nothing. But her and Mark could be a them, with a beautiful baby to match. "Okay," she murmured, leaning further into his embrace.
"Okay?" Mark repeated, looking into her eyes.
"Okay!" She said happily, throwing her arms around him, kissing him. "Lets have a baby!"
"Addison, I meant what I said," he kissed her ear. "I'm going to commit to you."
"Good," she smiled, holding him close. "If we can work, Mark, we'll be great," she said into his neck.
"And this kid is going to be hot," he grinned, making her smile. He kissed her again, deeper, and picked her so that her ankles were locked over his hips. And he stumbled with her to the bedroom, a thought suddenly struck her.
"I have to make a phone call," she remembered suddenly. "A really important phone call."
Mark stopped kissing her neck, and smiled his megawatt grin that made her warm all the way to her tiptoes. "Then," he kissed her nose affectionately, "go and make it."
She kissed him once more, long and drawn out. Then she skipped to the phone. "Hi, this is Addison Montgomery," she said coolly. "I need to cancel my appointment with Dr Branson. Okay, thank you. Bye."
There is was. In a few short words down the telephone she'd shaped her whole future, and she couldn't be happier. She went back to Mark with a spring in her step. To her disappointment, however, he was getting dressed when she entered. "What are you doing?" She purred, kissing his sensitive spot behind his ear.
"Hospital," he held up his pager. "Gotta go," he kissed her quickly, buttoning his shirt. "I'll be back baby," he murmured, cupping her behind and pulling her close to him. "So wait up for me."
"It's morning," she pointed out.
"So wait all day," he suggested, rushing out of the door.
Addison did wait most of the day. But about four she got tired of waiting - she was off that day, as she was supposed to be having the abortion - and decided to go and visit Mark at work. After all, he was her baby's daddy, so she was allowed to do stuff like that.
She skipped down the hall in her heels, smiling at the nurses and other doctor's as she went. She wondered how they would react when they found out... Mark Sloane settling down? Never! She smiled to herself as she realised she would be known as the woman who changed him.
But as she got to his office, she thought she heard a giggled from inside. A distinctly female giggle. Cautiously, praying to be wrong, she tried to open the handle. "Busy!" She heard him call breathily, accompanied by another girlish squeal. "Be done in... Soon, at this rate!" There was a proper laugh and the sound of a desk being scraped across the floor.
Addison was speechless and hurt and angry... So many emotion were flooding her system, and she thought she was going to explode with frustration. She seriously considered grabbing a chair and hurling through the glass, then stepping in and tearing both of their hair out.
But she was the ever cool, ever calm Dr Montgomery. She was not going to lose it.
So tactfully she spun on her heel and walked away, hoping that no one had been paying too much attention. It wasn't until she was safely locked away in the car before she let herself burst into noisy, hurt sobs. How could he do this? They were having a baby, creating a life?
She tried to stop crying, she did... But she couldn't. Her marriage was over, she was pregnant from the affair and now the dad was doing a scrub nurse. Her life was in ruins. And aborting the one potentially bright spot was not going to do anyone any good.
It was then that she made her choice. She drove, still crying, to the Brownstone and threw her essentials into all her suitcases, and packed the rest into some old storage boxes. Then she placed them in the back of her car and drove, to a hotel.
She was done with Mark, with good looks and excellent hands and charming ways. She wouldn't fall like every other girl, not again. She was going to stay out of it.
She'd left Mark a quick note on the counter and she anxiously waited the whole evening for him to find it. It was until eleven thirty that her phone began to buzz. She took a deep breath and answered. "Hello, Mark," she said coolly.
"Addison, what the hell?" He exploded. "You're leaving?"
"Yes, I am," she told him, smoothing a hand over her stomach.
"You can't take my baby!" He protested, and she had to think fast. She blurted out the first thing that came into her head.
"I...aborted the baby," she told him. "I saw you," her eyes welled up with hurt, "at your office today. With her."
"W-what?" Mark stammered, not knowing that she'd seen that.
"You can't be a dad," she cried, clutching the phone so tightly she was sure it was indenting on her skin. "And I can't be with you. There's no baby, Mark. And now there's no me." With a last sob, she hung up.
He didn't call back.
Addison handed her daughter some mushed up peas in a pot and smiled as she rubbed them over her face almost instantaneously. "Amy," she cooed, kissing the just over one year old's angelic face. "That's for dinner, sweetheart."
Amy giggled and continued to smush food on her and her awaiting mother. Addison giggled along with her daughter, tickling her baby tummy. She loved her daughter so so much, and wouldn't have traded anything for the life she had now. Seattle was actually a good place to raise a baby.
For a while after she'd left, Addison had been a little lost. She taken holiday time from work, and day by day she grown bigger and bigger. It wasn't until she hit the fourth month mark that she realised she needed to form a plan.
Then Richard called for a consult, then he offered her a job... And one thing led to another. Before she knew it Amy was born and she was living quite happily in a three bed two bath house in Seattle, working at good ol' Seattle Grace.
Running OB/GYN department was still demanding, sure, but it being the baby specialty meant she could have her daughter at work almost whenever wanted, which was a lot. And that meant many happy memories with her little girl.
Just as Amy was done putting peas in Addison's eyebrows the doorbell rang. Addison hurriedly wiped the green goop away with a towel and opened the door, expecting a salesman or an intern or whoever... Not this. Not him.
"Mark..." She stuttered, mouth an 'o' of surprise. "What are you doing here?"
"I've been working up the courage to come here," he revealed, his chiselled jaw and rugged good looks making Addison swoon a little. "And now I have, and I want to say sorry, and I want to - "
Mark apology monologue was interrupted by a gurgle from inside the kitchen, then a baby giggle. Sighing heavily, Addison took a step back and let Mark enter and see Amy. He looked to Addison, to the baby, and then at himself in the mirror.
"Oh, Addison..." He murmured, staring her down. "You've got some explaining to do."
A/N: This is my first Grey's fic so be nice and review! I'm not sure if I'm going to continue or not so feedback is appreciated! Review me :) x