Author's Note: Hey guys this is my first one shot for CSI Miami. I hope you like it. Please Review.
For once in my life I just wanted to feel loved, not used for my body. I just wanted to feel secure in life, not vulnerable. From the many people I have dated, I must admit Horatio has got to be the only one who has truly cared for me. He was always there for me, whether it was 1 am or 5 pm.
I remember the day when my abuela died and I literally just couldn't get out of bed. For days I stayed in bed, missing work. Did you know that I had to lie and say I had pneumonia? It took about a week for me to realize that I had to go to work or people would get suspicious. The first day going back to work was painful, I had no interest in my job anymore, and I couldn't stand seeing death anymore. Death had taken away my abueala the one lady I loved more than life. She taught me everything I knew. I was becoming a shell of my old self. As my depression deepened, I became more and more distant. I rarely smiled anymore even if something was very funny. I found it harder to even talk to my team. They were worried about me, but I pretended not to notice. I knew I needed help when I "accidentally" O.D. on oxycotin. I lied to doctors and nurses saying, I wasn't paying any attention that night. As hard as it to believe me, they did. Horatio knew I lied when I made up a story to explain why I was in the hospital, but he kept his mouth shut.
The next time I landed myself into the hospital, the knife had 'slipped' when I was cutting vegetables. That time instead of me calling him, he came to the hospital (unannounced) and checked me out. I was confused, why would he check me out, even though he had work. The first thing he told me when we got in the car was, "I know." No matter how much I denied trying to commit suicide he shook his head. I gave up, shameful tears came out my eyes (much to my dismay) I couldn't hide it anymore. I tried to commit suicide and almost succeeded. There had to be something wrong if I tried twice. He put an arm around my shoulder and told me it was going to be okay. He decided that I would be under his supervision until I did start to improve. I improved slowly, and I eventually started to feel like my old self again.
Horatio was supportive of me even when I wasn't of myself. He encouraged me every step of the way.
I thank him for that and always will.
Now it's been almost a year since my suicide attempt, and I'm glad to say I couldn't feel any better. When things too hard for me, now I know I do have someone to talk to. My relationship with H, has improved greatly, better than I thought. We even started dating; it's complicated to explain really. One thing led to another and here we are. I found comfort in him, which made me, developed feelings for him... They were feelings that sometimes I can't even explain. The guy that was once just my boss was now so much more to me.
Our relationship is complex, we are kind of dating but then we go back into that friend mode. I love him but I'm not even sure he loves me. I know he has feelings for me, but are they genuine like mine for him? Are my feelings genuine? All these questions with no answer.
So when we were watching a movie I decided to make my move.
"Do you love me?" I blurted out. I made sure not to look at him, so it would look as if the question was nonchalant.
H cocked his head without looking at me replied back slowly.
"Do you love me?"
"I-I-I asked you first."
"I asked you second."
"Well, I don't know. That's why I asked you."
"Well, do you?"
"Yeah I do."
I turned to him and gave him a hug. I buried my head into his neck and breathed in the smell of his cologne. He turned and gave me a short kiss one I returned eagerly. I looked him directly in the eye and breathed out, "I love you too." He smiled and gave me another kiss. It felt so good to be loved by a person, genuinely for once.
A week has passed since he told me he loved me. But are we friends or more than friends? I'd hate for this relationship to be one-sided. Today Horatio was going to pick me up for work. Maybe today I'll ask him.
The car ride was silent until I opened my mouth.
"Are we friends or more than friends?" I asked him. He looked at me and looked back at the road.
"What ever you want us to be." he answered coolly.
"I'm going to be honest okay?"
"I want us to be more than friends. I love you and I couldn't imagine not being with you." I finished. That was so corny.
Horatio glanced at me and said softly, "Me either."
I think he may just be the one.
The one who made me feel as if I had the whole world in my hand.