Disclaimer: As much as I wish I owned Glee so that I could make Kurt and Puck get it on, sadly, I don't.
A/N: This is my first Glee fic. I'm going to take some liberties and change some things around. For example, Burt and Carole are going to be dating, but Finn and his mom will not move in with the Hummel's. Just a heads up; it's rated M for things that will happen later on. There will be slash, so if you don't like, don't read. There is also be some pretty strong language and some offensive names like 'fag'.
I really hope you like it! :)
When I get mad
And I get pissed
I grab my pen
And I write out a list
Of all the people
That won't be missed
You've made my shitlist
"Shitlist" by L7
"You don't honestly expect me to drink that, do you? Because if the answer is yes, then you are sadly mistaken and more than a little delusional." Kurt Hummel looked back at the sheet music that was in his hands, still trying to comprehend how in the world Rachel had managed, once again, to snag the solo.
But Noah Puckerman didn't like being rejected.
"Just drink the damn slushie, will you?" Puck growled, shoving a large, grape-flavored drink dangerously close Kurt's face, making him flinch back. The idea of another slushie-facial from Puck terrified him. He didn't need anything to hurt his delicate skin.
"And what, may I ask, did you do to it?" Kurt asked, regaining his composure. " I'm not stupid, Puck. If anything, I like to believe my intelligence level is many times above yours. So why do want me to drink this slushie so badly?"
Puck, who seemed to be getting more and more frustrated, brought a hand to his mohawk and pulled at the short hair. He glanced around to make sure that nobody would see him sitting next to the fag and think he was going soft and then sat down in the music room, his back to the door.
"Look gay boy –"
"Really? Gay boy? That's the best you can come up with?" Kurt threw back in Puck's face. He knew he was gay, he didn't need to be constantly reminded of it by big headed jocks like Noah Puckerman. He wasn't very likely to forget it.
"Shut up and listen. I'd much rather take this slushie and pour it over your fucking head, but Quinn said that if I want to have anything to do with the baby – our baby – I had to make an effort to show her how I was 'changing' or being nice or some shit like that. So just take the slushie and fucking enjoy the fact that I didn't throw it on you," Puck finished slamming the cup down.
A sly smile spread over the young countertenor's face as he understood the situation. In his mind, Quinn may now be a completely horrible person who deserved no sympathy because of the way she shredded Finn's heart, and he may not like the blonde, but the way Kurt disliked Quinn didn't even compare to the way he hated the God-awful, probably mentally retarded barbarian sitting beside him right now. So Quinn wanted Puck to play nice? There was no way Kurt was going to miss out on this opportunity to get back at him for all the Hell he'd been put through by the football player in the past.
Dropping the smile, and hoping the jock hadn't noticed anything too suspicious, Kurt put on a look of superiority and innocence. "Language, Neanderthal, language. That may be your primal instinct, but some of us are a little more evolved."
Kurt just had to stall for a few minutes until the final bell rang. He knew Quinn would show up to get her school bag that she wasn't able to lug around all day because of the baby. Then he could finally get back a little bit of his dignity from the self-proclaimed 'stud' named Noah Puckerman. He had a feeling that people were right when they said that revenge was a dish best served cold.
"So tell me Puck. How does one such as yourself go from being such an insufferable jock to being as whipped as a cart horse?" He could tell his prodding was already starting to get to Puck. The angry vein bulging in his neck was visible and his entire face was turning a light pink.
The bell finally rang while Puck was saying, "Shut the hell up, Hummel."
Even though his fists were clenched, Kurt wasn't too worried. Quinn would be here any second. And he knew that Mohawk couldn't do anything to hurt him with Preggo Barbie around.
"Oooh, hit a nerve, did I? I was just pointing out the obvious. I never thought a cheerleader would be able to tame the wild stud that you've always claimed to be." As he said this, Kurt saw a floral dress and a head of blonde hair appear just outside the door, stopping to talk to Santana. Now was his chance to finally get back at Puck. He was feeling uncharacteristically brave right now.
"Seems to me like you're losing your touch."
He stood up, for once in his life taller than the mohawked boy. Before he even realized that he was doing it, he took the offered drink out of Pucks hands – "thanks for the slushie, Puck." – and was dropping it on the jerk who was still sitting.
Puck didn't even have time to understand what had happened. There was a sharp intake of breath followed by a slow and quiet "What the fuck…?" and then Kurt, being the diva that he was, warned Puck "You're on my Shit List," before turning and walking towards the blonde girl standing in the doorway to the music room.
"Oh, hello there, Quinn. Santana. Puck just offered me a slushie. One that actually wasn't thrown in my face. Isn't that just the nicest thing? He's such a changed person. But then he had an accident. Clumsy, isn't he?"
Kurt , who was being both overly friendly and extremely sarcastic, could tell that both Quinn and Santana were confused. Puck on the other hand just looked pissed. Obviously he now understood what had just gone down. He also realized that he couldn't do a single thing about it without appearing like the arrogant jerk that he was trying to prove to Quinn he wasn't. His fists were clenched and the look on his face made Kurt a little scared.
'Now would probably be the time to get of here' Kurt thought to himself. He didn't want to tempt fate too much. But he still couldn't help smarting off to Puck as he walked out of the music room.
"Ciao, Puck. Hope that slushie comes out alright."
Kurt had a little more swing in his narrow hips (that were currently sporting Hugo Boss dress pants) as he walked through the nearly empty halls and into the parking lot. The look on Puck's face… Well, that was just priceless. He doubted if anyone had ever pulled such a stunt with the star football player and gotten away without being beaten to a bloody pulp.
Starting up his baby, he plugged his iPod into the dock and was serenaded by one of his favorite songs from one of his favorite movies. He always felt that he would be a perfect fit for the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Kurt knew all the words and sang along, perfectly.
I was feeling done in, couldn't win
I'd only ever kissed before.
I thought there's no use getting into heavy petting
It only leads to trouble and seat wetting...
The song went on, Susan Sarandon singing to the hunky blonde. Just as he was pulling up to his house, he belted out the final stanza of the song.
Touch-a, touch-a, touch-a, touch me, I wanna be dirty!
Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me,
Creature of the night!
That song just spoke to him. Sometimes when he was sitting in his room alone, he liked to go over that scene from the movie in his head. Only, he was playing the part of Janet and Finn, of course, was the gorgeous Rocky. He'd gotten extremely good at picturing Finn in Rocky's skimpy gold attire. And he enjoyed it quite a lot.
Still on his Rocky Horror/Finn induced high, Kurt let himself into his house and sashayed down the stairs into his basement bedroom.
Today had ended pretty perfectly. Noah Puckerman covered in grape slushie… Kurt sat on his bed, smiling and making sure not to wrinkle his Armani top.
Noah Puckerman… Covered in grape slushie… Slowly, his smile began to fade away.
He had dropped a slushie on Puck… The guy who thought it was funny to see Kurt thrown into a dumpster every morning before school.
The guy who had, for as long as Kurt had lived in Lima, made his life a living Hell.
Kurt's jaw slowly dropped open.
"Oh. My. God."
Suddenly, the blissful feelings from before were gone and the confidence that Kurt had gained when seeing Puck's pants stained purple was rapidly deteriorating.
There were definitely going to be consequences for the stunt he had pulled, Quinn or no Quinn. Kurt was starting to worry now which was causing him to sweat in very uncomfortable places; something that was not good for his beautiful pores.
But Kurt couldn't even force himself to rush to his bathroom to stop the abomination that could ruin his skin. There was only one thing he could think of to do. He reached under his bed and pulled out some of the lilac stationary he kept for when he needed to brainstorm ideas for Glee Club and started to write down his last will and testament.
Because Kurt Hummel was very sure he was not going to make it through tomorrow alive.
A/N: What'd ya think? The song that Kurt sang was 'Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me' from Rocky Horror Picture Show. I figured our virginal Kurt would appreciate this song ;)