Never Coming Back

Peter being dead hurt a lot a few weeks later than when I first found out. I didn't want to call myself numb because that called on the words weakness and stupidity. But I guess I was more than numb during the case in Florida. No wonder I did such a good job in convincing that my mother wasn't the whore they thought she was.

I was no longer having civilized conversations with my mother or Joe. The truth wasn't known in the household so there wasn't any point in what mattered at what they said. Joe is a greedy man and mom is just cruel and terrible.

Joe's mom died a few days ago, as cruel as it sounds, it was the happiest day of my life. She was mean and evil and the crabbiest woman I'd ever met. Joe's been sulking and drinking a whole lot, so I had more time to have to myself.

Margie and I aren't friends anymore but at the moment. Mrs. Grayson is my best friend. We go shopping a lot and we actually have fun. The best part is, Mrs. Grayson treats me just like another adult. That makes me feel real special.

Every night, when I go to sleep, and my mother tries to come in and give me a goodnight kiss (which I dodge), I wonder to myself if everything would've been different if I'd never been born. Peter wouldn't have had to deal with me as a burden to get to my mother. And my mother wouldn't have hurt me so much by taking away the only boy –man –I've ever loved. It seems like a foreign language when you think about death. And I truly want to understand how to cope and forget about it. It hurt thinking about him being dead. About how much I wished he was alive so I can scream at him for doing this to me. Then he would call me pussycat and take me in his arms. I momentarily smile at these sorts of wild imaginations but reality hits me like a bullet and reminds me that it's never going to happen.

He's never coming back.

I start crying so hard about everything that had happened.

Peter is gone. He's gone!

I barely knew him, but it was like one of those obsessions you have on a movie star and wish that you were his girl. But you know it's not going to happen and your heart clenches painfully…you cry.

Somehow I felt as thought death was another thing altogether. Mrs. Grayson pointed out one afternoon that I might as well me thanatophobic or something of the sort. Maybe I am. I don't know.

All I wanted was Peter to be alive.

It just would never come true.

A/N: super short. I know. REVIEW!