Well, it has been quite a while since I posted anything new. I hadn't intended on posting something dark like this, but the day wasn't exactly easy, and this was the result. I hope you guys enjoy it, as always, reviews are much loved.
P.S. Forgive me if there are grammar/spelling mistakes, I did a once over myself but I probably didn't catch everything.
Warnings: Sex and angst I think about covers it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
It was wrong to do this to him. All he had ever done was protect her. Tried to give her the life he felt she should live. But she didn't want any of it. All she wanted was him. She knew he'd never understand that all the little things he did made her glow with joy. Joy that he was hers. She was the last thing he had left, she knew it, and she couldn't deny the pleasurable feeling it sent through her every time she consciously acknowledged that fact.
So how could she be doing this to him? Her best friend, the only love in her life? How could she do this to him?
She knew the answer. She'd like to lay all the blame on herself, but she knew that wasn't true. She knew he had his part to play in this twisted dance. It took two to play this game, this sick, twisted game. She hated it just as much as she craved it. And love? She didn't know if she loved it or not. But she did love him.
She crept up into his home, using all of her kunoichi stealth to avoid waking the dogs. They would probably rouse soon, but one word from him and they would settle down. She did not fear them, nor the traps he had rigged to try and stop people like herself. But she knew, if he really didn't want her here then he would stop her. He was more than capable.
As she crouched on his bedroom window sill, she slipped out of her shoes, carefully laying them on the floor before maneuvering inside, her bare feet touching the thick carpet fibers. Still in a crouch, she shed her gear, her weapons and her medic kits until she stood in just her normal clothes before she rose up. She knew he was here. His essence lingered on the air, his scent that reminded her of the night wind, tinged with the taste of blood.
She didn't have to leave the room. He came to her, and she realized he'd been expecting her. He had stripped out of most of his uniform but his masked remained. She saw his hair was still slightly damp, and there was the faint hint of steam, and she realized he must have washed the blood from the day's fighting away. She realized he wasn't injured when his steps still came in his smooth, graceful way and he stopped just inside the doorway and she closed the gap between them.
"Kakashi." She whispered, looking up at him, looking into his one grey eye that was visible, his forehead protector still shielding Obito's eye. Every time she looked into that red orb, she was reminded of the pain, the fear, the guilt, everything that she and Kakashi had gone through after the Uchiha's death. And even as the days had gone by, the pain had worsened for Kakashi. She saw it day by day, and it killed her. And what killed her even more, even more than watching the man she loved in pain was the fact that despite his pain, just his presence could bring her joy.
She should have been trying to find a way to ease that pain. She should have been trying to find a way to fix it. To soothe his hurt so maybe life would return to his eye, that she would see him smile again. Instead, she only added to it. She hated herself for hurting him even more, for using him like this. But he had never said no. He had never turned her away. And he never would, and she knew she was the most horrible person in the world for abusing his promise to Obito like this. There was a small, but loud, part of her soul that reminded her that he too was getting something out of this. He also had a part in this horrible game that they were playing. She laid her hands on his chest and pushed his forehead protector away; reaching up to undo the knot so it fell and clattered to the floor.
"Rin." He breathed, looking down at her. His red eye glowed with the turmoil she knew was raging within him, and she almost pulled away. If she was any kind of friend, she would run, flee out the window and never look back, not until she could control herself. But if there had been any chance of that, it had vanished the first time she'd gone through with it, the first time she'd played the game.
Slowly she let her fingers caress his cheek until she reached the edge of the mask. Her fingers curled around it until finally she summoned the necessary selfishness needed and pulled it down.
She never got tired of seeing his face. The narrow, graceful jaw-line, his nose that was not to sharp nor to flat but just the right side and proportion to his face. His lips that were dry and thin but the only ones she had ever wanted to kiss. The smooth, pale skin that almost never saw the sunlight. She stroked the canvas on which such a beautiful face had been drawn before threading her hands into his silky silver hair.
He closed the gap this time and leaned down to kiss her. Like always, when the game started, he was gentle. He treated her like one might treat a porcelain doll. He handled her with such care and delicacy, it border lined on being reluctant. And she knew he was reluctant. And then the next phase of this horrible game would start. She would take him and break all his unwillingness, until he could no longer live without finishing. Until he needed her so much it wiped out his inhibitions, it silenced the part of Obito that dwelled within him, screaming at him to stop, that she was not Kakashi's, but his. That she always had been his, and Kakashi was unworthy to have her.
Carefully he cupped her cheek as his lips met hers. He kissed her gently and chastely, closing his eyes as he used both hands to hold her face, the edge of his long, graceful fingers threading into her short brown hair. She closed her eyes, feeling the sensation of his mouth on hers. It was not long before she arched up closer to him and applied more pressure, her tongue slowly slipping forward, begging him for entry.
At first he did not grant her access to his mouth. She heard him let slip a moan before biting it back. She knew it was a moan of pain. She knew he didn't really want this. That it caused him to hurt. The guilt slammed her like a sword to the chest, but she could not stop herself. Pure desperation filled her and she no longer waited for his consent. She thrust her tongue roughly into his mouth and inhaled the taste of his pain.
He groaned as she invaded his mouth, using her brief advantage to climb onto him, her legs wrapping around his hips to hold herself up as her hands clutched his face, holding him against her. The change in position forced him to wrap his arms around her.
His embrace was always cold. No matter the weather, or his body's condition when the game started, the feel of his arms against her back, her chest against his, it always caused her to shiver, but a thrill of excitement ran through her as well. Her body was also so hot. It raged with heat and longing, longing to make these terrible feelings cease. The ones that needed him, the ones that caused her to hurt him, the ones that didn't care that she hurt him, so long as he made her feel like she was alive. And so the game continued.
He carried her to the bed and carefully laid her on it, releasing her mouth in favor of kissing her neck and throat, his mouth working its way down towards her collarbone. He pulled the fabric aside with his hand in order to reach her sensitive spot before sucking hard, causing her to groan and thread her fingers into his hair again.
After a minute he sat up, being careful to keep his weight on his thighs rather than on her, he pulled his shirt off and tossed it to the floor. Her eyes fluttered open as she took in his body, his beaten, scarred body. The body that she loved. Immediately she ran her palms against the firm, cold flesh, reveling in how the muscles shifted and moved beneath her touch. He laid himself out against her, still keeping his weight off her slight frame as his mouth returned to work on her collarbone. She sucked in a sharp breath and the incredible sensation of being alive started to pump through her veins.
Now the game got faster, rougher. No longer did he treat her like she was a porcelain doll. She hated that she reduced him to this. That she would not allow him to be the way he probably would have, had he been allowed to be his natural self during this game. His natural self would have been gentle and slow, carefully arousing her, pleasing her, centering all of his attention on making her feel like she was no longer apart of this world, but a better one where only the two of them existed. Instead of that, she opted for this. A hard, fast, carnal need that she demanded he both create and satisfy. When she felt his teeth sink into her shoulder, she squirmed beneath him, her breath starting to come in sharper, faster pants.
He allowed to her to sit up long enough to remove her shirt and bra but then she was down again. He used his teeth on her sensitive nipples, causing her to gasp and her veins to flush with burning hot blood. But even as he continued to arouse her, his hands kneading her breast with the expertise of an experienced lover, even as his hips ground down on hers, letting her feel his cloth trapped erection, she could feel his pain. It radiated from him with every movement. If anybody had been in her place, they would not have known. They would have mistaken it for passion and need, but she knew. She knew because she knew how he really felt. She knew because she saw what his mask hid, both the physical and the mental one. The physical that hid his listless face, the mental that concealed the pain.
Her brain cried out at her to stop, even as his mouth worked down between her breasts and towards her toned stomach, leaving kisses and love bites as he went. A voice inside her mind screamed at her to stop, to cease torturing him like this. He looked up at her from his ministrations, and Obito's eye glowed hateful red. The silver seemed to bleed pain that was only visible to her. Self hatred rose up in her like a wreathe of flame and she pulled him forward again, forcing his mouth against hers.
They kissed feverishly while they each opened the other's pants and slid the clothing away, before pulling off each other's underwear. Naked and bear before each other, Rin allowed herself to only feel her overwhelming need. If she paid attention to any of the other things in her mind, she would bolt right now. Her selfishness refused to let her leave unsatisfied, even at the cost of Kakashi's pride.
Kakashi kissed her harder now, using his teeth to bite at her lips and tongue while his hands found their way to her hair, running through the chocolate brown strands before tugging slightly, causing a small wave of pain to go through her. She knew it was a reminder that he had not forgotten, that he knew why she was here. That it was not out of love, but out of need. She welcomed it. Anything he could throw at her to validate her self-hatred was welcome. She somehow felt slightly less guilty that way. That at least she felt horrible about what she was doing, and that she blamed herself and nothing else. But it wasn't going to stop her, and they both knew it.
He slid into her roughly and did not give her time to adjust before setting a hard rhythm. She clutched him as tight as she could, her nails causing lines of red to appear upon his back. Her legs came up to wrap around his hips even as he bore down on her, his teeth sinking into the flesh on her neck. Sweat broke out on his skin as she pressed her cheek against his and her hot breath flowed against his ear. He let out a strangled gasp at the sensation and thrust into her even harder.
The tension and the pleasure built between them and Rin's head fell backwards against the pillow as her back arched. This, this here is what she came for. This sensation of being so close she could taste the climax of her pleasure pouring over her in waves of sweat, but being just far enough away to keep from reaching it. She felt the pressure and the need rise to such a level she thought she would break in two before finally the tidal wave crashed. She cried out as the overload of pleasure flooded her veins and for the briefest amount of time, felt alive.
Kakashi too cried out, but his was laced with pain. Pain, sadness, and guilt. She felt his seed coat her insides, and as the waves of his pleasure rippled through him, she felt the cold on his body burn away in the wake of his climax's heat. She clutched his body now that it matched hers, forcing him against her even as they both heaved for air.
After a short span of time, Kakashi moved. He pulled out of her and retreated, gathering his clothes and redressing before pulling his mask up to hide his face again. Rin also sat up and watched him walk away.
She quickly dressed, moving a little slower than she had than when she'd first arrived. At first she used to sleep in Kakashi's bed, too tired to return to her own after their game. But the pain it caused Kakashi was just an insult to injury and so now she always left. She made to retreat to the window until she heard the softest of sounds coming from down the hall.
Carefully she crept down the hall and saw Kakashi sitting on the sofa in his living room, his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking in a rhythmic fashion, and she realized the sound she was hearing was sobbing. Pain welled up inside her and she was torn between moving forward and going back. Prior to this, the game had always finished when the pair of them broke the climatic pressure. As she sat watching him cry she didn't know if she could live with herself if she walked away now. But how was she supposed to comfort him when she caused him all of this pain?
She decided she had to try. It wasn't fair to Kakashi, that she got to use him like this and he gained nothing in return. She approached him and he quickly lifted his head, wiping his tears away.
"What is it?" he questioned quietly. Uncertainty laced his words.
"I…I'm sorry." She whispered softly. It sounded so empty, but she couldn't think of anything else to say. It meant so little in the face of the sheer agony she put him through, but what else could she do?
"Rin…it takes two." He said quietly. Gravity and somberness weighted down every word.
"To what?" she questioned. She knew he knew the answer, but she needed to hear him say it. Maybe she would never know what it was he got out of this, and maybe it wasn't her right to know. If Kakashi wanted to keep that a secret, he'd more than earned that. But more than anything, she needed to know that he still was aware of what this was. Of what it would always be.
"To play the game."
She rose from the couch. She said nothing merely left him sitting there, watching her as she beat a retreat towards home. She had her answer. He hadn't forgotten, that was the main thing.
It was a sick, twisted game they played, and neither of them ever won. Nobody ever won, and both of them would always lose. They would lose to each other, and they would lose to the game itself, unable to stop as it broke them to the barest pieces of their souls, the pieces that they hated most. Maybe one round and they would have been able to move beyond it, but no longer. They had played too much, and it owned them now. The insanity owned them, and playing the game was the only way to cope with it. They both had their reasons, but neither would ever win, or even draw. They both knew, as they each laid in their respective beds, that no matter what they would always lose. The question that remained was how much did they have left to give?