WAYS TO MAKE SNAPE GO CRAZY
A/N: Dumbledore, Snape, Sirius and Remus are not dead in this fic.
Disclaimer: I don't own it.
It was the start of the gang's final year at Hogwarts. Having missed last year to kill off old Voldie, Ginny was in the same year as Harry, Ron, Draco and Hermione. Life in the wizarding world had settled down now that old Voldie shorts was gone. However, Hermione's life that summer had been hell. Ever since her mum was killed by Bellatrix Lestrange during her horcrux hunt with the boys the previous year, her father had fallen into a deep depression. She only learnt of her mother's death after the war had ended and she went looking for them in Australia to return their memories. Upon locating her parents' home in Australia, she found only a shell of man that use to be her father. Although she explained everything to him that happened in the war, he was to broken to really process how involved his daughter had been in fighting old Voldie shorts. Shortly after returning her father's memories they decided to return home and try to move on with their lives as best they could.
Unfortunately, their old house seemed to cause her father to skin further into his depression and turned to alcohol to numb the pain of losing his beloved wife. A week had passed since their return to London, and the tension between father and daughter mounted until one night her father stumbled home, reeking of cheap booze. She had been waiting up for him to return home, and had fallen asleep on the sofa while she waited. As Dr Granger stood over his sleeping daughters form, he thought back over everything that happened in the past year. He blamed her for it all. If she hadn't have left them, if she hadn't have tampered with their memories, if she hadn't of gone to that freak show of a school, his wife would be still here. His blood began to boil, everything was her fault. It would have been better if she had never been born. His last thought before he stumbled away from his daughter sleeping form was that she needed to pay for what she had done.
Hermione woke the next to find that at some point during the night or early morning her father had returned home, judging by the clothes strewn across the hallway and up the stairs. She quickly tidied up and went about making breakfast for the two of them. It was not until later that day that Hermione would realise her wand was missing.
Dr Granger woke to the smell of bacon and eggs that was wafting through the house from the kitchen. It was like any normal Saturday morning, where his wife Jean cooked breakfast with their daughter when she was home for the summer. As he made his way downstairs it seemed as though it had all been just a nightmare and everything was perfect in his world, until he stepped foot into the kitchen and realised that it hadn't been a dream, the illusion came crashing down when he saw only his daughter at the stove who was currently burning the crap out the good bacon that cost him money.
Something snapped, and before either of them knew it, Hermione was lying on the floor bleeding from a gash on her head and whimpering in pain as her loving, caring, kind father who had never laid a finger on her before slammed his foot repeatedly down into her stomach and ribs. "It's all your fault, you stupid, useless freak. Your mother is dead because of you", each of these sentences was punctuated with a slap or kick as she tried to curl up into a ball away from her once loving and caring father.
He left her there, whimpering on the floor, like a beaten down dog, and headed to the pub. It took Hermione nearly an hour to pull herself up from the kitchen floor and drag herself over the kitchen skin. It was then that she realised that her wand was missing. Dread filled her stomach as the pain started to flare even worse than before. She knew he had broken her ribs and that she was bleeding from not only the gash on her head where the frying pan had struck but also on her arms and stomach. Without her wand there was no way she could tell how much damage he had caused internally. Slowly but surely she made her way upstairs and to the bathroom, where the medicine cabinet was thankfully stocked with ibuprofen, and a first aid kit.
She retreated to her room where she locked her door and placed her chair against it for good measure before she started to attend to the many injures that her father had caused. She was grateful that her mother kept such a fully stocked first aid kit. At some point during her attempts at patching herself up she must have passed out, because she awoke to the sound of her father knocking over the hallway table upon his return. She flinched and begged merlin that he would leave her alone. She knew she had to get out of here. If there was one thing the war had taught her was that you trust no-one. She waited until sounds from downstairs died down before she slowly rose from her bed and began to pack her remaining belongings into her trunk. Crookshanks was fished out from under the bed and stuffed unceremoniously into his pet carrier and placed on top of her trunk. The only thing left to retrieve was her wand. She silently removed the chair blocking her door and proceeded to unlock her door. She pressed her ear to the door and listened carefully for any noise from downstairs before she softly turned the handle and opened the door a crack. She listened again, everything seemed quiet still, so she opened the door wide enough so she could squeeze out. She headed straight for her parent's bedroom and proceeded to quietly search through the closet, armoire, bed and bedside lockers. She then searched her parents ensuite and all that was there was empty liquor bottles, beer cans, and dirty clothes. That left her father. She prayed to whatever deity listening as she made her way back to her room to collect her trunk and Crooks that her father had passed out in the sitting room.
Carefully she made her way down the stairs and into the hallway, where she left her trunk and cat before she made her way over to the sitting room door. From the crack in the door, Hermione could see her father face down on the sofa, a half bottle of liquor on the floor next to him. As quietly as she could she pushed open the door and entered the sitting room, and made her way over to the sleeping man. Her wand was peeking out from his right coat pocket. As silently as she could she leaned down to retrieve her wand. Her hand was just closing over the tip when a hand grabbed her wrist in an iron grip. Hermione wrist was twisted back as she was forced to put her arm behind her back. "You ungrateful bitch", her father roared, "You freak, first you kill your mother and now you try to defy me". "Please, I'm sorry", Hermione begged and she was thrown against the wall and a fist met the side of her head where the gash promptly reopened and bleed profusely all down the side of her face. Her fathers enraged face was all she saw as his fist continued to pummel her. The pain was unnatural and torturous from the one who was supposed to love and care for her no matter what. Tears mixed with the blood and sweat as she retreated further into herself as the violence and pain escalated.
Hermione had retreated so far into her mind that she didn't notice the belt that her father had suddenly procured and was preparing to strike her with. 'Mum I'm sorry, please forgive me. If I had of known, I would never have left you. I thought you were safe far away from here' Hermione pleaded in her mind. It was the first strike against her back that brought her back into the moment. The scream tore from her throat, as a second and a third rain down on her back. Each lash of the belt causing not only her top to tear and blood to be drawn, but for the belt buckle to become imbedded into the skin and continually ripped free as the belt was drawn back for another swing.
As the belt was coming down on its fourth swing, Hermione's magic flared and sent her father and belt flying back into the far wall of the sitting room knocking him unconscious. It took several minutes before she could process what had happened and that another lash wasn't coming. Crying and groaning, she slowly crawled her way over to her father's prone form, where she grabbed her wand and proceeded to back away. Sobbing, Hermione pulled herself up using the armchair to steady her shaking legs. The pain nearly sent her toppling back down to the floor. With tears still streaming down her cheeks she managed a soft Tergeo to clean away most of the blood and sweat from her skin. On her tattered back she managed to conjure some bandages which would hopefully stay in place until she could find some place safe to stay and heal. Her shirt was ruined so she fished another one out of her trunk and proceeded out the door as fast as she could with her battered body and trunk, and cat in tow.
Once outside the house, Hermione prepared herself to apparate away. In the blink of an eye she was in a dark alleyway just across from the Leaky Cauldron. Tom arranged rooms for her for the remainder of the summer holidays and promised to keep it quiet that she was here. Once she was in her rooms, she slowly went about patching herself up and trying to block out all that had happened since returning home only a few weeks ago. I had gotten quite good at occlumency this past year while running around with the boys, hunting horcruxes, it was surprisingly easy to bury everything that had happened and kid myself into feeling secure during the daytime. However, the nightmares where impossible to escape once I let myself relax or the pull of sleep overpowered me.
The only person I ran into while I stayed at the Leaky Cauldron was Professor Snape. I was just heading down the stairs from my room and back to the entrance to Diagon Alley when I ran smack bang into his back. I apologised profusely and mumbled my excuses as I squeezed past him and out under the archway leading to Diagon Alley. I felt his eyes on me until I ducked into Flourish and Blotts. For the rest of my trip I felt uneasy as all the stares and eyes on me made me feel ill. I cut my trip short as I headed back to the Leaky Cauldron and back to the safety of my room. As soon as I entered the first day I had thoroughly warded my room against unwanted guests and sounds. It was later that night where I woke in a panic, not only from the nightmare I was stuck in but also because my wards had alerted me to a presence outside my door who was tested the wards.
Whoever it was, didn't stay long after that and didn't attempted to break through them. I was restless for the remainder of the night after that. Early the next morning a letter arrived from Hogwarts, detailing all the items we would need for the coming year. Harry, Ron and I had decided to return to Hogwarts to complete our final year, as many of our year who fought in the war decided to also. It would be a good year this year, as Ginny would be in our year this year, which made Harry happy and Ron sickened. Although I had been keeping in contact with my friends over the summer, I refused to burden them with my troubles and was determined to show the Hermione they all knew and loved, no matter what the cost. They had already gone through enough, Harry especially needed this year to be a teenager he never truly got to be.
I declined meeting the boys in Diagon Alley for school supplies claiming that I had already got everything and needed time before we returned but would meet them on platform 9 on the 1st of September. We would also meet Draco on the train. We had become allies during the war the previous year. He had helped us evade capture and fed important information to the Order of the Phoenix which saved a lot of lives.
The first of September arrived and it was good to be back with the gang and catch up on all I had missed. It seemed that Harry and Ginny where officially girlfriend and boyfriend again. Everything was good again, yet I couldn't seem to shake an uneasy feeling during the trip.
The train ride to Hogwarts was the same as ever. As was the sorting and feast, except for the eyes that where burning a hole in my back. And whoever it was, they were quick enough to look away before I caught them. Shortly after the feast, Draco and I made our way with Professor McGonagall to our new quarters. Draco and I had been named Head Boy and Girl this year which meant we would share quarters and head duties. It was nice now that Draco and I where friends, even when he was being a sarcastic twat. Our new quarters where located in the dungeons near where Professor Snape's quarter where, as this year he was dealing with complaints and procedures for the Head boy and Girl. It was chillier than I was used to but I wouldn't give our new quarters up for the world.
The common room was a mixture of dark woods, blues and hints of silver and gold throughout the room. The overstuffed armchairs and sofas where ideal for studying and reading late into the night. One wall was entirely taken up with bookshelves that where connected with the library, all one needed to do was place a hand on a book and think of the title one needed. It was fabulous. Draco rolled his eyes as he flopped down on one of the overstuffed armchairs near the fire. "Now the door on your right is Mr Malfoy's bedroom", said Professor McGonagall as she tried to regain our attention long enough to fill us in on the basics. "The door on the left is Ms Grangers bedroom and each of you have your own private bathroom attached to your rooms. The door in the middle will grant you access into all four house common rooms if your presence is required. You simply tap the door with your wand and state which common room you would like", she relied, as she started to make her way out of the main door, she concluded her speech directing us to arrange a perfect meeting with all the prefects by the end of the week to reiterate the rules and any problems that may be in need of addressing.
It was still early so we both decided that we'd invite a few of our friends through, mainly Ginny, Harry, Neville and Ron from Gryffindor tower, Luna from Ravenclaw tower, and Blaise, Pansy and Theodore from Slytherin common room. It was a merry bunch who spent an hour going over what went on while they were all apart for the summer. As the laughter died down from Blaise's tales of his failed attempt and summer romance, Harry and Ron decided it was time to shoe the group the list they had compiled during the summer.
"Alright, listen up. Ron and I have decided that we should make this year count. We should enjoy our final year here and have a bit of fun", stated Harry as he produced the list of pranks from his back pocket and passed it around for everyone to read. "This is brilliant, Harry", cried Ginny as she passed the list on to Hermione. "I don't think this is such a good idea guys. I know you want to have a little fun after everything but", started Hermione before she was cut off by Ron. "Don't be such a prude, Mione and have some fun for once," whined Ron. "Come on Mione it could be fun!" said Harry, backing Ron up as usual and set the others off aswell.
Draco in his profound wisdom decided it was the perfect time to butt in and get the uptight witch to live a little after the previous year they had battling old Voldie Shorts. "I have a better idea," said Draco, "seeing as Hermione never gets in trouble and all the professors would instantly forgive her for any grievances caused, I think, no in fact, I double-wizard-dog-dare, you, Hermione Granger to complete this prank list during our final year here at Hogwarts". "Or is Ms Goody-Two-Shoes to scared?" challenged Draco.
Oh he was playing dirty. Everyone's eyes were on me, as they waited with bated breath for my response to Draco's teasing. 'It would be worth it just to see their faces if I accepted the challenge, but there was one thing my friends had forgot about, I was never one to back down from a challenge. It was my final year and I was determined to go out with a bang. I do this stupid challenge and I'll still have perfect scores', Hermione thought as she turned to Draco with an evil grin. "I accept your dare, Draco and I'll raise you one better. Professor Snape will be the main focus of these pranks", said Hermione as she smirked at her shocked friends.
The gasps of shock and disbelieve on her friend's faces was worth it. "Oh Mione, you've gone bonkers", Ron said as he continued to stare at me as if he'd never seen me before. The rest of the room dissolved into laughter at Ron ludicrous statement. It was shortly after this that we said our goodnights and sent them back to their own common rooms via the nifty door. "I can't believe you're really going to prank Snape", said Draco as he closed the door after Luna's departure back into her common room. "It's only a bit of fun Draco, besides you're the one who dared me to do it, and if this all blows up in my face, I'm throwing you under the proverbial bus along with me", I said and laughed at the horror struck look on his face.
"Mione, why would you throw… Never mind", said Draco as we headed for our rooms. As I closed and warded the room it slowly dawned on me just what I had agreed to. To prank Professor Snape. To prank THE Professor Snape. Oh merlin! I continued to get ready for bed, Crooks was already settle on one of my pillows as I pulled back the covers and settled in for the night. Just as I was about to drift off a startling thought crept into my head. I was so screwed. Snape was this year's Head's advisor. I'm dead!
Ok so let me start of by saying how sorry I am that I left this story for so long. I never meant to, but real life drama got in the way. So let me address a few things. Firstly, I decided to edit this story from the start due to several gaps in plot, storyline, comprehension, and overall childishness in which it was written.
Secondly, it is the same story but edited so it flows without leaving major gaps and fluffed out more as I've mature and see the glaringly obvious flaws.
Thirdly, I need to know if you wish for me to post this from the beginning and delete all the old chapters or if you would prefer for me to delete chapters as I edited and fix them. I'm posting this as the next chapter for the time being until I get some feedback on what the readers prefer. Let me know and I'll go from there. I'll be continuing on the editing of each chapter until I have it fix and back on track. Thank you for all the positive comments and feedback I've received over the years. I'm back and ready to fix and continue on this hilarious adventure with you.
Please Review. xxx