Chapter 22: Kudo Shinichi (p.o.v.)
I hate this! I HATE this! I hate, HATE this! I can't believe I used to complain about being shrunk! This is much, much worse! Nothing can even begin to compare! How did things turn this way? There is no logic, none at all, that can explain this! Is this my punishment for whining and taking everything back then for granted? I thought I paid for my over-confidence by turning to a 7 years old kid, but then why… why this?
This must be my punishment for whining about having a kid's body. Now I don't have any! Wait! Wait, wait, wait! No, I'm not gonna do this again. I do have a body; it's a stuffed animal, a bunny. With enough effort I could even move it. With enough effort I could even communicate with others through their dreams. Some like Hattori I can talk to some without any effort at all! Namely though, I could only regularly communicate with Haibara and… and only Haibara…. Still! This definitely beats not having a body and being a restless soul, right? Ah… who am I kidding? No matter how much I try to convince myself there is a fate worse than this, I just can't come to terms with it. I stillhate it.
To think that it all happened as a defence mechanism, I can't believe it. Harder still to believe, to think that that body was never mine, that 'Conan's' body had a previous owner, and that I was dead all along, a ghost possessing a body. I can never, ABSOLUTELY NEVER believe it! And to add salt to the wound, Haibara had known of it long before me but never, not once, did she hint to me of such things. She reasoned to me that with my strong sense of logic I would have not believed her, and rather I may have thought her to be in need of a psychiatric attention. Well, ironically, Conan is signed up for consulting once every week. At the end it didn't matter, I still ended up a nut case.
And what kind of defence mechanism is that? It's something that can't even be reversed! For goodness sake I'm in a... ughr! Since the beginning of these events, Haibara had even disregarded her chemistry and went further into psychology and the supernatural in an attempt to return me back to the body, regardless of the two others already in control in there. I will not stand to be helpless.
Regardless of my attempts, it took quite a while and a lot of effort to finally get the hang of this body. If I were to boast about something it would be that I figured it all out by myself, not that that's something to be arrogant about, but especially living in a fake bunny I'll still find a way to move around on my own well. Ah, but Conan's personality sure isn't making it any easier. I understand a twist in someone's personality may have been normal, if not inevitable, after going through that experience. I don't think I went out of that kidnapping case unscathed. It was terrifying…
As that lowlife kidnapper was having his 'fun' while torturing me-us, it seems I couldn't handle it enough and ran. But to think that what I ran from was my body rather than somehow getting past the kidnapping experience. Unbelievable… The next thing I knew was that I was able to see the whole situation, my body getting tortured by the kidnapper from a third point of view, and worse, everything around me looked even larger than it did from Conan's p.o.v. and the new position was lower, much much closer to the ground, yet not exactly lying on it.
It took me a while to realise, for I was shocked still , that I was in a tattered stuffed animal. But what shocked me even more was that even though I was far away from me, my body still looked very much alive, scared and… crying… to think there will be a day when I would see tears spilling from my eyes, my face again… I thought I would never need to see it after What's the more familiar name to refer to the case where the murder, a former Kudo fan, had made his face look like Kudo? … it was called, Murderer, Shinichi Kudo, and that's what every one knows it by. Makoto? Ah, I forgot the kids name though. *goes to look it up. Ah, I was right*Makoto Case. Nevertheless, it was a heart-breaking scene for me, to see Conan, a child me, because at the moment he was nothing but a child, crying his eyes out with fear and immense pain prisoning even his voice from coming out at all… it was truly a scene that had even me thrash and scream and shriek and yell in hysteria. But regrettably, I was in in the body of this damned bunny, a thing that doesn't possess vocal chords…
To see yourself being gagged and choked and drowned and whipped and pinned and cut open only to be sewn while forced to stay conscious with no drug or the like to lessen the pain… to see yourself being deprived of even the faintest of rest a nightmare ridden sleep could offer you and to think you cannot help, not the in the slightest way possible, being stuck in an immobile stack of cotton in the best 'seat' there is to watch this … this thing that I cannot find /have no word for behind a wall, a barrel, a reinforced clear glass window as I literally scream with every ounce of my soul until my mental voice had gone hoarse, if that's even possible. To think… to see your childish body, a very much true child at that time, …get raped… right in front of you while you sat there, unable to do anything but stare and let those mental tears run down your non-physical body. To think that this USELESS body was not even able a tear back then. How despicable.
When I asked Apathy later why he didn't help and take over Conan during that horrendous time, he simply said,
"I preferred to take the bystander's position, as I have done so far- no more no less." And to think that him and I have been sharing a body for almost three days.
After days and days of such extreme torture, to the point where I have lost count of time, after what looked to be long past Conan's limits one day when the kidnapper saw how exhausted and lifeless Conan was, he let his guard down. And that was the breakthrough we'd all been waiting for. Apathy had seemed to have gotten fed up of the situation and only then did he take over Conan's body and knockout the kidnapper and then give it back to Conan only for an hour later to be found by the Police just when we thought they'd never find us….
Ah, after that manipulative bastard had tied me to that annoyingly painful chair and the second kidnapper disappeared I managed to loosen the belts and run away.
Even after all that, I did not say anything to my comrades because I will deal with this little monster on my own. I'll show him that he cannot play me, and I will scramble to get a case on him together- her get him some damned help because he needs it, either in a padded cell or with a physiatrist. This story has not ended yet. Just knowing the variables isn't enough to put a end to all that's happened around the boy.
He dare challenge me into bringing him to light
In terms of the law, he is a criminal regardless of age
I know he killed that man in the alley
And I will prove it
I will most definitely catch him red handed
That or find a solid proof to hold against him
I'm not playing with a child
He is by means not a normal child, nor a traumatized kid to be babied.
He knows what he's doing
And worst of it all…
He hides behind an innocent mask
He plays those around as if he were a puppet muster
And I Will put him put an end to his actions
The next time I get him committing an act I'll get him, I will!
The next time…
The Next time…
THE END –temporarily- I kept a possibility for a sequel, though I personally don't like to read sequel, and I tried my best to explain everything. BUT I do love this story so much, it's hard to just End it! I might add an ark every now and then, if I ended up with enough time, and inspiration. Maybe some one-shots related to this story, I'd probably though add them as a new chapter under this story rather than as a new chapter though.
Ah a note, Kudo returning to his original teenage size never happens in this semi-AU. Why? Because it doesn't fit! And thus I'll put it under the " because its an AU" reason.
Uuhm, So… we have reached the end of our flight, with POSSIBLE future destinations…. Anyone enjoyed the ride just as much as I did?
Everyone, a special Thanx to:
all who review –gave me motivation to continue-
Nooryii, because she kept nagging me in real life to get the Heck move on this!
And last but not least for all of you Readers and Reviewers
I'm waiting to see any farewell, overall story critics and reviews.
Hope to see you later! Waah! I'm getting so emotional! My first Complete story, yes yes an open ended one, but still a Complete story.