Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, it owns me. Also, runons make life just a little bit better.

She hates him from almost the very beginning. He's so beautiful it makes her want to cry, and it's not a typical beauty either, but rather something that's so angelic it feels like it's not really a part of anything she'll ever understand.

She doesn't want him, at least she knows that. She feels like she doesn't really know anything at all that night, not yet, not really, not with that letter that didn't tell her anything she cared to know, except that her sister is dead, and her sister's son is not.

His mop of black hair and his peaceful expression as he sleeps in his basket makes her furious, and she feels like she could leave him there all night to rot, except she can't get up, because she can't breathe. She tries to breathe, to grasp at air that's suddenly too far away for her to grasp, and she gasps and chokes, and suddenly he opens his eyes, and that's when she starts to cry.

Vernon is away on some trip and Dudley starts screaming from inside the house, but she finds that she can't look away, because it's her sister, right there in front of her, except not really. He stares at her curiously, as if trying to understand who she is and why she's there, and he's so calm it terrifies her. She doesn't know how long they stare at each other, but she feels a shiver climbing up her spine and she thinks for a second that she actually fears him, and then he lifts his tiny arms and she knows he wants her to hold him, but she can't do it, because he's alive and Lily is not.

He cries, and Dudley's wails get louder, and she feels so trapped, and she can't breathe, so she allows herself to be controlled by pure instinct as she carries her newly orphaned nephew inside her house, and she leaves him sitting on the kitchen counter while she rushes up the stairs to calm her wailing baby.

Dudley is a big boy for his age, already too fat to be healthy, but her husband insists that he's simply a growing boy and doesn't allow her any say in how they raise their son, not really. She's weak and easily influenced, and she knows that, but she's grateful to him for choosing her at a time when everyone else preferred her perfect sister. So she married him, and allowed him to control how they live their lives, and to insist on having a telly in the kitchen when she really would much rather eat a peaceful meal and talk, and somewhere along the way she became just as hateful as he is, and now her sister is dead and, as she rocks her son back to sleep, she still isn't sure if she's really breathing.

She's back down stairs and little Harry's eyes won't leave her alone, but they're not his eyes, they're Lily's, and Lily is dead, and he is alive. She hates him so much, because he has magic, and her sister had magic, and she loved her sister but hated feeling insignificant, and hated that Lily was special and probably will hate it all her life, and now her sister is dead because of the magic and she never really told her sister that she loves her.

A/N: Yeah, so my writing style is messed up, but it's whatever. Flame me, love me, but any review is amazing.