Disclaimer: Bioware owns all. I earn nothing.

WARNING: This work is NSFS (Not Safe For Sanity).

There is a LOT of IQ-debuffing mindless bad taste in this story. I won't be held responsible for any loss of points in your intelligence stat as you read this. DO prepare a pail for the unfortunate event that your brain decides to leak out of ears in gibbering insanity. Also, be warned that there are (naturally) some references to 'doing the nasty'. And homosexual flirting.

LOTS of homosexual flirting.

Don't like, don't read. The usual warning about brain-bleach applies here.


~ The Warden's Polite List of Funny, Disgusting, and Sometimes Outright WEIRD Euphemisms for Male Masturbation ~


Wax the sausage

Basting the chicken

Roasting the Miracle Meat

Forcing white gravy out of raw meat [That's a disturbing image –Z]

Tenderizing the steak stick [THAT is even more disturbing –W]

Roasting the nug [Nug? –Z] [Pink, wrinkly, hairless, and blind. Remind you of anything? –W] [You've been hanging around the dwarf too much. –Z] [Says the man who gave Oghren the word 'purloined'. –W] [Point taken. –Z]

Buttering the corn

Tickle your pickle [You know, all these food references is making me hungry. –Z] [Why, it seems like someone can't wait for their next meal! –W] [I'm a lot more patient than you think, my dear –Z] [We'll see. –W]

Squeeze your lemon

Jerk the gherkhin

Spit the seeds out of your cherries

Squeezing whites out of the eggs

Throwing out jelly with the candy stick

Pull the pudding [All right, I give up. Get in your tent. NOW. –Z]

== To Be Continued ==


Author's note: No prizes for guessing what happened after that last one.