Snake's Standup

Snake- You know what bothers me, when you go into a giant military facility, but then you forgot about the pack of cigarettes you left behind so you begin to walk back but then you're shot thirty times in the back.

Audience Member- That's not funny

Snake-Umm...or hey, don't you hate it when people leave your front door open so you pull out a sniper, hunt them down, and then sell their skin on E-Bay to a Cuban monkey.

Audience Member- You're worse than Bob Saget

Snake-...Hey, look at me do a celebrity impersonination. Ahem. I'm Tony Danza, I'm a maid that drives a taxi.Ayyy

Audience Member- Fonzie said ayyy you idiot

Snake- ...Hey, what's your name out there.

Audienece- Ima. Ima Jackass

Snake- Ima Jackass?

Audience Member- You sure are. Hahahahahah

Snake- Oh, you think that's funny. Well I've got a joke for you Ima, what goes out and never comes back in.

Audience- What?

Snake- A bullet from my gun

Snake pulls out a gun and shoots the audienece member

Snake- Ok, so does anyone else here hate pudding. I try to put a spoon in, but then all I get is a spoonful of air.

The room is silent. Crickets can be heard

Snake- Or when you try to snap a guys neck, but he's really just a doll so you try for two hours and then pass out from exhaustion.

The room is still silent. Snake hears the sound of a shotgun being cocked.

Snake-O...K....has anyone seen that movie Lord of the Rings. Phh, what a bad movie. Looks so fake, and there's no machine guns or giant robots with lasers and rocket launchers. They should call it "lord of the terrible rings"

A tomato flies up and hits Snake in the face

Snake- Oh, so you want to hear a tomato joke. Well, here's a special delivery from your pal Snake.

Snake pulls out a machine gun and starts firing randomly into the crowd.

Snake- Thank you, you've been a great audience

He begins to walk offstage, but then turns and fires more into the crowd, he bows and then walks into the backstage area.

Snake was never allowed near a comedy club again