Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

This story takes place in Orange County, New York. There will be mentioned places that I do not own either. This is a complete work of fiction. Also, all patient/doctor scenarios are completely fictional as well.




With my eyes barely open, I glanced at the alarm clock. It was 5:30 A.M., and I realized that I must have hit the snooze twice without realizing it.

"Wake up," I said groggily, while shaking Edward. He mumbled something I couldn't understand and rolled over.

"Wake up." I shook him again and again he ignored me. I huffed out a breath, got out of bed, and threw my pillow at Edward.

"I'm up. I'm up!" He shot up alarmed. Good boy.

"I'll start the coffee," I said as I left the bedroom.

As I made my way down the hall, I started knocking on doors to wake my children up. It didn't surprise me that when I entered Michael's room, it was empty. He rarely needs me to wake him. I have half a mind to ask him to wake my ass up in the morning.

Next stop was Alex's room. She panicked as she shot up. She's such a girl, like a girly girl. Something I have never been. She takes the longest to get ready and she berated me for waking her up so late. I ignored her shrieking and moved onto CC's room.

He fell asleep hugging his guitar again. Big surprise. He acknowledged me and closed his eyes again, then I kicked him. He's awake now.

Last stop, EJ's room the furthest room away from our bedroom, I knocked and received no answer. When I turned the knob, it was locked. Huh?

So I continued to knock some more and place my ear against the door. I heard him whispering. He's on the phone? At this hour? Fuck. He better not have a girl in there. So I knocked some more and still received no answer.

"EJ!" I shouted while pounding.

"EJ!" I pounded some more. Still no answer.

"What's with all the banging?" Edward asked, while flubbing his balls. Sexy.

"I know he's in there-" I kicked the door. "He just won't answer, I don't have time for this. I have to get ready for work-"

"Oh, Mother!" Alex shouted from down the hall.

"What?" I turned to her in a huff, while Edward jiggled the doorknob.

"Where's my purple shirt?" I stared at her blankly.

"What purple shirt?" I asked.

"The purple shirt I asked you to wash. I need it for today." Crap. I damn near passed out after dinner last night and didn't do the wash.

"I forgot baby, I'm sorry-" She let out a frustrated scream and I turned away from her, when EJ opened his door.

"Can I help you?" EJ smiled and turned to throw himself back into bed.

"Mom, I needed that shirt today-"

"Why is this door locked?" Edward asked.

EJ shrugged and quickly glanced at his closet. I had a gut feeling that a girl was in that closet. Be it mother's intuition or EJ's poor acting skills, I'm not sure, but I was pretty sure there was a girl in there. Thank God the bedrooms are on the second floor, or else he'd get away with shit, having girls sneaking in and out of his window.

"Mom, are you listening, I really needed that shirt today-"

"This door stays unlocked while you are sleeping, you hear me? What if there was a fire and we couldn't get to you?" Edward waved his finger. We always remember to unlock our bedroom door after sexy time. Just in case. Michael sometimes has nightmares and sneaks into bed with us.

"Get up and get dressed." Edward said before he turned to leave. I stopped him. I didn't say anything, I just pointed to the closet. Edward raised an eyebrow and walked to it.

"What are you doing?" EJ nervously sat up.

"What am I going to do? What am I going to wear?" Alex whined and I must say, this behavior is very unlike her.

"EJ is someone in there?" Edward pointed.

"Mom!" I felt Alex yank my arm.

"What?" I asked.

"What am I going to wear? I need a purple shirt." I blew out a breath.

"Just wear something else," I shrugged and turned my attention back to EJ.

"No- no one is in there. And I wouldn't open that closet if I was you. It's filled to the top with crap, it will all fall out." EJ smiled. The boy was lying. But that would explain why his room is miraculously clean.

"Is that where you put all the stuff that was on the floor?" Edward asked.

"Edward-" I placed my hand on his bicep.

"Mom!" Alex yanked my arm again.

"What?" I snapped.

"It's purple shirt day for my group at camp. I can't wear another shirt. Why do I only have one purple shirt?" I rolled my eyes.

"Just go in my closet and see if I have one-" I pointed to the hall. "-if not I think your dad has one." She stomped her foot.

"I can't wear dad's shirt. That one has light sabers on it and it will be huge." I grasped her shoulder and pushed her out of EJ's room.

"Go look in my closet." I pointed to my bedroom. Geez, I hope I own a purple T-shirt. It's sad that I can't even remember if I do. I shook my head and went back into EJ's room.

"Don't you lie to me!" Edward seethed. Christ! Why hasn't he just opened the closet already? "If you tell the truth- you won't be in trouble." Edward lied.

"There's no one in there, honest."

"You two are still talking about this?" I asked incredulous and yanked open the closet door. There is a girl in here, unless EJ's clothes grew legs. I tossed a few things out of the way to see the face that went with the legs.

"zdrah-ssvoo-ee-tay" The blond smiled widely. Is she drunk? She was wearing one of EJ's T-shirts and a pair of his boxers, while she clutched her own clothes. I pointed in the opposite direction and she emerged from the closet.

"EJ!" Edward shouted.

"What's going on in here?" CC shouted from the doorway. "Oh hi Lana," He waved.

"Hello Carlisle," She drawled in a heavy accent. CC snickered and walked away.

"Mom- Dad," EJ stood up, holding out his hands defensively. "I know what this looks like, but it-it's not what you think. We were working late and we-we fell asleep." He shrugged. "Yeah, we fell asleep." He nodded.

"And she just happened to change into your clothes, before you two fell asleep?" I asked.

"What were you two working on?" Edward asked.

EJ smiled. "Well you see- uh Lana here," He placed his arm around her. "She's originally from Moscow and she's having a little trouble learning English, so I offered to tutor her last night. By the fall, she will be fluent." He shrugged. "Right baby," He kissed her temple.

"Da-" She turned to him and started to giggle.

"Okay, well it was nice meeting you." I pointed to the door. They ignored me and smiled widely at one another. "EJ? Please escort Lana out." I was trying really hard to be nice here and not lose my temper. They ignored me again, while Lana stood up on her toes to kiss EJ. Is this shit really happening?

"Out!" I yanked her gently back by her T-shirt. "You two had your fun, but it's time you left." I pointed to the door again.

"Mom!" EJ shouted.

"You heard me- out!" I pointed again.

They must have worked hard on her English skills, because she understood exactly what I said, and ran out of EJ's room. Once she left I turned back to Edward, who stood there silently. He probably didn't give a fuck that his son had a girl spend the night.

"You deal with this. I have to take a shower." I shook my head and left his bedroom. He often gets caught sneaking girls in, but we're around to stop it, most of the time. Although this is the first time we have caught him the morning after. What the hell am I thinking? I turned around, going back into EJ's room. I always tell Edward to handle it and the same shit keeps happening. He says that if we don't let the girls come here, EJ will just find somewhere else to 'Get his groove on'. Well you know what? He's seventeen. He can get his groove on as much as he wants when he moves out.

I'm trying to raise a family, not run a brothel.

Edward is always threatening to take the door of it's hinge, I think it's time he actually did so.

"Edward go get a screw driver, this door is coming off. Now!" I shouted into the room.

"Mom please!" EJ pleaded. I ignored him and instead of going to shower, I went downstairs to start the coffee. I desperately needed a cup and it will be ready by the time I get out of the shower.

Walking into the kitchen, I smiled. Michael had a bowl of cereal on the floor, while he tried to balance the gallon of milk in his hands.

"What are you doing?" I smirked, taking the milk from him. They serve breakfast at camp, but if he's hungry now, a little cereal won't hurt.

"I'm making breakfast." He said matter-of-fact, with his hands on his hips. So cute. I giggled.

"Yes you are!" I poked his stomach. "Go sit at the table," I pointed and grabbed the bowl off the floor.

"I can't." He said. I furrowed my brows, looking down to him.

"Why?" I laughed.

"Because the cereal isn't for me. It's for my girlfriend." He laughed, rolling his eyes at me. I snorted. This isn't the first time he's had imaginary playmates. It's hard on him that he's the only child of such a young age in this family. He gets lonely when he's home, so Edward and I usually try to keep him occupied.

"What's her name?" I played along, pouring the milk.

"La- La-La Lana, she's in the living room." I slammed the milk onto the counter and turned to look at him.

"She's real pretty mom and she's real. I'm not making this one up." He shook his head smiling, looking so cute, I wanted to squeeze him.

"I'll bring this to Lana, why don't you go up and brush your teeth and get dressed?" I kissed his forehead.

"Okay." He shrugged and ran from me.

My next stop was the living room, coffee completely forgotten. Lana was sitting on my couch watching television.

"When I said out, I meant leave my house-" I pointed to the front door.

"I-I'm sorry. Mikhail asked me to stay." She shrugged putting on her shoes.

"Look-" I held my forehead. "I'm sorry if I'm being rude and I'm sure you're a nice girl, but we don't allow that type of behavior in our house." I basically lied. Like I said, Edward doesn't give a shit, but I do.

She nodded. "I'm sorry- I'll just go now." She walked past me. I breathed a sigh of relief, suddenly exhausted. I walked back upstairs, completely ignoring EJ, as he profusely apologized. He's just like Edward, I say more by not saying anything, than screaming at him. Plus, the silence really eats at him and I didn't have time to go off on one of my rants.

"Mom- I'm sorry. We really did fall asleep. You guys usually aren't this mad when I have girls over. I thought you understood that I'm a man now." I snorted. "I have needs." I ignored him entering my bedroom, going straight into the bathroom. Edward was on the bowl, I ignored him too, turning on the shower, and striping down. Of course the pervert tried to touch me, while he's taking a shit. I smacked his hand away and entered the shower.

"Flush that toilet and you're sleeping on the couch tonight." I said while I lathered my hair.

"Someone's grouchy this morning," He chuckled.

"Understatement." I sighed.

"I think I know what your problem is-" He trailed off. I tore open the shower curtain.

"What's my problem Edward, let's hear it!" I seethed, staring at him, and I couldn't help that my eyes immediately descended lower. He wasn't wearing any pants, just a t-shirt.

God, why must he tempt me so, when I'm in such a horrible mood? I was in no mood for a lecture on parenting skills. Fuck. I got shampoo in my eye. I winced putting pressure on my eye. Edward some how knew what the problem was and handed me a towel. Once the sting was gone. I stared back at Edward.

"So what's my problem?" I asked.

He's the one that lets EJ get away with all that shit and he's encouraging CC to bring girls over now too. He mumbled something about bleachers and a flute. Edward said he wanted CC to have his sexual activities under his roof. Whatever the fuck that means. Ever since we allowed EJ to start having girls over, the deviant sexual behavior intensified. If we don't allow it, then maybe EJ won't have sex at all? No if he's anything like his father, the kid will do what ever it takes to get his dick wet.

"You're horny." He tore off his T-shirt. "Let me remedy that." I stepped back to let him get into the shower.

"Edward, we're running late." I stepped further away from him, getting the suds out of my hair.