I am having a second try at Vampires, so yes,The Cullens are vamps and Jake is a werewolf though it won't be strictly as SM , (who owns Twilight, not me), wrote them. I can't do them exactly as she did.
"Are you serious? You are promoting me to the Seattle Office?"
"Bella, you are too good to keep here stagnating, this is a good thing. Jacoby will love living in the city and now Jake has..."
"You can say it, Angela. Now Jake has decided his son and I are not important enough to stay away from his 'true love' for, I have nobody to keep me here."
"You were the first person I thought of when they said they needed a new P.A. for their new CEO. Your talents are wasted here, girl. Go, spread your wings. Have a real life."
"I need to talk to Coby and my Dad and my shrink, God, Angela, this is not how I thought my life would go. Seattle? I am such a small town girl."
"Seattle is not that big, you may even end up in the New York office one day in the future. Think big, Bella. Think of the possibilities."
That's easy for her to say, I also have to think about how calm and easy my life is here. I have Charlie on hand to help out with Coby after school, I have Angela and Ben, always willing to babysit on the off chance Dad is working and I get asked out on a date. Very rare occasion, if you ignore the fact Mike Newton asks me out every Friday without fail. I admit, if I have had a really bad week, a night out with Mike looks almost attractive.
I mean, a night out with Mike means a quiet, calm, peaceful night out, no surprises, no pressure. Mike understands that I am still healing.
From what, I don't remember.
Something went down in the break after my Junior Year and I ended up in a 'rest home' for a year and some weird dreams and thoughts took over my tired brain.
I was found in the forest but nobody knows what the heck I was doing there. My boyfriend and his family had apparently moved away a few months before so Charlie and everyone else assumed I had a mental breakdown over it, and wandered off and someone found me and looked after me for some months, then I tried to get back home to my Dad. I guess we will never know the truth. I had some weird injuries, like a scar on my abdomen that resembled a c section scar only more ragged, maybe from a bear or animal attack. I am glad I have no memory of that.
I have to say, I look at the photos of Edward and I at Junior Prom, and wonder how I could completely forget any boy who looked like that. And the way I was looking at him in the photo, it looked like...love.
Yet even his name and photos bring back nothing and Charlie for one is very happy about that.
Edward Anthony Cullen.
I scratch my wrist and laugh mirthlessly. Sometime while I was MIA, I must have found a tattoo parlour handy because I have "Edward" tattooed on the inside of my left wrist and I often absentmindedly scratch at it or rub my fingers over his name and try to remember.
Jake had been delighted when I got over my 'depression' and returned home to Forks and lived back with Charlie.
He had launched a full scale romantic attack and didn't give up until we walked down the aisle together.
I sometimes wonder why I ever chose this Edward over Jake, because Jake has always been my best friend and we were meant to be, everyone said that. Even Charlie and Jake's dad, Billy, felt it was right and were behind us one hundred per cent.
And they were right at first, we were blissfully happy. I got pregnant and had Jacoby Charles William Black and things seemed perfect.
I never cared about forgetting Edward, because he was clearly not the one for me and as I don't recall anything much about him, I can't miss him.
I have vague memories sometimes.
Just words, images.
Velvety voice. Flash of copper hair. We must have dated in Winter because I remember him being cold to touch. His smile. Secrets...what secrets? I just remember promising to never tell. A party, with a smashed cake on the floor, broken glass plates, a scar on my arm so I must have been behind that accident, as usual. Another scar, on my other inside wrist, like a human bite, no idea who bit me. Not Edward, surely? Charlie is mystified about that one, too. He says I fell down some stairs and out a window but no biting was mentioned at the time.
It's another hazy, indistinct memory. I mainly remember blood transfusions and beeping monitors.
I remember his family. I loved them like they were my own and I miss them terribly. His father Carlisle was the Chief of Medicine at Forks Hospital, my home away from home, and he was my doctor for the few years we all lived here.
Esme, his mother, was more of a mother to me that Renee ever was. Emmett and Jasper, his brothers were amazing and Emmett was like my own big brother that I never had so I almost tear up when I think of him ruffling my hair and calling me nicknames like ShortStuff and Li'l Sis.
Emmett's girlfriend, Rose, lived with the Cullens and she never liked me, why I have no idea so the dreams I have about her make no sense at all.
Always, she is crying in a good way, and so happy and grateful to me and she is swearing she will be the best mom ever. Like that has anything to do with me. I didn't even know she was pregnant. It's always the same dream of Rose. Her holding a baby in a pink blanket, crying over it, saying how her life is now perfect and it's all down to me.
Alice is always in that dream.
She is always apologizing and saying there is no other solution, the have to take the baby with them. But it's not my baby, I mean, I think I would know if I had a baby. And anyway, I was only missing for like 9 weeks, there is no way I could have had a baby . I was not pregnant when they left, surely. I would have known, I would have told Charlie. Photos of me at that time show me slim, no bulge.
I have no idea what this dream means.
My shrink says it means I saw the Cullen's as my new life, I was clearly expecting to marry Edward and become like them, a Cullen.
The baby signifies the new life I wanted, the pink blanket is just an acknowledgement that I am the newborn, and they are apologizing because they knew they were taking the chance of me achieving my new life away from me by leaving and not taking me with them.
I have no feelings at all for Edward.
He left me and they went too.
I don't know what I did or why they left. Charlie said Dr Cullen got some amazing job offer in California or somewhere, some place that was sunny and hot and I envied them getting out of wet , miserable Forks, that's for sure. I wonder why I didn't go with them? If Edward and I were involved, wouldn't it make sense for me to go, too?
I drove home to my Dad's, where I have been living since my Jake left us four years ago. Our divorce became final two years ago. Coby ran to meet me at the door.
"Mommy, guess what? Nathan is having a birthday party and he invited me."
"Great, Coby, when is it?"
"Next Saturday. Can we get him the Transformers dvd?"
"Does Nathan want that or do you just want to watch it at his place every time he invites you over to play?"
"Aw, Mom, you know he always wants to play online games and they are so boring. I would rather watch a dvd any day."
"I guess, if he is never willing to do stuff you want to do when you are his guest, then it is his bad luck if he gets a present you like more than him."
Probably not the best way to raise a child, but I don't want Coby being stepped on like I was all my life.
"Did Jacob ring?" I ask Charlie as I hang up my car keys and drop my purse on the counter.
"Nope" says dad, not looking away from the flatscreen.
"Darn it. He promised he would. I just don't get it, dad. We were so happy and so in love and he gets a single look from Harry Clearwaters daughter when she gets back from college in Alaska, and he is gone, head over heels in love, and he forgets the love and the life we had together and our son. "
I mean, I guess I am forgettable, I should have a tattoo on my head saying "Forget Me", all the men in my life have had no problem moving on from me, even the mysterious Edward. I never heard from him again. Not that it mattered, seeing I didn't have a clue about him.
But Jake was the love of my life and he just changed, like that. Like a click of the fingers. One minute he is professing his love for me, telling me how much he loves our son, asking me if we can have another baby soon, for God's sake, then he goes to Harry's to fix their car and he doesn't come home.
My dad had gone to find him that first night, fearing he had been in a crash or something, and when he found him still at Clearwater's, he was fine.
He just refused to come home so dad said, give him a few days. A few days and he had changed his mind about family, love, fatherhood, he was in bed with this Leah and he had already told her he would divorce me, leave us, marry her.
He just wasn't Jake any more.
It was like he had been taken with a fever, he was frantic to be at her side and she was all smirky and satisfied and so sure, so unbelievably sure, he would not come to his senses and come back to me, to us.
I don't get it.
When he finally came home to get his stuff, he just said I knew, if I could only remember, I knew what had happened.
So, that's the explanation I had to live with.
What did I know?
That men leave.
That even a devoted husband is not there forever, and can change his mind in an instant.
Charlie was as confused as I was, Billy more or less apologized and said he should have known.
So he knew, too.
At least he knew what he knew, unlike me.
Charlie and I had spent many nights puzzling over Jacob's abrupt departure from our lives, Charlie told me Jake had competed with this Edward when we were together and he swore he would never let Edward change me, then he fucking changed me himself. I was no longer the quiet little pushover I once was, now I am strong and have my walls built in place and no man will ever get through them again.
I am woman, hear me roar.
Charlie said it was true, I had been changing when I was around Edward, but his fears were that I had lost myself and simply turned into Edward's girlfriend. I wasn't Bella any more, I wasn't his daughter. I didn't hang out with my friends and I cared for nothing but being with Edward.
Sometimes when I see wildflowers in a florist, it makes me feel something...like, happy? Like they mean something to me?
I asked Charlie if Edward ever gave me wildflowers but he said no, he never gave me flowers except for my wrist corsage for the Junior Prom.
God, my life sucks when I think about it.
At least I don't miss Edward, like I miss Jake. I see him now and then, with Leah, and their kids, and he barely looks at me. It's like I was some teenage crush he got over.
"Get in the car, Coby, we will go buy Nathan's present now."
I need a few things from the supermarket to make dinner anyway.
Coby is walking along, reading the back of the dvd cover haltingly as he comes to words he can't read yet, and I almost bump into Jake, who is standing in the aisle but his attention is all on Leah, as usual.
She is not that pretty, no way could you call her beautiful in any light, yet Jake looks at her like men look at beauty queens and film stars and super models.
She is scrawny and plain, if you ask me.
"Hello Jake. You said you would ring Coby once a week and yet you haven't. Can't you spare your firstborn a five minute phone call at least?"
"Bella" he says, like he had no idea who I was and it finally clicked in his brain.
I am only your first wife, asshole.
"Sorry. I meant to ring your son but I forgot. I am just so busy with Leah these days."
Yes, we know, your entire world revolves around her now.
But Coby is his child, too.
It's so unfair he has two more children and because she is their mother, they are precious, but my son, our son, is nothing to him now.
Coby is the image of Jake. Coffee colored skin, jet black hair, big brown, almost black eyes. He hardly has any of me in him.
His hair is silky and too long for a boy of six but who cares, he likes it like that.
I always loved Jake's long black hair.
I have to stop thinking about it.
Jake is no longer mine, I need to get over him.
I decide in that moment to take the job in Seattle, to uproot Coby and take him away from my dad and his home and start again.
"I am moving to Seattle. I got a promotion at work" I tell Jake.
It's like I told him the sky is blue.
He nods and walks away, completely uncaring that he may never see his eldest son again.
I know, Seattle is not that far away, but still. I may meet some handsome man and marry him and let him be a new dad to Coby, that would teach Jake.
I want to scream and kick him and make him admit he has another son, apart from the new baby Leah just had. They have a daughter , too, and she is lovely, and it makes me wish we had managed to conceive again before Jake's world went off it's axis and Leah became his universe.
I would love to raise a girl some day but as I am never letting any man into my heart again, that is unlikely to happen.
I decide to ask the doctor about any records that will need to be transferred and so we stop at the hospital and the receptionist assures me that won't be a problem and she makes me copies while I wait.
Charlie is hungry and Coby is excited about the dvd and so I open it and let him watch it. Heck, I can buy something else for Nathan. Coby accepts Jake ignoring him, I guess he was only two when his father defected, but still, I feel sad for him.
I know material goods can't fill the gap Jake left but what else can I offer?
Over dinner, I gather my courage and announce my plans to my dad.
"Charlie, Angela promoted me at work today."
"Great, you deserve it. I know you were hoping for more responsibilities. More money ,too, I expect?"
"Yes, but Dad, I have to move away. To Seattle."
Charlie is quiet for a minute then he nods his head.
"This is for the best. I can't stand you and Coby having to see Jake with Leah and their kids all the time. Some day Coby will realize that new son of Jake's is the apple of his eye, he is already announcing the boy is the new Chief...I mean, Coby here has to resent it at some point.
I can't believe it, still. I look at Leah and I wonder just what sort of spell she put on him. She isn't anything to look at, she has a very cold personality, yet the moon and the sun rise and set in her for him. I have no explanation."
"Neither do I. It would be easier if he had been seeing her for a while, and we could see his attraction building up ,and see it turning into something more. He barely ever mentioned her, she seemed to be nothing more important than her brother Seth, and Jake never cared much for Seth. They were just Harry's kids. The she goes away to college and comes back suddenly the most desirable woman in the world to him? It's not like she changed, went from a plain little girl to a butterfly. She looks much the same as ever. I just don't get it."
We both shook our heads, life is beyond understanding sometimes.
"When are you going?"
"I have to start the 10th of next month so I have three weeks to get everything sorted. I will speak to the school tomorrow."
Coby walked to the table, his movie finished.
"Here's your dinner, Cobes, your favorite."
"Spaghetti and meatballs!" he said excitedly."Yum. Can I have more after this?"
"If you eat it all, sure. Coby, we have to move away to Seattle soon. It will be fun , we need to go find an apartment and find a school for you and it might be a bit hard at first but we will soon meet people and make friends. Are you okay with that?"
"Maybe I will have a best friend who doesn't play online games" he said hopefully.
If such a child still exists.
Coby seems to be the last one to be sucked in to their lure.
"Is Charlie coming too?"
"No, sweetie. Charlie has his job here but we will come visit in holidays and breaks, won't that be great?"
"Sure will. And you can teach me to fish soon, now I am six."
"Sure I can. I will look forward to it." Dad answered.
I lay in bed and tried to sleep but too much was going around and around in my head. I turned my light on and looked for the book I had been reading on and off. It was quite good, just not riveting enough to make me read it in one sitting.
It was about vampires and even though it was exactly how all vampire stories were, things seemed wrong. Like them burning up if they went in the sunlight.
Sure, they avoid bright days and wear hats and sunscreen and make up, but it's for another reason.
I just forget what. Or how I know. I mean, mythical creatures should have no rules, surely if most authors say they burn up in the sunlight, it becomes accepted as right. But it isn't.
I opened the envelope from the doctor's office and checked they had noted my aversion to blood. It's a phobia or something.
I read my notes, frowning when I came to the part about Jacoby's birth.
I have only been pregnant once, not more than once.
The doctor who delivered Coby had cleaned up the scar on my belly and it was now nice and straight and even, not the jagged mess it was when I was found. It had gone through my uterus too and he had told me it really looked like an animal had bitten me open.
He questioned me at length over the possibility it had been a home delivery ending in an emergency amateur c section but I had assured him, there was no chance of that, even when I was missing. Had I been gone longer, maybe, who knows, but pregnancy takes nine months and there was no way I had been delivered of a baby that wasn't conceived even before I disappeared. I could not have been more than 2 or 3 months pregnant in that time frame.
Never happened but he still labeled me as a second time mother.
I always felt his mistrust at my insistence it never happened. And he went to medical school for eight years. Must have slept through his classes or smoked too many funny cigarettes.