So, I decided to do another Jim character piece, and this was the result. We're back to the land of the sort-of-depressing. Sorry.

Vague mentions of child-abuse, neglect, and Tarsus. So, heavy stuff.


Little White Lie

Jim Kirk never believed in the concept of a little white lie.

In his experience, there was no such thing as a lie that you told because it was better that the listener believe something that wasn't true. There were only two kinds of lies: Lies that you told because the truth was none of the listener's business, and lies that you told because you didn't want to face the truth—or at least the consequences of the truth.

Which was not to say that Jim had never lied. He had, in fact, told many lies, of both types. But then, Jim had done many, many things that he was not proud of.

Because in Jim's life, lies didn't protect anyone; at least not anyone who deserved to be protected.

When people at school had asked where he had gotten those bruises, and he had lied, it hadn't helped anyone. By the next week, he had had other bruises.

When his mother had lied and said that she was rejoining Starfleet because she missed space, that she wasn't taking her sons with her because she didn't want to interrupt their schoolwork and take them away from their friends, and that she was leaving them with Frank because he was a good, trustworthy man who loved them and would treat them well, it didn't help anybody. Jim and Sam both knew the truth.

And after Tarsus, when they had told him that everything would be alright; that his mother loved him and was worried about him and was coming to see him, it didn't help. He knew his mother didn't really care. He knew she was only coming because she felt guilty; because she knew it was expected of her.

He knew that nothing would every truly be alright again.

So Jim Kirk did not believe in little white lies.

Years later, Jim Kirk became Captain James T. Kirk, who commanded Starfleet's flagship and was responsible for the lives of hundreds of men and women. He surrounded himself with the best and the brightest—with Bones and Spock and Scotty and Uhura and Chekov and Sulu and many others. He came to trust them and care for them in a way that he had not allowed himself to trust or care for anyone in many, many years.

He wanted to keep them safe and happy. He wanted Uhura to always have that same sharp wit and total lack of patience for stupidity.

He wanted Spock to remain curious and continue to carefully twist logic to fit his own needs.

He never wanted Bones to lose his rough exterior or the depth of his caring.

He wanted Sulu to always keep his myriad of interests and Chekov to keep his brilliance and enthusiasm and Scotty to keep his ability to work miracles but still appreciate the small things in life.

Then, one day, when he was relaxing with his bridge crew, the conversation somehow turned to family and Chekov made a comment about about a mother's love and then innocently, with no idea of what he was really asking, turned to Jim. "Ze keptain knows what I mean, right Keptain?"

James Kirk believed in little white lies.


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