Here's the last chapter. The rating goes up for this one, as my mind likes to play in the gutter…
Thank you all so much for your reviews, they made me stay up until half past two again to finish this…
Ziva hesitated for a second in the doorway. Not because she didn't want to be there, in bed with him, but because she wanted that too much. Because, for a short while, she wasn't sure if she could stand it if all Gibbs needed from her were absolution and a warm body.
Her doubts didn't last long, though. Even if that was the case, even if that was all he wanted she would give it to him. Because he deserved it, he deserved anything she could possibly give, her soul if that's what it took.
She slowly moved towards the bed and slipped under the covers, careful not to disturb his injured arm. She turned on her side, facing him, not sure what to do. "You can sleep now, I'm here".
Gibbs wanted to be able to sleep, he really did, but knew the images that would appear the moment he closed his eyes and the nightmares that would wake him up in the middle of the night, sweating and screaming. They were always worse after a day like this one. Kelly's crying face the last time he saw her, begging him not to leave, her and Shannon's gravestone, the blood on Hernandez's windshield as he blew him away, all those people he only saw through his rifle's scope, Kate with a hole in her forehead, Jenny's bloodied body, Tony in that isolation room at Bethesda, Ziva's battered frame in Somalia… He couldn't sleep, not when he needed her so badly, needed her to make him believe his soul was still worth saving.
He reached out a hand and gently tugged a strand of her hair, moving it away from her eyes. His fingers skimmed lightly over her cheek and lips and trailed the contour of her face, learning her features. There was so much feeling in his touches and in his deep blue eyes that her doubts all but evaporated. She didn't need words to understand this was not about getting her in bed, and not even about forgiveness. He needed to heal, and although she wasn't so arrogant as to believe that was all in her hands she knew she could help him along that path.
She moved closer to him and slowly grazed her lips over his face, barely touching. Hand cradling the side of his head, she lightly kissed all over his face, trailing her tongue along his lips. His mouth again opened for her and allowed her tongue to slip inside. While he did participate in the kiss, he didn't try to take control or even coax her in any way. His passivity scared Ziva, this was so different from his usual controlling self that she felt her heart clenching in worry. She lowered her hand from his face and trailed it down over his chest, playing with the hairs there and grazing over his nipples. As her mouth lowered to join her fingers she finally felt him reacting, his good hand tangling in her hair and his breath becoming deeper.
She traced every scar that marred his torso with her lips, some older ones she didn't know about, some more recent. She slowly kissed the bullet scar in his shoulder, the one her own brother inflicted on him, and felt his breath catch in his throat. She moved her mouth to his nipples, patiently licking and biting until he squirmed beneath her, moaning softly.
"Ziva" his voice was choked and unsteady. He gently pulled at her hair, bringing her face up. She didn't think he was even aware of the fact that his eyes were wet, a single tear rolling down his temple. The urge to kiss it away was so strong she barely restrained herself, but she didn't think he would want his current vulnerability exposed. The intensity of emotion in his eyes almost broke her, but this was supposed to be about him and she just had to keep it together.
He pulled her all the way up until her cheek was resting on his shoulder, face in the crook of his neck, holding her there.
This was the hardest thing he had to say, Gibbs thought, trying to find his voice. He just laid his cards on the table. "Ziva, I don't think I can …" He was craving for her, her warm body so close, breasts pressed against his side, every one of his dreams coming true, but his body was betraying him, he felt he barely had the energy to breathe.
"Shh, just relax…" she silenced him, a finger pressing gently against his lips. "You don't have to do anything"
She removed herself from his embrace and stood near the bed. Gibbs felt like he was being stabbed. So she was leaving after all. "Well yeah, what did you expect Jethro. This gorgeous woman in bed with you and all you can do is feel sorry for yourself"
His eyes popped open when he heard the telltale sounds of her undressing. She slowly removed her top and dropped it somewhere out of sight, all the time looking straight at him. She untied her shorts, wiggling her hips to get out of them. She stood there completely naked, the faint light from the street drawing shadows all over her body. Gibbs felt his head spinning, his need for her increasing tenfold, if only in his mind and heart.
She lowered herself back on the bed, straddling him but keeping her weight off him. Her knees squeezed his hips as she leaned forward and kissed him with so much emotion that he felt he would drown. Ever so slowly she dragged her mouth down again over his neck and chest, nipping and licking every inch of skin, until he was left breathing hard, blood pounding in his ears. His hands roamed her body, almost at their own volition, caressing the soft skin of her thighs and then pulling her hips down to grind against him. She moaned deep in her throat, her hips jerking and pushing down harder. She continued however to slide herself lower on the bed after a moment, removing his boxers as she went.
He tried to stop her again, hating his passivity. "Ziva…" She ignored him and lowered her mouth to his groin.
"Ah God Ziva" he almost screamed as she took his still soft member in her mouth. She slowly and patiently caressed him with her lips and tongue, fingers fondling him at the same time. He groaned and arched of the bed when she placed her open hot mouth on his balls, her tongue lapping at them. She really didn't expect anything from him, aware of his condition, but she still felt she wanted to do this for him.
Feeling him starting to react and harden came as a surprise for both of them. She never stopped her ministrations, tongue licking the underside of his shaft every time she pulled up, lips tightening around the head, just a hint of teeth dragging along his length. Never going faster for more than a few seconds, slowly working him up until he was panting and twisting the fist-full of sheets he grabbed. She sucked the head harder, hand caressing his balls and his hips jerked up, desperate for more contact. One of his hands flew to her hair and pulled, making her raise her eyes to his face. He was flushed, eyes dark and wild, mouth open to draw more air. And he was definitely not above begging. "Ziva please…"
She rose above him and gave one more squeeze before aligning him to her entrance. His eyes jumped to hers. He wanted to stop her, wanted to see if she was ready for him but couldn't form the words. Hard and demanding as he was as a special agent, he was always attentive in bed, always seeing to the woman's needs first. As Ziva began to slowly lower herself on him though, he had to gather all shreds of control left just to stop himself from pushing in all the way in one move. She was ready for him, but still had to take a while to adjust to his size, her tight body fighting the intrusion. He placed a hand on her lower belly, feeling the muscles jump as she continued to lower herself, breath caught in her throat. Feeling her completely enveloping him in her heat was the most exquisite feeling, making him desperate for more, wanting to absorb her under his skin and let her warm him up from the inside. He pulled her forward, swallowing her moans with his mouth, the change in position pushing him further in. She stuck her tongue in his mouth, breasts pressed intimately against his chest, feeling his whole body trembling with the effort to restrain himself. She straightened and started to move slowly just as he was ready to beg again.
She was the most beautiful sight he'd seen, her perfectly toned body, slightly sweaty olive skin over taught muscles, firm breasts bouncing with every move, her face a sweet picture of torment. His hands went to her hips, not to control but to help her along, letting her establish her own pace, injured arm forgotten for the moment. She moved faster and harder as she got lost in the sensation of him deep inside her, filling her completely. He angled her slightly, dragging over her sweet spots on every move, making her eyes scrunch tight and moan deeply. She was so close, her movements became erratic and he felt her muscles starting to squeeze him, almost driving him over the edge. His hand shot to where they were joined and he pinched the base of his dick, delaying his release, while his thumb brushed over her clit every time she slammed herself down over him. This was supposed to be for him, Ziva thought, the small part of rational mind still working not quite effective enough for her to stop. He must have felt her holding back however. "Come on Ziva, come for me" he grunted through clenched teeth as he slammed his hips up hard into her. That's all it took for her, as she felt her whole body contracting and she screamed his name, head thrown back and internal muscles clenching hard and long around him. He tried to hold on for a moment longer, to fully witness the beauty of her coming apart on top of him. Just as she was starting to relax slightly he slammed his hips up again a couple of times before his whole body became rigid and a long, slow and loud roar erupted from his lips. He shot his load deep inside her, his body spasming, knives slicing at his spine and groin, the delay from earlier only serving to intensify his release. His eyes rolled back in his head and for a moment he felt he was going to pass out, but he wouldn't have cared even if he dropped dead that second.
He held her spent body to his chest, good arm tight around her, still feeling her around him, her heat enveloping him, body and soul. He understood what she did for him, how she tried to put all she was feeling and believing in this act, and he couldn't find the words to express everything he felt. He squeezed her harder to him, their breathing still labored and whispered the only thing that came into his mind in her ear. "Thank you"
She raised her head slowly, a tiny tired smile on her lips. As he looked into her eyes, he knew with sudden clarity what was he really wanted to say, how he could put everything in words.
"I love you Ziva"
Her eyes moistened, the emotion too much too keep bottled up. She smiled again through the tears. "I love you too Jethro"
She placed her face back on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart and knowing that even if he would still carry his demons deep inside, they would no longer have the same grip over his soul.
His sleep was not once disturbed by any of his usual nightmares.