I decided to keep writing SMacked stories and I want to keep that promise for all of those people who haven't given up on them and who will keep reading those stories. This is an oneshot story I wrote today after watching some episodes of season 4 on dvd.
Sadly I don't own CSI NY nor any character of the show, but I wish I did.
This story is written in Stella's POV and is set after Episode 4x04 "Time's up"
Dedicated to every SMacked Fan who hasn't given up on them.
And You Told Me
I was walking down the hallway toward Mac's office, looking through the case file in my hands. I walked into his office, closing the case file.
"Hey Mac, I got another file…" I said and then stopped noticing that his office was empty. I shrugged and tossed the file onto his office and turned around to leave. But just as I turned around I noticed a piece of paper falling to the floor, so I walked back and picked it up. I knew that I shouldn't read the letter, but seeing that it was handwritten my gaze wandered over it to the last line on it.
"So it's best to say goodbye, my love… Peyton."
I actually didn't need to read her name to know it was a letter from her. A 'Dear John' letter. I can't describe how I felt the moment I read this one line and realized what it meant. What I felt was a mixture of confusion, anger and sadness. I was angry that she chose this way to break up with Mac and I was sorry for him. I really wanted him to be happy just as he wanted it for me. Earlier today when I received my first gift from Drew, he told me to go for it and enjoy the rewards of a romantic relationship, not thinking about the risk to get hurt. I shook my head for a no. I didn't want to, because this guy honestly wasn't my type of a man and he was a bit too aggressive in trying to get my attention. There was just something about this guy I couldn't explain.
I left Mac's office and went into mine to pick up my jacket and then I left the building, the bar, I knew Mac would be playing tonight, my next destination. As I got there it was hard to find a place to sit. The place was crowded and everybody watched the band playing on the stage. I found a place to sit, near the stage and took it. As I said down I looked up to where Mac was sitting with his bass guitar in his hands. When he saw me he offered a smile and I rewarded him with an understanding nod of my head and an also understanding smile.
During the show I just watched him and the rest of the band playing and singing, but mostly I watched Mac. The passion and love he showed while playing was something I couldn't get enough of. Besides the sadness and the pain he must have felt, after reading Peyton's letter, he played his instrument with a love and passion and also profession that was heartwarming to see. I knew he needed it to forget the pain but I knew it would come back and I wanted to make sure, that he was okay. That was why I came here instead of just going home and leaving him alone as he probably would tell me to. What kind of a best friend would I have been if I would just leave him alone, knowing that he needed someone to talk to, even though he wouldn't admit it.
After the show they all stayed onstage for a few more minutes to enjoy the applause. That was enough time for me to get close to the stage.
"Mac!" I called him, just as he was about to turn around and leave the stage. He turned around and stopped as he saw me right in front of the stage. I smiled lightly at him and he came back to the edge of the stage. He offered his hand to help me up to the stage. Luckily the stage wasn't too high so it wasn't that hard to get up on the stage. Although I was looking at Mac I could feel the jealous looks from the audience, but I didn't care. But I could imagine how some of the women might have felt down there and I was the only one he helped to climb onstage.
Mac rewarded me with a slight smile, but I could see in his eyes that he was hurt and sad, but also happy to see me.
"Hey… thanks for coming." He said.
"You're welcome." I answered.
"Concerning your presence here and your knowing look earlier I guess you found the letter?"
"I'm sorry." I said and looked down to my feet, but instead of telling me that it wasn't fair to read it and that I shouldn't have done it he simply grabbed my hand and guided me backstage. Most of the band members were already gone but the singer was still there. He came over to us as he saw us walking towards the room they had their things in.
"Hey Mac… Your girlfriend?" the man asked looking at me, and then at Mac's hand still holding mine. Mac let go of my hand and shot me an apologizing, sideways glance before he answered the man's question.
"No, best friend and mental support."
"Sorry man. Didn't want to hurt you. You still need me to take you home?"
"Kay. Bye Mac." He said and turned to me and offered his hand. "Miss." He said and I shook his hand before he left. Mac entered the room and I followed him.
"I'm sorry Mac… I shouldn't have read anything. It just… happened…" I blurred out but he only took a step closer to me, saying nothing. His beautiful blue eyes were looking at me with sadness and also somehow I thought to see something like love in them.
"I'm glad you're here." He said.
I closed the small gab between us and wrapped my arms around him and he instantly replied this gesture. I didn't say anything, I just held him close. I knew it was tough on him, as it would have been on me, too, but I knew he needed this kind of comfort right now.
"I'm sorry for you, Mac." I whispered into his ear, before I finally let go of him. He didn't say anything, but he turned his back to me, trying to hide the tears I've already seen in his eyes the few seconds I saw his face as we pulled away. I walked over to him and put my hand on his back and started to gently rub it as I stood next to him. He turned his head and looked at me.
"Thank you, Stella." He whispered, before he placed a soft kiss on my cheek.
"Hard to believe how well you know me." He said before he put on his jacket and put his bass guitar into the case, to transport it home save.
"Best friends always know, Mac." I replied and he gave me a small smile.
"I don't know why you can always make me smile, no matter how bad I actually feel."
"I'm here to make you feel better and… maybe I can make you smile, because you like me just as much as I like you and I'm your best friend?"
"The 'I-like-you' part probably is the most important reason. Ready to go?"
"Yeah. Mind if I accompany you a bit?"
"I would have asked you to."
"I'll walk you home." I said.
"Actually I should walk you home." He smiled.
"Forget about that gentlemen gesture for today, okay?"
We made our way to his apartment and I kind of escorted him to his apartment door. We were now standing in front of it, Mac already held the key in his hand.
"You want to come in for a bit?" he asked and I nodded my head. So he opened the door and let me in. He pulled off his jacket and I did the same with mine before I followed him into the living room to watch him putting away the guitar.
"So… you want something to drink? Or maybe something to eat?" he asked me.
"We could share a glass of wine, what do you say?" I replied, looking at him in expectation.
"Sounds great. Have some wine left from yesterday."
"Didn't know you're drinking wine when you're alone."
"It doesn't happen very often." Mac said walking into the kitchen. He came back with two glasses and the bottle of wine. He offered me to sit down on the sofa and I did and he sat down on the arm chair right next to where I sat and filled the glassed and gave one to me.
"So… I guess you don't want to talk about it?" I asked carefully.
"Think you know everything… it's said in that letter." He said and looked a bit confused now.
"I've only seen the last line, Mac. I wouldn't dare to read your letters."
"Sorry." He said and I could see that he was fighting tears that were building in his eyes. "You know it's hard to talk about it that soon."
"I know, Mac, but it helps to get over it. What happened back there in London that she sends you that letter?"
"Nothin'… she's not home here… and London would never be an option for me to be my home... she…" he stopped, looking down to his hands, his forearms resting on his knees.
"Mac… I'm sorry…" I said.
"It's okay, Stella. You're my best friend, you have to know. The ocean is the problem… and I… I'm sad and hurt, yes, but I also understand her reason. Just sad that she thinks I would never be able to live and work in London."
"Could you do that? I mean honestly?" I asked and he looked up to me.
"No… I couldn't leave you and the team alone."
"See, Mac… I know this is your home. She was right with what she said London would have never been your home. And you know… I would have missed you around."
"You really would, hu?"
"With all my heart and soul, Mac. You know that, right?"
"I know, because I would have missed you also." He said and locked his beautiful blue eyes with my green ones. "You're right, I like you as much as you like me."
"You sure about that?"
"Why shouldn't I?"
"Just sayin' it. Thought you loved Peyton."
"I was about to and… it hurts a lot that she… she wrote that letter and… broke up just like that, but… I think there is someone else who deserves my love."
"Yes." He said and his eyes locked with mine again. His eyes said everything. I knew what he wanted to say. He took my hands in his, still looking into my eyes.
"Guess I don't need to ask?"
"I think you already know who I mean, Stella. And I mean it, honestly and with all my heart and soul. I know it a long time, even before Peyton I knew. I don't know why I haven't taken the chance to… admit it."
"You were afraid to loose that great friendship we have, Mac, just like I was, but you know, I'm not afraid anymore. Are you?"
"No. This might look like I didn't ever love Peyton, I did, but… to forget about her… I think it's best to confess my true feelings and hopefully become happy."
"You know that I will never hurt you."
"I know. I promise you I'll never hurt you, again." He said, now nearly whispering.
"Stella, I know it hurt you, seeing me with Peyton."
"No, it's okay."
"And you told me to go for it with Drew?"
"I haven't read my letters then and thought I was happy."
"You were, Mac. I saw it in your eyes, and I still see that you're sad and hurt… I know that you're not ready for us, yet." I said, knowing that it was true, since he already said we are alike in many things.
"Stella…" he started, but I interrupted him.
"No, Mac, when you're ready, okay? I would feel bad, if I would take this chance now, that you're hurt and need someone at your side."
"You were always at my side, Stella."
"And I will stay there. Forever."
"I love you, you know that?" he said, looking into my eyes. His eyes confirmed what he said and I knew it was true, but as much as I would have loved to kiss him, I knew he would need some time.
"I know. I love you, too, Mac. But take your time, okay?" I said and he nodded. We had finished our wine and I was now getting up to go home and he walked me to the elevator outside his apartment.
"Goodnight, Mac." I said, as the doors of the elevator opened and turned around to step into it. But before I can do that, Mac held me back, by pulling my hand toward him. He locked eyes with me again, and then moved his free arm around my waist and pulled me close to him, still looking into my eyes. He lowered his lips to mine and kissed me. The moment that our lips connected I wrapped my arms around his neck and his other hand, that had held mine before wrapped around my waist, too, holding me close to him and it felt like he never would to let go. Although I felt bad for using his grieving for my own wantings it felt so right and good, too.
~ The End ~
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