-My remix version of The Web/The Net. Written in script format.-


Drifting through the endless Light zone, Stan wakes up another day,

as the Lexx crew is now three days away from reaching the center of

the universe. He goes to the bridge to perform his normal duties as

the captain. He appears not to be the only one on the bridge. Xev

approaches Stan as he climbs into the pedistal.

Xev: How long until we reach the center?

Stanley: I'm guessing about three days. Why?

Xev: I'm getting anxious.

Stanley: Can't help you there.

Xev: I wonder what might happen if we reach the center. I hope

something good happens.

Stanley: I hope you're right, Xev. If something good happens, I hope

it's where we end up together. You know what I mean.

Xev: Don't think so. Well anyway, that's not a good thing, it's a

bad thing for me.

Stanley: You don't know that for sure, Xev.

Xev gets ready to leave the bridge.

Stanley: Where are you going, Xev?

Xev: I' going to wake Kai.

Stanley: Why?

Xev: There's nothing else to do on the Lexx.

790 speaks before Xev leaves.

790: Xev, please don't leave me with the King of Morons.

Xev blows 790 a kiss as she leaves the bridge.

Stanley: Well robothead, looks like you're stuck with me.

Stan says as he steps off the pedistal.

790: Oh, the horror.

In the cryochamber, Xev sets the controls on the cryounit to wake

Kai. A signal goes off and the cryolid opens.

Kai: You need something, Xev?

Xev: Stan and I were talking and we were both wondering what might

happen once we reached the center of the universe.

Kai: What does that have to do with me?

Xev: I need your opinion.

Kai: The dead do not have opinions.

Xev: I just want your idea of what might happen.

Kai: Who knows. I doubt it will be something unexpected.

Xev: I hope it'll be something good.

Kai: I think we all want that.

Later that night, Stan goes back to sleep. Moments later, Stan wakes

up and decides to go back to the bridge. He finds Xev, Kai and 790

sitting on the bridge and staring straight up at the viewscreen.

Stan waltzes up to Xev and starts waving his hand in her face.

Stanley: Xev, Xev, hello Xev.

Nothing happens.

Stanley: Oh darn.

Then he stands in front of Kai and stares straight into his face.

Stanley: Wakey, wakey, dead man.

Again, nothing happens. Stan flicks Kai in the nose ans he doesn't

budge. He steps over to 790.

Stanley: What? No insults today?

790 doesn't answer.

Stanley: Useless piece of robot junk.

Stan gives 790 a kick that makes 790's head fall backwards.

Stanley: What's with you guys? Are you guys going to say something?

It feels like I'm talking to myself.

Stanley looks up at the Lexx.

Stanley: Lexx, how long until we reach the center of the universe?

Lexx: We are already at the center, Stan.

Stanley: Lexx, did you take a shortcut?

Lexx: No, Stan.

Stanley: Then explain to me what happened.

Lexx: I went to the center like you instructed me to.

Stanley: That's not really helpful, Lexx.

Lexx: I tried my best, Stan.

Stan walks back up to Xev and Kai and slightly pushes them to where

they fall over backwards. No reaction from either one of them.

Stanley: That's not going to work.

In Stan's mind, he thinks the only thing that's going to wake Xev is

if he kisses her. So that's what he does. Stan kneels down to Xev

and gently kisses her on the lips. Xev's reaction was ripping Stan's

lower lip right off his face with her teeth. Xev growls at him as

blood drips all over his uniform. Stan screams.

Stanley: Ah!

Stan awakes from a dream, still screaming.

Stanley: Ah!

Stan looks around and realizes that it was all just a bad dream. Xev

and Kai rush in Stan's room to see if he's in trouble.

Xev: What's wrong?

Stanley: I just had a bad dream.

Kai: Are you alright?

Stanley: I'll live.

Xev: What was your dream about?

Stanley: It was horrible. I rather not talk about it.

Xev: You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.

Kai: Not exactly.

Xev: What does that mean?

Kai: Stanley, I kill you in the name of His Divine Shadow.

Kai opens his brace.

Stanley: What are you doing?

As Kai fires his brace, Stan wakes up from another dream.

Stanley: No!

Stan begins to look around to see where he is.

Stanley: Just a bad dream.

This time, Xev and Kai does not enter the room. He gets up and goes

to the bridge. As he first enters the bridge, he sees 790 and looks

up at the viewscreen. What appears before his eyes is a view of 15

standard planets, lined up in a triangular form with a white planet

in front.

Stanley: Where are we Lexx?

Lexx: We are in a strange galaxy, Stan.

Stanley: This is not the center, Lexx. This is a galaxy and a galaxy

should not be in the center of the universe.

Lexx: We are at the center, Stan.

Stanley: There should be no planets at the center, Lexx, no planets.

lexx: I do my best, Stan.

Stanley: Uh!

Stan gets angry and leaves the bridge to go wake the others. First,

he goes into the cryochamber to wake Kai. Stan, agitated, computes

the cryounit and the cryolid opens. Kai awakens and sits up in his


Kai: You have awakened me. Have we reached the center of the


Stanley: Yes.

Kai: Then what's the problem?

Stan answers as if it was a difficult situation.

Stanley: There's a galaxy.

Kai: That's strange. They're shouldn't be a galaxy. The center

should be a blank space.

Stanley: If you don't believe me, I'll show you.

Kai: I believe you, Stan. If you request me to the bridge, I will


Stanley: I request.

Stan and Kai rush out of the cryochamber. Xev awakens as she hears

the footsteps of Kai and Stan running passed her room. She gets up

and follows them to the bridge.

Xev: What's going on?

Stanley: We reached the center of the universe.

Xev: Is that bad?

Kai: Yes.

As soon as they've reached the bridge, Stanley points up at the

viewscreen with his right index finger, as Xev and Kai's eyes follow

the direction of where his finger is pointing.

Xev: Is that the center of the universe?

Kai: It appears to be.

Kai looks more closely up at the viewscreen. He notices that the so-

called planets are lined up very strangly.

Xev: What is it Kai?

Kai: The planets. They normally don't line up like that.

Xev turns to 790, who is sitting on the foot of the pedistal.

Xev: What can you tell, 790?

790: I can't tell that it's not a solar system.

Stanley: Then what is it?

790: I'm trying to figure that out, now.

790 scans the viewscreen, with his eye screens, scanning each object.

790: I calculate that this is not a solar system. These round

objects indicate that we're in the middle of some kind of board game.

Xev: What kind of game, 790?

790: I suggest that it's a game called Pool.

Stanley: What's Pool?

790: A bucket of water where I drown you.

Stanley: You wish.

790: Pool is a game where you take a cue stick and aim it at that

white round object in front of you. This happens until you hit every

one of these numeral round objects into their original sinking holes.

Stanley: Why would a Pool table be in the center of the universe?

790: From Kai's opinion, anything could happen at the center of the


Behind the Lexx, what appears to be moving toward him is a giant

object that appears to look like a long stick. On the viewscreen,

appears to what the crew sees from behind the Lexx.

Stanley: What is that?

790: That's a stick, you moron.

Xev: Why is that stick there, 790?

790: Apparently, that's the stick that will drive these numeral

round objects into their invisable sinking holes.

Kai: Since we are between the giant stick and the white round

object, I suggest that will cause the Lexx to be crush.

Stanley takes command.

Stanley: Lexx, I command you to turn around and get out of this

area, fast.

Lexx: As you command, Stan.

Lexx obeys Stan as it turns around to face the giant cue stick.

Before the Lexx could go anywhere, the cue stick strikes the Lexx,

causing the ship to fly backwards and shook the invisable Pool table

as it hit on of the round objects. The crew falls to the floor. Stan

gets up first.

Stanley: What happened, Lexx?

Lexx: I have been hit.

790 makes a sarcastic comment.

790: I know what happened. Stan couldn't get us out of here quicker.

Before Stan could come up with a remark, the cue stick strikes the

Lexx again. This time, it caused the Lexx to knock three giant Pool

balls into invisable sinking holes. The crew, again, falls to the

floor. Stan holds on to the pedistal to keep from falling with Xev

and Kai.

Xev: Get us out of here, Stan.

Stanley: I'm trying.

As Xev and Kai rise to their feet, the cue stick strikes the Lexx

for the third time. This incident caused the Lexx to do a summer

sault and bounce off one of the Pool balls.

Xev: Stan, ask the Lexx to get us out of here.

Stanley: Lexx, take us out of here, NOW!

Lexx: I'm sorry, Stan, but I'm trapped.

790: And it's all because of you, security guard. We're trapped

because you're stupid, an irresponsible captain, a traitor, a...

Xev interrupts 790.

Xev: Quiet, 790.

Xev faces Stan.

Xev: Stanley, can you ask Lexx to destroy the Pool balls.

Stanley: I think so.

Kai speaks in monotone.

Kai: Lexx can only destroy objects directly in front of him. Since

the Lexx is being thrown around, it will be hard for the Lexx to

destroy an object without being pointed at it.

Stanley: So, what will we do now?

Kai: You and Xev will die. Mantrid will win the game.

Stanley: That's just peachy. We're going to die.

790: That's right. A captain must always go down with the ship.

Xev: Enough from you, 790.

The Lexx is struck again. Xev descends off the bridge. Stan and Kai

rush to where she fell and finds her dangling on a metal bar.

Xev: help me, guys. Pull me up.

Kai and Stan pulls her up, safely on the bridge. She looks around to

find 790.

Xev: Where's 790? Stan, go find him.

Stanley circles the bridge to hunt for 790. When the Lexx takes

another hit, Stan falls to his knees. After a short while, Stan gets

back up to his feet.

Stanley: I think 790 fell off the bridge.

A short pause. Xev gives the rest of the crew a devastating look.

Stan stares into her face.

Xev: I think this is the end for us.

Stanley: Don't say that, Xev. You don't know for sure.

Kai: I don't think so.

Stanley faces Kai, as he points directly at the viewscreen. The

whole crew watches, on the viewscreen, a large black eight ball

rolling toward them. Xev immediatly grabs onto Kai as the black ball

crushes them along with the Lexx. Stanley wakes up with a face full

of sweat.

Stanley: No!

Stanley looks around to see himself still lying in his bed.

Stanley: Oh, what a nightmare.

Stan uses his shirt to wipe the sweat off his face. After rising out

of bed and getting dressed, he walks proudly onto the bridge and

climbs into the pedistal. When he puts his right hand in the

tinplate, his hand falls through and the tinplate fades.

Stanley: Lexx, how long 'til we reach the center of the universe?

The Lexx doesn't respond.

Stanley: Lexx, how long until we reach the center of the universe?

No response.

Stanley: No, no, twenty thousand times no. Lexx, I am asking you a

question. I am your captain, so tell me how long until we reach the

center of the universe.

Still no response.

Stanley: LEXX!

790, who is facing Stan, answers to Stan's temper with sarcasm.

790: He's probably tired of hearing your voice, so he's ignoring you.

Stanley: What would you know, you stupid robothead.

Xev and Kai enter the bridge, as Stan climbs down from the pedistal.

Xev notices and responds to the agitated look upon Stan's face.

Xev: What's wrong, Stan?

Stanley: The Lexx won't respond to me.

Xev: What do you mean?

Stan climbs back into the pedistal to give Xev a demonstration. He

places his right hand on the tinplate and nothing happens.

Stanley: You see what I'm saying? Something's wrong.

790: Like you, for example.

Xev: Quiet, 790.

Kai speaks.

Kai: Stan, when did you notice that the Lexx wasn't responding to


Stanley: Before you and Xev entered the bridge.

Xev turns to Kai.

Xev: So, how will Stan control the Lexx?

Kai: He won't. The Lexx would go to the center as instructed.

Stanley: But how would we know if the Lexx reaches the center if the

Lexx won't respond?

Kai: I will not know the outcome.

Depressing looks fall upon Stan and Xev's face as Kai ends the

discussion. After a while, Kai leaves as he becomes self aware of

his protoblood running low.

Kai: I'm going back to cryostasis. Wake me if there's a problem.

Stanley: Dido!

While watching the viewscreen, it goes blank after the Lexx let's

out a terrifying stomach growl.

Stanley: What was that?

Xev: I don't know. Something must be wrong with the Lexx.

Stanley: No kidding. I noticed that when the Lexx went blank.

Xev: This might be a good time to wake Kai.

Stanley: Sure. Let's go wake the dead man. Maybe he can explain this

better than I can.

Xev and Stan runs directly toward the cryochamber, but they find it

to be completly sworn with Mantrid drones.

Stanley: That's a dead end. Let's go another way.

Xev: That's the only way to the cryochamber.

Stanley: Well, forget about waking the dead man.

Xev and Stan starts running as the Mantrid drones chase them around

the dark and narrow passage ways. When free from them, Stan and Xev

stop to take a rest.

Xev: Where did they all come from?

Stanley: Don't know. They must of got into the Lexx somehow.

Once Stan looks around behind him, he urges Xev to run as he sees

drones flying toward them.

Stanley: Let's get out of here.

Once he got to a safe spot near the bridge, a few Mantrid drones

swoop down and capture Xev. Stan just keeps on running until he gets

to the bridge. He sits down at the foot of the pedistal to catch his

breath. As Stan appears to be alone, he stares out into the blank


Stanley: What am I going to do now?

Stan looks down, with a frown, as he stares at 790, who seems to be

shut off.

Stanley: Useless piece of robot junk.

Stan mutters to himself, as he appears to be the only one left

alive. Hours later, Stan thinks of many ways of how his life could

end. Or will his life end?

Outside the Lexx, a large swarm of Mantrid drones dive into space to

prepare to eat the Lexx. Stanley takes one last look at the

viewscreen as it turns back on to show what's going on outside. Stan

closes his eyes as the Mantrid drones eat the Lexx from the inside

out. Stan opens his eyes as he appears to be woken up from a dream.

Stanley: What a weird dream.

Stanley lies awake and begins to appear that he is not lying in his

bed. He looks around and starts to get frightened as he looks up and

stares at bridge above him.

Stanley: Where am I?

Then he stares down at the pink-like skin, which appears to be the

Lexx's brain. On the other side of the Lexx's nerve stem, lies Xev.

Lying comfortable and using 790 as a pillow. Stan whispers to the

Lexx, as he tries not to wake Xev.

Stanley: Lexx, how long until we reach the center of the universe?

Lexx: We're already at the center, Stan.

Stanley: What happened, Lexx?

Lexx: What do you mean?

Stanley: Why are you flying upside down?

Lexx: I don't know. I was taking a hard-right turn and I managed to

get stuck like this.

Stan sits back on his knees and looks up again and stares at the

bridge. He closes his eyes as if he was in a dream. He opens his

eyes five seconds later and then crawls, on his hands and knees,

over to the other side of the nerve stem to wake up Xev. He does so

by shrugging her shoulders.

Stanley: Wake up, Xev.

She wakes after Stan removes 790 from underneath her head.

Xev: What do you want, Stan?

Stanley: I need to show you seomething.

Xev: Like what?

Xev looks up as Stan points directly up at the bridge.

Xev: Why is the bridge above us?

Stanley: Apparently, the Lexx took a hard-right turn and got stuck

upside down.

Xev: We got to wake Kai.

Stanley: How Xev? It's not like I have a rope in my back pocket.

Xev: We can always try climbing up the walls.

Stanley: Okay then.

Stan stands up and tries to help Xev up to her feet. As soon as Stan

starts climbing up the wall, he turns his head and ends up climbing

up to the bridge, by starting at the bottom.

Stanley: This is strange. How did I get here?

Stan looks up and yells for help.

Stanley: Help! Kai? Xev? Help!

No response. He gets tired and sits down on the floor underneath

him, after he gives up on calling for help.

Stanley: This is just great. And I thought being upside down was bad


As Stan exhales, a string of red hair floats and drifts down at

Stan's feet. Stan pick it up to examine it.

Stanley: Hey, what the heck is this?

Stan, again, looks up. The image of the object above, starts to

appear closer. As the bridge turns upside down, there stood Kai and

Xev. To Stan, it appears that Xev and Kai are walking upside down.

Stanley: No way this is happening.

Stan starts looking for some ideas to get to the bridge. Stangets an


Stanley: That's it. I guess I'll climb up the bridge.

Stan starts making his way up to the top of the bridge. Xev and Kai

are having a conversation above.

Xev: So, where do you think Stan went?

Kai: I don't have a clue. I also don't get why the Lexx is upside


Xev: He can't just disappear.

Stan, down below the bridge and just above Xev and Kai, he sees the

top of Kai's bun and starts shouting for help.

Stanley: Help, Kai! It's me, Stan.

Kai: Where are you?

Stanley: Below the bridge. I need you help on climbing up.

Kai looks up at Stan, confused.

Stanley: Are you going to just stand there or help me out?

Kai: How can you be falling when the Lexx is upside down?

Stanley: I don't know. Why are you not falling?

Kai: I do not know.

Kai fires his brace to reach Stan and then pulls him toward Xev.

When Kai let's go, Stan bounces off the top and falls directly back

down to the bottom and below the bridge.

Xev: No!

Xev faces Kai.

Xev: Stan's falling. You must fire your brace.

Kai: I would, but he's falling too quickly. There's nothing I can do.

Xev: How will we fly the Lexx?

Kai: The Lexx will go to the center as instructed.

Xev: What's wrong with you? Don't you have feelings for Stan?

Kai: Only the living have feelings.

Down below, Stan falls hopelessly toward the bottom.

Stanley: Ah!

Below Stan, the bottom of the Lexx opens a deep-dark black hole.

Below it, as he starts to fall closer, Stan hears a buzzing sound. A

buzzing sound of Mantrid drones that are ready to shred Stan to

pieces. Stan closes his eyes and wakes up in his bed, screaming.

Stanley: Ah!

Stanley looks around and feels himself around his head and chest.

Stanley: I'm alive. It's a miricle.

Stanley, excited, hops out of bed, gets dressed and heads toward the

bridge. Xev and Kai enter as Stan climbs onto the pedistal. He

places his hand in the tinplate and the Lexx reponds.

Stanley: Lexx, how long until we reach the center of the universe?

Lexx: We are two days away from the center, Stan.

Stanley: Thank you, Lexx.

Lexx; You're welcome, Stan.

Xev faces Stan to ask a question.

Xev: Did you sleep well?

Stanley: I wouldn't call it sleeping when I tell you the dream I

just had.

Xev: Good. Something we can talk about on our way to the center.

Stanley: Anyway, it all started when I dreamed that the Lexx reached

the center of the universe and...

As Stan finishes telling Xev and Kai his dream, the Lexx sails

toward the center of the universe.