Guess who's back, back, back again, 'gain, Beckky's back, back... Tell your friends!
DISCLAIMER: I am in no way,shape or form associated or affiliated with Stephenie Meyer. She owns everything apart from the plot. (Im The Genious That Came Up With That)
And now that we've cleared up the fact I'm just your average Joe (or Beckky?) shall we continue with the story?
I think we shall...
A Heart Cannot Be Fixed With Sellotape, Only Glue Will Hold
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss,
Now I'm falling asleep,
And she's calling a cab,
While he's having a smoke,
And she's taking a drag,
Now they're going to bed,
And my stomach is sick,
And it's all in my head,
But she's touching his chest,
Now, he takes off her dress,
Now, letting me go.
Mr Brightside - The Killers
FML. I mean it, fuck my fucking life.
Oh, shite... you haven't a clue who the hell I am. I'm Isabella Marie Swan, but call me Bella, I'm 20 years old and I am a defence lawyer. I'm a partner at the Bracewell & Guiliani International Law Firm in Washington and I'm pretty fucking good at what I do too. I am the only woman named in the 2010 edition of the United State's Lawyer Rankings for the Nation's Top Criminal Defense Lawyer. That probably don't mean shit to most people but where I come from that is the crème de la crème of all that is Law.
Anyhow, here's the story, it's been three years since I had my heart torn from my chest, doused in alcohol and set on fire by the vampire douchebag extraordinaire, also known as Edward Cullen. I went batshit crazy for six months, drank like a sailor, smoked like a trooper, did so many drugs I'm surprised I still have a working brain, fucked so many guys my king size bed was reduced to match sticks because of all the notches made in it and at the end of it, I got married and impregnated by Jacob-motherfucking-Black.
That was the end of my crazy spell, I finally had something to keep me going, that is untill three months into my marriage when the prick 'imprinted' - yeah, he's a shapeshifter, you'd have thought I'd of learnt my lesson with the last supernatural douche, obviously not - on the 'love of his life', my ex-best bitch, Leah Clearwater. Yeah, FML, again. So I got divorced, then on the day of my second trimesteral scan, my life was ripped from me a third time (oh, the fates just fucking love to fuck with me), me and Jake went together and saw my beautiful baby girls - yeah, two of them - and then, Leah walks in, gets crazy jealous, phased and poof goes my babies.
After that I decided no fucking more. I moved to Washington DC, went back into full time education and got my degree in a year and went on to become the shithot, badass lawyer I am today. Oh yeah, and in between all that Charlie died in the line of duty and Renee in a car accident when I was in university. So yeah, that is how Edward Cullen single handedly ruined my shit tip of a life. And they all lived happily ever after... I wish.
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