This is a quickie I thought up while I was supposed to be doing my schoolwork. So here it is, maybe not very polished but I hope it's good for a smile or two. I don't own Glee. I love getting picked for favourite stories but I like reviews more!
Whose Gay Line Is It Anyways
"Kurt, it looks like you're the last one. Come on up and work with Puck"
Kurt stood up and gave Mercedes a smirk and a wink, looking forward to the upcoming fray with his former nemesis and bully.
"It's harder than you think." Mercedes whispered a little concerned.
Kurt moved towards the jock waiting by the piano. They both sized each other up while he slowly sauntered up to the front of the class. Kurt made sure his face was a mask of coolness and detachment to hide the actual eagerness and apprehension he actually felt. Puck wore a predatory smile and unconsciously licked his lips as he watched his only true competition in the room strut up to him. Damn, Puck thought as he watched Kurt, the guy looks like he's strolling along a cat walk in Milan.
Puck was still pumped after vanquishing his other opponents and now he was meeting his ultimate challenge. He felt as exhilarated as he did in his former fight club days and he was eager for the verbal sparring to begin. How he wanted to wipe that smug, superior look of the boy Cheerio's face. How he would love to see Kurt's disdainful expression crumble into dejection and admiration as he realized Puck was the more superior and powerful boy. Puck groaned shit! it's happening again! he angrily thought as shifted his weight, hoping his current, growing state of excitement in his groin wouldn't be noticed by anyone. It was becoming an increasing occurrence, getting aroused when Kurt was around. One of these days he was going to do something about it...
Earlier in the class Mr. Schue had suggested that they do a little improv sort of as a cross-training for their performing skills. It seemed that Mr. Schue had a lot of time on his hands while going through his divorce and got hooked on the repeats of "Whose Line Is It Anyways?" He suggested that they do a simple exercise to start with, which was to keep a conversation going by only asking questions. Mr. Schue made sure the rules were clear. Two players would play against each other acting out a situation Mr. Schue would come up with. Each participant had to answer a question with another question. The question had to be asked within ten seconds or the player was disqualified. No repetition of a question was allowed either. The goal was to stay up at the front as long as possible. When one person was disqualified another person would replace them. Mr. Schue would then give them another improv situation to act out.
Everyone was eager to try and match wits with the other Glee members. Rachael and Finn were up first simply because she man-handled Finn up to the front before could pick anyone else.
"This is deceptively difficult." Rachael informed the others (in Rachael speak, that meant you guys are too stupid to get improv) to make sure everyone got her meaning she added, "I managed to excel at improvisation at the talent summer camp I went to a few years ago." She nodded and smiled and waited for the adoration that never seemed to manifest itself.
"Err okay, Rachael and Finn, you're in a restaurant – Finn's the customer and Rachael you're the waitress. Finn you start."
"Um what's good to eat here?"
"What kind of food do you like?"
"Do you have French fries?"
"Yes we do! What size would you like?"
Mr. Schue quickly stepped in. "Thank you Rachael, I'll have to disqualify you because you answered with a statement before asking the question.
"Oh come on! That's not fair!" Rachael whined
"Those are the rules!" The Glee teacher reminded her apologetically but firmly. "Quinn do you want to come up?" Rachael stormed off back to her chair.
Quinn, the ever master of manipulating Finn, had the tall boy stumbling all over himself in a matter of seconds. He almost ran back to his chair relieved it was all over.
Santana bested Quinn after a hilarious and spirited exchange, only to be bested herself by Britney.
The Santana/Britney exchange like this:
"Okay, Britney do you understand that you're supposed to ask questions until you're disqualified?" Mr. Schue asked Britney concerned. Britney nodded happily.
"Alright then, here's the situation, you girls are elderly ladies that meet daily in a park, Santana; you won the last match so you can ask your question first."
Santana started easy enough, "Hi Britney, Have you come to feed the birds?"
"What Birds?" asked Britney looking around puzzled
"Don't you see the birds under the tree over there?" asked Santana pointing off to the side.
"What are you pointing at?" Britney asked getting really confused.
"She doesn't understand, Mr. Schue!" Santana turned and whispered to the Glee teacher.
"She's still asking questions so keep going!"
Santana sighed, looked at her friend and tried again. "Britney, how are the kids and grandkids?"
Britney looked concerned for her friend. "Santana," she asked quietly, "Are you on drugs?"
"Okay, that's it, I've had it!" exclaimed Santana as she threw up her hands and marched back to her seat.
It seemed neither Matt nor Mike could win against Britney's bizarre questions either.
It took Puck to break Britney's successful run. Even though they were supposed to be astronaughts working in space, Puck knew exactly what to ask Britney.
"Say Britney," he asked conversationally, "Is your cat still reading your diary?"
"Oh yes! I found an orange tabby hair in between the pages. Do you think he's using it as a bookmark?"
"Okay Britney, you're disqualified now." said Mr. Schue. Britney mulled the phrase over in her head. "Britney, please sit down in your chair."
Feeling a tad guilty over taking advantage of Britney, Puck added, "Britney, you did well. You're really good at improv."
"What's improv?" asked Britney.
It turned out Puck had a true talent for improvisation. He verbally bested Artie and Tina in quick succession. Mercedes was tougher but even she succumbed to Puck's quick thinking after an exciting and tense match. She sat down beside Kurt and he smiled and gave her a hug, and told her how fabulous she was. Kurt was more than ready for his match with Puck. He was going to bring him down.
Mr. Schuester smiled at the boys, "Okay, Kurt and Puck, you're both at the art gallery looking at works of art. Puck you start first."
"So, do you come here often?" began Puck hoping to immediately gain control by surprising Kurt with an obvious pick up line. He added a wolfish smirk and was rewarded by howls and catcalls from the rest of the Glee members. He was going to win this little battle of wits if it was the last thing he did.
Kurt was apparently unfazed by his first barrage. The diminutive teen merely raised and eyebrow and immediately upped the stakes with, "Do you normally cruise an art gallery looking for fashionable and attractive men?"
"oooohhh!" came the Greek chorus of Glee members. Puck realized he was going to have to really up his game to beat out Kurt.
"Can't I simply ask if you're a lover of art without getting attitude?"
"Are you telling me that it was simply an innocent question?"
"Don't I look like a boy scout?"
"Are you always so prepared?"
"Is there some good deed I can do for you?" Puck pressed staring at Kurt with a hungry gaze. He could hear the girls sighing as they picked up on the sexual tension starting up between the two boys.
Kurt's mind raced, damn Puck was good. The male sexuality emanating from Puck was intoxicating. Kurt tried to clear his head. He quickly moved on to another question before the ten seconds were up.
"Should we look at some sculpture?"
"Do you want to see my favourite?"
"Is it the one with the huge fig leaf?" inquired Kurt suggestively and garnered giggles from the girls.
Puck smirked and said, "Do you call that big?"
"Do you know of something bigger?" came Kurt's quick response.
"Are you asking to see the size of my fig leaf?" Puck stepped in closer to Kurt smiling and waggling his eyebrows suggestively.
"Will I be disappointed?" Kurt asked stepping forward closing the gap even further.
"Have you seen the size of my guns?" Puck asked demonstrating by flexing his arms close to Kurt's face.
"Oooh honey, do you have a license for those babies?" asked Kurt flirting outrageously and squeezing the muscle of one arm with both his hands.
"Okay! I think we'd better call it a draw and stop this now." Shouted Mr. Schue over the squeals and peals of laughter from the Glee singers.
"Awww! Come on Mr. Schue Kurt and I are just getting warmed up!" complained Puck
"That's what I'm afraid of Puck. It's Friday afternoon everyone, let's call it a day and enjoy the start of the weekend." The Glee kids immediately stood up and started to collect their things still giggling and laughing over what had transpired but happy to be going home.
Kurt opened his locker and started to collect his homework for the weekend. His heart was still pumping from adrenaline. He felt like he had just won a heated race. He made up his mind to ask Mr. Schue to do more improv. He was looking forward to squaring up with Puck again. He sucked in his breath as he suddenly caught the sight of a well toned muscular arm leaning against the locker beside him and felt the presence of the larger boy just inches away from him.
"So," Puck drawled in a sexy voice. "Do you feel like continuing where we left off?"
Kurt stared coolly up at the jock and replied "Are you ready to have your own ass handed to you on a silver platter? "
"Shouldn't you be worried about your own ass where I'm concerned?" Whoops! That came out a little more suggestively than Puck had wanted, but he was happily rewarded by a long throaty laugh and a highly bemused look from Kurt.
"Are you suggesting I'm in danger of being accosted by you in the near future?" The diminutive boy asked in as sultry a voice as he could muster.
This was getting serious, Puck realized, this is the moment I either back off or go for it.
"Does the near future mean as soon as humanly possible?" Puck quizzed deciding to go for it.
"Are you sure you're man enough to go where this is heading?"
"Are you questioning my bad-assness?"
"Are you challenging my diva-ness?"
"Can we go to your place?" asked Puck with a big smile snaking a hand around Kurt's waist.
Kurt really liked this game he could go ever playing with Puck. He gave a suggestive look and asked, "Can you come right now?"
"Oooh baby, what do you think?" Puck replied pressing his hardening manhood against the ex-kicker. Kurt playfully pushed Puck back against the lockers and lightly pressed himself up against the larger boy, "Will you be following me in your truck?"
"Is the Pope German?" breathed Puck scorching Kurt with his desire.
Kurt drove home, glancing in the rear view every now and again to see if Puck was still following him. He couldn't believe where this little verbal contest was going. Over the last few weeks Kurt had noticed Puck's appreciative glances and noted that the jock was always managed to sit close to him in Glee class, but he assumed that he was just imagining things. Now it looked like Puck actually wanted him! The desire was plain on Puck's face as well as in his pants. Kurt could barely contain himself and stepped on the gas to get home quicker.
The two boys entered the house and went straight through to the basement. Kurt watched Puck as he glanced around the bedroom.
Kurt, suddenly unsure of himself, blurted out "Are you sure you want to do this Puck?"
"Would I be here if I wasn't?" purred Puck as he approached the male soprano.
Kurt backed up and almost fell over his own bed but managed to quickly sit down on it instead. He looked up at the larger boy and asked in a quiet voice.
"Do you even like me?"
Puck quickly sat down beside Kurt and held the smaller boy's hands in his. "Don't you realize how sexy, smart and funny you are? Have you any idea what you do to me?"
Kurt gave him a big happy smile. "What are you waiting for then?"
"Will you please stop asking stupid questions and just kiss me?" growled Puck as he moved in for his long awaited reward. He eagerly captured the smaller boy's lips in his and pressed into them passionately. Kurt responded and opened up, generously allowing for the plundering of his mouth by the handsome jock's tongue. Puck couldn't help but wonder how Kurt's talent for improv at school would translate as improvisation in bed.