Mary Magdalene

It was a nightmare.

Three mans were crucified.

And I saw the painfully wounds.

I stared at his dead body.

The view of his head killed me inside.

It couldn't happen.

I am only dreaming, I said to myself.

But I knew it wasn't fake.

It was real.

I would not believe that this was the truth.

It was an ugly truth.

No one should understand my feelings inside.

The rain felt on my tinny skin.

'Oh, it so cold.', said the man next to me.

'Yes', but in fact the cold doesn't bother me at all.

Because I felt nothing.

I was too busy with my feelings inside.

What if I had stood up and say that he was innocent?

What if I should have tried to stop this?

Should I've been able to change the facts?

Was it my fault?

I'm going to be crazy, I thought.

I went home, but it would never be home again.

Because home should never exist without him.

I closed my eyes.

The image of his torture and crucifixion didn't disappear from my mind.

I felt a tear was coming out of my eye.

But I knew that crying wasn't significant.

He could not come back.

'Why God, why?'

I whispered the words.

There was no answer.

I went outside and walked in the darkness.

'Why God, why?'

I shouted to the sky.

Oh, I was feeling so lost.

I felt on the ground and I started crying.

The tears didn't stop coming.

Nobody knew what I knew

Nobody had felt his warmth so near than me.

I closed my eyes.

Once again I imagined his strong embrace around my body.

If they knew what we have done…

But they did not.

I am just a woman.

How could I be so stupid to fall in love with him?

I knew that it was impossible to start a relation with him.

But I could not fight the feeling of love inside of my heart.

And he loved me, I supposed.

It was so unfair.

'Lord, help me…'

I whispered the words.

I prayed.

'I didn't know anything.

Please don't blame me.

I couldn't help it.

And now he's gone..

I loved him.

And he loved me..

We were falling in love…'

The last words were only in my mind.

I could not whisper them.

I didn't know why.

And suddenly I felt a warm breeze around me.

It was so powerful, I could not describe it.

I looked to the dark sky.

And I knew that it was a sign from God.

Maybe from him.

And I felt a bit relieved.

After that day I moved on.

But nothing was as it was before.

Everything was different.

But I felt his strength around me all the time.

And it gave me hope.

Hope to carry on.

Nowadays when I am sad I know that I'm not alone

He will be always in my heart.

And maybe I will meet him again…

In heaven.