Name: Musical Retribution
Character/Pairings: Kurt, New Directions, Carmel High students
Summary: Carmel High won't know what hit them
Author's Note: Was watching Glee eps and thought what might've happened if they did steal the Carmel High's school statue. This is AU from the point Will mentions the statue onwards. There might even be a sequel if you're lucky
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor the songs/artists mentioned in this fanfic
*

"We could steal their school statue."

Kurt had to admit it was a good idea. Though the statue was heavy- not three tonnes though, he checked- he was confident they'd be able to steal it with the help of his dad's tow truck.

He was smart enough not to include Will in the plans. He really didn't want their teacher getting into trouble for their plan, even if it was his idea in the first place. He wasn't sure they'd be able to get through Regionals if Will wasn't allowed to direct New Directions.

He crossed his arms and leant against his dad's truck as the first person finally pulled up. At first he was surprised when Puck climbed out of the beat up truck but then he realised revenge was Puck's thing. He watched as Puck sauntered over to him, Puck raising an eyebrow when he saw it was him leaning against the tow truck.

"So this was your idea Hummel?" Puck smirked. "Weren't you the one that pointed out the flaw in this plan?" Kurt shrugged.

"Well I did a little research and discovered stealing their statue is feasible," he replied. "And I have the tools." He gestured to the truck he was leaning on.

"Where'd you get a tow truck?" Puck asked.

"My dad's garage," Kurt replied. "Speaking of which, your truck doesn't sound good. I can look at it if you want."

"Wait. Your dad's garage is Hummel Tire And Lube?" Kurt nodded. "And you know shit about cars?" Kurt raised an eyebrow at his choice of words.

"Yes, I 'know shit about cars,'" he replied. "I've helped out at my dad's garage since before I can remember."

"So what's the plan then?"
*

Mercedes and Quinn were the last to arrive, finally pulling in twenty minutes after Kurt arrived. He'd already gone over the plan with Puck and the basics with the others, but he'd yet to tell everyone the whole plan. They gathered around the tow truck as he and Puck started explaining the plan.

"Okay. Anyway who else besides Quinn and Artie are sitting out?" Kurt asked. He glanced around but nobody said anything so he continued. "Okay. You two are going to keep watch at each corner because we really don't want to get caught doing this. If you see anyone call Finn and Tina." He told Quinn and Arite respectively.

"The rest of us are going to use the tow to get this thing onto the trailer so we can get it back to Hummel's dad's garage," Puck continued. "First we got to make sure the tow is secure, then we lift it onto the trailer."

"When the tow is ready and secure, Mercedes will call me and I'll start the tow."

"You got it?" Puck asked. Everyone nodded. "Let's do this shit."
*

Kurt had no trouble finding the rest of his Glee Club as he stepped inside the twenty-four hour diner. He glanced to the left at the noise where he found the group, Puck flirting with the waitress, Mercedes and Rachel arguing, Finn watching his girlfriend awkwardly and chatting with Tina and Artie, Quinn rubbing her belly, Matt and Mike joking around and dancing in their seats to the music, Santana and Brittany with their pinkies linked talking loudly.

Kurt laughed at the sight of the group, gathered around a group of tables pushed together. As he started making his way over to the group, Puck glanced up from the waitress and noticed him. He put his fingers in his mouth and whistled at Kurt, causing the rest of the Glee Club to look up and see him. They waved him over and Kurt could feel the occupants of the diner's eyes on him. Puck moved over, Mercedes glaring at him on his other side and Kurt slid into the space next to Puck.

"Awesome plan, man." Puck said, slinging his arm around Kurt's shoulders. Kurt tensed at first, remembering the times Puck did it to fend off an unsuspecting teacher, before relaxing. Mike and Matt both fist bumped him, before continuing to dance to the music, Artie joining in. Kurt politely asked the waitress Puck had previously been flirting with for a coffee and bacon and eggs, before turning back to the group in time to back up Mercedes.

"Where is it?" Puck whispered.

"Hiden safely at my dad's garage." He replied.

A few minutes later the food and drinks appeared. Kurt raised his cup and the others mimicked him. "Next step, kicking Vocal Adrenaline's arse at Regionals." Everyone voiced their agreement as they clinked glasses, before digging into their food.

Puck didn't remove his arm from around Kurt's shoulder as he started eating his bacon with his hands. Kurt watched distastefully as Puck shoved several pieces of bacon in his mouth, chewing loudly.

"Any more plans up your sleeve Hummel?" Mike asked, smirking as he and Matt dug into their shared plate of pancakes. Kurt glanced around to make sure no one was within listening distance.

"Of course. VA TPed our choir room after performing."

"So we're going to sneak into their auditorium and perform for them?" Finn asked, having finally calmed Rachel down. Kurt nodded slowly.

"Yes and no," everyone who hadn't been paying attention now was. "I'm betting they're going to call an assembly once they realise the statue's missing. That's our chance." This earned him a fist bump from all the boys and everyone started talking at once.

"What song?" He manages to hear over the chatter. He smiled as the idea comes to him.
****************************************************************************************************

When Kurt stood back to admire his handy work, he grinned, satisfied with his Glee Club's temporary new look. He tilted his hat again, before offering his arm out to Mercedes. The two led the Glee Club over to the side of the stage, where they caouldsee the principal of Carmel High talking to the students. They'd already scanned the crowd and knew most members of Vocal Adrenaline are there, most importantly Jesse St. James and the female lead.

He glanced back at the group, nodding as the principal started winding down his speech. The group immediately started moving away, leaving him with murmurs of good luck. He wasn't confident enough to deny he's nervous. He was about to go out in front of a huge crowd of high schoolers and while he had performed in front of a crowd of high schoolers, he hadn't been alone on the stage for the first minute or so of it.

Originally the plan had been for Rachel to make a speech before the song and as she disappeared behind the projector screen he would come out and start the song. However they'd decided the teenagers probably wouldn't stay still long enough for Rachael to finish her speech so they settled on him starting and her announcing their reason for being there at the end.

As the band made their entrance from the other side, Kurt walked onto the stage, the projection screen behind him playing a swirl of colours, the black silhouettes of the group visible on the swirl. He could hear the murmur in the crowd as the music started up.

"Roof off, we're gonna tear the roof off,
The mother sucker, tear the roof off, a sucker,
Tear the roof off, we're gonna tear the roof off,
The mother sucker, tear the roof off, a sucker,
Tear the roof off, we're gonna tear the roof off,
The mother sucker, tear the roof off, a sucker,
Tear the roof off, we're gonna tear the roof off
The mother sucker, tear the roof off, a sucker,"

"You've got a real type of thing going down, gettin' down
There's a whole lot of rhythm going round,"

He could hear the group making their way from behind the projection screen, joining him on the stage.

"You've got a real type of thing going down, gettin' down
There's a whole lot of rhythm going round,"

"Ow, we want the funk
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk
We gotta have that funk,"

"Ow, we want the funk
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk
We gotta have that funk,"

"La, la, la, la, la
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, owww,"

"La, la, la, la, la
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, owww,"

"You've got a real type of thing going down, gettin' down
There's a whole lot of rhythm going round,"

"You've got a real type of thing going down, gettin' down
There's a whole lot of rhythm going round,"

"Ow, we want the funk
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk
We gotta have that funk,"

"Ow, we want the funk
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk
We gotta have that funk,"

"La, la, la, la, la
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, owww,"

"La, la, la, la, la
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, owww,"

"We're gonna turn this mother out,"

"We're gonna turn this mother out,"

"You've got a real type of thing going down, gettin' down
There's a whole lot of rhythm going round,"

"You've got a real type of thing going down, gettin' down
There's a whole lot of rhythm going round,"
,"

"Ow, we want the funk
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk
We gotta have that funk,"

"Ow, we want the funk
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk (let us in we'll tear this mother out)
We gotta have that funk

"Ow, we want the funk
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk (let us in we'll tear this mother out)
We gotta have that funk
,"

"Ow, we want the funk
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk
We gotta have that funk,"

"Ow, we want the funk (we're gonna turn this mother out)
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk (we're gonna turn this mother out)
We gotta have that funk,"

"Ow, we want the funk (we're gonna turn this mother out)
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk (we're gonna turn this mother out)
We gotta have that funk,"

"Ow, we want the funk
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk (let us in we'll tear this mother out)
We gotta have that funk,"

"Ow, we want the funk
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk (let us in we'll tear this mother out)
We gotta have that funk,"

"Ow, we want the funk
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk,"

They mingled in the background as Rachel took centre stage. "We hope you approve of the modifications to your school statue. You can thank your Glee Club." Rachel turned around and joined them as they made their way off stage, chattering excitedly between themselves as the sound of the Carmel High students leaving the gym reached them. They picked up their pace, not wanting to be there when the students exited the gym and found themselves facing the modified school statue.

When Quinn had jokingly put Kurt's feather boa around the neck of the statue, Mercedes made Kurt retrieve one of his tiaras. Soon the statue was dressed in Rachael's ugliest sweater and skirt. She'd resisted to the idea at the start, but Kurt had brought her around with the promise of a new, better outfit. It had been Puck's idea to take a photo of the statue and send it to them (Kurt was still curious as to how Rachael knew the email of Carmel High's journalist) but it had been Kurt's idea to actually return the statue to them.

As Mercedes, Quinn, Brittany, Santana and himself piled into his car, he couldn't help but wish he'd been there to see their faces when they saw the statue. They weren't stupid enough to stick around for the fallout.

As they made their way back to school, the others following behind in Puck's truck and Artie's dad's van, Kurt blasted the radio and sung along to the songs with the girls. They'd all skipped first, second and third period but they needed to get back to school in time for their first break when they had a glee practise scheduled. They'd decided to give Will a brief idea of where they'd been, but they agreed to spare the details.

They became a group again as they met up in the car park, before making their way down the desolate corridors to make it to the choir room before the end of third period. They were still laughing and high-fiving each other when a few minutes Will joined them, suspicious as to why they were in such a good mood and why some of them had missed Spanish.

"We just followed your advice." Kurt smirked, glancing around at the group. Will frowned, before it dawned on him what Kurt meant.

"I thought the statue weighed three tonnes." He said, glancing at each member of the group.

"Turns out I was exaggerating." Kurt shrugged.

"Hummel here, thought up a genius plan," Puck said, punching Kurt lightly on the shoulder. Will watched, shocked, as the smaller boy flashed a smile at Puck. He was clearly hallucinating if they were getting along. Maybe something good had come out of Jesse returning to Vocal Adrenaline and the choir room being TPed. "And now Carmel High know how awesome we truly are."

Will faltered a little at this. Obviously it showed on his face because Artie continued. "We just showed them a little of what we can do. You know, a funk number." Will smiled at his kids initiative.

"But what about the statue?" Kurt grinned at Mercedes.

"We just modified it a tiny bit," he replied. "Then we returned it to them."

"If you get a copy of Carmel High's newsletter, you'll see what we mean on the front page." Will frowned again.

"Front page? How'd you manage that?" He asked.

"Let's just say Carmel High's student body probably don't want it admitted to the world that they were outsmarted by a gay cheerleader," Kurt said dryly. "So they agreed to run a cover page story."

"Genius," Puck smirked. "We know."