Jeesh, I never thought I'd get this chapter in on time...but HA...I did it...it must have been all your wonderful reviews. Sorry I haven't had a chance to reply but hell, all I seem to be doing is writing. Thank you for all your well wishes on my quest to get published...I mean like paid published...Anywho...this chapter should start to answer some of your questions as to what happened between Edward and Jasper to make Jasper leave town and his family. I hope you like it...Oh and Happy Halloween...what's better than reading Slash on Halloween...Muwahahahaha...Okay, let's read... Uh, and seriously if you've been reading this fic and haven't figured out that it's Mmmm rated and features Slashy boy loving...well...enough said...Read on...
When the Night Comes
God Jasper, I love you...
He had written the words. He never fucking said them but he had actually taken the time to write the words on paper.
The bastard fucking loved me.
Five years ago I would have given anything to hear him say those words to me. I had yearned to hear them, craved them, wanted them so bad I felt like I was suffocating. I told myself it was enough that I saw it in his eyes, felt it in his touch. Deep down though, I knew I was lying to myself. It really wasn't enough for me and as the months passed by, I slowly began to doubt everything about him.
Those few days before the football game that we spent together had been the best moments of my life and that was just fucking pathetic because it had been five years since high school and I still clung to those stupid memories like a drowning man grips a life jacket. This was not how it was supposed to be. Thinking about this shit was pissing me off. I felt an aching need to punch Edward Cullen in the face.
I looked down at the journal in my hand. I had twisted the paper, crumpling his words. It made my chest hurt and I couldn't believe he could still make me feel like a seventeen year old boy. I sighed and smoothed the paper out, staring at the words God Jasper, I love you...forever.
"Son of a bitch," I growled as I flipped the page.
I glanced at more of his words, noting things like his touch was soft and loving, unlike Bella's whose was cold and fleeting. His touch burned into my skin and became part of me. The kiss was soft and caring and I poured my soul into it hoping he would feel the unspoken words. The words I knew I would never be able to speak aloud.
I read about our last night together before we joined the team. Monroe and Robert would soon be gone. It was time to go back to being just Jasper and Edward, friends with benefits...on the down low, secret fuck buddies.
God I hated all the labels.
I remembered thinking about how I was going to face Alice. How could I keep lying to her and using her as my cover? I hated myself, but I think I loved Edward more and I was going to do anything to stay with him which made me feel even worse because Alice did not deserve to be caught in the middle of my hell.
"Fuck," I sighed.
Five Years Ago
We were down to our last few hours together and my stomach was in knots. We decided to spend the morning sequestered in our room. Edward had told his folks we were ordering room service and going over the play book before the rest of the team arrived. Neither of us mentioned the game that entire morning. Instead, we spent it fucking and touching and licking and probably everything else you could work up in your imagination, because I knew once we stepped out of the room I couldn't touch him or even look like I wanted to touch him.
After housekeeping came in and cleaned our room and thank god they did because it smelled like sweat and sex and Emmett had a nose for things like that. We both knew he would search out our room the minute the team bus stopped at the hotel. As the seconds drained away, I sat on the bed trying not to think of what was going to happen next. Edward sat down next to me and I let my head fall on his shoulder. He put his arm around me, squeezing me tight against his body. I buried my nose in his neck, enjoying the smell of him and wondering when I would get to touch him again. I sighed when I heard Emmett's booming voice echoing down the hall. I started to untangle my body from Edward but he grabbed my face and slammed his lips into mine.
"Open up girls," Emmett yelled as he banged on our door.
"Edward," I managed to get out before he shoved his tongue in my mouth, pushing us both so we fell back on the bed.
"Fucking let me in. Carlisle said this was your room," Emmett shouted.
"Edward," I grunted against his lips. He rose up, hovering over me and breathing heavily for a few seconds before he calmly answered Emmett. I stayed laid out on the bed trying to get my body under control.
"Hold your fucking dick, McCarty. Christ," Edward shouted.
Edward took one more long look at me before he opened the door. The moment that lock clicked open he changed. It was amazing to watch Edward when Emmett pushed his way into our room.
Emmett walked in and started giving us shit, telling us how our girlfriends were enroute and the thought of Alice touching me and Bella touching Edward made my stomach roll and I felt like heaving into the garbage can. Edward happily talked smack to Emmett about all the things he needed from Bella. I rolled over and stared at the wall, ignoring Emmett's jabs about not getting any for a few days. When I didn't respond he came and sat down next to me, poking me in the back. I pulled myself up to a sitting position and tried to give him a grin. I could feel Edward's eyes piercing into the back of my head. I'm sure he was fucking worried I would screw up and say something to Emmett, but I knew better.
"Hey, Jaz, you okay," Emmett asked. "You look really pale."
"Oh yeah, just getting a slight case of the nerves."
"Since when do you get nervous?"
"Since this is the championship game and probably the last time I'll step on a football field in uniform."
"What the fuck, man, I thought for sure you would play in college. I've heard rumors about UCLA, USC, the Oregon Ducks, ASU and several other schools coming up to scout this game. It's a fucking great opportunity man."
"I'm just not sure if I want to continue to play. I would like to be able to use my brain and body when I'm older and playing football seems to go against self preservation."
"True, but a scholarship to college would be nice," Emmett said wistfully. I didn't think Emmett had anything to worry about when it came to football and college. I was pretty sure some of those scout were going to be looking at him.
"I'm sure all those scouts are not just here to see me play. Maybe one will even have a look at you and Cullen."
Edward snorted and stalked over to me until his his knee bumped against my thigh. "You both know the moment I step onto the field all eyes will be on me."
Edward kept his eyes focused on me and then licked his lips. I wanted nothing more than to kick Emmett out of the room, grab Edward and push him into the mattress. A drop of sweat slid down my neck when he turned and walked into the bathroom. Being close to Edward without touching him was not going to be easy for me, especially if he was going to fucking torment me. Maybe this time alone hadn't been a good idea for us. I didn't know how I was going to get through the next few days.
Fuck the football game, this game that Edward and I were in was far more dangerous.
Emmett laughed and cuffed me on the head. "You both know those scouts will be watching you. Maybe they'll recruit you as a pair. You kinda are a match made in heaven."
I choked on my spit. I knew he meant on the football field, but fuck, it's not exactly where my mind went.
Emmett just rolled his eyes and laughed louder.
"Let's go, we have a team meeting in ten minutes."
"I gotta piss," I muttered. I shooed Edward away and shut the bathroom door. I needed to get my shit together. I splashed some water on my face, hoping it would calm the burn down. I took a deep breath and decided it was time for me to slide back into the roll of Jasper Hale, Senior, starting quarterback for Forks High and heterosexual.
I threw my shoulders back and came out of the bathroom. Edward was leaning against the wall waiting for me.
I had sorta hoped he had left with Emmett. It would be much easier for me to walk into the team meeting without Edward by my side.
"You okay Jaz," he asked.
"Yeah," I said. "Where's Emmett?"
"I told him we'd meet him downstairs."
And then he was striding across the room and slamming me up against the wall. My back hit the wall so hard all the air expelled from my lungs. Edward didn't even give me a chance to catch my breath before his lips were crashing against mine. He thrust his tongue against my lips until I let my jaw fall open so he could ravage my mouth. Christ, why was he doing this now? I had almost brought my body and head under control. We hadn't even left the room and it seemed he had to let me know that I belonged to him.
He pushed his cock against my thigh, grinding it against me. I gasped when he moved his mouth to my neck biting and sucking hard. He was going to leave a mark and I wouldn't be able to explain that to Alice or anyone else.
"What the fuck, Edward," I shouted, shoving him away. He wasn't deterred. He came at me again grabbing at my cock and rubbing hard, groaning in my fucking ear. His fingers fumbled with my the zipper on my jeans, yanking and pulling until he was able to release my cock from the confines of my jeans. We were going to be late for the fucking team meeting if I didn't stop him, but I was powerless.
He dropped to his knees, shoving his face into my crotch and breathing deeply.
"I fucking love how you smell," he grunted.
I couldn't form any words. I may have squeaked out the word late, but it melded into a loud moan when Edward sucked down on my cock. My hips bucked, driving my dick into his hot mouth. Fire shot through my body and I gave in to the sensations that Edward was causing. The fire engulfed my entire being. His fingers dug into my ass as he held me firmly against the wall while he sucked and licked me.
"Edward," I said with a shaky voice. He hummed around my cock making my knees go weak. He fingers were still kneading my ass. He pulled off my dick for a few seconds as he shoved his fingers into his mouth, slicking them up. I gasped when he took me in his mouth again and his fingers slid down my crack. He pressed against my hole and slipped in one wet finger.
"Fuck," I groaned. I wasn't going to last with him finger fucking my ass and sucking me off. My chin dropped to my chest and I panted. And just as I was about to shoot my load, Edward released me and turned me so my face was shoved up against the wall. His forearm rested across my back preventing me from moving. I heard his jeans fall down and another finger enter me.
"Gonna fuck you, baby," he whispered.
I grunted and then he slid up my body, positioned his cock at my hole and pressed in.
"Fucking hell," I hissed.
It fucking burned, but I wasn't about to stop him. I needed this as bad as he did if I was going to face the hell that was going to be my life. He pushed again, grunting and muttering about how I was so tight until I could feel his balls smacking against me. He hit the spot and I came after three pumps into me, spraying my cum all over the wall. My ass spasmed around his dick and he drove harder into me, screaming my name as he reached his climax and pulsed into me.
"Holy shit," Edward yelled and bit down on my shoulder. We both slid down the wall unable to hold ourselves up anymore.
"Uh, we're late," I mumbled. I definitely didn't want to go to some fucking meeting right now. What I really wanted was to curl up with Edward and pass out.
Edward sighed and stood up, extending his hand for me to take. We stumbled into the bathroom, quickly cleaning up. I stared at the reflection in the mirror.
"Fucking hell, Cullen, my neck looks like a goddamn vampire got a hold of me. How the hell am I supposed to explain that," I snapped pointing at the huge hickey on my neck and the bite mark on my shoulder.
"Oh, sorry about that," he said.
"Yeah, well, sorry isn't gonna hide that shit from Alice or the team," I grumbled.
I swear to god I heard Edward whisper mine when he ran a finger over the bite mark. I rolled my eyes and grabbed a hoodie.
Someone was shouting and banging around upstairs. I groaned, pulling the blankets over my head and rolling over. At some point last night, I must have passed out and started dreaming about that fuck hot sex scene Edward and I had before we met with the team. I don't even remember what Edward said when we sauntered in late. We both looked like we had been fucked hard and everyone knew our girlfriends were not in town yet. For some reason, I couldn't make myself care what they thought.
These fucking journals were going to be the death of me. The reading had been torturous and draining. Reading what Edward wrote was not easy. At times I wanted to punch him in the face or smash his head against a wall, but then there were the times when the emotions overwhelmed me and I wanted to bury myself in his body and snuggle into his love.
Wow, those are some pretty strong girl emotions.
The stomping was now coming down the stairs.
I stayed under the blankets, hoping the person would go away. Well, I was hoping Alice would go away, because I would recognize her stomping and hollering anywhere.
"Could you be anymore noisy," I groaned when she jumped on my bed.
"Um, I could have screamed or jumped on top of you, but I know mornings aren't the best time to get in bed with you," she said snickering.
"Whatever, Alice. Now what is it you want this early in the morning," I asked.
"Tell me about the journals," she said excitedly.
"Fuck, Alice," I whined. "They're private. Is nothing sacred to you?"
"No, now spill Jasper and make it fast, Rosalie and Emmett will be here shortly to talk about the funeral preparations."
"I thought you guys had everything all planned out for that fucking funeral."
"Well, yeah, but we figured we should at least discuss some of the shit," Alice snapped. "And then you have to go meet with the lawyer. Plus dealing with all the other crap that comes when someone passes away."
I groaned. "What other shit."
"Canceling credit cards and other stupid shit," she sighed.
"Great," I grumbled.
"So what have you learned," she said trying to yank the journal out of my hand.
"You aren't going to let this go are you," I sighed as I shoved the book behind my back.
"You're kidding right? You know me better than that Jaz and I wanna know. I think I'm entitled to know."
My fingers ran into my hair, gripping and messing it up. "He loved me."
"And..." She was staring at me like that wasn't an important revelation.
"What do you mean and... it's not like he ever said it to me," I snapped.
Her eyes widened when the words hit home. "Never?"
"No never," I said closing my eyes and shaking my head.
"But you had to know. I knew." Her voice trailed off and I felt her hand slip into mine.
"I remember the night I let it slip out. I mean I thought he loved me, but I wasn't sure and one night it just popped out of my mouth. What a fucking mistake," I said, my voice cracking.
"Was that the night..."
I interrupted her. "Yeah, two days before graduation. It was the beginning of the end for us. Acutally after reading his fucking journals, it was what he had planned all along. He knew he was going to leave me after graduation, but the way it happened. I think telling him that I loved him..."
I gulped at the air, trying to fill my lungs. This was one of my worst memories and I didn't think I wanted to face it, but it was coming at me full force. Alice gripped my hand, squeezing so hard it hurt.
"Tell me," she whispered.
"I don't think I can."
Five Years Ago
Two days before Graduation
The sex had been tender and gentle and I was overwhelmed by my emotions.
"I love you Edward," I said. The words slipped out before I could stop them. My body froze. I had said them out loud and they hung out there in the stale air taunting me. I wanted to gather them up and shove them back under the bed where they belonged. My muscles were contracting around my heart and my lungs were collapsing, stealing all my air. I couldn't breathe anymore. I had laid myself on the line and Edward wasn't saying anything. I closed my eyes as I watched him move farther away from me.
"You weren't supposed to love me, Jaz," he said quietly as he scooped up his clothes, quickly dressing.
I grabbed a blanket and stumbled out of my room after him. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs. He was gripping the banister so tightly his knuckles were turning white.
"This was never supposed to be about love," he whispered.
I wanted to fucking ask him what the hell it was about then, but the words never found their way out, instead some sort of squeak came out of my mouth. He couldn't deal with us. Maybe there had never been an us. Maybe it really was just about the sex for him. Maybe he really did love Bella or at least he loved the idea of her and his perfect fucking life.
My hand flew to cover my mouth. There was nothing I could say.
"You thought what?" He huffed and then his eyes widened. "You thought that was me making love to you...Fuck, it was just sex, Jasper. Nothing more," Edward said coldly.
I swear to fucking God my chest constricted so hard, it crushed my heart. I wasn't going to come out of this alive. To hear him say that it was just sex...
I wanted to scream, to cry, anything to get him to take it back, but if that is what he truly believed then he had done nothing wrong. I was the one who expected more. I felt more...he felt nothing. I needed to get him out of here, before I fucking disingrated. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of watching me fall apart.
I'm not sure how, but I managed to get over to the stairs and shove him hard. He stumbled, hitting his knees on the stairs.
"Get the fuck out, you asshole," I shouted, not caring if anyone heard me.
He regained his balance and made his way up the stairs. The door clicked shut and I died a thousand deaths.
"What the fuck," I gasped. I couldn't think about this anymore. Punching something or throwing things seemed like a great idea.
Two days to graduation and my life was ending...
I needed...I needed Alice, but would she even talk to me after all the shit I had put her through? I found my cell phone and slowly pushed the buttons.
"You answered on the first ring? Why?"
"I don't know," she stammered. I raised my hand and traced the tears that dripped down her cheeks. "I just felt things...like you needed me."
"Thank you," I whispered and she hugged me.
See...told ya I'd let a little more information sneak out...Song list for this chapter...Because of You by Kelly Clarkson, Name by the Goo Goo Dolls, In The End by Linkin Park, Can't Help Falling In Love by Michael Buble and Ten Days by Missy Higgins. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and is reading this little slashy fic. Just passed over 400 reviews. Really the reviews are wonderful and spur me on as I'm chasing after this crazy ass dream of getting published...like a real book with pages and everything...Until next week...Back to the Grind...I'm outta here...XoX Drizl