Chapter Four

Setting: the Los Angeles Airport.

The Golden Girls and the Partridge Family have just arrived in LA from Miami.

Keith: It was swell of you to come with us, Mrs. Zbornak. Your friends are really groovy.

Dorothy: (pointing to Blanche as she sashays toward them in four-inch heels) Yes, well, watch out for that one.

Blanche: Why, hello there, Keith.

Keith: Hello, Mrs. Devereaux.

Blanche: Oh, don't be so formal! Call me Blanche, or Vixen, whichever you prefer.

Dorothy: Vixen?

Blanche: It's my stage name, Dorothy! Like Cher...or Prince! I use it all the time at the Rusty Anchor.

Keith: Do you sing too?

Blanche: Why, yes! Would you like to hear something?

Keith: That would be groovy.

Blanche: (sings and dances to "I Wanna Be Loved By You" in the middle of the airport, causing many people to stare at them)

Sophia: Oh my God! One glass of Chardonnay and the slut thinks she's Rita Hayworth.

Dorothy: Ma! Don't talk like that in front of him. (motions to Danny)

Danny: Hey! Who do you think I am, the Beave? Give me a break! I'm wise to the ways of the world.

Sophia: I like this kid!

Blanche finishes her song.

Blanche: Well, what do you think?

Keith and Shirley look at each other.

Keith: be honest, Mrs. Devereaux, you're not really what we're looking for.

Dorothy: (laughs haughtily)

Blanche: But I belong in show business! (walks closer to him) Are you sure there isn't any way that we could work this out? (bats her eyelashes)

Shirley: (walks between Blanche and Keith) How about with a trip to jail?

Blanche: (backing off) My, what pretty earrings...

Rose comes back from the ice cream stand.

Rose: Girls! Guess what!

Dorothy: Elvis really IS alive?

Rose: No! Even better! The ice cream stand has 43 flavors of ice cream! What kinds do you want?

Dorothy: I'll take fish taco.

Rose: (confused) I don't think they have that, Dorothy...

Dorothy: Oh, darn! I'll pass, then.

Danny: Get me a rocky road.

Rose: (in a high, sweet voice) Sure, sweetheart! Would you like sprinkles on that?

Danny: (grimaces) No way!

Rose walks back to the ice cream stand.

Danny: (to Sophia) How old does she think I am? Seven?

Sophia: Don't worry about the nitwit, kid. She still believes in the Great Pumpkin.

Rose returns with the ice cream.

Rose: (to Danny) Here you go!

Danny: Hey, thanks! By the way, next time you go to the pumpkin patch, say hello to Linus for me. (walks away)

Rose: What?

Sophia: The kid's got a screw loose.

Shirley: Okay, everyone. Our show at Igor Beaver's Bar and Grill doesn't start until seven o'clock. That means that we've got plenty of time to go out and explore Hollywood!

Keith: Far out!

Shirley: I think that we should all stay together to make sure that we all make it to the show on time. Where would everybody like to go first?

Dorothy: The Walk of Fame.

Rose: The Hollywood Wax Museum.

Blanche: The Rusty Riverboat.

Sophia: Tony Bennett's house.

Keith: Inspiration point.

Danny: Wherever the babes are.

Shirley: (confused) Lunch it is! Let's go, gang!

The group leaves for Hollywood Boulevard.