Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling. This story is merely my way of saluting her. I do not own any of these characters, I just manipulate their thoughts.
"Just leave me alone for one minute, is that fuckin' too much to ask?" Harry yelled and stumbled out of the Gryffindor common room. Ginny and Hermione's insistent voices were ignored as he stumbled out of the door way and furiously walked. Harry was flushed with anger, his hands shaking. He raced down his tower, blindly pulling open doors and pushing past people. He promptly exited the castle and sprinted towards the lake. When he reached the edge, it was all he could do to stop from jumping in and taking a deep plunge in the cold water. He stood still for a moment before crumbling to his knees, his palms pressing into his stinging eyes. He was all out of tears but that didn't stop him from dry sobbing.
He couldn't stand the sympathizing stares, the pitying faces, and the terrified looks of the people around him. Sirius was dead. NO, he was murdered. Harry was chocking with emotion when he felt the hate well up inside him. He punched the muddy shore with his hands and let out a roar, filled with pent up emotion. His shoulders shook with emotion as he hung his head down, staring blandly at the water in front of him. The calm waters showed a rippling reflection of a young man, face contorted with pain and anguish. Green eyes pierced through the water, never wavering. His deep brown hair covered the shocking scar on his forehead. Harry hardly recognized himself when he noticed his considerable bulk that had been added on to his body in the last few days. He had grown several inches, his shoulders had broadened, and his body had hardened with muscles. His face lost all signs of boyish charms and was replaced by the strong face of a man, with sharpened cheekbones and a more pronounced chin. At least my eyes haven't changed, eh Mum? Harry unconsciously touched his new scar on his arm.
I tried to save you, Sirius. I failed. Harry groaned and shut his eyes, trying to block the image of his godfather's death. But shutting his eyes made the image seem real. He watched as Bellatrix Lestrange uttered the Killing Curse, saw Sirius' astonished face staring at Harry. He remembered the slight assuring smile on Sirius as he fell backwards through the veil, and was gone. He simply left Harry. Harry couldn't run up to Sirius, he couldn't lift his wand to curse Lestrange; he couldn't do anything as he had fallen on the Ministry floor, screaming noiselessly. He could still feel the fever that had burned through his body when he had struck the cold stone floor. He had felt pain shooting from his arm and quickly spreading towards his heart. He had wanted to die. He couldn't handle the physical or the emotional agony until blissfully he had slowly lost control of himself and stopped fighting against the dizziness that threatened to swallow him whole.
Fuck, control yourself, Potter. Harry shook his head clear as the anger slowly ebbed away. Control… Something Harry had had to learn quickly after the night at the Ministry. The two days after the incident had been pure torture for Harry and he couldn't remember most of it. He had been restrained at all times, his hands and feet firmly tethered to the hospital bed. He thought back to the pain in his muscles as he had morphed painfully. He had never felt so helpless before; he had felt himself being ripped apart. He vaguely remembered the Mediwizards repeating the same words over and over again into Harry's ear. Control it.
Harry knew he was supposed to die. He had wanted to give up so many times. Dumbledore recounted that Harry had stopped breathing over four times in the course of two days. But Harry's thirst for revenge seemed to have kept him alive. He knew he was the only one who could kill the one person who had started the madness enveloping the world. Voldemort. Harry turned away his disgusted face. Harry knew that the reason he was still alive was because of the Dark Lord. Harry owed a debt to all who had died and knew that he was the only one who could bring peace to his friends. He had fought against the darkness for two days before emerging from it.
Harry recounted the morning when his head had finally cleared from the torment. He had wrenched opened his eyes when sudden clarity struck him, causing him to lash out and scream one last time before he had folded onto the inviting bed. He had felt as though his body and soul had finally decided to come together after a seemingly endless struggle. He could finally feel the cool rush of air flowing through his body as he breathed heavily. He could finally hear himself think, feel emotions other than pain. Harry finally felt human after two agonizing days in the realm of insanity. He had heard relieved sighs and comforting words around him as his senses returned to him. As soon as the restraints fell away from his body, bodies rushed to him, hugging, kissing, and offering him support.
Guilt sprung up on Harry when he remembered that moment – Hermione's teary face, Ron's pale and shaky smile, and Dumbledore's twinkling eyes. I'm such an ass… Harry thought glumly as he pushed himself up. He mentally straightened his emotions and pulled his head up to look into the sunset. I need to focus on here and now.
With a deep breath, Harry turned around and strode back to Hogwarts. Towards his home and his friends.
A/N: Ooh la la, me likey. This may be a rather long and tedious story. I have some of the chapters planned out in my head. I really wanted to make Harry more of a man than a boy, so I hope you enjoy the changes as much as I do. I even had to do some research to figure out what new twist I should bring into this. I know… Research… ugh!