Guys – Just so you know, I haven't yet seen the Sixth Series let alone the Seventh, mainly because I don't get Sky or whatever and Mum is too stubborn to let me get Season 6. I do know what happens (ish) in Season 6 because of online reviews and such. But like I said I have no idea about Season 7, so this story is based roughly in the first half former. This is my interpretation of how House would take parenthood – so don't bash me for it! Love ya
"Pheewee!" Wilson cried peeling back Rachel's diaper. "House what the hell do you feed this kid? Broccoli every night?"
House vacantly lifted an eyebrow as he rubbed his hands thoroughly. "What kinda person do you take me for?"
"An incompetent drug addict," Wilson shot back.
"Oh, below the belt," House said. He limped over to Rachel and took a whiff. "Urgh… I see what you mean,"
"Do you feed her properly?"
"You know I do," House snapped.
"Well what is this green stuff?" Wilson asked pointing to the gunk protruding from the child's bottom.
"That Wilson, is her poo,"
"And she's a baby, baby's poo goes all sorts of weird colors," House said. "I thought you would have known that,"
"Do I look like I have worked in paediatrics?"
Wilson looked over House. "If you have god help those kids you treated,"
"Not a problem." Wilson replied. "God almighty Rachel!" He cried. "What the hell?"
Rachel looked up at Wilson with her beady green eyes, her hand stuck in her mouth again and she was quite enjoying the attention that the doctor was giving her. House rolled his eyes and pushed Wilson out of the way. "Look," He muttered. Carefully, he wiped her clean, rubbed her with a little talcum powder and put a fresh diaper on. "It's almost like your nights out," He grinned picking her up.
"Thanks for that," Wilson said. "I never thought you would be so experienced with putting diapers on and feeding and changing and all that,"
"The nanny showed me how,"
"You have a nanny?"
"I have a lot of things that you don't know about." House retorted. "For example, a penis that reaches my knees, three prostitutes that are on my beck and call, a yacht currently residing on the beach at California with the name Pretty Enormous Navigational Island Sailor."
Wilson frowned. "That spells out… Penis? You named your yacht so it would spell out the anatomy of which you are most proud,"
"Trust me, I would have made the name spell out 'Wilson's Vagina,; but I couldn't think of anything that would work," House retorted.
"Do you really think repeating the sex organs, in front of Rachel, is a good start to parenthood?"
House rolled his eyes. "Here we go," He muttered.
"Do you really want her to know about that sort of stuff, so early in life?" Wilson asked. "Wouldn't that lead to complications when she's older?"
House sat Rachel in her baby walker and picked up his cane. "Listen," He said. "We have a ridiculous and frankly hypocritical view of sex."
"Oh god, you're not about to start on one of your philosophies are you?"
"Would you let me finish?"
"Sex is the most natural thing ever. Yet we are constantly forced to view it as an unhealthy and evil thing when it is not. We force down what it really means and push out rampant lies about what it is. All it really is, is a biological need – the one to bring more of our species into the world. However we constantly want to be open with our children about it. I heard that in England they want to start teaching 3 year olds about sex and people were outraged at this calling it 'disgusting' etc."
"But we're not in England,"
"Wilson that is not the point I am trying to make." House said. "Because of our reasoning to make Sex sound like an immoral evil thing more and more are tempted into having it when they're not ready or because all their friends have done it. It is exactly the same as drugs,"
"Ah, no, you can't compare it to drugs,"
"Yes I can. Let's say.. Marijuana, it does less harm than that of alcohol. It lightens our mood makes you feel enlightened-"
"Makes you do stupid things,"
"But don't you see? Alcohol does that itself. All the pleasures that we have made in our short span here we have banned ourselves from doing because we think their immoral or evil or whatever. If children understood from a young age that it is not an evil thing, that it is the most natural thing in the world that what it is, is a beautiful merging of two humans who statistically more times are in love with each other have been in a relationship for quite some time. It is one of the most wonderful things we've been given as humans." House looked up from the small note he had left himself on the coffee table.
"Is this how you're gonna raise her?" Wilson asked.
House smiled. "I don't know. Is it any good?"
"The argument you just presented was good,"
"Of course." Wilson shrugged. "I've always thought that the arguments you make are sound investments of words."
"Thank you," House said.
"But do you really want her first words to be 'breasts', 'penis' or 'doggy style'?"
"Of course not. But I am going to be open with her. About everything. I'm not going to sugar-coat her at all like many parents do. Lisa left her with me. That means, I raise her. And yes my particular brand of honesty doesn't work with some people-"
"Try most people,"
"Thank you for that rather unneeded," House said. "But I want her to be strong and independent. I want her to have her own personality, not the kind that is grafted onto some people once they come into contact with others. If she chooses a religion then I will tolerate it. If she chooses women over men, again I will tolerate it. If she decides that Justin Bieber is hot and Miley Cyrus is an idol then I will… Probably kill her,"
"So, gay, religious – they're okay, but idols like Justin Bieber and whatnot, their bad?"
"Of course they're bad," House shuddered. "I'm just glad that they'll be sinking into the history books as soon as she turns old enough to even acknowledge them,"
"Have you got some secret man crush on Beiber that you're not telling me about?" House asked.
"God, no," Wilson said. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!"
"That's a lot of 'no's'" House said. "You like their music,"
"Thank the lord," House said.
"You've turned religious?"
"No, if there was a god, he wouldn't let two talentless teenagers rule the world and claim their own empire." House said.
"That would be the devils work," Wilson summarized.
"I thought we had been over this," House said. "I am the devil!" He let out an evil sounding laugh that scared Wilson a little. Rachel enjoyed it; clapping her hands and looking up at the man who was now her father. "And it is not my handiwork, no this is something much more sinister than that."
"Day time reality?" Wilson asked.
"Correct my friend," House said.
"Friends with the devil," Wilson muttered. "Now that's something to put into my resume,"
"It'll get you a lot more interviews,"
"I'm sure it will,"
House sat down. "Do you think I'll make a good dad?"
Wilson frowned. "Where has this come all of a sudden?"
House grinned, rolling his cane between his palms as he sat down on the sofa. "I dunno. I've just been… Thinking I guess."
Wilson sniffed and sat down opposite his friend. "Always a worry," He muttered. "Alright, what's up?"
House sighed. "I've always wanted to be a dad." He said quietly. "I thought that in some bizarre way, that if I could be a father myself, I could be better than my own father. After Stacey and I broke up, I thought that the one person who could stand me was gone, that my chance to be a father had passed,"
"This is deep House, are you sure you want to be talking to me instead of Nolan?"
"I haven't even told Nolan this. No one knows. From the moment Cuddy adopted Rachel, I knew, I just knew it was the perfect family. It just felt right. But now it's all on me. I don't know how to raise a kid. What am I supposed to do? I can't exactly play with her in the park because of this bloody thing," He hit his leg with his cane and winced. "When she's ten, I'm going to be old enough to be her grandfather. I can't sit through school plays, poetry readings, Christmas charity events etc, I'll always need to be moving so this thing doesn't play havoc. What if the vicodin shots my liver? What happens then?"
"House," Wilson said, interrupting. "You're worrying way too much. Concentrate on the now, she needs you now,"
"What about when I'm working late, what happens then?" House asked. "What if I have a difficult case? I neglect myself, what am I going to do with her?"
"Well, I'm no expert at kids, but I know how to keep them entertained. I could look after her while you deal with whoever is dying of a strange infection, genetic disorder, complication from a pretty normal thing whatever else that comes your way." Wilson said. "You keep thinking of this as you being alone. Truth is House, you're not alone in this. You have people to help you. Not just me, but Thirteen, Foreman, Chase and Taub. And I'm sure Cameron would help if you called her up." Wilson stood up and patted House on the shoulder. "Look, you'll get through this in one piece."
"Thanks," House muttered.
Please leave on of your lovely comments, much appreciated.