A huge thanks to Cina's, mixmatched9, sujari6, mommymac0508, MoreRandomThanYouWouldBelieve, janjan2009, WeFallForever and sammy for their reviews.
So, if you liked the last chapter, than you should love this one. I've never written like this before, so this is my very first lemon. Hate it or love it, leave some feedback. You'll probably think it's bloody awful, but there you go! But since it's my first, please be gentle! I just hope I've done it justice and you like it.
This chapter is named after "My love" by Sia. I freakin love this song, like majorly so. It's probably one of my most favorite songs ever.
Disclaimer: Not that you didn't all know this, but I don't own Twilight.
Bella Swan's Point of View
Whenever I had been down or upset or depressed in my life, my first option for help had always been to seek out one of my sisters and have them comfort me and love me in the hope that at least some of my sadness would disappear. Usually, it did. It was like my sisters had a magic touch or could cast a magic spell, but with just one comforting word to me, all my depression would be gone, and I'd be my happy and joyful self again.
I didn't have my sisters in Forks.
Whilst I was glad for them in their brand new apartment in Phoenix which Edward had kindly brought them, I wished they were here with me in rainy old Forks, even just for a moment, simply to comfort me like the always had.
But they couldn't, and like the brave woman I was, I had accepted this fact. So I'd gone to the next best thing - books.
Books had always helped me throughout my life. Whether they were an escape, for enjoyment or merely a way to occupy myself, books were the one thing that had always been there for me. I felt I could do anything when I read a book. I would be taken to a brand new land or place full of brand new characters and brand new events. They were the perfect distraction, the perfect way for me to forget all my troubles.
So I had taken up residence in the Cullen's library, curled up on the sofa with a good book.
With books, I didn't have to reflect on the realities of my own life… and at that moment, I wanted to escape my own life more than anything.
To say my life was a train wreck was a bit of an understatement. You couldn't write this stuff! After everything I had been though, after everything I had experienced these past few weeks - the Cullen secret, James, Charlie's death, loving Edward, losing Edward - it was a miracle that I wasn't locked up in a mental hospital to wither away.
I had been through some absolute shit these past few weeks… but losing him was the worst.
Saying goodbye to the man you love, then seeing him with another woman everyday was enough to send a person insane, and I certainly felt it. Sure, Jacob had eased some of the pain, and he had been so wonderful with me, but the pain was still there, eating away at me bit by bit.
Jacob had been a fantastic distraction, but Edward would always be there, finding some new and inventive way to torture and hurt me. I knew he didn't mean to make me feel this way, but I did. I hurt, I was in pain... and Edward didn't wholly seem to care.
That was until he snapped.
That kiss… Oh, that kiss. Edward Cullen could rule the entire world with that kiss. That kiss was better than every other kiss he had given me combined. So many emotions ran through him as his lips pressed into mine - love, anger, passion, fury - it had all been there. He'd never kissed my like that before. All his other kisses had been loving and romantic and sweet, a way to tell me that he adored and cared for me. But this one had been about possession. I felt as if he was claiming me in that kiss, declaring me as his, saying I belonged to no one else but him.
And I felt that way… until Tanya's face entered my mind.
No, I wasn't his, was I? He'd made sure of that my agreeing to Aro's demands. Tanya Denali was his girl now, not Isabella Swan.
And then I had to leave, I had to walk away before the tears showed themselves again. I had to go before I could show weakness infront of the man who had made me weak in the first place. I ran to the library where I was now, using books as my only means of escape. Edward Cullen was no longer mine, and he never would be again.
And because of this, my heart broke just a little more each and every day I was away from him…
But I knew what I had to do now, and I knew I wouldn't be the only person hurt by my decision. Yet, how could I live so close to him yet not be able to have him? How could I walk around and see him with another woman every day? How could I live around him and know that I could never love him again? It was all too much to handle, it was too much for my heart to bear.
I had tried to live without him… and I'd failed. Yes, I had been distracted by Jacob, and he would always be my best friend and a person I'd be eternally grateful to. But he could never replace Edward. No one could. I couldn't take this anymore, so my decision was made…
I had to leave this place. I needed to go home, back to Phoenix.
I couldn't be here anymore, not if I couldn't have him. I refused to let myself become any more broken than I already was. Being near him was like some sort of masochistic torture. I knew it hurt to see him with his new fiancée, but I couldn't be away from him. I knew this. But I had to be strong. I had to stop thinking about him and think about myself for once. He had Tanya, I had no one. He was out of reach now, and I had to accept that.
And the only way to get over Edward was to be as far away from him as possible.
I wiped my newly fallen tears away as I put my book down on the library sofa and stood up. I wasn't sure what Esme would say, and I knew Alice would be upset, but I couldn't go through this anymore. It was killing me. I needed to get away.
Movement from the doorway caught my eye.
"Rosalie?" I questioned as I saw the female vampire standing there. She was leaning against the doorway, her arms folded and her face rather happy. Her eyes were sparkling… Something had happened. "Rosalie, what is it? Tell me."
"Things are looking up for you, Bella," she replied, her smile growing bigger and bigger. "About time, huh?"
My eyebrows furrowed. "Rosalie, you aren't making sense," I insisted, approaching her and pushing her for a more understandable answer.
"He's left her," she stated. "She's gone, he said goodbye and she's taken the next ride home. You've got your man back."
My eyes widened.
My breathing stopped.
"But… how can… what about…" I couldn't get my words out no matter how much I tried. There weren't words to possibly describe this.
How can he leave her? How? What about the Volturi and his duty? What about Aro and the marriage? Was he fucking insane? None of us liked this arrangement, but it wasn't ours to make. This was something he'd been ordered to do, not by choice but by force. Edward can't have left her; he could never defy the Volturi.
But Rosalie's face, the glee in her voice, the serious nature of her tone. Surely she couldn't be telling the truth…
"You're lying," I said, my fingers gently shaking in anticipation at my side. "You have to be."
"Why would I lie?" she grinned. "Tanya's gone, he's left her. The Denali's are already on the way home, Bella. Edward's a free man again."
He was… free.
"W-Where is he?" I stammered.
"He's in his room," she stated before I literally sprinted past her.
I pushed my legs as hard as I humanly could as I raced to Edward's room. She couldn't be telling the truth. Does Edward not know what the Volturi will do if he says no to all of this? They would kill him. They would destroy him. From what I'd been told, defying the Volturi was like breaking the law. Saying no would mean punishment. Was he fucking insane?
Movement from a window in the hallway caught my eye, so I ran to it.
Oh good lord… Rosalie was right. Below me I could see the Denali's packing suitcases into their car, hugging Esme and Carlisle goodbye. They were leaving… They were saying goodbye… Edward was free…
"Oh god…" I whispered to myself, my heart thumping rapidly in my chest. He'd actually done it. He'd left her, he'd said no.
I bolted to Edward's room, banging with a heavy fist on his door when I reached it. I thumped as hard as I could on the wooden barrier between the two of us. The evidence was all there, but I needed to hear the truth from him. I had to, there was no other way to be sure. The door finally opened and there he stood in the doorway, his eyes widening when he saw me.
"Bella," he said, his voice somewhat laced with surprise. I knew he couldn't have been expecting me, at least not yet.
"Is it true?" I asked. "Please, I need to hear it from you. Is it?"
"Is what true?"
"You know what. Please, tell me," I begged, tears threatening to spill.
He was silent for a brief moment before my favorite crooked grin appeared on his lips. "Yes, Love. It's true."
I just stood there as I processed his words. It was one thing hearing this from Rosalie, and it was another to see Tanya leaving the house, but to actually hear those words leave Edward's mouth was all I needed…
I practically leapt into his arms, attaching my mouth to his instantly, putting every ounce of passion and love that I had for him into that kiss. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into the room and kicking his bedroom door closed. The kiss became more urgent as my tongue pushed passed his lips, tangling with his own. God, he tasted good. Like cinnamon and Edward, the perfect combination.
He groaned as he left my lips and trailed his own across my neck, his hands running up and down my body, teasing me against my stomach.
"You're an idiot, do you know that?" I said as I struggled for breath. With each little kiss and nibble Edward pressed against my skin, breathing got just a little harder. "You said no… Aro will kill you. What you've done is stupid."
"No," he growled against my neck as his hands slipped under my shirt and grasped my bra-clad breasts. I gasped at the pressure, the noise quickly turning into a groan as he pushed the material aside and massaged my bare skin. "The only thing I'm stupid of is not being with you. I'm stupid for choosing the Volturi over my singer, and I'll never do that again."
At his sudden admission, I pulled away from his body and looked into his eyes.
"I'm… your singer?" I questioned.
Okay, so this information was a little new! Surely he couldn't mean his actual singer, he must have made some form of mistake.
He brushed the loose strands of hair from my forehead. "Yes," he replied with a satisfied smile. "You, Isabella Swan, are my singer."
And then it clicked, almost like magic. Of course I was his singer! That connection we had, those pent up feelings that threatened to burst from me, that pull I always felt towards him. When I looked back on it, it was so obvious. We were just like Alice and Jasper - never one without the other, our movements and minds always in sync, a constant need to be with each other and near each other.
Yes… I was Edward Cullen's singer.
"So, I'm your singer?" I asked again.
"Yes," he chuckled.
"And Tanya's gone?"
"And there's no arranged marriage?"
"And… you love me?"
He rested his forehead on mine. "More than you will ever know."
I smiled. "Then that's good enough for me," I whispered as I attached my lips to his again. Our tongues tangled immediately, touching and caressing in the sweetest way. I groaned when his hand slowly snaked back under my shirt and cupped my breast in his hand, holding and stroking in the most amazing way, something that only Edward could do to me.
He picked me up, our kiss never breaking and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he led me slowly to his bed. He placed me down carefully and crawled up my body as I lay back, my head settling into the pillows. His hands left my breasts and grabbed the bottom of my shirt, my body quickly lifting itself as he removed it from my body, casting it across his bedroom floor. My bra quickly followed, leaving me bare before my vampire. I should have felt nervous and embarrassed, but with how Edward was looking at me, my nerves disappeared completely.
"So beautiful," he whispered before lowering his head and attaching his mouth to my left breast. I gasped at the sudden sensation of having his mouth on my skin. My eyes closed by themself, my mind committing each movement he made to memory. His free hand held my free breast, his body leaving none of mine uncovered. He lapped at my nipple, my mind going into overdrive, the tightly wound coil in my stomach tightening just a little more. I'd never felt anything like this before, never. God, I loved him.
I grabbed his face and brought it back up to my own, stripping him of his shirt and kissing him with every ounce of passion that my body could muster. His lips fitted mine so perfectly and, as cheesy as it sounded, it was like we were made for each other, like my soul purpose in life had been to meet this wonderful creature. I now knew what it was like to be a singer, I fully understood my connection to him as a soul mate.
My arms wrapped themselves around his neck as his hands lowered and snapped the button of my jeans open, pulling them down my legs. I kicked them off, the denim falling to the floor with a thump. My legs fell open as his body settled and fitted into mine.
"I love you," I breathed as he moved his lips to my neck, kissing me and nibbling me, his mouth ironically hovering over my pulse. I didn't feel scared, not one bit.
"I want this," he mumbled, referring to my blood, the liquid pumping heavily through my veins, "so much. But I will never take it. I may want it, but I will never need it. The only thing I need is you, my Bella. I love you. Forever."
He kissed my lips again, my hands removing his belt and finally his pants and underwear. He was completely naked before me, and I could not have been any more happier or content or excited. This was all so perfect, so memorable, so... us. I knew my panties were soaked and I knew that I wanted the coil in my stomach to become undone. I had never wanted anyone before as much as I wanted him in this moment.
This was what I needed. I needed him… and I needed him to take me.
I kicked my own underwear off until we were both bare, both ready. His eyes connected with mine, love, adoration, and pure lust swimming in his now black orbs.
"Are… are you sure, Love?" he asked me with concern. "I wanted your first time to be special and romantic and perfect."
I ran my fingers tenderly across his cheeks. "This is special, Edward. And nothing can be more perfect than how we are now. I almost lost you, I can't bear to be a single second away from you, anymore. I want you, Edward. Please."
"Bella," he whispered as he lined his body up with mine, his tip just outside my opening. "Once I start, I won't be able to stop. I want you so much. I need you so badly."
"Then take me," I whispered in his ear. "I'm yours."
So he did.
There was no need for foreplay, we'd waited too long to go through all that. At the sound of my words, he pushed into me, our two bodies finally connecting after a lifetime of waiting, my heart and soul finally feeling complete. We both groaned at the contact, a burst of pain shooting through me as my virginity was finally broken. I cried out and Edward stilled inside me, softly kissing my face and whsipering apologies, easing me until the pain subsided.
When I was finally ready, I connected my lips to his, giving him the go-ahead to continue. He started off gently first, allowing my body to get used to his size. He pulled almost all the way out before gently pushing in again, the pain lessening more and more each time he entered me, until I could no longer feel it. All I could feel was absolute pleasure and utter love.
I wrapped my arms around his body, pulling him closer, allowing him to push in deeper, our moans getting louder. He pulled his lips from mine, words leaving his mouth with each and every thrust he took…
"I love you, so much…"
"How could I have ever let you go…"
"I'm nothing without you, Love. I need you…"
"So beautiful, so perfect…"
With each thrust, our breathing got heavier and the coil wound even tighter. I could feel the pressure building in my stomach, dying to be let loose.
"Edward, more…" I gasped. He grabbed my leg and latched it around his hip, allowing him to go deeper. This worked perfectly, our moans and cries becoming louder and louder. My breathing became laboured the more we moved. Why had I waited this long to be this intimate with him? Why had it taken the two of us almost being ripped apart before we could become this close? Never again. I'd practically live in this bed if it meant Edward and I would never part again. He was mine forever now, and I was his, and no one would stop this. Not the Volturi, not Aro, not anyone.
His thrusts became rougher and I knew he was almost as breaking point. But I wanted our first time to be special. I wanted us to come together. I was ready and so was he.
"Come with me, Edward… please."
"So close," he groaned with each push. "So good."
"Edward, please... I'm coming..."
With one last thrust, the coil burst, my voice crying out as my orgasm hit me. I felt Edward spill into me as he cried too, his movements slowing until we were both spent. Edward's body collapsed onto me as his head fell onto my chest, my arms wrapping around him and stroking his hair. We weren't silent and still for a while as we both sruggled to catch our breaths. He kissed the top of my breast before kissing the side of my throat, nuzzling his face into my neck.
"I love you, so much," he whispered.
I rested my head on top of his. "I love you too," I replied.
And I did…