A/N: Yeah, I know…really shouldn't have posted this, but I couldn't help it. This story will probably only be two or three chapter long. I actually got the spark for this fic from watching an episode of True-life: I'm hustling in the Hamptons, but I really started writing it after I read theboxer's: Have you ever? It's a really good story and I like the idea of having a cocky, arrogant Bella, instead of the usual shy and reserved Bella. So big shouts to theboxer, I had to give credit where it's due and make sure you check that out! Hope you enjoy! Read and review!

The Pussy Monster

Spending another one of my summers cleaning up after spoiled, pompous, little shits was not how I pictured my life at twenty one. If anything, I pictured myself back at Arizona State, finishing up my second year and working towards my bachelors in sociology. Unfortunately that won't be happening anytime soon, since I can't really afford tuition or the cost of living on campus.

Oh, and by shits, I mean the Cullen's.

I've been working for these douche bags for over a year and a half now; mainly as their servant or slave, whatever you want to call it.

Why am I working for the Cullen's you ask? Well, it's simple, other than the fact that I want money to go back to school; I'm working for the Cullen's due to some family issues. These issues revolve around a fuckin lazy ass, good for nothing father named Charlie. Ever since my mom left him, he became an empty shell; drinking, smoking and gambling his way into debt. I had to take this shitty job just so we wouldn't get evicted from that shitty apartment.

Anywho, the Cullen's consist of Carlisle, who is actually pretty cool. He's a pussy-whipped little sissy, but he's still cool. He's a highly regarded Harvard graduate and one hell of a doctor. I heard he graduated from high school at the age of sixteen, got his masters at the age of twenty six and his PHD at the age of thirty four. I mean the guy isn't even forty yet and his already making at least 3 to 400,000 a year. Can you say loaded? Then there's his wife, Esme, who he met in college. They've been together for like eighteen year. That a long fuckin time, and I'm still not sure what the hell she does for a living, besides fuck my brother, but I'll tell you about that later.

They have three children, Edward, Rosalie, and Alice, who is the youngest.

Edward is a fuckin pretty boy dick flicker, who dreams about ramming his meat sack right up Emmet's ass, which will never happen. He's twenty and the twin brother of Rosalie, who is a total bitch and a fuckin tease. A bitch I wouldn't mind fucking, sucking, and licking, but a bitch nonetheless.

Rosalie is the perfect example of how rich people are; snobby, ignorant and completely oblivious to the world around them. All she ever does is spend her daddy's money on Shoes, clothes, jewelry, cars and whatever else that bitch wants.

She's smart when it comes to fashion sense, but a complete idiot when it comes to street and book smarts; she had no clue about the world outside of those pearly white gates. I remember last year when I asked her who she was voting for. Now, I might not have elaborated on what or who I was talking about, but when someone asks you that question, and during the presidential campaign no less, wouldn't you just assume that I was talking about the presidency? But I guess I was wrong, because that bitch reminded me of why I hate blondes, fuckin dumb blondes at that. That chick actually had the audacity to mention some fruit bag from American Idol. Really! American Idol! Where the fuck has been living!

But let's get back on track. Carlisle and Esme have three children to which I'm only friends with one of them; the petite little pixie herself, Alice. Alice was just amazing. She's everything you could ever want in a girl; funny, smart, and sexy as hell. If it wasn't so obvious that she and my best friend/play sister, Leah, had a thing going on, I would be on that ass like a pair of g-string panties.

I looked towards the said girl and noticed that she was eying Leah rather intently; it was a look that said "meet me up stares in a few minutes so we can fuck!" And they fucked quite often, and like jack rabbits in heat!

Leah wasn't the only one fucking one of the Cullen's. My dear brother, Emmet, was also indulging in the many pleasures of free pussy; old, free pussy to be exact. And that pussy's name was Esme Cullen…yeah, I know. He would probably be down here in a few minutes, telling me about his weird sexual innuendos, and then he would return to Mrs. Cougar pussy for another round. When Emmet tells his little stories, he tells them in great detail, to my dismay. Don't get me wrong, I'm all "thumbs up" when it comes to the "kiss and tell" bit, but sometimes he goes a little too far. I mean, I don't want to think about how his nuts sound, hitting the back of Mrs. Cullen's ass as he rams into her from the back...its gross! He's the reason why I can't eat macaroni anymore, because every time we eat it, he squishes it around and it makes this really disturbing sound; it reminds me of a really wet vag. I hate it and he knows it. To make things worse, he grins and says, "You know what this reminds me of, Bells?" or "its music to my ears." It makes me cringe every time I hear it. This isn't the first time he's had sex with an older women; he did it all the time when we were in high school. Lucky bastard! I have to admit that he does have good taste though, 'cause I definitely wouldn't mind hitting that kitty cat!

Unfortunately, I don't seem to have the same luck as my brother or Leah, because I'm the only one not getting any! Well, besides Rosalie and Edward, but I think he's secretly fucking that curly haired, dick smoker, Jasper from a few acres over.

We were currently working on the hedges, and by we, I mean Leah and myself; Emmet was still doing some other work around the house, if you know what I mean?

It was pretty hot outside, so we ended up taking our shirts off, leaving us only in our sports bras and shorts. The one thing I can say that is good about working here is that you get a good work out. I mean, cleaning, and taking care of three story mansion is hard work, so I looking pretty good in the abdominal area, which Rosalie seemed to notice.

I could feel her eyes on me from beside the pool area; watching and basically eye-fucking the shit out of me. I always found it funny that she and Alice always seemed to "coincidentally" sun bathe on every Tuesday, which was the day we worked the yard. But hey, I don't mind as long as I get to see those titties.

"Hey Bill, I think you missed a spot!" I rolled my eyes as Rose snickered and nudge Alice, who didn't seem at all amused at her childish outburst.

"Whatever you say, Cuntalie!" I heard an indignant snort from Leah, and Alice just burst into giggles. She gathered herself after Rosalie slapped her arm and then gave me a thumbs up so I blew a kiss at her. She winks and licks her lips slowly and sensuously; I just shook my head at our little game. Alice and I have this weird, quirky, relationship. She is by far the most pleasant to be around and we often indulged in outlandish, childish acts, just to piss Rosalie off. Last year, I had to work on my Birthday, so Alice surprised me with a rather raunchy lap dance; both as a present and to piss Rosalie off, which it did.

Yes, we all know that Rosalie secretly wants me; Alice and even told me herself. So ever since I found out her little secret, I've made it my sworn duty to completely terrorize her in the most sexual and annoying ways possible.

Speaking of which….

"Don't look now, but your secret lover is coming over here."

Oh, she will be cumming….. and soon! I laughed at my own inner ramblings and then laughed at what Leah said.

"What? What's so funny?" Leah said, with a slightly perplexed and amused look on her face.

"Cumming..hehe…you said cumming!" I burst into fits of giggles and she soon followed. I regained my composure and noticed that Rosalie still hadn't made it over here yet. What the fuck! It takes like ten years to cross a freakin lawn!

Soon all thought flew from my mind as I watched the site before me. I eyed her appreciatively as her chest jiggled from side to side; I found my head bobbing in the same rhythm. She was wearing at rather revealing two-piece, which I was really grateful for 'cause she looked hot! It literally felt and looked like slow motion; her hips were like a pendulum, swaying and hypnotizing me with every step she took. I don't know why, but I started getting this weird feeling. It wasn't that usual tingly feeling I get in my vagina, but it was a feeling I felt within my chest; like my heart wanted to just burst through my ribcage or something.

My lips automatically parted when I gazed at her face; it was flawless, even with that permanent mean-mug etched across it.

"Easy there champ, she just might slip…vag first, right into your mouth if it gets any wider" I looked at Leah like she was dumb.

"Uh Yeah, I think that's the whole idea! Tisk, tisk, tisk, I thought we've already been through this, Lee?" I said in mock disappointment. We stared at each other and then burst into another fit of giggles. We immediately stopped when Rosalie made her appearance. Finally!

With a cocky grin I leaned forward, slightly hovering over the hedges and got a good look at those lovely tits and replied…..

"What's up, sugar-tits?" I was gazing at those very same items, which looked like they needed a good licking.

Oh don't worry little ones, soon ill feast upon your rosy little peaks, and watch as they ascend to painful heights. Yes, I will soon satiate the both of us. I couldn't help the huge, perverted grin that was probably plastered on my face, but it soon faltered when a forced cough brought me out of my thoughts. I was greeted with a knowing look from Alice and a glare form Rosalie. When the fuck did Alice get over here!

"So, what can we do for you two lovely ladies?" I was trying to put on a charming smile, but something told me that I was probably looking like an idiot.

"I said you missed a spot BILL!"

"Yeah, I SAID, whatever you say, CUNTALIE!"

"Call me that one more time, and I'll tell daddy and get you fired!" Was this bitch serious! She's grown as fuck and she still on some elementary bull-shit! She's officially wack for that!

"You hear that, Lee? She's gonna tell her daddy and get me fired." I said mockingly, while nudging Leah, who seemed just as amused.

I moved around the hedge, walked straight up to Rosalie and pressed myself against her. She gasped a bit as I tentatively wrapped my arm around her bare waist. Oh yeah, there's no denying it now..she wants me!

"Rose I really don't think you'd get me fired. You want to know why?" My lips were close to her ear, almost grazing the skin but barely so. " 'Cause if you do that, we'd never get a chance to fuck." I whispered lowly, voice dropping several octaves, and I could see her chest heaving; I grinned with satisfaction.

I was a bit surprised that she hadn't pulled away from me yet, so I decided to test the waters. I shifted behind her and pulled her close so that her back was to my front. I let my nose nuzzle her neck, reveling in her scent. She was trembling slightly but still hadn't pulled away, so I turned it up a notch.

"Don't you want to fuck, Rose?" I was bit shocked at how husky my voice sounded when those words came out of my mouth.

She was panting as my hands played with the hem of her swimming panties, and I let my tongue graze the base of her neck, sending goose bumps in its wake. She tasted exactly how she looked…good!

I was so focused on what I was doing that I forgot we had an audience. I nearly jumped out of my own skin when Alice coughed rather loudly. That seemed to get Rosalie's attention because she shoved the hell out of me, making me stumble a few feet back. Typical

I returned to my spot next to Leah, fully aware of Rose's wandering eyes.

"So, what were we talking about?"

"Well, I don't know what you two were talking about, but Leah and I were talking about how ridiculous the two of you are." Rose stuck up her nose at me, so I just shrugged my shoulders. Whatever bitch! "Anddd…me and Leah were kind of bored, so we thought about a game of truth or dare…you guys in?"

Were they fucking kidding me? Truth or fuckin dare..Seriously! And just how old are we again?

"Alice, the best thing you can come up with is truth or dare?"

"Yeah, I have to agree with Bill here, you can't be serious?"

"Well yeah, I mean, what else is there to do?"

"Ohhhh I don't know…we could just FUCK!" I said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, eying Rosalie all the while.

"Pfft, like anyone wants to fuck you!"

Have you ever looked at someone and thought "man, one of these days I'm going to fuck you!" That's exactly what I was thinking, but I felt like she needed to know that.

"I AM going to fuck you Rosalie, and you're going to enjoy every last minute of it."

"Yeah, you fucking wish that I wanted to fuck you!" She started laughing as if I was actually joking with her. That's cute, this bitch really thought i was playing, but I was serious, dead fucking serious. I was gonna murder that shit; completely obliterate it and make her renounce all the shit she had been talking.

Oh, I don't wish, I AM. You know how I know?"

I didn't give her a chance to answer.

"I know because your body tells me so."

I gave her my "fuck me" smirk, closed my eyes and inhaled deeply.

"You're so wet right now, Rosalie, that I can practically taste you in my mouth…been eating a lot of fruits lately?" I wiggled my tongue at her and watched as she squirmed under my gaze. God, I love this game!

She huffed angrily and walked away blushing, completely flustered.

"So we'll see you in a bit, yeah? I said, cupping my hand to my mouth.

"Fuck you!"

"Name the time and place, I'll be there baby-cakes!"

I'm leaning against the house with Leah, smoking some of our secret pot stash. We had secretly planted a little in the green house last year, and luckily no one found it since we're the ones that take care of the gardening and whatnot.

"So Bells, you still going out tonight?"

"Yeah, I have to pay a visit to Mr. Weed-man…we're running out of that skadoosh….and Angela wants to see me. Skadoosh is the name of the pot we were smoking. We named it that because the first time we ever smoked it was when we saw Kung Fu Panda. And don't hate, 'cause we be on that Pixar and DreamWorks shit!

"I don't know why you're wasting your time with her, she a virgin and virgins NEVER put out!"

I wiped at my face and just shrugged.

"What can I say? I love a challenge!"

We both stared at each other intently, and then started cracking up.

"What the fuck is this!"

A very angry and sexy voice boomed into my ear, causing me to wince.

I turned my attention to Rosalie, giving her a very thorough once over and smirked; she had changed into a very low skirt, but she still had on the bikini top. My eyes immediately focused on those milk duds and then her face.

"Well, somebody's looking mighty scrumptious…did you do that for me?"

"You wish…and what that smell?" She leaned forward, sniffing at my clothing.

Why don't you sniff a little lower, like near my CROTCH! I had to chuckle at my perverted inner thoughts, which just so happened to get her attention.

"Are you…are you guys smoking pot!"

"Why yes, yes we are…you want some? I held it up to her face, moving it back and forth as she scrunched up her nose.

"Come on….peer pressure…peer pressure, peer pressure?"

"No! Fortunately, I'm not like the two of you pot heads!"

"Ohhh, I forgot, you rich people tend to go with the whole "rockstar" method..ya know, snorting coke in bathrooms and whatnot!" I heard a weird sound from Leah; it was a cross between a squeal and a snort.

"Whatever, Alice says that she's waiting in her room."

"Waiting? Waiting for what?" And then it hit me; we were supposed to be playing that stupid game.

"So Rosalie," I began, drawing out every last syllable in her name, "will you be joining us this afternoon?"

Now, Rosalie's quite known for her mean glares, which tell people not to fuck with her, but to me, it only means one thing: "I want to fuck you right here and right now."

"Unfortunately, I have to or she's gonna tell our dad about my maxed out credit card….otherwise, you'd be playing with Edward!

The fuck I would!

"You don't have to act all coy about it, Rose….you know you wanna play anyway." I flicked the roach and leaned into her.

"I can't wait to play with you Rose, its gonna be so much fun." I looked her straight into the eyes and licked my lips very slowly.

"God, you're such a pervert!" She pushed me back, making me fall onto Leah.

I think the only good thing that came out of that situation was that it gave me a good peek underneath her skirt as she walked off.

"I didn't even say anything perverted yet…. and nice ass!" She flipped me off with moth fingers, so I laughed and nudged Leah.

"I think she wants me, Leah."

"Yeah, and I think you should get your fat ass off me! And you should really try to lay off her a bit."

"Awe, but where's the fun in that! We both know she secretly likes it, she's just playing hard to get."

"Whatever you say, Bells, but are you gonna get off me or what!"

I turned my attention back towards Rose, just in time to see her turn the corner.

Oh you can run, but you can't hide from the pussy monster, Rosalie!