Disclaimer: I own nothing. All belongs to Glee writers and creators.
How Much Do You Know About…
Quinn sighed. "I think we're all well aware of that by now, Puck."
"We could…play a board game," Kurt suggested cautiously.
"Dude, we've already watched you and Rachel play chess twice, and we've had to watch the Single Ladies routine like three times just since I got here," Puck grumped. "No more suggestions from you."
"He's just mad because I won the last round," Rachel said happily.
Finn smiled and rubbed her shoulders.
"Only because you cheated," Kurt muttered.
"Taking good advice from Artie does not count as cheating," she retorted.
"Whatever. I'm bored."
"And I'm bored of you saying that," Santana snipped. "Someone please come up with something to do so he stops whining."
Rachel thought on it. "We could play How Much Do You Know About," she offered.
"What is that?" Mercedes asked, exchanging a confused glance with Kurt.
"It's a game where the person in question writes down trivia questions—usually ten or less—about themselves and then reads them out. Someone else keeps track of the score, although they may still answer questions, and whoever answers the most questions correctly wins."
"I'm game," Puck said, stretching. "Is there a strip version?"
Rachel rolled her eyes. "No. Who wants to go first?"
"It's your game," Kurt pointed out.
"It's not my game, it's just a—"
"I'll go," Matt offered, in the interests of shutting her up.
She beamed. "Great. I'll get pens and a notebook."
"Okay, Rachel, you keep score," Matt instructed, clearing his throat. "Here we go. What is my favorite color?"
"Green," Mike said.
"Correct. What is my favorite food?"
"Cake." Mike again.
"Not even a specific kind of cake? Just…cake?" Artie asked, brow furrowing.
"It's tasty. Anyway, what is my favorite holiday?"
Mike frowned and Santana said, "Valentine's Day." Everyone chuckled, so she added, "No, seriously. From the first grade to, like, sixth, he always left 'secret' cards in everyone's lockers. Thank God he realized how uncool that is."
Matt was turning red.
"Oh, so you were my secret admirer!" Tina exclaimed, smiling. "I remember only getting one card every year, until the seventh grade. I thought it was really sweet."
"Anyway! What is my dream vacation spot?"
"Was that correct?" Rachel asked.
"Yes, woman, just write it down and move on!" he exclaimed, glaring at Santana.
"Hey, you didn't have to write it as one of the questions," she said, shrugging.
"I was hoping someone would guess something cool. Like Halloween," he replied irritably. "Is someone going to answer?"
"Oh, Orlando, Florida!" Mercedes blurted.
She smiled, pleased, and Mike asked, "How did you know that?"
"We played a game of Anywhere But Here once, and that was his. Along with Megan Fox in a bathing suit."
"Dude, sweet," Puck commented.
"What is my favorite song?"
"Hate On Me, by Jill Scott," Mercedes said, high-fiving him.
"What's my favorite TV show?"
"24," Mike said quickly, rushing to beat Mercedes.
"Right. What's my favorite movie?"
"Die Hard!" Mike exclaimed.
Matt grinned. "You know it, dude. Okay, who is my favorite superhero?"
"Spiderman!" Mike and Puck said at nearly the same time.
Matt glanced at Rachel. "Think Mike got that. If I were a superhero, what would be my powers of choice?"
"Superspeed, superstrength, and X-ray vision!" Mike said rapidly, shooting a triumphant look at Puck and Mercedes.
"Yeah, baby," Puck said, grinning. Most likely at the X-ray vision part, but everyone decided not to overanalyze it.
"Okay, and lastly, why don't I like Swiss cheese?" He smirked.
"It's not supposed to have holes in it," Kurt said flatly.
Matt scowled. "How did you know that?"
"You went on for an hour about it at Sectionals. I will never forget that cheese isn't cheese unless it doesn't have holes," he replied, rolling his eyes.
"Dude, they're just holes," Finn commented.
"Who won?" Mike asked eagerly.
"Hang on, I'm still tallying," Rachel said dismissively. "Okay, I think I can say with certainty that Mike is the winner of this round, with six questions right."
He grinned. "What do I win?"
She frowned. "I don't know. There's some cookies in the kitchen, if you—"
He leapt up and dashed out of the room. She sighed.
"Who's up next?" Rachel asked, looking around.
"I think the person who just went should get to pick," Matt suggested.
"Good idea. Go ahead."
He grinned. "Santana."
"What? Ugh, fine."
"Rachel, you can keep keeping score." Santana sighed. "Is everyone ready?"
Brittany straightened, bobbing her head, and there were general sounds of assent around the room. Mike was back with his cookies, which he kept out of Matt's reach.
"What is my favorite color?"
"Cream," Brittany said immediately.
"Question thief," Matt muttered.
"'Favorite' questions are fair game, right, Rachel?"
"Okay. What is my favorite food?"
"Lasagna." Brittany again.
"You're not giving anyone else a chance, Britt," Mercedes teased.
Brittany smiled proudly.
"What is my favorite holiday?"
"Halloween." Brittany. Again.
"What's my favorite song?"
"Rockstar, by Prima J." Brittany.
Santana smiled. "What's my favorite TV show?"
"Grey's Anatomy," she said eagerly. "We watch it together."
"What's my favorite movie?"
"Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End," Quinn said absently. Brittany immediately began pouting, and Quinn patted her comfortingly. "I only know because it hasn't changed since the seventh grade."
Brittany nodded grudgingly, and Santana turned to the notebook again.
"Why don't I like dogs?"
"They drool too much." Brittany grinned triumphantly.
"You don't like dogs?" Tina asked, sounding hurt.
"What is wrong with you?" Mike added.
"It's my round; shut up. How old was I when I first had sex?"
"Fifteen," Quinn said. Brittany frowned at her and Quinn explained, "She came to my house crying after it happened."
"I wasn't crying," Santana snapped. "Anyway. What is my favorite sexy outfit on guys?"
"Cowboy," Puck said, grinning.
"I knew I didn't want to know what you guys were doing in that storage closet after Last Name," Finn said, shaking his head.
Brittany pouted. "I don't like that question."
"You'll like this one better. Who was my first kiss?"
"Cameron Weatherton!" she said excitedly.
"Hey, I remember him," Tina said suddenly. "He played the clarinet in band. Whatever happened to him?"
"He transferred after Santana broke his collarbone when he dumped her," Brittany explained calmly.
"Who won?" Santana asked.
"I think it's safe to say Brittany won. I stopped counting after she got the fifth question in a row," Rachel said, shrugging.
Brittany clapped and Santana smiled at her. "Yay me!"
"Okay, who's next, Santana?"
She peered around the group. "Hmm…Tina."
"Rachel, are you still keeping score?"
"Okay." Tina took a breath. "What is my favorite color?"
"Again, with the question-thieving," Matt mumbled, shaking his head at the injustice of it.
"Dark violet," Artie said, smiling.
"What's my favorite song?"
"Complicated, by Avril Lavigne. For now, anyway." Artie winked and Tina smiled.
"What's my favorite TV show?"
"House," Mercedes blurted, a split-second before Artie.
"Right. Um, what's my favorite movie?"
"Legally Blonde," Mercedes said, smiling. "Ironically enough."
Tina blushed. "What's my favorite book?"
"Crime and Punishment," Rachel said, and when they all looked at her, she added, "I've seen you reading it at the library. You read it almost every week, it seems like."
Tina smiled again. "Where would my dream wedding be?"
Kurt sighed dreamily. "On the beach of San Francisco."
"What shirt of mine did Mr. Schue say made me look grown-up?"
"Oh! That classy black one with the V in the neck and three-quarter length sleeves and the back laces up! Gorgeous!" Kurt exclaimed excitedly.
Tina giggled. "Right. I-I decided to do a few dessert ones, because I-I love chocolate." She blushed. "How do I like my brownies?"
"A la mode, with chocolate chips," Artie said, happy to finally get another one.
"What is my favorite type of cookie?"
"Oreos." Artie again.
"And what is my favorite flavor of ice cream?"
"Chocolate swirl!" Artie.
Tina grinned. "Great. That's all I have."
"Tallying…" Rachel said. "Aha, and it'll be Artie with five." She smiled.
"You pick the next person, T," Mercedes urged.
He grinned; everyone groaned.
"All right, Rach, babe, you gonna keep score again?"
"Only if you cease calling me babe."
"Sweet. I decided to go with a few of you loser's questions, because I figured some of the ladies would find my other ones offensive."
"And we appreciate it," Quinn said.
He grinned. "What's my favorite color?"
"Black," Finn said.
"Right, dude. What's my favorite song?"
"Ride Wit Me, by Nelly?" Finn asked.
Puck gave a thumbs-up. "What's my favorite TV show?"
"CSI: Miami," Finn said, more certainly this time.
"Why that particular CSI?" Kurt prodded curiously.
"Emily Procter is a babe."
"My favorite movie?"
"The Bourne Identity." Finn again.
"My favorite food?"
"Mashed potatoes," Kurt said, just a second before Finn. When they all looked at him, he said, "I only know because he insisted I mention having them for dinner to Rachel."
"That explains it," Rachel commented, shaking her head.
"Okay. Now for the real questions." Puck grinned. "Who in this room do I have the hots for?"
Everyone blurted at once, "Everyone."
"Hey! You're all wrong! Just the girls! God!" Puck shook it off while everyone smirked. "How old was I when I first had sex?"
"Now that is question-stealing," Santana said pointedly to Matt.
"Fourteen," Finn said.
"Just a couple days after my birthday party." Puck sighed sentimentally. "Anyway, how many women have I slept with?"
There was silence.
"Nine?" Mike guessed tentatively.
"Dude. Up high."
Mike grinned, proud of himself, and dug back into the plate of cookies after giving Puck the high-five.
"Now, how many girls have I slept with?"
Quinn rolled her eyes. "You practically handed me this one. Thirteen."
"You remember that?"
"I was drunk, not unconscious—unfortunately. And how could I possibly forget your list of reasons to sleep with you, including your fantastic record of twelve gorgeous girls who were all quivering by the time you were finished with them?" she drawled sardonically.
"Well, it got you in bed, didn't it?"
"No, alcohol did."
"Moving on," Rachel interrupted, and Puck sighed.
"Fine. Okay, last question. And there's an extra point in it for why. Who is my favorite making-out partner?"
"Santana?" Mercedes guessed.
"Quinn?" Artie tried.
"No, Rachel," Matt said, grinning. "I remember you telling me this now. She's your favorite because she moves around a lot while she's on top."
Rachel blushed crimson. "Noah…."
"What? It's a compliment," he said defensively.
"Right, but did you really have to go tell Matt about my proficiencies in the bedroom?"
Quinn groaned. "Can we please move on? I may not be carrying a baby anymore, but I can still get grossed out."
Puck sighed. "Fine. Rachel, you've been keeping score for a while. It's your turn."
"Wait, who won?" Finn asked.
"Oh, cool. I get to win two in a row. This is awesome." He grinned.
Quinn rolled her eyes.
"Tina, do you mind keeping score for me?"
"Not at all."
Rachel sighed, preparing herself. "Okay. What are my goals for the future?"
Everyone started speaking at once, and when the last of them stopped talking, she exchanged a glance with Tina.
"Maybe everyone should split that point," she suggested.
Tina nodded. "Good idea."
"Please tell us you're going to ask harder questions than that," Kurt begged. "If you don't, this is going to be the most boring game ever."
"Of course they're going to get harder. How much do you think you know about me anyway?" she asked haughtily.
Everyone thought about that for a moment and decided they'd rather not answer.
"So, next question. Where is my favorite spot to be touched?"
Puck grinned and lurched forward, swiping his hand over her ribs, just under her breast, from behind. "Right here, baby."
Rachel shivered and giggled, and everyone stared at her. Finn scowled.
"What? I had to give him one."
They all shrugged, mentally moving on.
"Okay, now for some easier ones. What is my favorite color?"
Finn said, "Blue," just as Quinn said, "Red."
He frowned at her. "Why would her favorite color be red?"
"Why would it be blue?" she retorted.
"She wears blue all the time," he said defensively.
"That doesn't mean it's her favorite. Look, when we did the Madonna number, she insisted that we save red for her. Thus, it's her favorite color. Get over it," she said, rolling her eyes and going back to painting her toenails.
Finn looked at Rachel hopefully, but she blushed and said, "Um…sh-she's right." He pouted, so she patted his arm and said, "I'm sure you'll get the next one. What's my favorite slushie flavor?"
"Grape." Puck and Quinn said it almost at the same time.
Rachel glanced at Tina uncertainly. "Who do you think?"
"Um…I-I think Quinn was a little faster," she said slowly.
Rachel sighed. "Okay. What is my favorite flavor of lip gloss?"
Finn said, "Grape," just as Quinn said, "Cherry Bomb."
Everyone waited, looking between the three of them with wide eyes. This was just awkward. Rachel met Finn's angry eyes and slowly, hesitantly gestured to Quinn. Tina jotted down the point.
"What is the paperweight on my desk?" Rachel looked anxiously at Quinn, but she didn't look up from her toes.
"Oh, that 'Best Smile' Award from the fifth grade," Puck said, nodding.
Rachel's eyebrows raised, and Finn demanded, "How did you know that?"
"Well, we almost did it against it, and I tend to take inventory of my surroundings. I didn't want to goose her on the thing," Puck said defensively.
Finn glared at him.
"Enough with the sexcapades of Puck and Rachel," Quinn snapped.
"Yes, please," Santana added, rolling her eyes.
"Okay, moving on. What's my favorite song?"
"Don't Rain On My Parade," Finn said eagerly, grinning.
"It's My Favorite Things," Quinn said.
"It is not. Why would she pick Don't Rain at Sectionals if it's not her favorite?" Finn asked brusquely.
"Because she loves Barbra Streisand, and My Favorite Things wouldn't have gotten us a win," she replied calmly. "However, it does motivate her to keep going when people are bringing her down."
Rachel gaped for so long Tina had to poke her with the pen, and then she only squeaked. Everyone stared at her in concern, and then she cleared her throat.
"I…right. I, um, anyway. What's—"
"Was that right?" Tina asked.
"Yes, yes, it was. Anyway. What's my favorite book?"
"Is it The Phantom of the Opera?" Finn asked. "That has singing in it."
Quinn sighed. "It's Gone With the Wind."
"But that's about the Civil War, isn't it?"
"And you think Rachel's entire life revolves around singing?"
Rachel looked offended, but Quinn said something before she could.
"Well, it doesn't. She loves that book, because she can relate to the main character's struggle for survival. She can also appreciate the hard relationship Scarlett has with Rhett."
"This is creepy," Artie muttered, and the others nodded in agreement.
"Next question," Rachel squeaked, and Tina assumed it was right this time. "What soap scent do I use?"
She glanced at Finn, but he looked completely dumbfounded.
"Cinnamon in the winter, and then you switch to vanilla on the first day of spring," Quinn said, still working on her toes.
"How do you know this stuff?" Puck asked.
"Okay, last question. Thank God," Rachel mumbled. "What's my rabbi's name?"
"Oh, Rabbi Moskowitz?" Finn asked eagerly. "That's Jewish, right?"
"Were you born this stupid, or do you practice?" Quinn retorted, rolling her eyes.
"Hey! Just because I don't know doesn't mean I'm stupid," he growled.
"It doesn't mean you're smart."
"Just because I don't stalk Rachel—"
"You don't have to. If you would listen to a word that comes out of her mouth, you might actually absorb some of it. Being her boyfriend, I'd expect that to come naturally, but I guess not."
"Well…she says a lot. I can't help it if I miss some of it!"
"Some of it? You haven't gotten one right."
"That's not true! I knew about her…life goals."
"Figgins knows her life goals."
"Well, I don't hear you answering this one!"
"Rabbi Greenburg," she said simply.
He scoffed. "You don't know what you're talking about. That's not even Jewish."
"Obviously, I do, since I've owned this game from the start."
"Well, you're wrong!"
"No, I'm not."
"You are, too! An-and you have morning breath. Also, I don't like your hair." Finn promptly pouted.
Quinn rolled her eyes. "You're a sore loser."
"You define the word."
"Go to hell!"
"WHOA! Okay, everyone needs to just…calm down here, all right?" Puck shook his head, pushing Finn back down into his seat. "Finn, just because you lost to Quinn in such a tremendous way it's pathetic, does not mean she should go to hell. Quinn…you're a little frightening sometimes."
"I don't think we should play this game anymore," Kurt said timidly.
"And further, I don't think Finn and Quinn should be allowed to play How Much Do You Know About Rachel. Ever, ever again," Mercedes added.
"At least not with each other," Santana agreed.
"Fine," Finn growled.
"Fine," Quinn said.
Rachel retreated back to her spot between Finn's legs, and Tina plopped down next to Artie again. Quinn blew on her toenails.