Weeeeeell I had finished with this, truly I had! Blame Anon for giving me plot bunnies concerning the Autobot's reactions. C; You prodded the beast, mate, and the beast kibbled back.

Ahh, I hate-love how awkward this is. Poor Sam.

Sweet Kibble-followers, I had hoped to be returning to you with a bigger fiction (Suffering in Silence/It Isn't Every Orn/How To Take Care), but I've just lost about fifteen thousand words of said fanfictions. Yes, it hurt. Yes, I'm still shaking my fist at the ceiling and howling at the moon etcetera etcetera. No, they can't be found. No, oddly enough I don't have paper copies. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Life goes on, however! I shall try to remember aforementioned lost work and get it out as quickly as possible without compromising quality lulz. I predict I should be back on track by the end of this month. Thus I'm afraid it's a small offering of merciless sanity bashing lunacy to ease you and I back into Kibble-land!

Hope you enjoy. C:

(And a MEGAthank you to all of you anonymous reviewers who I can't respond to! You're beautiful, period.)

If you were gay, that'd be okay- because you see, you're dear to meeeeeeeeeee.

Avenue Q.

Optimus frowned.

'What?' Sam asked.

'Something strange happened a couple of orns ago.'

'Well?' Ratchet demanded.

'I was merely standing on this very hill- regarding the land about me in a noble fashion- when some emaciated Decepticon appeared before me.'

'And?' Ironhide growled, cannons already glowing (Sam believed that certain keywords subconsciously onlined said weapons).

'He simply stared at me.'

'Didn't say anything?'

'No. Just stared intently. One of his optics almost bulged in intensity.'

Sam laughed.

'Not at all amusing,' Optimus protested. 'Why would he glare at me so? I have done nothing!'

'Did you say anything to him?'

'I did enquire into his health.'

Ratchet snorted. 'Only you.'

'Well, I presumed he wanted something from me,' Optimus protested. 'I thought maybe he was too shy or socially inept to begin a conversation.'

'Come on,' Ironhide snorted. 'He was a Decepticon.'

'Do you know Sam, he rasped the queerest thing,' Prime mused. '"Tell your boy 'An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth- an eye-rape for an eye-rape'".'

Sam blinked, then laughed awkwardly. 'Er, proverb?'

Ratchet frowned incredulously. 'Including the latter?'

'Ab-absolutely,' Sam nodded. 'Eye-rape was a- a dangerous technique employed by ninja.'

Ironhide spoke up. 'There is absolutely no reference to 'eye-rape' in any records I can find.'

It was somehow easy to forget the Autobots were highly advanced. 'Well- Decepticons are a bit psycho.' Sam was suddenly struck by something. 'You- you said emaciated? You mean skinny, skeletal, gaunt? Wasted? Thin?'

Optimus inclined his helm.

'Did- did he speak really weirdly?'

Another inclination.

'With loads of hissing, grunting and dttttttttttt-ing?'

'Rather emphatic, yes. You've met this chap before!' Optimus deduced.

'Ye-aha,' Sam confirmed. 'He was one of the 'cons I met the other day.'

'I've certainly not seen him around.'

'Nor I,' Ratchet wrinkled his nasal-plating. 'But he looks like a fool.'

'Agreed,' Ironhide added. (Sam assumed that they were sharing images.)

'Ah know everybody!' Jazz cried, bounding out of nowhere. 'Show yer ol' Jazzeh!' He paused for a split astro-second. 'Nah, who's this loser?'

'Er, the Fallen,' Sam mumbled articulately. 'Ah. Why don't you know about him?'

Ironhide wasn't very pleased. 'Who the frag is this lunatic spouting about eye-rape and revenge?'

Optimus was outraged. 'He spoke of you, Sam. I don't like this at all.'

'Besides, what kind of useless name is 'the Fallen'?' the CMO demanded. 'Prat.'

'Somebody thinks he's brilliant.' Ironhide's cannons rotated. 'Bet he isn't cannon-proof.'

'Easy, big guy.' Sam waved at him soothingly. 'There's just been a misunderstanding. They think I impregnated Starscream- but honestly, it's not true- and Megatron wasn't very happy, neither was the Fallen- huge big misunderstanding, think they might hold a bigger grudge against me now than before- and I mean, before it was still pretty big, what with killing Megs and all- but yeaaah.'

'What the frag did y'just say?' Jazz demanded.

Ratchet was staring, one optic ridge raised. '…I didn't realise they cared about their own.'

Sam grimaced. 'They- they were very special. Not the kind of 'care' I'd like, y'know? Quite violent and abusive and- crazy?'

The saboteur was cackling. 'Perfect blackmail. Perfect. An' Megsy too! Bonus.'

'Jazz,' Optimus rumbled. 'This is serious- I think.' He turned to Sam again as the small Autobot skipped off, thumbs twiddling gleefully. 'They think you did what?'

'Er, impregnated Starscream. The plane one,' the human added in case this made things any clearer.

'Megatron and the emaciated lunatic think you impregnated Starscream,' Optimus repeated slowly. He looked up, frowning. 'Sounds appropriately deranged. Why didn't you tell us before?'

'Because- I didn't think you'd believe me!' Sam cried. 'I still don't believe that they're all gay as- as-' An appropriate metaphor failed him as he saw Optimus' face.

Now that was disturbed.

'…"Gay"?' the Autobot repeated.


Receiving no help from his peers, Optimus delicately manoeuvred about the subject. 'Boy, there is not a singular definition for this word.'

'No,' Sam admitted. 'There isn't.'

'…To which would you be referring?'

'The- the gay one- I mean, gay gay. As in-' Sam made some hand gestures, but they went unappreciated. 'Oh, just like- the male-says-corr-you're-hot-to-another-male one.'

'Excuse me?'

'When a male wants to get jiggy with another male!' Sam shouted. 'Jesus! You're as bad as the Decepticons!'

Ironhide crumpled to the ground.

Ratchet ventilated heavily (although it was unclear whether this was a reaction to Ironhide or the statement).

Optimus' mouth was moving but no words came forth.

'If you dare ask about 'jiggy' then I'm just going to leave,' Sam threatened. 'And- apparently they have babies they're going to kill or something.'

There was a long silence.

'Primus,' Optimus muttered quietly.

Ironhide's cannons swivelled as he heaved himself up. 'So that's why we're not being attacked? They're too busy fragging each other and blowing up hatchlings?'

'I always knew Megatron was different,' Optimus sighed, shaking his helm emotionally. 'But I never thought he liked mechs.'

'It's okay,' Ironhide patted him on the shoulder. 'It isn't your fault. Your father should have- have talked to him about these sorts of things. He's probably just confused.'

'What would Daddy say?' Prime burst into tears upon the thought.

'Maybe he likes both,' Sam offered tentatively, unsure what to say but devastated at the reaction he had caused.

'Nah, it explains why he wanted to massacre femmes,' Ratchet mused.

The Arcees (who had been eavesdropping) quietly rolled closer together and hugged tightly.

'Ratch, you could have been slightly more sensitive,' Ironhide frowned, glancing at them.

'They're not crying over their gender being nearly obliterated,' the CMO snorted. 'They're crying because now they know the Decepticon optic-candy isn't interested in them.'

'Who've they been eyeing up?' Sam asked, intrigued.

Optimus was sorrowfully outraged. 'Autobots have been eyeing up the enemy? This- this is horrid!' He paused. 'Have they been eyeing Megatron?'

'Whoever it is, they certainly aren't eyeing up the Fallen,' Ironhide pointed out with a bark of dry laughter. 'Jerk.'

'Pink Arcee and Starscream have had several altercations,' Ratchet winked.

Sam was slightly disturbed. 'As in like… altercations?'

'As in like 'why the Pit is she still alive' altercations,' Ironhide snorted.

'I thought he liked me!' pink Arcee wailed.

Blue Arcee rubbed her back soothingly. 'It's okay. There's still Thundercracker.'

'And Skywarp,' purple Arcee added cheerfully.

Blue Arcee gave her a withering look, causing a cringe. 'A mech with a processor and without learning difficulties, sister.'

'Point taken.'

'I have to talk to Megatron about this,' Optimus announced, just about keeping control of his nearly wavering voice.

'Why?' Sam asked incredulously. 'What will that do?'

'Wouldn't you talk to your brother about it? It's essential that we speak,' Prime decided.

'Is that such a good idea?' Ironhide frowned.

'It's brilliant,' Ratchet cackled. 'Let's watch them squirm.'

'He needs support,' the commander continued. 'And I'm not sure he will have any from his associates. I am all he has.'

On Mars, a day later:

'Oppy says he wants to meet up,' Megatron announced in surprise.

Starscream was massaging a sore cannon-blasted shoulder. 'I know, esteemed leader. I just brought you the message.'

'Why does he want to do that? How does he even know I am alive?'

'You aren't the most discreet of mechs, my liege.'

'That's the way you like it,' the commander beamed, grabbing the smaller Decepticon in a helmlock.

'What the frag are you doing,' Starscream hissed, the furious question sounding more like a weary statement.

'I feel very spontaneous today,' Megatron vaguely justified.

'Why don't you put that spontaneity to work by creating a strategy to defeat the Autobots? We could catch them off guard-'

'Starscream,' Megatron gasped, 'you do disappoint me. That would be very churlish of us! We can't just reject Optimus' thoughtful offer.'

'We're Decepticons,' the Seeker scowled. 'Why don't we manipulate or- or be deceitful or double-crossing or-'

'There's no reason to be rude. Shame on you,' Megatron frowned, wagging a claw in the other's face. 'I think you need to learn some manners.'

'Nooo-ooo,' Starscream whined feebly, attempting to struggle out of the helmlock. 'I don't!'

'You shall stay here whilst I go and have a chat with Optimus,' Megatron ordered, flinging the Seeker aside and striding out onto the planet's surface-

Starscream was clinging miserably onto his arm. 'Noooooooooo.'

Megatron flicked him off and waited for elaboration.

'You are not leaving me here with him,' Starscream hissed in a half-order, half-plea. 'Please?'

'See? Lesson learned, manners found.'

It was a cheery journey to Earth, full of insults and jibing and occasional physical violence.

Everything that was cheery, really.

So it was that Megatron wasn't too bothered about the long travel-time or the fact that when they arrived at the designated location that several Autobots and a fleshpacket were waiting.

The more the merrier!

Especially in a massacre.

Nothing was more irritating than getting ready for a massacre and discovering that there weren't enough victims to even constitute a body count.

Ooooh, that made Megatron mad.

The Decepticon snapped back to reality in time to see a (for some reason horrified) Optimus jab a finger at Starscream, who edged behind the silver mech.

'Why have you brought him?' his brother demanded.

The Seeker was offended. 'What have I done?' He glanced at Megatron sulkily. 'He's being rude. I told you we should have been rude first.'

'He is my plus one,' the Decepticon Commander explained.

'We know that all right,' Sam breathed.

Megatron was apologetic. 'I should have asked if it was appropriate, sorry- but he did give the turbopuppy optics. Is… is it all super if he stays?'

'I see,' Optimus weakly announced. 'Of course.'


Megatron scratched his helm. 'So.'

Tense, Optimus pressed a tensely clenched fist to his tense faceplate. 'Is- is it true?'

'Is what true?' the Decepticon replied nonchalantly.

'That- that you-' Optimus couldn't quite bring himself to say it and pointed at Starscream vehemently. 'Is it?'

Megatron followed the finger, utterly confused. 'That I what?'

Starscream shuffled awkwardly. 'Did I do something?'

The Decepticon Commander growled suddenly, apparently coming to a rapid conclusion. 'I'll bet you did.'

Starscream would have paled if he could, hastily stepping back a pace or two. 'I haven't!'

'I bet you've gone and done it with him!' Megatron accused aggressively, jabbing at Optimus with dangerous claws.

The Autobot's optics widened, and he glanced at Starscream incredulously. 'Is this true?'

'What?' Starscream gasped. 'You think you'd know!'

'Damn Prime, that's low,' Megatron whistled, impressed despite his rage. 'You did it and you don't even remember? Low.'

Optimus blinked, then suddenly realised what they were talking about. 'Oh-! You mean I- you think Starscream and I-? No, no. And even if we had, I'm sure that I would recall it-'

'Hole; you're digging it,' Sam hissed.

'I certainly have not- done it with Starscream,' Prime declared, suddenly summoning his courage and deciding to kill the beast in one fell swoop. 'But the point is that you have.'

'Have I?' Megatron glanced at the Seeker uncertainly.

Now Optimus was very confused. 'Haven't you?'

Starscream looked as though he was about to cry.

'But Sam informed me that you kidnapped him on a ridiculous quest to discover who the father-'

'The boy!' Megatron raged, claws snapping together. 'He shall pay for eye-raping Starscream!'

Unobserved, Starscream shook his helm disbelievingly, rolling his optics.

'Eye-rape?' Optimus mouthed.

Starscream shrugged at him.

Sam had had enough of this confusion and madness. 'Look, Megatron- Optimus just wants to know if you do-' He closed his eyes tightly for a moment and swallowed before sacrificing the last of his sanity for the dignity of the Autobot. '-if you do gay stuff with Starscream.'

Megatron blinked at him, completely shocked out of his eye-raping boy rage. 'What is this 'gay stuff'?'

Sam gaped. 'Well- I don't know how you- how you do it!'

Starscream had long since curled up on the floor and been reduced to a humiliated triangular ball.

Megatron thought. 'What do you mean, 'do it'? I am sure the situation would be clearer if you were clearer.'

'But- but you knew what 'do it' meant just now!'

'What does this have to do with anything?' Megatron demanded. 'Explain what 'doing it' is this moment- and this 'gay stuff' too.'

'Oh god,' Sam muttered. 'I can't explain that to you. You know like-' He suddenly had inspiration. 'You know what happens when a- a mech loves a femme very much?'

After a second, Megatron nodded enthusiastically. Perhaps worryingly, so did Optimus.

Sam had to be sure they were on the right track this time- or if they weren't, then he had to ensure that any actions post-explanation couldn't be blamed on him. 'And the femme has to love the mech too. They love each other very much.'

The brothers murmured in assent.

'Nor are they related!' Sam cried hastily. 'Two unrelated, oppositely-gendered Cybertronians love each other a lot!'

Megatron raised a claw. 'Why do they love each other, boy?'

'Because- because they have lots of shared interests and stuff,' Sam blushed. 'And they find the other very pretty or handsome.'

Megatron thought about this, then shrugged. 'Fine.'

'Right, so- so they do intimate things together,' Sam blushed. 'Things they wouldn't do with anybody else.'

'Like squirt each other with cleaning solution?' Optimus asked.

Sam's mind died. (He was so sure he hadn't lost anybody.) 'Yes, Optimus.'

Megatron cackled. 'In the optics?'

'Ye- no! Not in the optics, you sicko!' Sam wearily wondered if he'd have to spell it out anyway. 'Okay, this isn't working.'

Both mechs were immediately contrite. 'It is, boy!'

'Apologies, boy. We shall concentrate.'

Sam rubbed his eyes resignedly. 'Right. A mech meets a femme he isn't related to.' He slapped the side of one hand into the palm of another. 'Bam.'

'Bam?' Optimus whispered.

Megatron was equally intrigued. 'Bam.'

'They fall in love.'

'Can't they be friends first?' Megatron asked.

'Yes, they can. They are friends.'

Optimus thought. 'So they are friends but aren't related? How did they meet? Could this BAM happen to anybody?'

Seeing how worried the Autobot was, Sam decided to just start again. 'A mech meets a femme he isn't related to, okay? They bump into each other in the- in the street, for example. They start talking- they're embarrassed and awkward, but they talk. They like talking to this other Cybertronian, but eventually they have to continue with their lives as you do, and they say bye.' He paused, anticipating a question- none came. The two mechs were waiting for him to continue, wide-opticed. 'The next day, they bump into each other on the same street- er, not literally. They are so pleased to see each other that they talk and talk and talk- but soon they have to leave each other, see?'

Optimus looked miserable. 'Fate can be so cruel.'

Megatron quietly patted him on the back. 'I know, Ops.'

'This continues!' Sam cried. 'Each day they meet- same time, same street- and they talk until- until they have to go! So one day, the mech is walking down the street.' He paused for dramatic emphasis. 'But the femme isn't there.'

'She isn't there?' Megatron hissed disbelievingly.

Optimus gasped, hands flying to his facemask in horror.

'Where in the Pit is she?' the silver Decepticon demanded. 'How dare she not be there!'

'Has she been killed or whisked away by a spontaneous romantic?' Optimus whispered.

'No, no. The mech realises that he misses her so bad he has to do something. So he goes door-to-door, and he describes the femme. He knocks on a hundred doors, a thousand- even nine-thousand!' Sam's hand swooped through the air. 'And he doesn't stop until he finds someone who recognises the description.'

Optimus was now quietly crying.

'And eventually- eventually he finds her house, and he knocks at the door. He's nervous- he doesn't know what he's going to say- but he does it.'

'And?' Optimus whispered.

'Well?' Megatron snapped.

Sam thought quickly. 'She answers the door, and immediately he is struck by the realisation that even though she's got a cold and she's all sniffly and her… her puffy optics are all red- no offence, Megatron- he realises that she's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen in his life. He suddenly knows that he loves her and tells her so. The love is reciprocated!' Sam cried. 'She loves him too! And it's a very happy moment and because of the love they become more than friends. They- they soon become lovers and they get married- or whichever way round you like- and they have kids and stuff.'

They all basked in the fictional happiness for a moment.

'…What was the point of this again?' Optimus asked.

'I can't remember,' Sam admitted. 'Oh, oh- gay stuff. Do you understand what I mean when I said about the mech and the femme being lovers and having kids?'

Prime nodded enthusiastically. 'They do special things. Megsy- lovers have special hugs, right?'

Megatron faceplanted dangerously into his claws. 'Yes, Optimus. Special hugs.'

'Special hugs?' Sam repeated incredulously.

'How would you explain it to your little brother?' the Decepticon hissed.

'Look, whatever. Now- sometimes a mech and a mech like each other.'

'Like Ratchet and Ironhide,' Optimus suggested. 'They're blatantly friends, however much Ratchet tries to grouch around it.'

'Yeah,' Sam quickly agreed. 'But sometimes a mech and another mech like each other- y'know, as much as the femme and the mech we talked about.'

'You mean they love each other?' Megatron asked.

'Yeah. They do. And they do stuff together.' Sam tried to gesture at them with his eyebrows, but it didn't work. 'They- they have special hugs.'

'But how?' Optimus asked, confused.

Sam died a little inside. 'They- they have slightly different special hugs, is all. And that- the different special hugs between a mech and a mech is- is gay stuff.'

'Oh,' Megatron realised at long last. 'You mean- oh.'

Sam was suspicious. 'You sure you get me?'

'You want to know if Starscream and I cuddle?' the Decepticon asked, incredulous. 'Does it look like we cuddle? We are mean killers!'

Groaning, Sam wondered if he could convince Optimus to extend his energon blade so he could impale himself on it.

'I would rather burn in the Pit than suffer this a moment longer!' Starscream suddenly howled. 'He wants to know if- if we-' The Seeker wrangled the air and broke off into a harsher sounding language for his translation before returning to English. '-you stupid fool!'

Megatron blinked, realisation finally dawning. 'Why didn't you simply ask?'

Optimus frowned. 'Because I wasn't sure how to. Awkward.'

'Why is it your business?' Megatron demanded.

'Because you're my brother, and if you do gay stuff then I have a right to know-'

'No you don't.'

'I do!'


'Because I simply do. Freedom and all that,' Optimus announced.

'Well,' Megatron shrugged, clearly defeated; 'when you put it like that I have to tell you. We-'

'We don't!' Starscream screeched dementedly.

'We don't?'

'We do not!'

Megatron scowled. 'I didn't think that was the case. What would you call it?'

'I have quite a few terminologies,' Starscream hissed vehemently. 'Would you like to hear them alphabetically or categorically?'

Megatron smacked him about the helm cheerily. 'Ahhh.'

'Alphabetically it is!' Starscream shrieked, undeterred until the silver mech rapidly forced him into a headlock and hissed something menacing into one of his audio receptors. '…Fine.'

Optimus' radar picked up a sentient being's right to freedom being taken away. 'What did you say, Megs?'

'…I- I er, threatened to put him on cleaning duty,' Megatron replied unconvincingly. 'The base is very messy, and the Fallen is such a slob.'

'Who is that ruffian?' Optimus demanded. 'He was very rude to me. Not only that, but he is incredibly socially inept- and he spoke threateningly of the boy.'

Megatron was astounded. 'He did? That isn't acceptable.'

'I'm glad you agree.'

'My apologies, boy. Did you feel upset by the threats?'

Sam stammered feebly. 'It's okay- I didn't really think much to them-'

Megatron laughed delightedly. 'Good on you, boy! There isn't anything much to the Fallen. Nothing at all,' he added meaningfully with a malicious cackle.

Starscream rolled his optics.

'Who is this Fallen?' Optimus enquired. 'None of us recall him from the good old orns.'

'He's just a tramp,' Megatron explained. 'He likes to hang around with us and feel included. It would break my spark to turn him away into the wilderness.'

Prime melted inside at the sheer kindness.

Megatron didn't dwell on the subject. 'Boy, I have a question. How do they know they love each other?'

Sam thought about it. 'Because- because they know they couldn't possibly think of existence without the other. And- and because it hurts when they're apart, 'kay?'

The silver mech screwed up his nasal plating. 'How pathetic.'

'Do you- love him?' Optimus asked tentatively.

Megatron snorted. 'Not likely; who could 'love' a wretch like that?'

'Primus, please kill me now,' Starscream quietly prayed. 'Before I self-terminate.'

'This- it doesn't change anything, right?' Megatron asked tearfully, ignoring the hapless Seeker. 'Him and I?'

Optimus shook his helm passionately. 'I'll always love you, brother!'

They hugged fiercely.

Starscream started punching himself. 'This is not happening.'

The commanders continued talking whilst clutching each other.

'We're still going to fight each other in a mechly and dignified fashion?' Megatron enquired with a sniffle.

'Wouldn't have it any other way,' Optimus ventilated shakily. 'Well, apart from the whole fighting thing which I'd rather not do but naturally we shall- brotherly love and all!'

There was a pause as the hug ended.

'Say,' Prime suddenly added, 'You won't be taking any paternity leave, will you?'

Megatron huffed. 'Of course not. I have Decepticons to command and-'

Starscream narrowed his optics. 'Why would he need paternity leave?'

'Of course!' Optimus cried. 'My bad, I forgot to extend my congratulations.'

An icy silence.

'Your congratulations,' Starscream repeated silkily. 'And what would they be for?'

'The sparklings,' Prime beamed. 'I shall be an uncle!'

'We- we are not together!' the Seeker shrieked. 'You are all very deluded!'

'Ahh,' the Autobot sighed. 'Should I not know yet? Is it still-' he mouthed the words- 'in the secret stage?'

Megatron shrugged. 'Starscream likes to make a scene. He's my drama queen.' He cuffed the Seeker's helm fondly, only to be immediately assaulted.

'What have you been telling him?' Starscream demanded, reverse-articulated legs straightening slightly in fury to achieve a better frosty glare at the commander's face.

'Nothing!' Megatron raised his claws in self-defence. 'I haven't!'

'Listen to me very acutely,' the Seeker ordered. 'It isn't happening. We aren't happening. When I awake from recharge I shall laugh about this with my trine.'

Megatron glanced at Optimus apologetically. 'I'm afraid he is a little insane. Thinks reality is a delusion.'

'Oh dear,' Prime offered. 'Can that be passed down?' He glanced at Ratchet. 'Can lunacy be passed down?'

Ratchet couldn't form a coherent response unspoiled by choking sniggers.

'Well, if there's ever a wedding, I'll be your best mech,' Optimus promised, giving the silver mech a mechly slap on the arm.

Megatron was moved. 'Appreciated, brother.'

Starscream shrieked indignantly. 'Why don't I get a best mech?'

'You'd have a maid of honour,' Megatron explained.

Sam didn't even want to know how they both knew about intricacies of weddings.

The Seeker must have checked the internet, for he screeched in rage. 'I am not the bride! And even if I were I wouldn't marry you!'

'The hatchlings can't have an unstable home,' Megatron protested, dodging a crate being thrown at him. 'We must provide them with care!'


'Sounds promising,' Megatron winked. 'You first.'

' You-' Starscream broke off in a snarl. 'You go first, ancient wreck, else I leave you behind to taste my vapour trail.'

Sam felt that a creepy comment could have been made here, but was very relieved that none were.

Autobots and human alike watched as the two jets-alien and familiar- shot up (practically colliding now and then), disappearing rapidly into the sky.

Optimus was quiet again. 'I don't know whether I am disturbed or shocked.'

'I think I've discovered enough about your race for one day,' Sam feebly offered.

Ratchet's helm suddenly snapped upwards.

Ironhide frowned. 'Ratch?'

'I thought I sensed something,' the medic replied slowly.

Optimus was concerned. 'You have the best sensors out of all of us. What was it?'

'Because I definitely didn't hack into any satellites earlier today, I naturally didn't just sense another presence connect to one.' Ratchet snapped his fingers, and a hologram shimmered above his luminous hand. 'This satellite footage could be rather informative.'

They watched the hologram intently as a large Transformer floated towards the machine before latching on and-

'Ahhh, Soundwave.' Ironhide's cannons rotated grimly. 'I've missed that smug fragger.'

'What the hell is he doing?' Sam shrieked, still watching the hologram. 'With those- tentacles!'

'What is the problem?' Optimus asked, extremely worried by the boy's violent reaction.

'I'm not explaining.' Sam whispered as tentacles whipped about the camera footage, thrusting their way into various locations. 'Never again.'

Was there no safety now? Was everything capable of becoming an innuendo? Giant robots had been safe. Satellites had been safe.

What was next?

Seriously, what is next? I really hope there aren't any unexplained and ludicrous moments in Dark of the Moon because that may call for more awkward, sanity bashing chapters to be added. O~O'