Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or anything else.
Nagato! Konan's thoughts
Background: This is from the same universe as my upcoming one-shot series. Nagato and Konan married (there is no six paths of pain and Nagato can move around himself). Madara died when he fought with the First Hokage, so no leading from the shadows. Yahiko did not die, and leads Amegakure. Nagato is his second in command. The Akatsuki still exists, but their goal is not to collect the Tailed Beasts. They are under the command of Nagato, the elite of Amegakure. Hidan is not in Akatsuki, however.
Summary: Konan's List of Things Nagato needs to do when watching Kei:
Number One: NEVER let Kei out of your sight. I'm talking to you Nagato so get your eyes off your paperwork and read! Watch the little demon…I mean boy very VERY closely, you wouldn't believe how fast the little demon can move; and how hard it is to find him. Yes Nagato, I know you are shaking your head thinking about how could a four year old boy outrun and hide from an experienced Shinobi. That is just what all the past babysitters have thought.
When Itachi watched him, I told him the same thing but he didn't believe me. Well, he soon found out why he should listen to me. But, despite him being former ANBU, Kei vanished after the first five minutes when Kisame appeared and distracted Itachi. Even with the Sharingan, Itachi wasn't able to find him until two hours later. It was only luck that he found him playing with Tobi. When Kisame watched him, Kei escaped within the first ten minutes when he took his eyes off him for a second despite Itachi's warnings not to do so.
Tobi, strangely, is the only one who Kei will not try to escape from. Maybe because he keeps him entertained the whole time, but who knows.
Number Two: Keep all sharp and pointy things away from him. Keep them under a blood seal at all times. If he gets hurts on your watch, I will skin you alive. Got it? Kei has the nasty habit of getting his hands on them no matter where they are at.
Deidara did not head my warning and let a single kunai on his dresser. You would guess who got a hold of the kunai and nearly sliced off a finger. Okay, not his finger but Deidara's finger. The little brat would of deserved it though, he is teaching Kei his bad habits. Kei went around all last week with "Un.." at the end of his sentences. Deidara thought it was cute, I nearly strangled the brat. Two brats going around saying "Un..." was way too much. One is enough normally. You know Nagato, I can tell he is your son. He has your natural talent to the Shinobi arts, since he only had the kunai in his hand for a second before Deidara found him, yet still managed to almost harm an opponent.
Weapons include pointy objects and Deidara's exploding clay. Yet another reason to strangle Deidara, Kei almost blew himself up the other day playing with the stuff.
Number Three: DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LET THAT BOY GET HIS HANDS ON ANY TYPE OF CANDY OR SWEET, DANGO AND POCKY INCLUDED! That counts Itachi's Pocky, because guess who just decided to introduce our little monster to even more energy. He was bouncing off the walls for the next day or so. Itachi kept having his 'secret' stashes of Pocky stolen. Apparently, our little demon is turning into quite the little thief. I wonder where those particular skills come from…Nagato? My chocolate stashes kept disappearing, and I caught both you and Yahiko with chocolate smeared all over your mouth.
If the little monster gets his hands on any sugar, no matter the amount, there will be hell to pay.
Number Four: Keep any bad influences away from him, like some of the Shinobi who have way too much bad language.
That does not include Zetsu however. Despite his….particular appetites (which I've been increasingly having to tell him to keep his meals outside before he eats), Kei has been increasingly spending time out in Zetsu's greenhouses with him, learning about all the plants. Don't tell Zetsu this, but he has grown rather fond of the kid. Not unlike another, somewhat older, boy named Tobi.
Number Five: Keep Deidara's exploding clay far away, out of sight. Remind Deidara to keep a good eye on his pouches, or else. Kei loves to make little shapes out of it, and then lets them go near somewhere he shouldn't. Some of the villagers were ready to mob Deidara for blowing up several buildings, when he wasn't even in the city. It was funny though, to see him fleeing in terror from the mob right when he got back from a mission. Sasori just laughed, and took pictures. He was selling them the next day. I still got some, if you want to see.
Number Six: If you really need something to do, just give him some of the beginner puppets that Sasori made for him. And not the ones with the poisons and weapons inside of them, those are for supervision ONLY. Sasori is rather fond of the little guy, to give him both types of puppets.
Number Seven: Make sure Kakuzu keeps all money locked away in the safe. He threw a fit three weeks ago when Kei spread them across the tower in little ripped up pieces. That includes monopoly money. To Kakuzu, it doesn't matter if the money is real or not; do not rip it up in little itty pieces.
Number Eight: Our son LOVES animals, especially soft furry cute ones. Puppies, kittens, foxes, bunnies, snakes (yes he loves snakes, and they love him. I blame Orichamaru.) Every time he comes back to the tower he brings a line of the furry creatures with him. I already have allowed him to keep three each (I know you hate having all the animals underfoot but you can't tell me that you can resist the Puppy Eyes No Jutsu, can you?) So if he comes back for more, be firm and tell them that they have to leave. The city zoo is growing by the day, since some of the villagers tend to capture more of the to-be-pets and put them in the zoo. Stupid, but Kei loves going there.
If you need a place for him to go, take him there for a couple of hours. Make Deidara watch him.
Number Nine: Keep him away from the paperwork, he loves to draw on them. Plus, if he tries to give Kisame another pool toy stop him. If he starts to scheme on how to start Action-Get-Mr-Shark-to-Go-Back-to-His-home-the-Ocean, stop him too. He's been bugging Kisame about that for three months now.
Any and all pool toys go to the give away pile. The villager children seem to love to play with them…in the pool…when it is raining. Don't ask me, I have no idea.
Number Ten: Finally, keep yourself out of trouble. Lord knows you can't function long without me. And by the way, if the group from Konoha just happens to stop by, tell them to clean up after each other. Itachi's little brother Sasuke tends to destroy things when he stops by and that Uzumaki kid tends to get Kei in trouble. Kei after all looks up to the fox boy, and gets in all sorts of trouble. So if you don't know where Kei is, and Naruto is in town, look for Naruto.
That is all. Keep all those things in mind today. I have an ever growing list on the fridge (and in the office) of things to add to the "Keep Kei away from…" list. Have fun, and don't stress out too much. Give this to Yahiko tomorrow, it's his turn then.