a.n. Hello again. I had the worst first day back ever (first I fell over and tore my jeans badly, also hurting my knee, then I got about 15 assignment notifications, then- you get the idea), so I lost myself into the ether of unfinished stories and completed this one.
Raven sat in the cave beneath the Tower waiting for her friends. They were alive, this she knew because of her powers. Because she was so close to them, physically on a regular basis and emotionally, she knew that they were alive, though Starfire was unconscious and they were all in considerable distress.
She shivered and drew her knees up to her chest. It was slightly chilly in the cave, but her cloak more that staved the cold, despite the fact that it was encrusted with dirt. She felt broken. Hollow. The one defense she had against Terra's betrayal was that she had never trusted her, and even Terra saw that it was a lie. She had called her bluff, but more than that, Terra somehow knew what thoughts kept her awake at night. The uncertainties that were hidden deep inside, things she had never told anyone. And Terra had played with them like her fears were juvenile games.
Happy was, for once, sitting quietly in her realm, staring at a spot in the distance. For the embodiment of joy she was decidedly miserable. The same could be said for all of her emotions with only a few exceptions. Timid was hysterical and Rage was on the warpath, but all the others were shut down, uncaring. The worst part was that it wasn't just Terra; it was Beast boy as well. He had asked for them to give Terra a chance and Terra had almost killed her. He had told her about Raven, and more specifically, her powers, and how uncontrolled they were. As if that was all he thought mattered about her. And Terra had used this to try to destroy her. At the moment it felt like she had succeeded.
Ravens thoughts were interrupted by footsteps approaching, fast. A voice echoed out.
"Guys? Robin! Starfire! Where are you? Cyborg? Raven! Please be okay!"
Ravens shoulders slumped. Beast boy. What could she say? She'd only make him angry; he loved Terra. And that thought was the only thing Terra hadn't realized cut her up more than anything else. He loved Terra. Not her.
Beast boy's footsteps echoed through the cave, but it was pitch black and Raven was quiet and still, her dirty cloak camouflaging her against the cave wall.
"Guys? Where are you! Please!" His voice was so broken. He sounded as defeated and desperate as Raven felt.
"Come on you moron, think! What would Raven do? Think, think, THINK!" he paced backwards for a moment before hitting himself in the head, "Duh!"
He pulled out his communicator. Oh no. He pressed the dial button but froze when a ring came from across the cave, "Huh?"
Beast boy walked slowly across the cave, his animalistic sight quickly adapting to the darkness. He quickly spotted a pile of dirty blue slumped against the cave wall. "R-raven?"
She didn't reply. It was better that way. She didn't deserve to be friends with anyone.
"Oh no, oh no, oh no! Please be okay! Please!"
He rushed over to her, kneeling before her and shaking her shoulders, "Raven? Are you okay? Speak to me!"
She shoved him away but still said nothing, not even looking at him, her head bowed and hood up.
"Raven? What's wrong? Are you hurt?"
She remained silent. Maybe if she pretended he wasn't there he would leave her.
"Raven please! Tell me what's wrong!" He was on the verge of tears. As if Terra's betrayal wasn't bad enough, now Raven was acting as though he wasn't there. She must hate me. "Raven I'm your friend, tell me!"
"Why." Ravens cold voice echoed through the cave, more cloaked than ever, disguising the hurt she felt.
"What? Y-you're okay? Why weren't you talking to me? I know this is all my fault Raven but we're gonna fix it, I promise! And-… why what?"
"Why are you my friend? I don't deserve to have friends, I'm a witch. I can't even tell a friend from an enemy."
"Raven what are you talking about?"
Raven bowed her head even further, a single tear falling down her face. "Just go away Beast boy. Leave me here, and if you're lucky a rock might fall on me and put me out of my misery."
Beast boy was actually in tears now, "Stop it! I'm not gonna loose you too Raven! What happened?"
"What do you think happened?" she asked bitterly, "Terra turned up and almost killed me. She showed me the truth; there's no point. I shouldn't be here with you and the others."
"Raven, why are you saying these things?"
"Because they're true." Her face was set resentfully. She really believed what she was saying. She didn't like it, but she believed it.
Beast boy did the only thing he could think of. He hugged her. He hugged her because she was in pain, because he was in pain, because he couldn't stand to lose her. That was all it took to break Ravens hardened shell, and she started crying softly on his shoulder. She wasn't sobbing, but she shook quietly as the tears ran down her face and soaked his shoulder. "How could I have been so stupid? I trusted her." She sniffled.
Beast boy held on to her tightly every bit as upset as Raven. He had been so mad when Raven had simply brushed off Terra's betrayal, momentarily believing her when she said she had known it all along. Then he had realized it was her way of coping, same as everyone else. Raven didn't admit to being hurt emotionally because any type of emotion was strange for her, so she covered it up. She hid the affection she felt for her friends behind an indifferent mask and she hid the pain she felt over Terra behind the lie that she hadn't trusted her.
Raven sniffed and gave a small bitter smile as she realized something, "Depression." She mumbled, almost too quietly for Beast boy to hear.
"Huh?" He released her, sitting besides her wrapping an arm around her shoulders.
She looked at him replying, "The stages of grief. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. They can go in any order; I guess I'm up to depression."
"Then I'm almost done." Beast boy replied. "Lucky me." He didn't sound so lucky. "You've only done two."
Raven shook her head, her shoulders tensing in memory, "Three."
"B-but, you haven't been bargaining to get her back and..."
Raven looked away, trying to prevent more tears from falling, "I couldn't help it, I was so angry, and she kept saying those things. I-I couldn't help it! You've seen what Rage can do, I couldn't control it, I didn't mean to I swear!"
Beast boy wrapped his arms around her again, gently rocking back and forth, "It's okay Raven; I know you wouldn't do anything like that on purpose. Did you hurt her?"
Raven shook her head, "No, but I tried. I tried so hard, but I was playing right into her hands. Once Rage took control I was trying to kill her, and I almost succeeded. It was part of her plan to get me like that, but," she drew a shuddering breath, "She didn't know exactly what would happen, she underestimated me, but it didn't matter. She summoned masses of hands made of the mud that was all over the place and dragged me under." She started shaking uncontrollably and Beast boy hugged her even tighter, "Just before I went under I regained control though. Once I was submerged I teleported here."
"Oh God, Raven I'm so sorry. This is all my fault."
She hit him lightly, "Playing the blame game is my job." She said.
"But it is! The others might be dead, and it's all my fault for asking to give her a chance! It's my fault you got hurt; it's my fault she came back. I couldn't even help you defend the tower cos I was blinded by her stupid act!" By now he was almost yelling.
"It's not your fault. It's no one's fault but Terra's. You didn't make her betray us."
"Yeah…" He realized something, "Anger. Only one to go. For both of us."
"Yay for us." there were no traces of joy in her voice.
"What did she do?"
Beast boy smiled sadly, "It takes a lot to make you that angry. Sure, you blow up when you get annoyed, but full out rage?" he shook his head, "You never let that happen."
Raven drew a shuddering breath, willing herself not to cry. She had no problem remembering what Terra had said. The scene had been playing on a loop in her head for the last hour, and the words fit her nightmares like a key to a lock. "She asked what hurt the most; that she tricked us, that she hurt you guys, that everyone liked her better." She was closing in on herself again, "Or that I really believed she was my friend." She said quietly.
Beast boy was hugging her again, but he couldn't help but ask, "Which was it?"
Raven squeezed her eyes shut to stave off tears, "All of the above."
He hugged her even tighter, "Raven we didn't like her better than you."
Raven snorted derisively. "Yes you did. She was like a happy, friendly version of me that you could deal with and who wouldn't blow up the kitchen when you offered her food."
Raven continued to look gloomy. He sighed, "Look, you know when you get a new pet, like a cat or something? You've already got a cat at home, but you want to spend time with the new cat 'cos it's new, and the other cat's a part of the home already. It doesn't mean you like the new cat more, you probably don't, but the new cat's new. Besides, the old cat wouldn't leave her room." He added jokingly.
Raven smiled reluctantly and suddenly burst out, "Damn it! Why do you have to do that all the time?"
"Huh? Do what?" Beast boy was now thoroughly confused; he was only trying to make her feel better and he thought he was succeeding.
She put her arm around his shoulders, for once hugging him back and smiled wholeheartedly, "Cheer me up."
a.n. if you like it review. If you don't like it review. Just review already!