Stanley Ipkiss, resident loser of Edge City, looked down at the mask he'd recently squired via the river when his piece of crap car gave out on him. The mangy piece of wood somehow glimmered in the light, however that happens, magic or whatever. He raised it to his face and there was some slight suction. Shocked, he pulled out quickly (Ha ha! Innuendo!) and stared at the mask for a few seconds before finally putting it on his face. The mask sucked onto his head and latched onto it. Stanley turned and clawed at the mask as he shouted, and eventually spun around the room at full force, like a freaky human tornado.

When he stopped, he was completely transformed. He now had a green face, yellow suit and bald head. He posed and smiled. "Somebody stop me!"

"Okay!" Someone shouted as they crashed through the window. Iron Man stood up in the broken glass and blasted Stanley, sending him flying back into the bathroom, mask flying off of his face. That doesn't make sense, you say? The mask wouldn't do that? Well too bad, my story, suck it up! Iron Man picked up the mask and looked at it. "I am Iron Man." He placed it over his Iron Man mask and spun around the room briefly, then emerged looking exactly the same. "...Well, that was utterly pointless." He took the mask off and tossed it into the bathroom with the dead body. "Masks are for girls!" He almost flew out the window, but saw Stanley's dog. He picked it up and booted it out of the window, and then flew away.