"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG" Hermione Granger yelled into a throw pillow, frustrated with the annoying blond hogging the bathroom.
"Granger," came the annoyed voice of said blond from the bathroom behind her, "what could possibly be so horrible that you deem it necessary to interrupt my me time?"
"You! You are my problem Malfoy! You've been in there for 40 minutes and I need to brush my teeth before I can leave for class!" She replied as she carefully replaced the pillow on the couch beside her and then smoothed the creases out, before deciding better of it and pummelling the poor pillow instead.
Draco was annoyed now. He had told the impossible Gryffindor time and time again that he needed quiet time alone with the mirror for at least an hour every day in order to properly maintain his flawless hair. He had spent weeks explaining this to her after they were moved into the heads dormitory, but she had always responded with laughter, so he had stopped attempting to make her understand the necessity of his me time; deciding that his ways were too high class for someone who was so obviously common to understand.
"Listen here Granger, you've seen what happens when I don't spend enough time on my hair, it-"
"Yes, yes Malfoy, if you don't spend huge amounts of time gelling your hair every morning, then it sticks up all over just like Harry's" she said, rolling her eyes.
"My hair has never looked like Potter's" He sneered, a look of mixed horror and disgust on his face. "It merely –" Draco was once again interrupted when a large, distraught looking owl swooped into the room to drop a package onto Hermione's lap. "What's that?"
"I have no idea" she replied, too mystified to keep up their argument. She wearily pulled the bright coloured wrapping paper off the parcel to reveal a deep purple box of what appeared to be chocolates. Ignoring caution, Hermione opened the lid and popped one into her mouth. "Mmmmm" She moaned, closing her eyes as she savoured the delicious chocolate.
While her attention was directed elsewhere, Draco crept into the room and snatched two of the delicious chocolates for himself, also popping one into his mouth before retreating back to the bathroom to finish fixing his hair.
Malfoy was like this constantly, he was very anal about the state of his hair, and his hair products, and his personal space, and his personal items, and his... He was anal about most things actually. Hermione had discovered this after Dumbledore appointed them head boy and girl, forcing them to live together in the dorms that came with the position.
Hermione, finished the chocolate she was eating, picked up the box to read the back as she popped another one into her mouth only to spit it out again as she read the large warning on the back of the box.
Warning: Do NOT, under any circumstances, consume before noon.
Frowning, Hermione searched the box for anything else that would have been helpful five minutes ago. It was only then that she noticed the letter that had accompanied the treats.
May we present you with the most recent work of genius by Weasley Wizard Wheezes, Chocolate Bunnies... We're still working on the name. In case you have yet to read the back of the package, you're not to eat them until after noon, because no one really needs to eat chocolate so early in the day; chocolate is best enjoyed in the evening.
As this letter was charmed to stay hidden until after you had eaten at least 4 chocolates, we expect you're quite angry with us by now. Don't worry, nothing life threatening, and the effects of 4 will only last for two weeks... Give or take.
We expect a full report on the effects (you're the final stage of testing this time, thought we'd give poor Ronnikins a break, mum's still not forgiven us for making him bald and scaly last month)
Fred and George
For the second time that day, Hermione found it necessary to scream into a throw pillow.
The twins had started to invent more and more merchandise for their store, using their friends and family as guinea pigs. They had all learned the hard way not to try any food laying around, and a visit to their flat brought new meaning to Moody's rule of CONSTANT VIGILANCE. You never knew when the bacon on your plate would get up, wander over to your neighbour's plate, and challenge it to a duel, or when the apparently harmless chair you were sitting on would decide that it no longer liked people thinking of it as an object and led a rebellion of furniture against their "human overlords" (the last time she visited, the twins were experimenting with a potion to animate inanimate objects).
She was interrupted by a disturbed shout from the bathroom: "GRANGER!"
Hermione walked towards the yell and peeked around the doorway, then she had to pause a second to take in the sight before her. "Malfoy," She said hesitantly, "did you eat some of my chocolates?" She asked, while trying to stifle the giggles that were trying desperately to escape.
A small, white rabbit was sitting in the middle of the bathroom floor, glaring at her with his angry little grey eyes. "Not. A. Word. Granger. Just fix this so I can murder you." The angry little Malfoy bunny said.
"It isn't my fault you snuck some of my-" Her eyes widened in horror as she finished her sentence in a terrified whisper "chocolates".
The second the words were out of her mouth, she started to shrink down and sprout fur. Malfoy's predicament seemed a lot less amusing when she was an even smaller brown bunny staring at him. Now it was Malfoy's turn to laugh. "I can see you're not going to be much help," he dryly observed as she sat there in shock, all of his anger seemingly forgotten after having witnessed someone else in his predicament.
His comment was enough to snap her out of the shock of suddenly having four legs and a tail. She turned to Malfoy and glared. "Excuse me for being a little surprised that I turned into a rabbit!" She yelled at him, while trying to get her new legs to cooperate enough to storm out of the room.
"Don't walk away from me! You're going to tell me who sent those chocolates! Ooomf!" Malfoy had apparently discovered walking was suddenly more difficult. She glanced over her shoulder to find him sprawled out on ground; she had been lucky enough to be on carpet when she changed instead of the slippery tiled bathroom floor.
Hermione made her way carefully over to the coffee table that she had left the letter on, grateful that she hadn't had a chance to shred it like she had wanted to when she read it. The strings of profanities issuing from the bathroom didn't help her concentrate as she attempted to reread the letter.
Draco finally managed to get on the carpet and stomped over to her angrily – as angrily as one can stomp when one weighs less than 3kg and has fuzzy feet. "Weasleys! I'm going to murder them!" Malfoy sneered as he read the letter over her shoulder.
"You'll have to get in line, there's no way I'm letting them get away with this one. It says here that the effects of 4 chocolates should last for two weeks, but we each only ate two, so we can assume that the effects will only last one week."
"Well that's so much better Granger. I feel much better knowing I'll only be small and furry for one week instead of two." Malfoy sneered, causing her to roll her eyes.
"At least I'mdoing something other than complain!"
"As you should, this is your fault"
"How is this my fault! In case you haven't noticed, I'm as much a victim in this prank as you are!" Malfoy was oddly silent after her proclamation, so she ignored him and moved towards her room; this horrid situation might just go away if she took a nap.
Draco was lost in his disturbing thoughts that Granger was kind of adorable as an angry little bunny. She got all puffed up with indignation while she attempted to be intimidating but only managed to amuse him. He'd faced things much scarier than Granger could ever be; particularly when she had difficulty walking without tripping over her lop ears.
Hermione was having different disturbing thoughts than Draco, she was facing the stairs. They were suddenly these huge, intimidating things; she could barely walk and now, if she wanted to get to her room, she would have to climb. Determined to do this, she walked up to the first step and put her front paws on it. This wasn't all that bad so far, but she had no way of pulling herself up with her small front paws, she would need to use her strong back legs and jump up the step, which she somehow managed to do after a few failed attempts.
Getting up the stairs turned out to be the easy part, the difficult part ended up being the turning of the doorknob on her bedroom door at the top. Frustrated and angry at Fred and George for making her so helpless, she turned around to go back downstairs, only to discover that she had been mistaken before when she thought the stairs were only intimidating, they were terrifying.
Tilting her head to see down the stairs, Hermione gathered all her Gryffindor courage ... And backed far away from the stairs to huddle against the wall.
"Figured out there's no way for you to open the door yet?" The amused voice of Malfoy came from downstairs.
"Thinks he's so clever, wait until he realizes we need to go out the portrait hole to get help," Hermione muttered under her breath, cringing at the implications of her statement. She buried her face in her paws in despair.
This is how Draco found her when he got bored with plotting ways of painfully murder annoying Weasleys. "Granger?" He said, getting no response. "Granger?" He tried again.
He was starting to get annoyed with the Mudblood; Malfoys are not to be ignored. "GRANGER!" He said, nudging her with his nose at the same time, causing her to lose her balance and fall over. Draco immediately started laughing at her.
Hermione just glared at him from the floor, deciding that ignoring him was the worst thing she could do to him – short of dismemberment, which would be very messy and particularly difficult as a rabbit – so she did just that. She opted to instead give the stairs another go; she would need to get down them eventually, and there was no time like the present.
Draco was still laughing as he watched the Head Girl walk determinedly to the edge of the stairs and tilt her head at funny angles to see down them, looking like a crazy person... err, rabbit. "What in Merlin's name are you doing Granger?"
"Trying to figure out how to get down the stairs," Hermione answered him without turning around, worried he might push her down the stairs if she continued to ignore him while sitting at the very top.
"How hard can it be, all you have to do is..." Malfoy trailed off as he came up beside her and looked down the stairs as well, realizing how scary they were. "You first Granger," He chivalrously offered, only to receive a glare in return.
Hermione took a deep breath, once again gathered her Gryffindor courage, and actually managed to get her front paws on the step below. She was stuck! Panic started to set in as she struggled to get her back legs on the stair with her front ones, but the stair was just too small to land safely.
Suddenly, she found her butt tumbling onto the step with her, only managing to save herself with reflexes and luck. "MALFOY! You nearly killed me!"
He was watching her impassively from the top of the stairs. "And yet, you're still living to screech at me like the harpy you are," He gave her a careless shrug that only served to irritate her further. "Come on Granger, only 14 more steps to go, I'm sure the first one is the hardest." It appeared that he wasn't willing to try it himself until she'd gone down some stairs without someone to push her.
Sticking with her earlier decision to ignore him when he was being a prat, Hermione carefully lined up her next jump down to the next step. Closing her eyes, she jumped – and was surprised that she had managed it. 13 steps later she was rather pleased with herself for doing something that just this morning she had done easily and without thought; her determination to murder or at least maim Fred and George was renewed.
"I always figured I'd have to murder a Weasley eventually, but I thought it would've been the Weasel or even the She Weasel; for Weasleys, the identical Weasels were almost not unbearable... Almost. I've always had a respect for dramatic exits, and they made one heck of an exit at the end of fifth year," Malfoy mused as he hopped down beside her at the bottom of the stairs, apparently having less trouble with the trip down than she did – possibly because he wasn't terrified of heights.
"You know," Hermione mused, "We're the heads because we're the smartest in the school; between the two of us, I think we can come up with something truly terrible, befitting the Weasley twins."
Malfoy appeared to consider this for a second. "You know Granger, I – and I can't believe I'm about to say this – think you're right. We'll work together to get them back for this indignity, but don't think I don't still hate you." He held out his paw for her to shake. They spent a second figuring out how to manage a handshake without thumbs, gave up, and began cursing the Weasley twins all over again. And thus, a... dysfunctional at best partnership was born.