A/N: Yes, I know it's not an update to either of my chaptered stories, but I'm going through all my half-finished things trying to tie up loose ends. So bear with me.

This one's lemon-lime flavored, so if you don't like, don't read. Featuring the cracktastic couple of Leon and Riku (which I can't get enough of), completely AU with StateTrooper!Leon and Artist!Riku. Contains crossdressing, so if you don't like that either...leave. Now. ^^

Opening quote taken from real life, from the teacher of my Sociology class, when we were discussing police officers and the legalities of giving one the middle finger. This fic followed suit. Rated M for speeding, bribery of an officer, belligerence, non-compliance and...oh yeah, sex. Actually (surprisingly), my first real lemon. Shocker, considering myself. ^^' Enjoy!

"You know, I'm pretty sure it's illegal to give a cop the finger," he said quietly, amusement evident in his tone. His usually cold, grey eyes glittered in the dim light. "I could have you arrested for that."

The 24-year-old silveret behind the wheel of the black Camry huffed in annoyance, hands tightening on the steering wheel to keep from wrapping them firmly around the trooper's throat. "You would do that, wouldn't you," he ground out. All he had wanted was to get home in time for the new episode of House, and now here he was, facing possible arrest. "Just let me go, Leon. Please."

Cars sped by on the highway behind him, and the policeman couldn't help the smirk that danced on his lips. It was just so easy with Riku. "I don't know, sir. The way you're going, I've got at least five charges of noncompliance, two charges of belligerence, and a pretty huge charge of attempted bribery of a police officer," he said with a professional air. "That's at least, what, 3 months in jail?"

Riku let his forehead drop listlessly against the steering wheel with a dull thunk. "Le-ooooon," he moaned.

"Hey, you should have just gone with the ticket, or, better yet, stuck to the speed limit," the brunet said with a shrug. "At least then you wouldn't have to worry about dropping the soap—"

"You're my boyfriend," Riku interrupted, blowing the stray hairs that had fallen out of his sloppy ponytail away from his face. "We have wild, passionate, violent sex on a daily basis. You can't give me a ticket." Or arrest me, for that matter, he thought smugly. He'd experienced Leon without sex before. It was worse than stealing the last of Roxas' sea salt ice cream. Riku would rather take the two-week hospital stay from his best friend's brother over a sex-deprived Leon any day.

"I'm not your boyfriend," Leon said with a hint of a laugh, "at least, not right now. Right now, I'm Lieutenant Leonhart, about to ticket your ass for going 90 in a—"

"Leon," Riku moaned emphatically, drawing the vowels. It was three minutes to eight; there was no way he could make it home to see the beginning of his show. But if Leon let him go now, he could still catch most of the show. "Leon, I swear I will do anything if you just let me go," he pleaded, staring at Leon with wide, aquamarine eyes.

Leon's eyebrows disappeared beneath the brim of his cap, distorting the diagonal scar across his face. "Propositioning of an officer? Is that another charge I can add to the list, Riku?" His voice was a low murmur in the intimate setting, his eyes flashing dangerously.

Riku leveled him with an even stare. "Blowjob. Back seat, right now," he said crisply, tossing his head towards the backseat of the car.

A sharp flare of desire spiked through Leon's body at his lover's frank words. He glanced over his shoulder at his police cruiser and the camera mounted on the hood, and leaned in closer to Riku. "You'll have to do better than that, honey," he said in a serious tone, smirking at the mildly surprised look on Riku's face.

Riku hadn't expected Leon to actually take him up on his offer, and now he was being called on it. "Sex," he offered, covering quickly, "I'll bottom."

Leon laughed, the sound a low rumble that made Riku flush. His boyfriend laughed rarely, and Riku relished when he did, but the fact that he was laughing at this particular moment irritated him. "I can get that from you even without the threat of a ticket or arrest," said Leon. "That's nothing. Try harder."

Riku narrowed his eyes and glared. "I am not that easy," he growled.

"No," agreed Leon, "but I know you know how much I love having sex with you." He grinned.

Damn, thought the silveret. "Handcuffs," he said, "you can handcuff me—and blindfold me." He was pulling his ace card; Leon knew Riku couldn't stand to be blindfolded, yet it one of the brunet's favorite fetishes. If this didn't work—

"Hm. You know what, I'll let you go," said Leon pensively. "I've changed my mind." Hearing how willing Riku was to give him blindfolded sex made him stop to think about everything else he could possibly gain from this. He fought from betraying his intentions on his face, glad all the while that his growing arousal was hidden by the car.

Riku, however, was automatically suspicious. "What—what do you mean, you changed your mind? Are you—"

"Don't worry about it, just go home," he said, falling back on his professional demeanor. "You still owe me, but I have an idea."

"But do I have to—"

"It doesn't involve blindfolds at all, I promise you," Leon reassured him. He pulled away from the car, raising a gloved hand to caress Riku's cheek. "Go home, I'll see you in the morning."

Before Riku could protest, the officer turned and strode towards the police car, leaving the silveret artist to wonder exactly what devilish payment his boyfriend had in mind.

The entire day, Riku went through the motions of his position as the art professor's TA with a distracted air. His sketch lines were shaky, his brush strokes unsteady. More than once both the professor and the students asked if he was okay. No, he wasn't; he was so nervous, he was about to piss his pants. But was he about to tell them all why? Absolutely not.

His thoughts swirled in his head that afternoon as he shoved his key into the lock and pushed open the door to their apartment. Cautiously, he snuck through the door, closing it quietly behind him. Leon was splayed out over the couch in grey sweatpants and a white T-shirt, one leg cocked over the back of the chair. The TV was on, but playing very softly, and Leon's eyes were closed.

"Leon," Riku called out lightly, not wanting to wake him if he were really sleeping.

A moment passed, and then, "Mmm." A long yawn racked Leon's body, and then he said, "Hey."

Riku toed off his shoes and padded over to his boyfriend, dropping a kiss on his forehead despite the pit of anxiety writhing in his stomach. Before he could pull away, Leon reached up and languidly threaded his fingers through Riku's hair, rubbing a thumb over his smooth cheek.

"I hope I didn't wake you up," Riku murmured.

"I wasn't asleep," Leon replied. "Just resting."

"Long night?"

"Busy day."

Silence fell over them for a moment, before Riku pulled away, letting Leon fold his hand behind his head. Leon was being his usual, brooding, silent self, and it wasn't exactly very reassuring. "I'll just go get changed and start dinner, then," he said, leaving the room for their bedroom so he could fall into his evening routine.

After Riku left, Leon idly ran a hand across his stomach, his lips twitching into a smirk as he heard the bedroom door click closed. Any moment now...

The door slammed open seconds later and Riku stormed out in a fury, a light blush spreading high on his cheeks.. With purposeful strides, he stomped over to Leon, fisted his hands on his hips, and growled, "No."

A smile spread lazily over Leon's face. "Riku..." he said in warning.

Riku threw his hand up in the air. "No, no, no," he exploded. "That's just—you're—no!"

"Riku," Leon said patiently, eyes still closed, "you promised."

"I never promised fucking anything," Riku sputtered. "This is just ridiculous."

Leon shifted his body so he could stare Riku in the eye. "One, yes, you did promise. You said, and I quote, 'Leon, I swear I will do anything if you just let me go.' This clearly falls under the realm of anything," he explained. "Second—"

"NO! I refuse! It's just—I'm not—this is—what the fuck, Leon?"

"Second," Leon continued calmly, "it's really not that bad, compared to what I could have requested."

Riku knew exactly what he was implying and hissed viciously.

"And besides," Leon continued, "you didn't really think you were going to get off that easy."

Riku narrowed his eyes at Leon. "I'm not wea—"

Before he could finish the sentence, Leon reached out for Riku's neck, levering himself off the couch to kiss him firmly on the mouth. His tongue swept across Riku's lips in a hot caress as he slid a palm over the toned planes of Riku's stomach. Just as suddenly as he had attacked, Leon relented, pulling back just enough for him to feel Riku's hot panting on his face.

"You're going to wear that dress, Riku," he growled in a sensual rumble that went straight to Riku's arousal, "whether you want to or not."