You're on Fire (no really, you are)

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Glee or Friends and I do not own Halo.

AN: This fic follows on from 'Crazy Surprise' with another time jump of about a week.

As always thank you very much to everyone for the reviews and adding my one-shots as favourites.


He'd never said 'I love you' and meant it before. Sometimes, cheerleaders would have gone down on him if he said it. So he did. But he didn't mean it.

But now he actually wanted to say it for real. And he was actually nervous.

He knew Rachel was the kinda girl that would happily settle down with the one guy.

He had always been the kinda guy that needed many different girls so that he didn't get bored and so that he didn't have to get attached and be involved with feelings and shit.

He had been like that. But these days he walked through the school with his hand linked comfortably with Rachel's. He spent all his spare time with her. He took her on dates (he'd never really been on a proper date before). He now only cleaned the cougars' pools and found he could clean twice as many without staying for 'lemonade', and had opened himself a savings account.

He was always thinking about her. They could talk for hours. They could make out for hours. They could have sex for hours (hell yes).

He was attached to her and he liked being involved with their feelings and shit. Cos it made him happy. She made him happy. He knew he made her happy cos whenever he was with her she was smiling.

And so he knew he loved her.

Now came the hard part; telling her.

See, he wanted to be all romantic and shit. But he was no good at that. He had used up all the romantic cells in his body on her birthday, when he had got up really early (this was a lot more difficult than it sounded because: 1) he was exhausted from the night before- her thanking him for her surprise birthday party had really tested his stamina and 2) he was in her bed all snuggling with her and fuck it if anyone cared he loved snuggling with his girl especially when she was all warm and soft and naked).

Anyway, he got up really early and went back to his house to get his guitar, and her present. Then he had rushed back to her house and climbed back in her bedroom window (which was tricky with his guitar and a little box in one hand). He had sung her happy birthday and completely forgotten to give her the present because the singing alone had made him (even more of) an irresistible sex beast, and he only remembered when they had to stop for food before he passed out. He wisely decided to eat before he gave the gift to her.

Turns out girls do really like jewellery, Mercedes wasn't kidding. And with a good breakfast inside him there wasn't really a need to leave her bedroom at all.

So now he had no romantic cells left. Well, he could be smooth, saying the right stuff or if that failed just kissing her instead (option number two was preferred), but to tell her he loved her, he needed more than just smooth. He needed fucking silk.

The guys (Mike, Matt and Artie) were round his house and they were having a Halo tournament. He was (obviously) completely bashing everyone. He and Artie swapped with Mike and Matt.

"So how's stuff with Rachel?" Artie asked, carefully.

Puck just beamed at him.

He took that to mean it was going good.

Puck had a thought.



"You know you said about cooking dinner?"


"Is that what you would call romantic?"

"Oh yeah." He smiled. "Oh hell yes."

Hmmm. That wasn't so difficult. He was actually alright at cooking cos his mum had taught him. He could just cook her dinner and then say 'I love you', maybe by spelling it out with alphabet spaghetti. But he couldn't really do that secretly while cooking. That was multitasking. He couldn't multitask (except during sex- then he was awesome- obviously).


Artie had never seen Puck blush. Oh no, that's not actually true, there was that time when they were dancing in Glee and he had been dancing pretty intimately with Rachel and he had blushed bright red and had to excuse himself.

Puck thought for a moment. Should he tell the guys? He wasn't afraid of telling anyone that the Puckmeister had fallen in love (was he?). Cos being in love didn't make him any less of a badass. In fact, all the extra work outs he got with Rachel had just made his guns even bigger.

"I wanna tell Rachel that…" then he mumbled inaudibly.

Matt, just respawning, twisted his head to Puck. "That what?"

Mike paused the game and looked round. "That you're pregnant?"

Puck scowled. "That I love her". He said clearly.

The guys were silent, staring at him in wonder. He flexed his guns surreptitiously.

"Wow", Mike breathed, at last.

Matt and Artie nodded.

"I wanna tell her and be all romantic and shit." He explained, and their faces turned from awe to respect.

"You should get one of those planes that gets smoke out of the back and then spell out 'I love you' in the sky." Matt suggested.

Guy had a good idea. 'Cept he couldn't fly a plane.

"You should get a song dedicated on the radio to her. Like on Friends", Mike put in.

"They broke up!" Matt pointed out.

"Fuck that, I'm not breaking up with my Rachel." Puck looked really worried for a moment.

The three turned to the oracle of romance, who was sitting thoughtfully tapping his fingers.

"I still think you should go with cooking her dinner", Artie began slowly. "Keep it simple, allow room for some free styling, to go with the flow a bit."

Puck felt like he should be taking notes.

"When do I say it though?"

"After dinner; and there are two options. If it is raining or windy, put some music on and ask her to dance. Dance a bit, kiss her, and then tell her. But, if it's good weather outside, put a blanket where you can see the stars, get some wine, go out and sit on the blanket under the stars and tell her then."

Artie looked around at their admiring faces.

Puck nodded. Sex on a blanket outside under the stars wasn't something they had done yet. That had to change soon.

He asked her to be at his house at 7.00. He rushed off pretty sharpish to go shopping, and Artie and Tina were helping him chose candles and shit cos when Artie had said he needed to make the table setting romantic too, Puck had just looked at him blankly.

Mike offered to give Rachel a lift home. He watched her smile dreamily after Puck's retreating figure, and swoon slightly when he blew her a cheeky kiss and winked.

"So do you love him?" Mike asked, casually, as they walked to his car. Rachel before Puck would have gone off on one about not interfering with her personal life, or maybe it was just that she was absolutely sure she was actually in love, but whatever she just grinned and answered him immediately.


Puck found his apron and tied it on proudly. It was totally badass. Had a naked woman on it. He wore it inside out cos it wasn't Rachel and she might be offended (yes he did think of these things).

And this romantic shit. Totally badass. His sister and his mum were out. His mum was working and he had made sure that his sister was at a sleepover and had rang up her friend's mum to make sure that she didn't send her home not even if she was screaming blue murder.

He had arranged all the candles and cloths and shit on the table exactly how the diagram that Artie had drawn him showed.

It looked fucking awesome.

He had chosen to cook something simple. He found it difficult to think straight when he was around Rachel at the best of times so following a complicated recipe was a definite no go.

So he had stuck with pasta and sauce. Plus it was all totally vegan and shit; he had asked the person at the checkout (who had angrily told him that it did say so on the packet after he had asked if she was sure for the fourth time).

Plus he had found these totally badass pasta heart shapes which cost an absolute fortune but he just had to buy them. Cos they were badass.

Everything was totally under control. All he had to do when she got there was put this little packet of cheese topping in the microwave for a couple of minutes and dish it out.

The doorbell rang. He lit the candles on the table, burning his fingers in his haste, and rushed to answer it, adjusting his collar before he opened the door. (He was most definitely not nervous. He was a stud).

Oh good lord woman. She was wearing the shortest little black dress he had ever seen and he was glad they weren't going out in public cos only he was allowed to see that much of her fucking amazing toned and smooth legs. And her heels. They were definitely giving him a message.

She smiled sweetly, and pecked his cheek as he just stood there; trying desperately to think of something to say that wasn't 'phwoar'.

"Good evening Noah. I like your shirt."

"Thanks", he managed, smiling dopily. "I like your legs… I mean dress…Well…I like".

She kissed him again and he took control of the kiss, moving his hands down her sides to her hips as she leaned against him, her hands braced on his chest.

"Mmmm". She said pulling away. "Smells good."

He smirked. "You hungry?"

She looked him up and down. "Always."

He was, by now, used to the fact that she was a crazed sex beast but it never ceased to turn him on.

"Okay but can we eat first?"

She grinned and followed him into the kitchen.

He quickly set the microwave and turned just in time to see her face shine with delight at the set up.

"Oh Noah it's beautiful!" she breathed and hugged him tightly. She smelled so good. Like tropical fruits. "You're amazing".

Too right he was.

"S'almost ready babe. Just need to put it on plates and shit."

A little tube of pink gloop dropped out of her purse and she reached down to pick it up. Fuck. Putting food on plates could wait. She wasn't wearing any underwear. Fuuuuck. Just a little smooch to build up the appetite.

As soon as she stood upright he was there, and he backed her against the fridge swiftly, moving his face right up to hers. She gulped audibly and stuck her tongue out to touch his lips briefly. Hot. Loved her so fucking much. He attacked her lips with bruising force.

Every time he kissed her it was equally if not more awesome than the last time. His lips moulded to hers and their tongues duelled, her little pleasured whimpers sending blood rushing so fast southwards that he had to slam his hands against the fridge to stop himself falling over. Her hands were scrabbling all over his chest, trying to find some purchase but his new shirt was a bit too slippery.

Okay that was a weird noise she just made. Sounded more like a kinda fizzling noise. Crap that wasn't her was it.

"Noah. You're on fire." Rachel said breathlessly.

Hell yes he was. He was a stud.

She sensed his ego swelling.

"No really you are. Proper flames."

Shit. The microwave was on fire. Like actually on fire.

Rachel frantically patted the singed shoulder of his shirt. But there was still the small problem of the microwave being on fire. Make that the microwave and the net curtain of the window. And the washing line.

Rachel had her phone out and was calling the fire department. He just stood there, rooted to the spot in bewilderment.

Now the flames had progressed quickly along the washing line and were about to approach the shed.

Rachel thrust a bowl into his hands. "Fill it with water."

It was weird. Kinda felt like he was watching this scene from above. In a matter of minutes (during which they waved wet tea towels at the flames- which seemed to help stop the fire in the kitchen, but the shed roof fire was untamable) three firemen burst into his house and he just stood there still and watched them rush around. He felt Rachel's small hand slip into his and he squeezed it gratefully.

Fucking microwave. Seriously. He couldn't catch a break. But the fire hadn't really done that much damage. The microwave was a total write off. And there was nothing left of the washing line. The curtains would need replacing. The shed roof was fine after the fire had been put out. It just had a few black streaks across it.

"Right kids, we're all done here. Well done for calling us so quickly. The damage is very minimal."

"Thank you sir", Rachel said politely, and Puck nodded.

Rachel was amazing. Still holding his hand tightly, she somehow managed to dish up the dinner, relight the candles and put the microwave and the curtains outside the back door.

Puck was gradually coming round from the shock.

"Noah, these pasta shapes are hearts! That's sooooo cute!"

Badass. The word was badass.

She was gazing at him, trying to think how to tell him that she really appreciated what he had had planned, and how she would say that it didn't matter that there had been a small fire, as long as he was there and she was there it was perfect.

Then it dawned on her why he was trying hard to be romantic. And her heart swelled and she desperately wanted to tell him that she felt the same way, but knew that he needed to be the one to say it first.

She took his hand across the table and they finished the rest of the meal in comfortable silence, and he flashed little cheeky glances at her, just because it was fun to watch her become more and more flustered.

Rachel had a dilemma. How to get him comfortable enough to say it? Maybe if she put some music on and asked him to dance he would get the message and could take care of the rest.


Come on, he could do this.


"Can you pass the salt?"

Fucking pansy. Try again.



This was it. He was going to tell her this time.

"Can you pass the pepper?"

Oh okay. Maybe not.


Wait a minute. Her eyes were all serious. She better not be about to steal his thunder. Fucking no woman.

"I love you", he almost shouted.

Ha. He won.

She jumped out of her seat and practically climbed into his lap. "I love you too! So much."

Okay so they both won.

After a few rounds of 'I love you' consummation, he texted Matt and gave him careful instructions to bring round his dad's fireman uniform with a promise that he would have it dry cleaned and back to him by the next day.

Cos Rachel was totally looking at the fireman earlier and imagining himself in that uniform. And she loved him so he would do anything for.

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