This is the final chapter of Twishite. Never fear! This chapter includes the much anticipated twist ending! All your anti-Twilight dreams will come true! Well, 'most' of them might come true. Anyway, Let us start the final instalment of Twishite.
From where we last left dear Isabella Swan, she had just received some terrible news from a vampire (who looks like Bob Marley) named Lawrence...or Laurent...whatever. Lawrence/Laurent has just warned Bella that two of his former vampiric comrades, James and Victoria, are trying to hunt down Bella so they don't have to dish out hundreds of dollars to eat a Mary Sue at a vampire restaurant. Bella immediately drives home, packs her bags, insults her dad and leaves Forks in her rusty, Lamborghini truck (okay fine, it's just a truck). She heads for some hotel and gets a phone call from James, even though he doesn't know her number (must be his super lame vampire superpower). Bella believes her mum has been kidnapped by James and is being held hostage in her old ballet school. She quickly drives to her ballet school to rescue her mum from James, the evil (yet slightly homosexual) vampire.
So begins the last/final/[insert fancy synonym for 'last'] instalment of Twishite.
Bella has now arrived at the ballet school and is now running up to the door. For some reason, the ballet school does not have locks on its doors and Bella just barges right in. The ballet school is a bit creepy and Bella gets shit scared.
[Insert 500 page long description of how creepy the ballet school is and how shit scared Bella is]
Bella hears her mum's voice coming from a closed cupboard and Bella sprints to the cupboard. Apparently, the ballet school doesn't have locks on its cupboards either so Bella opens it fairly easily. Much to her shock, it wasn't her mum's voice she heard in the cupboard and on the phone; it was just a recording! Our Mary Sue has been lead into a trap! It seems that James had been smart enough to take advantage of Bella's lack of brains and had managed to lead her like a lemming to his private restaurant function room! All of a sudden, James [insert fancy adverb] jumps out of nowhere and Bella is so shocked that she forgets to breathe and cannot run away! As you can see, I just combined two of Stephanie Meyer's writing styles in one sentence for your convenience.
Bella is screaming her head off and running around in circles blah blah blah and James is going "MWAHAHAHAHA!" and running after her blah blah blah. Bella gets some pepper spray out (another random fact for you, she has pepper spray) and she sprays James in the face! Stupid girl! YOU NEED GARLIC SPRAY TO GET RID OF A VAMPIRE! You'd think after being exposed to vampires for so long, she's grow some brains and buy garlic spray. Luckily for her, the pepper spray delays James for long enough for Bella to try and make a run for it.
So begins the TWIST ENDING.
Bella makes a dash for the door while James is being blinded. She manages to get out but is cornered by a gang of teenage thugs, similar to the ones that tried to mug her all those days ago. Bella is screaming as the gang try to mug her. Since she is an idiot, Bella forgets to use her pepper spray and she tries to bitch-slap the assailants instead. James is still blinded and does not come out of the ballet school for some time. The teenage thugs are about to mug her when a silver Volvo appears out of nowhere and out steps...EDWARD! He sees Bella about to be mugged and he runs up to the gang and brandishing the only weapon he had on him at the time, hits them with his handbag. Bella Swan's assailants are stunned for a second and Edward uses this opportunity to scoop Bella up in his marble arms (I shit you not, Stephanie Meyer actually used the analogy "marble arms" to describe Edwina) and he runs back into the ballet school in the hope of barricading himself in there.
The Clomotron 2000 uses all his super-vampire strength to keep the door shut as the muggers are trying to break in. Edward grabs random chairs and crap from the around the ballet studio to try and make some form of barricade against the teenage battering rams. Bella sees Edward doing this and falls more in lovey-love with Edward than ever before! Bella's squeals of fangirlism grabs James' attention and he grabs her from behind. As he is about to suck Bella dry, Edward stops holding his shoddily-made barricade and tries to save the completely and utterly useless damsel in distress. James tries to take a huge chunk of meat out of Bella's face while she is screaming "OMGGG!1! EdWardd! Come SAvveEE meEee!11!" and just in the nick of time, Edward jumps in and hits James with his handbag once again. Bella is so impressed by this that she says all this cheesy-mushy-gushy stuff to him. Suddenly, the gang of teenage thugs break through Edward's barricade (I told you it was shoddily made) and start mugging both Edward and Bella. Bella Swan and her sparkly girlfriend die slow and painful deaths as the gang try and escape with the wads of cash they stole off their idiotic victims. James suddenly springs into action, mugs the muggers (which would make them the muggees) and they die. James doesn't eat them because the teenage thugs, with zits and acne, aren't very good quality and they will leave a nasty aftertaste in his mouth.
He goes for Bella's corpse, which is leaking Mary sue blood all over the floor, and tries to eat her. He would have just swallowed her in one gulp but the only problem is, he is just physically incapable of doing so. He yanks Bella's cell phone from her body and calls his buddy, Victoria. Five seconds later, Victoria jumps through a window and helps James finish Bella off. Soon, the only things left of Miss Isabella Swan are her bones. Still famished by their meal James and Victoria eat Edward for dessert. Never mind the fact that he is a vampire and probably doesn't even have blood. They just eat him anyway.
All of a sudden, the rest of the Cullen family jump through the window. Underestimating the distance between the window and the floor, they all accidentally land on their heads and die shortly afterwards from their injuries. Victoria and James do not hesitate to eat them as well. The Cullens, They can't finish the Cullens (possibly because of the size of their oversized egos) so they call Lawrence/Laurent on Bella's phone. He arrives soon after and together, they manage to finish off the Cullens.
After a hardy meal consisting of bland, mortal Mary Sues and effeminate vampire families, James, Victoria and Lawrence/Laurent realize that they ate too much and they died of...um...severe indigestion.
And at the very moment they died, the sound of rapturous applause erupted from the very bellows of the earth as the rest of the world cheered for at long last, they had tasted the sweet taste of reality.
Well, that's it. Twishite is finished! There is your twist ending and in it, EVERYONE DIES! I tried to make the ending as epic-sounding as possible, without coming off as a pseudo-intellectual tool.
If you are not at all happy with that ending, please notify me and I will see what I can do. Now that Twishite is finished, I need another idea for a fanfic. Please feel free to send me your ideas!