Something I thought up after watching the Sassy Gay Friend videos on youtube. If you haven't seen them, you should. My favourite is the Othello vid. I own nothing! Yay!

Ursula: What I need from you is…your voice.

Ariel: My voice?

The film freezes.

Announcer: Ariel is about to trade her voice to the sea witch for a pair of legs. This could have been avoided if she had a Sassy Gay Friend.

Sassy Gay Friend (SGF) darts in. He's got fins and a sparkly scarf.

SGF: What are you doing? What, what, what are you doing?

Ariel (defiantly): I'm going to get legs.

SGF: From the Sea Witch? Bad idea. Look at her. She's got more make up on than Divine.

Ursula glares at him, but he ignores her.

SGF: This is worse than when Cinderella lost her shoe last week. I told her to hang on to her accessories. What's up with this sudden need to be human?

Ariel: I'm in love…

SGF: Uh huh, I see. So you'd rather be on land and mute with this guy than partying down here? Did you not hear your crab friend? That musical number was fantastic! It should be on Broadway. It certainly is 'better down where it's wetter'.

Ariel: I saved his life!

SGF: So what? I helped out Aladdin but that doesn't mean that I'm gonna run out and sleep with the guy. And I never would. 'Cause, one: he has fleas, and two: the MC Hammer look was over before it started. Why are you still here?

Ariel: I want to be with Prince Eric!

SGF: A prince, huh? What's he like?

Ariel: He's tall, dark and handsome.

SGF: Honey, you just described half the men on the Internet. Have you even talked with him?

Ariel: Well, no…

SGF: So you were gonna give your voice away. How exactly was that going to work out for you?

Ariel shrugs, realizing he's right.

SGF: Listen, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Literally. I'll tell you what, we'll go down to the club, get a little crazy, and find you a nice porpoise to go home with.

Ariel: Well, okay.

SGF: Come on, you stupid bitch. She's a stupid bitch.